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You’re not sure why, but you woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. The darkness was thick as gel, and illuminated only by the red light of the seven-segment display numbers of your alarm clock. 3:44 AM, the numbers read. You sighed and turned over to wrap your arms around the lanky man you loved so much, only to drape your arm over an empty space at your side. Where was Kaito?
You got up from the bed to at least head towards the kitchen for a glass of water. Of course, your ulterior motive was to check if Kaito was alright. Truthfully, he had been acting strange and distracted the past few days. He had difficulty sleeping, and seemed to be anxious about something in general. He asked you the strangest questions.
One morning, during breakfast, he asked, “Hey, do you think I’m strange?”
You furrowed your brows in confusion and looked up from the article you were reading on your phone. “Huh? Why?”
“I…I don’t know. I feel like I am.”
You chuckled and turned your attention back to your phone. “You’re perfectly fine, Kaito. You’re just paranoid as always.”
He inched his chair closer to yours and gently took your hand in his, and you looked back up at him. He stared into your eyes intensely. “Why…why do you like me?”
You snorted and burst into a laugh. “Kaito, are you serious? Isn’t it obvious why I love you?”
Kaito squeezed your hand a little tighter and lowered his gaze. You sighed and grabbed his other hand. “I love you, Kaito, because you’re the sweetest, most kind man I’ve ever met. I fell in love with you that day when I broke my ankle falling down the stairs. No one cared about what happened to me. People looked, but they minded their own business, even though I was in pain. I felt hopeless. I was on the verge of tears, on the verge of giving up…and then you came to my side. You carried me to your car like I was a princess and drove me to the hospital, and you stayed by my side and even brought me back home after the whole ordeal. I was nothing but a stranger to you at the time.” You let go of Kaito’s hand and placed it on his cheek. “I love you because of everything you are.” Kaito closed his eyes and sighed as you planted a kiss on his forehead.
That was a couple of mornings ago. Still, you could tell Kaito was anxious. He seemed full of dread, as if he feared that everything he loved would be stripped away from him.
Finally, you found him. He was standing near the window, gazing outside at the gentle pattering rain. His hands were pressed against the window, as if the rain were some exhilarating phenomenon. Mischievously, you sneaked up to him and wrapped your arms around him from behind. He gasped lightly, and relaxed when he realized it could only be you.
“Hello, darling.” He whispered, and placed a hand on yours.
“Can’t sleep?” You asked, resting your cheek against his back.
“N-no.”
“You’ve been like this for a few days now. What’s eating you?”
Kaito sighed. “I…well…”
You freed him from your grasp and gently took his hand in yours and led him to the couch so you both could sit and talk about it. “Here,” you tapped your lap, signaling a place for him to lay his head. Hesitantly, he lay on the couch and used your lap as a pillow. You ran your fingers through his blue hair tenderly as he lay on you.
“I…do you think I’m boring?” He asked.
You blinked in surprise. Where did he get that idea? “Of course not. What makes you think that?”
“Well,” Kaito inhaled deeply, “it’s just…one day you’ll get bored of me.”
“Kaito…”
“I enjoy being close to you so much. I love holding you. I love when we cuddle. When we kiss, too. I just…one day you’ll get sick of all that and you’ll leave me.”
“I would never-“
“Everyone before left me because I didn’t want to take anything a step further. I know you will too. I was thinking I should just leave, maybe. It would save us both the pain.”
“Kaito! Hey, you’re doing it again. Look at me.”
Kaito turned his head to look at you. “Doing what?”
“You always catastrophize.”
Kaito sighed and closed his eyes. You brushed a few strands away from his face and leaned down to leave a kiss on his cheek.
You had an epiphany. “Kaito, are you asexual?”
Kaito’s eyes blinked open, and he looked at you. “Asexual?”
“Yeah, asexual. Or ace for short. It’s like…not feeling sexual attraction for other people. Some ace people don’t mind sex, but others really don’t like it.”
Kaito frowned and looked at the ceiling, inhaling softly. “There’s a word for it?”
“Mmhm.” You continued to play with soft locks of his hair.
“I…I guess that’s what I am.” Kaito turned back to you. “Are you?”
You shrugged. “Sex has never been something I cared about much. I probably am. All I know is…I love you, Kaito. I love you too much to let a thing like that get in the way, even if I cared about sex. Just being close to you is enough.”
A sigh of relief escaped Kaito’s lips. “I love you,” he breathed.
You smiled softly. “C’mon, let’s go back to bed.”
Kaito slowly stood up and so did you. You took his hand in yours and led him back to the bedroom. Kaito, exhausted, practically collapsed onto the bed, bouncing you lightly as you climbed into bed as well. You embraced him, nuzzling your face into his chest. He brought you close to himself tightly, as if he were afraid to let you go. Your heart beat against his chest, and his beat against yours. You looked up at him with a smile, and released one of your hands to cup his cheek. Slowly, as if there were a gravity between the two of you, his soft lips touched yours.
Your lips were soft like winter,
In your passion, I was lost.
You prayed you would have many moments, many nights like these shared with Kaito.
You loved this man oh so much.