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Shelby really liked Princess Katherine.
What was she supposed to say? Katherine was muscular, and Shelby loved buff women. She was also incredibly strong and skilled at combat, and her beautiful smile was contagious.
It was safe to say that the witch was absolutely smitten with the Princess. At the Empires’ weekly meetings, Shelby always arrived just in time to snag a seat next to Katherine’s. She would hide her smile behind books and sheets of paper whenever the dark-haired girl spoke, and she definitely did not drop her folder on purpose after the meeting was concluded, sending papers flying everywhere.
Katherine had helped her clean up the mess of notes and draft treaties, and as a blushing Shelby took a stack of doodles from the other girl, their fingers accidentally brushed.
Shelby almost ran home screaming after that.
Despite the obvious signs, the Princess never seemed interested in Shelby. Sure, she was nice to her— but she was nice to everyone, even that arrogant Pirate Joe. She hung out with Shelby, and walked her home everytime Shelby stayed over for dinner and ‘just a few more minutes’ stretched into a few more hours, and she even attempted to help Shelby with a couple of spells. Yet Katherine never dropped any hints that she was interested in Shelby, and their friendship never progressed into something more. She was an amazing, kind, and infuriating person, and Shelby said as such to her familiar, Tortoise.
“Is she that clueless?” Shelby ran her fingers through her hair. Tortoise croaked, as if to say, maybe you aren’t being obvious enough.
The witch groaned. “I’ve been plenty obvious with her! I even asked her if she wanted to go on a picnic date with me!”
Tortoise was silent, and Shelby continued.
“She declined, though, because she apparently had a meeting with Gem and then dinner with Pirate Joe and I can’t see why she couldn’t have time for a little picnic as well!” Shelby started pacing. “She is just playing me, I swear!”
After a long silence, Tortoise ribbited. Shelby sighed, and buried her face in her hands. “‘What if she’s straight?’ Well, Tortoise, I think I may just simply pass out from the embarrassment.”
—
“You know, you’re almost as buff as Katherine!” Sausage complemented Shelby as they trekked through the forest back home. They’d gone on a little adventure searching for spore blossoms just hours prior— Shelby thought it had been particularly exhausting, to say the least.
Shubble blushed. “Her muscles inspire me,” she sighed dreamily. “I hope one day she lets me watch her work out.”
Sausage’s smile wavered. “You should make sure Joey isn’t around,” he said. “He won’t be, ah, pleased to see you around.”
“What, Pirate Joe wants to get in the middle of that?” Shelby scoffed, ducking to avoid a few low-hanging branches.
“Oh yes, Joey is in love with the Princess!” Sausage said it carelessly as if those six words didn’t just turn Shelby’s world upside down.
With a gasp, Shelby felt like her heart was going to stop, and she froze in her tracks.
“He says that they’re going to get married!” Sausage pranced on, oblivious to Shelby internal turmoil. “You better put a stop to that real quick!” He cast a playful glance over his shoulder at the witch.
“B-but what does she think of that?” Shelby hurried to catch up. “What does Katherine think of Joe?”
“Pfff, I think she was initially grossed out,” Sausage snorted. “fWhip told me that Gem told him that Katherine told her that she puked when Joey initially proposed to her!”
Shelby exhaled slowly. This was okay. Katherine wasn’t interested in Joey—
“—but you never know! Maybe she’ll warm up to him over time, since she might get to know him a little better! And she’ll think, since nobody else—” Sausage shot a very pointed look at Shelby, “—is coming after these muscles, y’know…”
“I have to make a plan,” Shelby interrupted Sausage’s rambling, trying to keep calm. She strode forward, her mind whirling with possibilities.
“You should make your move before it’s too late,” Sausage suggested. “They’re not engaged… yet.”
“Maybe I have to duel him for her heart, just like the old-timey stories.” She mused.
“Well, just so you know, he has a gun.” Sausage supplied helpfully.
“A gun?!?” Shelby choked out. She didn’t bother to hide the desperation in her voice anymore.
“How— how do I defend myself from a gun?!?”
Sausage shrugged. “I’ll leave you on your own to figure that one out! Good luck with Katherine! Toodles!”
—
“Tortoise, what do I do?” Shelby held her familiar up to eye level. The frog looked at her with disinterest and hopped down from her palms.
“Not even Tortoise wants me,” Shelby bemoaned. “I’m all alone, bitchless forever.” She slumped down in her chair.
Tortoise chirped as he started to bounce on her table. Get your act together, Shelby Grace, he seemed to say. You didn’t survive the fog, get yourself expelled from the Magic Academy and evade the Great Witch Council to distress over a Princess that certainly loves you.
“She— she’s interested in Pirate Joe!” Shelby put a hand on her forehead. “And what does she see in me, a witch that can’t even get her spells right? She’s way out of my league.”
Shut up. Tortoise shot her a baleful glare. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re better than what you think you are.
“Wow, thanks for the encouragement!” Shelby rolled her eyes.
You should make your move before it’s too late, Sausage had said. Shelby drummed her fingers on the armrests. “Sausage is right,” she said aloud. “I need to prove to Katherine that I’m worthy of her love— and don’t you look at me like that, Tortoise, I am worthy of her love!”
…she just had to think of how to prove it.