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Ichigo often didn't have time to feel fear, his life has been about enduring and clashing. His love was always proven in battle cries, bloody knuckles and any sort of violence that guaranteed that his loved ones would be safe. But when there's no threat, no swords, no grief, he doesn't know anything but fear.
He doesn't know where to put his love, now that there's no obstacles but the ones he built. He's terrified of the intensity of his feelings being more violent than his sword.
He remembers before. How comfortable it was to push those feelings aside, to associate the shock waves her touch bought him to his own natural introspection, to relate the heat on his face to a natural response to her beauty, to believe the warm feeling in his chest when she would listen with genuine interest whenever he talked about anything to just being properly heard when he often wasn't.
But something about her now was suffocating. Her cold hands when she held his forearms, her loud laugh, her penetrating bright brown eyes that seemed to ask him a million question that he couldn't - wouldn't - answer.
And it was all on him, really. Because Orihime was the most easy-going, selfless, even-tempered and carefree person he knew. She could only ever be intimidating towards people who caused hurt and harm to her loved ones, then yes, she had the fury of Lady Macbeth. However, even her rage was merciful.
He wanted her so much he could barely function. His legs didn't work properly in the morning, when he was burning from dreams of being buried in the crook of her neck, dreams of falling to his knees in prayer of an almost religious devotion.
He felt petrified by how much he felt, how much he couldn't express with his words or body, because he had no experience of showing love in the ways people normally did.
He protected, he secured, he kept all his loved ones away from harm and rain and ghosts. But there was no pain that could reach them in the quiet of the night, sitting in the cold floor of his room. And yet. Yet his throat was closing and his hands sweating and his heart beating so fast he could feel it in his fingertips.
She had her legs crossed, her skirt all over the floor, her hair up with butterfly hairpins and a huge smile on her face. She was gorgeous in a way he didn't know how to be. Gracious, beloved girl. So much good in her it felt overwhelming.
He was going insane.
"Kurosaki-kun." She frowned, her eyes blinking, her face suddenly darkening and he felt sick. So sick. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"No. No." He put his face on his hands, breathing hard, praying for some kind of God he never believed him. Praying for courage, praying for clarity.
He felt her hand on his neck and he jumped. He took his hands from his face just to look directly into her eyes.
"I think you have a fever. You should lay down." She whispered, it was like her voice existed only in his head.
"I...It will pass. I don't need to lay down." He knew he was whispering too, and his voice trembling, and his eyes wide.
She giggled and got up. Offered her hand with a smirk. He looked at her for too long to be comfortable, until he held her hand and got up. She made him sit down, then pushed him gently until he was laying, his head on his pillow.
She held his hand loosely, her fingers playing with his.
"It's okay, Kurosaki-kun. Sometimes you're gonna need to rest, even from silly things like your body's immune system fighting infections." She gave him a funny look. He couldn't even blink. "I promise I won't tell anyone that you are just as human as the rest of us."
He couldn't tell her then how his fever was probably coming from his head, and how his brain was on fire, how there was smoke in his ears and ashes in his eyes. He couldn't tell he was burning from the inside because he had so much, too much inside of him, and he wasn't brave enough to put it out.
So he held her hand tigher and hoped for his mouth to work faster than his burning brain sometime soon. Prayed for his pride to not be the death of him, but for her hands to be the ones to take his heart out.
"Sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up."
He dreamed of her.