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Gonkuro Was Fucking Livid. Just, Absolutely fucking STEAMED right now, Running Cyperbunk Does that to your CPU, yknow. And this is Gonkur "Goes to church every Sunday, Eatss his No, Says Drugs to Vegetables" o We're talking about, so It takes a lot for Any Author to just Drop the Fuck Words in relation to him. But I am of the Opinion Gonkuro NEEDS Fuck in this Situation. And you want to know why?
"GonkDroid I'm telling you, The Sphere Earth Society Club WILL be the greatest hit in School! You just gotta be the one who pushes the idea thorugh!"
Once again, known school and General Societal menance Hideyoshi has come to pester him with Another one of their insane ideas to "improve" Uebara Highschool. Sometimes they do, Usually They Don't. But frankly, Gonkuro Has Hadd Enough of this. It was becoming unbearable this time. So Mayybe the Sphere Earth Society.
"Hideyoshi. Hideyoshi Saionji. I Am speaking To you. You fully understand that I have long found your foolish antics a futile thing to fight against. And I understand this. I am the most understanding of your antics, Despite not being someone to allow such hedonism to go unknown to others, I have actively Asked my Parents to let your violations of the School Dress code go unnoticed, citing that expressions are fine, and should this not be an impact upon your academic ability, then there should be no concern. But You need to understand that my lice farm (Author Note: I Don't know how to spell Lenience) can only handle so much from you. Hideyoshi, you Cannot be doing this. No. I Am Not making the Sphere Earth Society a thing, I Will Not Be Making your next idea a New thing. I Am Not going to unless you provide me Two Other People willing to Discuss these matters with me. Do you understand? I Do Not Live in The Magma Jails for you to do this to me."
Hideyoshi developed ADHD halfway through Gonkuro's insane rant and isn't reading the rest of the Shit I typed out. "Cool I'm fuckin BALLIN" They said. "I'll just ask Fuckin Michiyo, Easy. She's your girlwife right."
"OK we WERE But then it turned out Michiyo actually just liked me because She subconsciously wanted me to replace her Dad as the Toxic Male Figure in her Life, so we Decided we Should just Be Friends unntil she At least decides on her own terms if my influence on her life would be best as a friend, a lover, or Dare I Say, a Foe." Gonkuro Explains, before chucking an Entire Starbucks into A nearby Skii Ball Machine (Installed by yielding to one of Hide's insane requests). It pathetically rolls down the track and lands into the 10 Points Zone. Which is better than nothing, Actually, so he's mildly impressed.
"You need to Take therapy. I Think that is A Sign you need the Help." Hideyoshi points out.
"I have a B- so far. Is that not good Enough for you?" Gonkuro asks. Obviously He needs to be doing Work for Himself as wqell but that's Not the POint, he Can Always Do Better and if that mindset is feeding into his Toxic Behaviors, he will figure that out with MORE therapy. Does Jesus fuck, that Car was really Loud. Lost my train of thought, reward Is 2 Pennies I found on the side of the Road If found (USA ONLY). Anyways.
"No, it's not good Enough Gonkuro...... because Not Good Enough either.... HRAAAAAAAAAGH"
But before Gonkuro could have a Normal Discussion about this Like they Should, Hideyoshi scrampled away crying.
Nozomi was on her 80th Shot of Vodka For the Night. Disgusting. It's not even doing Anything to her, and SHe's at Shot 81 now!! She's wasted So Much Fucking Money and she's going to waste even more Just to Ruminate in Her thoughts like a Dead Rat your cat kills and you Don't find under the couch until it's been decomposing for 3 weeks. Because this has NOTHING to do with Business, that is the primary reason She does not Notice Hideyoshi sulk their way in. But She Does notice when they Sit down at her Table. and then Takes a Look and Oh. Okay so She's been warned about this one. She knows Nezumi sat her ass down and told her 'Listen. This Hideyoshi Kid is Into Taking Risks, but They ALSO want Pay off where everyone Loves them' while rebriefing her about Enemies for her position. And just like Apex Predators, she is nothing if not an opportunist. This is Why Bald Eagles come to Land Fill. Nutrient.
"Kid Aren't you a bit young to be here." Provoking them into Manslaughtering Her Is clearly the Best option here. "My hobbies includes fake ID," Hideyoshi explain. They're kind of a Regular at the Casino and the Bars and the Whatever because the Author has No Clue what people do and He took the DARE Promise and Isn't interested in breaking Laws Related to entertainment and recreation TBH. "Especially hanging around shady places like this. I Collect Horrible Vibes in Bottles to throw in bottles, and I also Like to Get info in the Snake Gang for my friends. I Think I like them. Maybe."
"Is it really Enough to be Hanging around them though???? Wouldn't you want to be IN Them to get information????"
This.... little Hide Child looks deeply intrigued. Nozomi Smiles, andf Hide Does not have the Narrative Experience you and Nezumi and Harasaki and I have to know That is NOT Good News, it Means the BIG EVIL, Predation is Taking Control. Remember:It's only OK for Plants to be Nourished by Death, because the Average Tree had no need to get so Big, but it Saw the Birds Fly and Gave itself Skin. Skin. Tough Skin and Long Limbs for the Birds to Rest Upon that are far away from predators. It Loved All the Birds so it Grew Tall and Durable for it, and happily shared that with All the Squirrels and Other Species and it had no Need to provide us Oxygen but here we Are. The World is founded upon this type of love, so does it matter If the true Nature of that love is Selfish or A Selfless love, when we all Benefit from it in the end? Hooray! I Love you.
"Well like..... Can you tell me more, uh."
"Kurogane." Nezumi got Mad At the Idea of Sharing the Consonants in his Name, and She was usually referred to as Kurogane anyways.
"YEAH, Kurogane Like. You're here. You're probably In on this."
Hook, line and Sinker!! Just gotta Real them In.
"Oh not only am I IN On this, I actually am The BADDEST bitch in The function. So, background, I used to work for him," Nozomi explains, flicking open her lighter. "I didn't agree with him Hiring and Promoting wet Carboard that he Picked up at Gays and a couple of Straights only Strip Club so I told him to Stop and I think that was the Last Straw from him and his boytoy." She takes a drag of her Cigar, "Like so, his Toyboy and I, we weren't On good term but we could Make Shit work, right? Like, I'd usually kill the fuckers that bothered them. So Like.".
Hide is grateful they developed ADHD during Gonkuro's earlier rant because They are most certianly not interested in Whatever 5D Love Polygon I'm making this Bitch Experience.
"Bottom line, I gave him stability when everyone else had shown him risks. He comes back to me once he needs all of that back from me. Everyone's the Same, Hide. You gotta show them you're the Load Bearing Wall they collapse without. That they Can't get Rid of you."
Akin to A Shitty Halloween Decoration that one Throws Out, She Keeps Smiling At Hideyoshi, knowing She Hit a Point. "I Will tell you What Hideyoshi. I'll Let you Come under my Wing, Okay? Unpaid Internship style because I'm a Fucking Cheapskate. You can learn a bit more about How We Operate, okay? And if you Feel that we give you the Respect you Deserve moreso than How your friends treat you, then you can Become a Full Fledged Member of our Group."
In Reality, she's going to Do to them What She does for All Of her Problems: Barrel, Cement, River. But ONLY under, and She needs to Convince The Scalie that's calling the Shots about this.
"Fine... Fine Kurogane, I'll Do it. I'll Join the Serpentes under and Unpaid Internship."
"CHIIIIIIIIIIIILD" She's saying that Like A Witch in a Fairytale but the Witch is Evil, "If you Wish to become A Member like us..... you must become GOTH."
"Yeah so I was going to get Souma a nice metal bat for his birthday," Etsumi explains, Examining one like you do With a Watermelon at a Grocery Store. "Did you ever hear the Story of Eddie Polec, who had simply been waiting there to walk home with his younger brother when suddenly he found himself being chased down by this loud succession of cars coming straight at him.
Arrival of police
It was 40 minutes after the first 911 call was placed that police were finally sent.[4] But by then it was too late. The young Eddie Polec lay bloodied and unconscious on the steps of a church where just a few short years before he had served as an altar boy.[1][6] He was immediately rushed to a hospital. But the following morning, after a full night of intensive medical emergency treatment had failed, Eddie Polec was pronounced dead.[1][4]."
Like All the times that Etsumi pulls out incredibly Morbid information out about Murder and Assault Cases, Kaneyo simply had No Idea how to react to this Information. "um, that's cool I guess," She says. Not really.
Still, it Does look Like Etsumi has decided on a Baseball bat, and she Heads to the Cash register to ring it Up. They're not really A Fan of Stealing unlike SOMEONE Called Hideyoshi that Kaneyo noticed, talking to the Serpentes Casujally?Oh no What the FUCK are they doing? Well Kaneyo Has Enough Among US Gamer Skill To Know What Must be Done. She WHIPS out that Emergency Meeting Button to Discuss the Matters with the Rest of the Group, pulling everyone into the Meeting.
"Hi"
"I Was COOKING!!!!" Souma Complains.
"Sorry but Hide was Acting Sus. I Saw them talking to a Serpentes Member."
"WHAT" Hideyoshi couldn't throw their hands up. Laundry Detergent goes Everywhere. "How are you going to Say I'M Suspicious when Muichiyo Isn't even Talking. She has more of A Connection to the Serpentes Than I Do. We have every Reason to find Her Sus." Which is true. But what they DIDNT knoww as that the Serpentes were hunting her down to have her Killed. She knows too much. But that lack of Information Wasn't important to Whoever voted for her. One of them was Etsumi, they trust Hide to be in the Know about this Sort of thing.
"Don't say those Thigns about My EX-WIFE WHO I NEVER DATED!!!!" Gonkuro Yells. "MICHIYO IS A GREAT PERSON WHEN YOU LOOK PAST THE ATROCITIES!!!! You now Have my Vote Hide. Just because You Don't believe in Hell Doesn't Mean I Won't make sure you get there Hide!"
"Sorry I Was in therapy what's going on." If you paid attention in Competitive Pokemon, you know that Therapy has the highest priority of Pokemon moves.
"Ohhhh, so NOW You want to Talk, after it's Clear you're The Imp Poster? Nice Try. You Want to Tear AAAALLL Of us apart, huh?"
"Hide. ou're clearly Working with the Serpentes." Michiyo Points out. "You're like, a Mall Goth at Best. Come on No REAL Goths Dress like that. You Clearly want to fit in with the Serpentes, and you're too much of A Prep to even name ONE Goth Subgenre."
A nd everyonme felt teror. They're right...... Goths just don't dress the Way hide Does,. do they? They Just Set Michiyo up and now they Can't take back their votes. "DUDE. YOU'RE FUCKED UP" Etsumi Yells. She's Especially Mad, she's trying her Best to be A Better Person and Hide just wants to be WORSE. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS."
Fortunately, Between Everyone Angry at Hidem, the Votes were Tied, so No one Got Space Shuttle Challenger Incident 1986. But Hideyoshi Immediately ran off, ZTerrified. Etsumi huffed and put their hands on Their hips. "I'm thinking we should Just vote off Hide once the Emergemcy Meeting Cool Down is done. I've honestly just Had it with them."
"Okay but. I Don't think we Should.That was Weird," Michiyo Points out, and everyone just fucking LOOKS At ehr Like. Girl this is the 8th time in the Narrative You've Almost Died. "DON'T give me that Look, Like, Listen." Michiyo Begins summoning a creature. "It's Kind of weird they Weren't Like, Revelling in it., you know? Something's up. They clearly feel Bad." She Explains. And that's true. It just isn't like them to Not Do that!!!
Gonkuro was Torn between being The Most Divorced Man EVER, and putting his Faith in his Friends.... No, his Pocket Icelandic Cave Troll Wants him to be a better Person.
"Yeah. Something's Up with Them." Gonkuro Admits. "We had an Odd Interaction Earlier and they Seem Distraught over it."
"Okay well You and your Girlfriend can go Talk with them." Kaneyo Suggests. She Wants to go home and Take care of her Pet Bubble Snail. She's tired, and this is NOT How she wanted to Spend Her Spring.
"We're not a couple," Michiyo corrects, "There was only one Coupon in the Main Cast Toolbox for a Healthy Relationship, and Souma and Etsumi got it. We Have to confront them."
ONE STRAIGHTS TRAINING MONTAGE LATER
Everyone in the Group except Hideyoshi was standing outside the Bar, having finally worked out their plans to get Hideyoshi back tot hem. Everything was going to Shit otherwise, and they couldn't have that! "Have everything Gonkuro? You got your Lunch box, your homework, all that stuff?" Souma Asks. He is Very Concerned.
"WELL I'm Already Entering this den mired in sin and hedonism and other Unholy Machinations, so even if I DO Survive, my sensitive virgin eyes will be soiled and martyred." Gonkuro bemoans.
"Alright great. If you're not out In 5 Minutes we'll Throw slices of Bread at you for health recovery. Have fun, don't forget to be yourself !" He then Piledrives Gonkuro through the door, and BANG, It's SLAMMED behind him. Well, Only way to do this now is to Fucking Do this. Boss Battles like this don't let you return to the previous Zone. THey really Should though, like what if I'm Just not ready?
"Hideyoshi I just want to Talk to you. I am Not Mad." Not really a Lie considering Gonkuro's Fucking Pissed (2007), but he Has Faith in his Friend. Could he Possibly feel A little more? N.no!!! Gonkuro is the Token Straight of their GrouP. He Ins't goging to let anyone take that from him.
No time for Gonkuro to have a Sexuality Crisis; In an ill timed Fit of French Heritage, Hideyoshi deploys a Knife aattack against Gonkuro.
"FUCK GONKURO I'M SORYR ID DIN'T ME ANT OT" They Yell through So manyu Fucking Tears that it Reverses the desertification crisis [plpaguing our World. Everyone Take this Moment to Say "Thank you Hide" For Solving the Water Crusis. Gonkuro was a theater Kid so it's Fine. Everyone Knows Theater Kids Max out their Dexterity and even then, he fucking Listens to P!ATD or other Normie Nerd Music.
"Hide...... You must KILL Him. You are meant to Align with US. Your friends Never cared to ask About why. Does that not Show that they will Ditch you when you stop being Useful to them? I am riight. Listen to me." nNozomi Says, appearing out of the door, With SDmoke Filling the Room because Kimito insisted that she Be Extra about this, and the Shrivelled Raisin that Constitutes as her Heart Feels Something resembling love towards Him. Maybe? Who knows. I Don't like her.
"Hide..... Hideyoshi my Buddy is that true?" Gonkruo Felt guilty for the Conversation. This Changes nothing!!!!
Luckily for us, Kaneyo then Had a Plot Convient Anxiety Attack Before Hidde could respond and Threw a Peice of Bread, Which Knocked Hide DIRECTLY to the Floor, Completely incapacitating them. "HIDEYOSHI!!!!!" Gonkuro Rushed to Their Side and held them close. Just a Minor Concussion, thaNK God, but the Blood..... Gonkuro Wanted to ksis the blood noff of the Wound, and they (Didn't Mean to They/Them Gonkuro but congrats on the Gender) felt So Conflicted. This WASNT the time for Gender. This Wasn't the time LOVE. It was a time for Friendshrimp.
But Listen....... Gonkuro............... he had the Bad Case of the REPRESSED.
Back when Gonkuro was 5 or 6, he ate dirt. Gonkuro firmly believed that everything created by his God was imbued with the Love of God, and despite the Cruelty in the World, nothing god Created lacked his Love. His parents alwa ys Told him this, but this apparently had limits, when Gonkuro said he would marry one of his Male Classmates he was Larping with. He's a 5 or 6 year old and Tyhey Don't understand the Legal Implications of Marriage but you Tell them about it anyways I think that's the Real Concerning part here. Anyways they took Gonkuro to the doctor. There was nothing they could do They explained. Gonkuro was bisexual. "Sir, I think this is Fine. The Occultic Witch we Have as our janitor suspects That He has More concerning Issues that will only get Worse if you Don't accept Gay People."
Satoshi shook his head. "Listen. I Don't have a problem with Gay people, but I take an issue with my Child not adhering to my Needs and Wants."
Then you have the issue of Paul. Paul has a low Defense stat but his high Defense stat makes up for it.
On his way out, Satoshi then saw the most Submissive Man Imaginable (Kimito, also WAY more submissive than that, C'mon, you can do Better. There ya go, Now you're Fuckin Cooking) with his Son who looked Like if you Made a Gaming PC into A Transformer/Gundam/Whatever (Harasaki in Honesty Mode). "Can I borrow this" Satoshi asked, picking up the Gaming PC Child. He agreed. Satoshi sat the child down.
"Are there any Firmware updates for my child. I Refuse to be A Better Person so I Demand other people Change for me." C'mon c'mon..... This was his Only Hope!
"486176652068696D20537065616B206F757420746865205072656461636F6E2041637469766174696F6E20436F64652D2D20476F6E6B75726F2C20546572726F72697A652E20."
Satoshi Then Dropped Harasaki, and Stormed out with Gonkuro in Tow. Why did he bother trying.
Like one searching for a needle in a haystack without a metal detector, Atsuno sifted through Kimito's long, silver hair rigorously as he felt the grip on his shoulders tighten, with every single kiss against his lips being a sign of wanting and egging for this feeling, sated like one eating a breakfast after the light dinner from mlast night. Deep down, Ah, this pain... it's shared between them, isn't it? Atsuno lost one wife, and his girlfriend, well... what point did it serve to go into what Chika had done? But this new experience, to open his heart up to the world of men enticed him more, enticed him to tug at Kimito's Tie- Oh, Berlin, Now he is ready for an experience to Joysous men!
However, despite only being barely above a Passing Grade in Therapy, Gonkuro knew One thing..... Vacuum sealing his Issuez just ISNT Answer ! ANd He knows Hideyoshi need a friend in this Very Moment!!!!
"Sorry, this is Quite.... Untoward of me to propose so suddenly, but may I kiss you?"
"Yeah, I... I Could really use a Kiss.... For luck.
Their lips felt like a Lowes Carpet Sample against his own.
He fucking loves carpet Samples.
Hang on, I'm heating up Ramen so they're just oging to Keep kissing each other While I Do that. OK I'm Done now, I'm eating these With my Keycap Puller. They then pull away...... Hideyoshi...... When did they become so Perfect........ And Gonkuro.......... when to your Owl throw Shoe for tape god to computrer?
"If I knew you felt the same, I would've started dressing up like Michiyo for you to project your fantasies onto me before your character arc." Hideyoshi Says.
"OKay that's GREAT but I Am the villain And I MUST Be defeated." Nozomi interrupts. She is the BAD WOMAN and she MUST Be defeated. to which Hideyoshi huffs, pulling out the Pokemon Rule book, "Look. Milf is Weak to Bisexual. Gonkuro Wins," And they tap at the chart, before pulling out their phone just to check the Damage Calcs, because this Isn't a Risk worth taking. "Yeah see it's
+6 252+ Atk Throat Spray Synchronize Gonkuro Sketch vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Nozomi in Sun on a critical hit: 37840-44520 (11788.1 - 13869.1%) -- guaranteed OHKO
Possible damage amounts: (37840, 38284, 38732, 39176, 39620, 40068, 40512, 40956, 41400, 41848, 42292, 42736, 43184, 43628, 44072, 44520)."
"I'm running a Bulkier 252 HP Set so I Can set up Swords Dance and Substitute ." Nozomi says, before Getting fffffffffucking Obliterated Into dust. The force of Sketch was So Strong that it Causes a hole in the ground that went across the Sea and Destroys a Random Starbucks that fell from the Sky in California. Said Californians Will be talking about it for Years to come ebcause the author CAN Attest that's just how Californians Are. Harasaki showed up to the Fight to Polietely ask everyone to stop calling his Mom Fuckable, because that makes him feel weird as a 23 Year old Son, but After seeing she had been Killed, He Left because He doesn't give enough of a Shit about his Mom. Nezumi went into Hibernation because He was Bored.
Not needing their Gonkuro induced ADHD anymore, Hideyoshi hosted a Twitter giveaway for it because they didn't want it, but they forgot about the giveaway completely. Years later they ended up getting married to Gonkuro as they managed to make something work, but Someone who entered the Giveaway was there, and they tried to Crashed the Wedding. Paul's high Defense stat prevented any causalities, but his low Defense stat got him killed.