Chapter Text
Reiner stood under a black umbrella in the pouring rain at the front of their highschool. His blank face stared emptily at his childhood friend Bertholdt, talking to Annie as they walked out the doors of the school building. Bertholdt had a soft smile plastered on his face but Reiner saw what was underneath.
Under that smile, Bertholdt was full of anxiety, hoping to please her. He didn’t understand why Bertholdt tried so hard for her. The rain made it impossible to understand what Bert was talking about from Reiner’s distance but Bert was clearly talking and Annie wasn’t even looking or speaking back to him. She didn’t care jack shit. Reiner’s heart throbbed in pain watching Bertholdt.
I wish you didn’t like girls so you could look at me the way you look at her. Why do your eyes sparkle every time like she suddenly saved your life? Maybe you just prefer someone smaller. Someone short, skinny, petite. A girl that makes you feel big…I’m just not enough for your taste…
I'm too tall that I reach your height. I can see every raw beautiful part of you. The parts you don’t want her to see. I can’t wrap my head around it. Maybe you just prefer a quiet girl. Someone with a heart of stone that you can break open and find a soft shy girl inside…But I can be cold and quiet too. You just melted my heart away. Ever since the first day we met, you’ve given me life.
I don’t understand.. What makes her so different from what we have..? It’s not fair that this world prefers a man and a woman together. It’s not fair.
The blond boy watched as Annie departed from the tall boy, taking out her umbrella and walking her own separate way. Reiner waved at her and she saw, glancing at him and scoffed in annoyance, disappearing down the road. He frowned.
“Reiner”
Looks like Bertholdt finally caught up. He turned to face the sound of his name being called and waved to his crush. “Hey Bertl”
Bertholdt took the umbrella out of Reiner’s hand so he could hold it himself. “Sorry for making you wait all this time, I wouldn’t want you to get sick out in this rain because of me.”
The act itself was innocent but the way their warm fingers brushed against each other and Bert's gentle squeeze made it so painful for Reiner to stay calm. His heart was pumping, body heating up in response.
“It’s fine, it beats walking alone in the rain” Reiner shrugged with a small half assed smirk.
“Hm,” the taller male responded as the two of them began walking down the street.
Reiner looked back in his memories. During the beginning of all of this when Reiner first noticed Bertholdt seemed to be catching feelings for Annie, as much as he dreamed to be in a relationship with Bert, he prioritized Bertholdt’s happiness over his own and did everything he could to be the best support. The best wingman. Just as bros were supposed to. Yet he hated his role and it ate his core from the inside.
“Bert?”
“Yea?” Bertholdt side glanced.
“I’m 17, turning 18 in a few months”
Bert nodded. “I know.”
Reiner’s face stared at the wet pavement as they walked. The rainy clouds seemed to have descended from the sky and began floating above Reiner’s head because Bertholdt was quick to notice his gloomy mood. He’s noticed his shorter friend has been a little down lately these past months so he’s been trying everything he can to find out what’s going on.
He knows Reiner is one of the top students in their school. He’s the top football player on their team. It must be exhausting to carry so much stress and weight alone. Everyone saw confident, perfect dream boy Braun, but Bertholdt always saw him as the meek small Reiner he remembered since they were kids.
“Hey. What’s wrong..?” He nudged Reiner’s shoulder. He always made sure to talk to Reiner gently because despite the blond’s tough appearance, he was sensitive and actually took things to heart.
The other didn’t look up. “Eh.. it’s nothin’ I guess. I’ll be turning 18 and I won’t be able to see you anymore. I can’t even imagine that. A year without you. Can you imagine that? I can’t.”
Bertholdt gave him a sad sympathetic look.
“We can still look forward to hanging out after school”
“..Really?” A small smile was beginning to form across Reiner’s cheeks. Bert returned the smile.
A light of hope began to shine inside Reiner. He was glad they could still find time together despite their different schedules. He would have to squeeze around his part time jobs and try his best to make time for Bertholdt but he thought it was all worth it.
His friend nodded. “Yeah! Though maybe not later in the night.. Um..” He fiddled with the umbrella.
“Huh? Why not?” Reiner tilted his head confused.
“Um..” Bertholdt scratched the back of his head, looking away. He didn’t know how to break this down to Reiner gently.
“..Why do you have to get home early?” Reiner asked. To him, Bertholdt was acting off. In his mind he’s thinking he has to keep asking questions or else Bertholdt would just avoid answering.
Bert’s eyes were wider now. He gulped. A part of him wanted to lie but he knows he can’t lie to him. Reiner deserves to hear the truth but also because Reiner was good at telling when he wasn’t being honest.
“Annie is going to be coming over every night..! Just us…We wouldn’t want anyone else to, you know…be bored by us…So you shouldn’t come… ” It was like he was beating around the bush.
I thought that was our thing! It used to be us together at night! When did it become about her? Am I just a side hoe? What am I to you now!? That’s what he wanted to cry out. But Reiner didn’t shout. Did even yell or blink. His mind suddenly shut down.
“..That’s…Fine. Yeah, I get it.” His heart was shattering and the world felt like it was spiraling downwards.
Bertholdt relaxed his shoulders and sighed, relieved that Reiner didn’t over react. He was nervous he would hurt his friend’s feelings but he knew Reiner was a cool level headed guy.
“When did you guys start..?” It felt like he was stabbing himself as the words rolled off his tongue.
“Mhm, me and Annie have been dating for a few weeks” Bert slightly blushed from telling his friend about his dating life.
“A few weeks? Who else knows??” Reiner’s voice grew louder and strained not to creak.
“U-Um.. We didn’t really tell anyone.. Just Mikasa and Armin.. Connie.. Christa and Ymir..”
“And you didn’t tell ME? your best friend!?”
“We held back.. We didn’t want to tell you yet! We were going to!!“ Bertholdt raised his tone.
Reiner snapped back at him “Who? Who didn’t want to tell me? Was it Annie? She just wanted to leave me out of your life? Cut me out of the equation?”
“No…! It’s not like that..! It was me who decided it!” he shouted in Reiner's face in frustration.
“What the fuck!?” Reiner cried, taking two steps out of the umbrella, away from Bertholdt.
Bert stopped walking and turned to him shouting “I just, I-I don’t know! I didn’t want to tell you until now!”
“I can’t believe this”
“Reiner.. Reiner wait.”
He reached his arm out walking after Reiner. The other shook his head and ran. He didn’t care that he was cold and covered in water, he just kept running.
“Wait…!” Bertholdt screamed out to him.
Reiner kept running until Bert's voice died out. Nothing but the drumming of rain pellets thrumming in his ears. Reiner dared not to cry. He tried to hold them back but the second he couldn’t hold it in anymore, the tears kept raining down like a waterfall. There was no stopping it. The bridge keeping him together was broken and the water hopelessly flowed out. He sank down on the side of the curb and sobbed.
He wanted comfort so badly. Someone to hug him. But the moment he closed his eyes to picture comfort, all he could see was Bertholdt’s warm smile. And that smile wasn’t even for him but for the girl he loved more than him. He hugged his knees and cried harder.