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Goosebumps covered Tubbo’s arms, the cold air sinking into his skin. The sun was hidden behind thick clouds, snow gently falling. Tubbo pressed his body closer to Tommy, nuzzling his nose into his neck to chase his warmth. Shivers rippled through his spine, his nose red and raw, gradually becoming less cold. He nestled his head in a comfortable position, feeling Tommy's arms snake around him.
Tubbo wasn’t usually affected by the chill of winter, his body accustomed to the sharp temperature and soft snow. Tubbo sighed as he pressed his face more into Tommy, hearing a low chuckle rumble throughout his head. Warming him up, Tommy pulled him closer to his chest, a sigh of content passing past his lips.
“I’m so cold,” Tubbo piped up, lifting his head a little to look at Tommy, a smile resting on his lips.
“Weren’t you the one who loved snow?”
Groaning, Tubbo dipped under Tommy's chin, ignoring the rumbling laughter that left the other’s mouth. He held him tighter, a quiet hum filling his throat, letting his warm body consume him. Sighing, Tommy ran his nails through his knotted hair, his body stiffening as he spoke.
“It’s weird being warm again.”
Lifting his head, Tubbo stared at him, his eyebrows scrunched and his mouth frowning. “What?”, he simply replied, his voice soft. His frown fell deeper as Tommy looked away. He stared at the blond, watching as snowflakes landed on his hair, painting his hair white alongside the streak. There was a long silence, nothing but the wind whisking away every word Tubbo wanted to say, every encouragement and concern dying on his tongue.
“It’s just…, after, …yknow, being dead and all. It's weird feeling warm again.”
“Oh.”
Tubbo blinked up at him, a wretched pain filling his veins. He swallowed down his anger, placing his head against Tommy’s chest once more, no longer feeling cold but just wanting to be near. He closed his eyes tight and just listened to Tommy’s heartbeat, tapping his fingers to the badumps.
“What’re you doin’, Tubs?”, his voice was light when he asked, amusement in it, like he knew the answer but wanted to humor him.
“Does it feel weird that you have a heartbeat again?”, Tubbo raised his head off once more, watching as Tommy pondered the question.
“I think? I don’t know, I just know it’s loud,” chuckling, the taller closed his eyes as he brushed back his hair.
“Loud?”
“Yeah. Loud.”
Tubbo rolled his eyes, playfully hitting Tommy on the shoulder. “I wanted you to explain, dumbass!”
Both of them erupted into a giggling fit, Tubbo being bounced on Tommy’s chest from how hard he was laughing. Stretching his legs out, Tommy let one last laugh pass his lips, rubbing his hands up and down Tubbo’s sides quickly. It was a poor attempt to warm him up, but the other appreciated it nonetheless.
“It’s like…, I feel it beating through me. Sometimes I can actually hear it,” Tommy started, leaving his hands rubbing, slower and softer, lost in thought. “It’s overwhelming. It’s a lot.”
Humming as a response, Tubbo nodded his head the best he could. He never has died, not in the way Tommy has. He didn’t know how the younger was still put together, excluding the imperfections and faults with mobility; Tommy was still able to laugh with him, be open, and Tubbo admired that.
Feeling a tap on his head, Tubbo blinked a couple times before looking at his best friend. “You in there?”, Tommy smiled, chuckling lightly when receiving a confused look. “You zoned out for a bit.”
“Did I?”
“Yeah. Your eyes got all far away and shit. You were deep in thought,” he felt Tommy speak more than heard, the rumbling of his voice traveling through Tubbo’s brain.
Part of him wished he had died alongside Tommy, letting mother nature take hold of their corpses, giving them peace to rest. The other part is just grateful that his best friend is alive again.
“Tom?”, he mumbled, not fully sure he was heard before continuing, “What was it like?”
Tubbo felt him tighten his chest, heard the dryness Tommy was trying to gulp down, guilt harboring in his own chest as the blond started to shake. Pushing his head further into Tommy’s chest, attempting to ground him, Tubbo no longer felt cold. He was too focused on calming his best friend.
“It was quiet,” he started, the tone in his voice broken. Tubbo hated it. “So fucking quiet… And dark.”
Tubbo watched as Tommy stared up at the sky, his blue eyes becoming icy cold like the snow falling. He frowned, holding onto Tommy like a lifeline, knowing the other needed it more. “You don’t have to talk about it,” he tried, his voice small, the guilt suffocating his heart as his best friend trembled.
“It was so dark, Tubbo. I felt trapped and…, and I couldn’t do anything about it,” Tommy spoke, his wispy hair blocking the snowflakes from getting into his eyes, letting him keep staring as his voice trailed up.
“Please,” Tubbo tried again, digging his nails into Tommy’s shirt. He didn't know what he was trying to do, what he was begging; the thought of Tommy suffering and reliving what happened was making him ill.
Tommy held Tubbo tighter, his frail arms shaking with the force he was hugging him. “I was so alone.”
Holding him with the same amount of energy, Tubbo felt his eyes prick with tears, letting his best friend nestle his face in his hair. He was dry heaving, Tubbo could feel his chest exert the energy, but there wasn’t a noise that left the blond. Nothing but silent winds and Tommy’s soft wails filled the air, the snow nipping their ears as the sun set behind them.
“I’m here now,” Tubbo tried, his voice cracking with defeat.
It haunts him, knowing that he wasn’t there for Tommy when he died. It haunts him seeing a hollowed out form of his best friend, knowing he’s probably the same image to Tommy. Their shaggy hair, bright eyes sunken and dulled, a constant reminder of what they’ve endured.
“Don’t leave me.”
Tommy’s words were muffled, barely audible through the thick amount of hair covering his mouth, but Tubbo heard him. Loud and clear. He shifted until he was eye level with his best friend, resting his freezing palms onto the younger’s face, smiling as Tommy scrunched his nose to the sensation.
“I’m not going anywhere, bossman.”
“Promise?”
Lifting one hand, letting his pinkie finger stand high by itself, Tubbo couldn’t stop the large smile making its home on his face. Throwing his head back, Tommy laughed, phlegmy with tears finally rolling down his cheeks. Patiently, Tubbo watched his best friend’s laugh turn into something softer, lighter, like his heart was traveling backwards.
“Don’t leave me hanging,” chuckling alongside him, Tubbo let his eyes crinkle, hoping his love for Tommy was sincerely showing.
Hooking their pinkies, Tommy smiled widely, his eyes shining brightly as the snow resigned on his eyelashes, freezing his tears. Tubbo unconsciously wiped some off his face, squeezing their fingers together.
The fireplace warmed Tommy’s fingertips, tingling slightly as he tapped on the wooden floor. The rug he sat on was thick, the heat from the fire making his face redder, a contrast to his pale skin. Leaning back onto his palms, he kicked his feet with his rundown shoes, sighing loudly as he stretched.
Tubbo had gone to do something in the kitchen, leaving Tommy to his own devices. He looked around the room, noticing small cracks in the wooden walls, tiny plants growing through the floorboards, with dust particles floating here and there. If he strained his ears enough, he could hear his best friend hum along to an imaginary tune, soft words strewn about. Tommy smiled as he tried to decipher what the song was.
Tuning back into his surroundings once again, Tommy calmly watched as the flames of the fire flickered, the bright oranges and yellows lapping up the wall. As he stared, he let the glow envelope his mind, the dizzy feeling of being alive overwhelmed him. He felt so… hot.
Blinking, his heartbeat unconsciously sped up, his eyes shifting back and forth as his thoughts warped to a harder time. Somewhere suffocating, unbelievably hot, sucking every bit of life out of him. Tommy couldn’t feel anything but his body heating up, the sounds around being drowned out by his own fear. He felt so hot, but a chill was consistently running down his back.
“Tom?”
He heard Tubbo, his voice far away but eerily close, floating through the fog without breaching. Tommy tried to zone back in, everything around him feeling miles away from his body, sweat slithering down his neck. He knew he wasn’t panicking– he felt too calm– but the icky feeling in his stomach was taunting him.
He was getting too warm, his skin seemingly bubbling from the heat underneath. The clothes on his back feeling scratchy, unwanted, unneeded. He swallowed the thick saliva in his mouth, the urge to throw up swirling around.
Suddenly snapping his eyes to where Tubbo sat beside him, holding two mugs with one hand and a cloth bag in the other, Tommy finally could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly. Delicately placing the items on the floor, Tubbo untied his bandanna, dabbing the sweat from Tommy’s brow.
“You alright?,” glancing up, Tommy tried processing the words that his best friend said.
After a moment he attempted to smile, nodding, his hair falling in front of his eyes. Tubbo tried to push it back. It fell back into place.
“You sure?”, Tubbo asked again, shaking out his cloth before wrapping it around Tommy’s hair.
“Don’t worry ‘bout me, Tubs.”
Scoffing, Tubbo shook his head, tightening the knot on the bandanna. “How could I not?”. Flattening the fabric, Tubbo kept his eyes trained on Tommy’s head, missing widening eyes with hidden tears forming.
Patting his head, Tubbo reached down and grabbed one of the mugs, handing it over before reaching into the bag. “You really don’t have to,” Tommy tried, his voice sounding foreign to both of them. He faltered slightly when Tubbo gave him a questioning look.
“Your hair is always in your face, might as well, right?”, smiling, Tubbo stuffed a pastry into his mouth.
“That’s uh, not… what I was referring to,” Tommy looked down at the mug, swishing the tea around, watching the teabag bob.
He didn’t wanna look at Tubbo when he realized what he meant.
“Tom,” he heard Tubbo, his heartbeat becoming louder. “Tommy.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t know what was going to come out of Tubbo’s mouth, but he was afraid. The slight stern tone in Tubbo’s mouth was scaring him; it was barely noticeable, anyone else would've thought nothing of it. But Tommy knew Tubbo. He knew him so well that he felt sick to his stomach.
He started to shake, gripping the mug tightly. Tommy doesn’t like feeling scared, especially when he should know he’s safe, but he can’t help it anymore. He’s always scared, has been scared for so long; he should have comfort in it, but he doesn’t. Fear doesn’t hold his heart the same way sadness does.
A hand landed on his own, cold and rough but comforting nonetheless. “Tommy, I can't bear to lose you again,” Tubbo stated, his voice heavy and full of sorrow. He had scooted closer, leaning his forehead against Tommy’s shoulder. The weight of his head somewhat grounded the younger, the heat of the tea burning his hands, sizzling down to his bones.
Placing the tea down, Tommy grasped Tubbo’s hand, letting the silence fill their ears. Just sitting to breathe with one another, Tommy’s erratic and long inhales turned into soft breaths and light exhales. He laid his head on top of the other’s, closing his eyes. Tubbo’s presence was warm, making Tommy feel slightly drowsy as the other hummed his mysterious tune once more.
“We should get married,” he mumbled as he drifted, a cheeky smile sneaking onto his face when Tubbo jolted up.
“WHAT?”
Erupting into laughter, Tommy squeezed his eyes shut as he toppled over. He knew the calm atmosphere was interrupted, his sleepy mind barely putting things together, his giggles washing away his reasoning. Tubbo was sitting in front of him, his mouth hanging open, clearly shocked and confused. He was making a huffing noise, trying to not laugh.
“Think about it-”
“I did! I am!”, Tubbo’s voice was airy, finally giving in to the laughter.
“So you should get why I proposed it,” his shaking from the chuckling slowing down, Tommy sat up with his palms pressed down onto the hard floorboards.
“Don’t say the word proposed right now.”
Another laugh raked through the younger, “what other word should I use?”.
“That’s not the point! Why are we gonna get married?”, Tubbo giggled, staring down at his best friend’s shortened form on the floor. Reaching over to adjust the green bandanna, Tubbo saw Tommy’s face light up. “What now?”
Ripping his own off, Tommy sat up further to tie his red scarf around Tubbo’s neck, the knot clunky and too thick to be comfortable. Sitting back to admire his handy work, Tommy smiled, ignoring his best friend’s fake annoyance.
“Tom,” the other started, adjusting the knot so it wasn’t scratching his neck, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Right, right,” Tommy flopped back down onto his elbows, struggling to take a sip of his tea. “We’re best friends, Tub, and… and I don’t think either of us want to lose the other again. Right?”, he stopped, earning a nod from Tubbo. “So why not?”.
“You know that marriage is for couples, right?”
“That’s so dumb, though! What’s actually stopping us from doing it ‘cause of the bond of it?”, he glanced at Tubbo's face before continuing. “We love each other, that’s already more than most marriages if you ask me.”
Tommy took another sip, finally realizing the tea was getting cold, the taste of honey covering his tongue. Chugging down his tea to avoid it getting any chillier, Tommy noticed Tubbo was watching him, his eyebrows still scrunched up in thought. “How would we do it?”.
Putting the cup down, empty, Tommy smiled, an idea burrowing into his brain.
They both were sitting in a field, flowers peeking through the snow as the sun shone through the clouds, the sun warming them up from the cold floor. Wearing the other’s bandannas still, with their clothing tidied and washed, they sat in front of each other. Their knees were touching, a single yellow flower in between the gap, snow brushed away as a way to preserve it.
“Just tell me when you’re ready,” Tommy spoke, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he fidgeted.
Taking a deep breath, Tubbo nodded, threading his fingers through his hair, pulling at the knots. His hair had begun to be a bit too long, to a point he could put it in a poor ponytail if he tried. Untying his red bandanna from his neck, he put back hair with it, the odd sensation of it resting on his neck and shoulders gone.
With a whisper, Tubbo told Tommy he was ready, receiving a wide grin.
Clearing his throat obnoxiously, Tommy smiled wider as he stared at the boy in front of him. Tubbo smiled back. “Tubbo,” the younger boomed, pulling something out of his pocket. “Do you promise me, Tommy, that we’ll stick by each other?”.
Tubbo watched in awe as his own hand was pulled away towards the object– a ring made of what he assumed was fishing wire braided with a leaf stem. Tommy pried Tubbo’s pinkie away from his hand, looking at him expectantly.
“I promise.”
Tommy slid the ring on.
“And I, Tommy, promise to stick by you, Tubbo,” the younger slid an identical ring down his own pinkie, holding it up to Tubbo.
Putting his besides Tommy’s, they interlocked pinkies, tightly holding them together. The rings were scratchy, and Tubbo was scared that if it got caught on something they’d lose the finger, but he was happy nonetheless.
They both gazed at one another, a million words on their tongues, too big for them to say in the moment, too giddy to get anything out. Tubbo felt a chill when tears fell down his face as he smiled, shutting his eyes as he heard Tommy aww at him, promptly telling him to shut up. He heard his best friend laugh loudly, pulling him into a hug.
As the snow nipped at their feet, the sun warming the tips of their noses, they finally were unapologetically happy. Buried in the other’s arms, rings catching onto old fabric and the smell of flowers comforting their cries; they were finally safe with each other.