"I'm coming home in three days," the text says. And then, below it, a new text appears. "See you soon."

A small smile blooms on Kyungsoo's face as he caresses his phone screen softly, in such a way that by doing so he can send the longing feeling built up inside for far too long. Once he sends his answer—just a simple okay— he goes back inside to the restaurant where all of the Bad Prosecutor crews are gathering around the table, ready to make a toss for finishing the drama filming.

🍂

It feels just like yesterday while in fact, five hundred and forty-six days have passed.

Kyungsoo remembers vividly that day, fresh on his mind like petrichor after summer, when he went to bid Chanyeol goodbye to begin his military service.

He wasn't alone; there were Baekhyun, Jongin, and Sehun too as they greeted Chanyeol's parents and sister. Chanyeol's mom rushed toward Kyungsoo with a shriek before engulfing him in a hug, earning a small smile from Chanyeol.

It was a nice separation, and even though they were sad that they wouldn't be able to see each other quite often like before, they knew that eighteen months would pass by quickly until they would be finally reunited again.

When it was his time to go, Chanyeol hugged his mom first, dear and tight, and Kyungsoo swore he saw Chanyeol almost crying. Almost. He hugged his dad as the elder man patted his back and then went to give a warm hug to his sister and his brother-in-law.

When he turned around, his smile blossomed as they found his members waving their hands with a jittery Jongin jumping on his feet. Sehun, on his right side, tried to hold him down. Kyungsoo stood right next to Baekhyun who clung to him like a koala, his shaved head was hidden with a black beanie.

Chanyeol went to hug Jongin first because the latter jumped onto him, burying his head on his neck. Kyungsoo knew the younger man was this close to crying, looking at how red his eyes were when he let go of the hug. Chanyeol laughed, saying that he'd text Jongin often.

When he walked toward Sehun, the youngest whined as Chanyeol gave him a hug. "Let's not make it into a mushy scene," he said, still pouting, but Kyungsoo knew him too well that behind his nonchalance, there was sadness as well.

When Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun, the former laughed and punched his arm. "You're gonna follow me soon, fucker."

They laughed together, and Kyungsoo wondered just what kind of connection they had as their vibe shone brightly like a splash of color—exciting and sweet. He always envied this duo because they always gave off the same aura: energetic and happy. Kyungsoo smiled upon witnessing this scene, even though it didn't reach his eyes.

When Chanyeol walked toward Kyungsoo, the hug was short-lived. Kyungsoo didn't even have time to hug him back or pat his shoulder because Chanyeol pulled back too quickly. Then, in a breathless voice, the taller man said, "I'll see you around."

Kyungsoo hummed, still stunned, and he didn't even have the chance to say anything else because Chanyeol quickly waved his hands to them all, and then glanced in his family's direction before walking away.

Kyungsoo thought Chanyeol's behavior today was strange and weird because he didn't even spare him a glance from the moment he arrived there. It was as if he didn't even acknowledge his presence at all. However, Kyungsoo quickly brushed it aside, thinking that maybe the taller male was just nervous about his military service. It didn't make him feel better though, because Chanyeol greeted other members with excitement and he was always so clingy to Kyungsoo. But he didn't know why he—

"Why is he coming back?"

Kyungsoo jerked back, thoughts being pulled back by Baekhyun's sudden voice. "Huh?"

He followed Baekhyun's gaze, and he frowned a little when he saw Chanyeol walking, almost jogging, toward them again instead of heading inside the barrack.

His frown got deeper when Chanyeol stood in front of him, hands clutching his bag straps tightly. He still didn't look him in the eyes, and Kyungsoo could see the nervousness on his face.

Softly, the taller male asked, "can I talk to you for a second? Just the two of us."

Kyungsoo didn't miss how Sehun scoffed and Baekhyun sent him a curious gaze (Jongin was whining loudly—just go inside or you'll get punished for being late!—which Chanyeol completely ignored).

Kyungsoo gulped, nodded, and meekly said, "sure."

Chanyeol whispered follow me as he walked away from his friends and found a place that was empty enough for him to talk to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo was just about to ask him what's up when suddenly, Chanyeol blurted out, "I like you."

Kyungsoo froze.

Realizing that his time was limited as people began to go inside and he was among those who'd probably be late, Chanyeol added hurriedly, "I like you, Kyungsoo. Not as a friend, a group mate, or something like that. I like you as a grown-up man liking another grown-up man. In a romantic way. That kind of I like you."

Kyungsoo held his breath, eyes wide as he stared at Chanyeol's shaking pupils.

"I... Kyungsoo, I mean...." A stutter, followed by a heavy sigh, was heard. "I want to say this to you because I couldn't hold it anymore, and I was so afraid of direct rejection. But...."

Kyungsoo blushed when Chanyeol held his hand, softly, shyly, as if he was unsure if he could do so.

Among the soft wind that blew and caressed Kyungsoo's black hair like a dear mom's touch, Chanyeol's words were loud and clear when he said, "but please think about it, will you?"

Kyungsoo, by now, couldn't stare back at Chanyeol's lingering eyes as he was just too stunned, too surprised, too taken aback, by the sudden confession.

Giving Kyungsoo's cold hands a gentle squeeze, Chanyeol continued. "I'll give you 18 months to think about what I feel. And... and once I come back... once I complete my duty, please tell me how you feel. No matter what it is."

Chanyeol stared at him long enough, like he was trying to carve Kyungsoo’s face on the back of his mind. Then, softly, he let go of his hand. The wind blowing softly stole his hushed words when he said, “I gotta go now.”

Kyungsoo, however, heard it loud and clear and if there was any indication, it was a curt nod he did before stealing a glance at Chanyeol, his face reddened once again. Chanyeol muttered a low goodbye before walking away from him, now running with all of his might before he got really late.

Everything was just too shocking and too much for Kyungsoo to process. He could only stare at Chanyeol's retreat back with a blush, mixed feelings, and rushing thoughts.

When he headed back home with his members, he dismissed Baekhyun's knowing gaze.

🍂

Kyungsoo unknowingly pushed Chanyeol's confession to the back of his mind. He was just too busy preparing his solo debut album and filming two movies. During the time he was busy with his career, Chanyeol lived his military life smoothly and as time went by, he got his first days off.

Chanyeol made sure that he got to spend his days off well with his family and friends, so he contacted his members to know if they were free to hang out with him since he was on leave.

I’m on leave for four days, wanna meet?

Kyungsoo’s heart fell onto his stomach upon reading those eight words, eyes widened instantly as his mind recollected just how much time had passed since Chanyeol left to start his duty. Kyungsoo was just so busy with the filming of his movie that he didn’t realize he was about to see Chanyeol again soon.

Something sparked and ignited a firework in his heart upon this realization. He enthusiastically typed back: sure.

Kyungsoo should have known that having free time amidst busy filming wouldn’t be easy. He internally cried when his manager informed him that he should retake some scenes that weekend—meaning that he shouldn’t fail these scenes he’s about to retake if he really wanted to meet Chanyeol on his days off since it was also around the weekend.

Thankfully, Kyungsoo nailed it.

Friday passed by quickly and before he knew it, Kyungsoo was driving from his apartment to the place Chanyeol had sent the location earlier. When he arrived at the place, emotions rushed like a tidal wave as his mind raced back to the old days when he was just a trainee and knew nothing about the real world. He remembered the days when Chanyeol and Jongin would drag him from the practice room to this place just to grab something to eat or hang out, complaining about how draining the training was for them.

This restaurant held so many memories for him and the members as it witnessed their growth as a person and as an idol. When Kyungsoo opened the door and went inside, the world melted in multi colors as his eyes scanned the nearly emptied place and found Chanyeol sitting at one of the tables, laughing cheerfully at Jongin’s whine.

When Chanyeol lifted his head and stared at the door where Kyungsoo was standing, his smile widened and he waved enthusiastically. The other members turned around and smiled at Kyungsoo too, but he didn’t know why only Chanyeol’s smile stayed on his mind for a whole day.

“Hey.”

It was the only thing Kyungsoo could utter when he sat down beside Jongin. Chanyeol, sitting across from him with Sehun on his left, offered him a bashful smile. “How are you, Kyungsoo?”

“Busy with filming as usual,” he says, tone light and easy. “I’m here the second my director said the retake was enough.”

Chanyeol did it again.

He stared at Kyungsoo as if he held the world, hung the moon, and painted the sky blue again. He stared at Kyungsoo as if nothing else mattered, as if he was so proud of him as if he didn’t have enough words (funny, because Chanyeol was always the witty one) to say. As if through his gaze, Chanyeol acknowledged and was grateful for his effort. As if through his gaze, Chanyeol confessed to him again.

Kyungsoo blushed upon remembering his confession and the way Chanyeol looked at him right now, and if Sehun and Jongin noticed the awkwardness and stolen glances, they did a good job hiding it.

The meetup was rather short, but Kyungsoo couldn’t complain about it. Chanyeol sometimes stole some glances and sent him a small smile that looked like a secret revelation of a hushed feeling only for Kyungsoo to understand. Sometimes, Chanyeol’s shoes would nudge Kyungsoo’s washed-out Nike sneakers yet the smaller man wouldn’t shy away. He blushed and Jongin had to ask Soo Hyung, you look so pale today, are you that tired?

Across from him, Chanyeol feigned nonchalant albeit his face began to get red, too.

Just like that, Chanyeol’s days off were spent well, and he continued to spend his other leaves with his family and friends, Kyungsoo included. The taller male wouldn’t miss every chance he got to text Kyungsoo every day, and even though the messages were not as frequent, both of them admitted that it was like an oasis in the middle of this arid world.

Chanyeol’s second, third, and fourth leave were also spent with people he loved, and Kyungsoo, amidst his crazy schedule, managed to cram everything just so he could make time to meet Chanyeol on his days off.

🍂

It became a routine for them to hang out together when Chanyeol got leave from the military. Now that Baekhyun had also served as a public service worker, they needed to check their schedule too so they could make time to go out.

Most of the time, it was just Sehun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo. Other times when Jongin wasn’t busy doing photoshoots or filming for variety shows, he would go with them too.

There was a time when they could hang out together—four of them. Baekhyun wasn’t available at the moment because he needed to go back to his parents’ house or something, so they headed to a small restaurant near Sehun’s old house. It was a nice place since the location was a bit secluded and far from the buzzing Seoul. The owner also knew them well since they’d been frequent visitors since their rookie years, so it’s a nice place to go.

During the time when they were hanging out with Kyungsoo sitting beside Jongin and Chanyeol holding a tipsy Sehun, they drowned in nostalgia.

It’s been ten years, and if they included their training years, Kyungsoo had been with them for twelve years, give or take. When Sehun rambled about how excited he was upon entering EXO’s first decade anniversary, Chanyeol laughed merrily and nodded. Kyungsoo saw happiness in his eyes and unconsciously, he smiled too. Beside him, Jongin was already wasted, slurring some mumbled words Kyungsoo couldn’t catch because he was busy paying attention to a happy Chanyeol across from him.

When the clock struck at 00.21 and they had a very drunk Jongin—his alcohol tolerance was the worst—with them, they called it a night.

“One of you please take him to his house.” Sehun tried to hold Jongin’s clinging figure so that the older male wouldn’t fall. Behind him, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo could only witness them with amusement. “And let’s not invite him the next time we hang out.”

“Don’t be a brat,” Kyungsoo said with mirth in his tone, “he’s older than you.”

Sehun pouted upon hearing that before his eyes focused on Jongin’s drooling face, a smirk appeared on his sculptured face. “Kim Kai, Doh Kyungja said he loves you.”

“Kyeongshu Hyuuuuuuung…?” Jongin asked, voice slurring as he turned around to face a scowling Kyungsoo. His flushed face made his wide smile look comical and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but laugh. “Soo Hyung—hic—loves… me?”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes in amusement. “Get yourself together, Jongin, or else I wi—uffff !”

Kyungsoo stumbled backward when Jongin lunged toward him, the weight of his body fell upon him. Kyungsoo quickly grabbed Jongin’s arms and steadied him, grunting and shooting Sehun a sharp glare. “ Hyuuuuuu—hic—uuung , I love you—hrrgg—too… so so soooo—hic—much! There’s no one—hffff—who could love you… more… than I… hic… do.”

It was just a childish confession—one that was blurted out because Jongin was so drunk and he was always that way when it came to Kyungsoo, but all Kyungsoo could focus on was how Chanyeol’s face fell, his expression darkened and unguarded.

Kyungsoo’s heart was palpitating and his throat tightened when Chanyeol looked away, focusing his attention on the empty road instead of him.

Kyungsoo, snapping his mind back, grabbed Jongin’s waist and then pulled him away from him, earning a loud whine from the younger male. In a strong yet quick motion, he shoved Jongin back to Sehun, making the latter groan in an agonizing way.

“Take him back home!” Sehun shrieked, “he’s all yours!”

Kyungsoo took a step back, a smirk appeared on his face as he shook his head. “Nope, you will,” he said, tilting his head to the side before turning around to stand in front of Chanyeol, ignoring Sehun’s slurred protest.

The taller male looked so taken aback when Kyungsoo stood in front of him with a wide grin. “Let’s run away,” Kyungsoo asked, eyes glinting with mischief.

Chanyeol’s frown made an appearance. “But what about Jongin?”

“Let Sehun take him home,” Kyungsoo said, almost giggling, “come on! Let’s run!”

Chanyeol had smiled so wide that time, laughed along with the wind roaring in the deep of the night. They both ignored Sehun’s loud protest and Jongin’s drunk blabber, as they ran in the other direction, leaving their younger brothers behind.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo stopped running when their cars were in sight and then they slowed down, calming their ragged breaths. Chanyeol stole a glance at Kyungsoo panting in front of him, smiling a little.

When Kyungsoo looked up, he threw the same smile, small and bashful.

It was a nod to Chanyeol’s unsure feeling, his fragile confidence, and his wavering hope. Kyungsoo sensed that Chanyeol was always a bit jealous of his closeness with Jongin and at first it was just like child banter... like it was just for fun and giggles. But now that Kyungsoo understood Chanyeol’s real feelings for him, the smaller male couldn’t stop overthinking it.

He didn’t know why, but he wanted to make sure Chanyeol realized that he didn’t like Jongin in that way.

That night, they walked side by side toward their cars, pinky fingers almost touching. In the deepest of the night where the world was asleep and nothing witnessed how their arms brushed, Kyungsoo wondered why his heart exploded like firecrackers.

🍂

There were times when Kyungsoo was just so, so tired of the non-stop filming. Sure, he loved his job, it was his dream job, anyway. But there were times when his thoughts were a jumbled mess, his heart wreckage, his spirit in shambles. It was a time like this when he thought that everything moved so fast and he didn’t have time to breathe until he felt he was trapped.

At times like this, he usually went to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol.

Always Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo huffed, staring at the steering wheel in his car as if he didn’t know what to do. The director had asked him to come home and have a rest because he saw how unfocused Kyungsoo was the entire time of the filming today. Kyungsoo, being respectful and hard-working he always was, profusely apologized and even went as far as bowing and promising him to do a better job the next day.

The director just laughed and patted his back, saying he’d rather see Kyungsoo in a better state of mind the next day.

Unfortunately, Kyungsoo knew that the state of his mind was somewhere in the barracks, serving his military duty. However, his mind quickly snapped when he remembered that it was Saturday, meaning that Chanyeol wouldn’t be so busy in the barracks. Typing a message from his phone, Kyungsoo hurriedly asked Chanyeol if he was on his Oe-chul¹ today.

Not even a minute later, there was a message from Chanyeol replying with a short “yes”.

Kyungsoo stepped on the gas, leaving the filming site with uncontrollable exhaustion and a weary mind.

Two hours later, right at 5 pm, Kyungsoo stopped in an empty field that was usually used as a parking lot for friends and parents who wanted to briefly meet the soldiers on duty. When he stepped out of his car, he thought he needed to walk for 500 meters as he should, but he was surprised to see Chanyeol was already there, waiting for him with his white t-shirt, black shorts, and a cap.

Kyungsoo was too stunned when he saw Chanyeol running toward him.

“What happened?” Chanyeol asked, his ragged breath was palpable as his pupils were shaking. Kyungsoo, for the first time in a while, saw a timorous expression on his face.

It’s funny how Chanyeol’s presence could ease his heart instantly. Kyungsoo gulped, taking his sweet time staring at the figure in front of him. It was a long time; Chanyeol leaving him was a long time.

Realizing that Kyungsoo didn’t even answer him and instead, only stared at him in silence, Chanyeol tried again, “Kyungsoo, did something happen? Did you get hurt when filming? You texted me all of sudden and drove so far away here and—”

“When are you coming back?”

Chanyeol was appalled to hear such a question. He frowned, tilting his head to the side. “Kyungsoo,” he said, “I still have nine months left.”

Kyungsoo choked on air when he realized how long it was.

“Kyungsoo, why—”

“Why is it so long?” Kyungsoo asked, letting out a hollow laugh as he averted his gaze to see anything but Chanyeol’s worried face. “Why do you have to serve for so long?”

It was pathetic—a rather dumb question—Kyungsoo knew that because he knew they served for the same period of time; eighteen months. Kyungsoo knew that he might look so dumb and whiny asking that, so he opted to just close his mouth and let out a shaky breath.

The silence was maddening and it was frustrating for Kyungsoo, but at the same time, he felt better. In front of him, Chanyeol’s gaze focused on nothing but Kyungsoo’s face. Chanyeol, the patient and respectful Chanyeol, gave him a comfortable silence just so Kyungsoo could calm the tsunami in his mind.

Behind them, the sun was set, ready to fall asleep in the darkest night’s embrace.

It felt like an hour or something that they just stood there in silence, Kyungsoo leaning against his black Maserati while Chanyeol stood in front of him, eyes never leaving him. Then, in a soft voice, Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say, “I will wait for the day you come back.”

When Kyungsoo looked up, he saw something indescribable flash on Chanyeol’s eyes but one thing for sure—Kyungsoo wanted to make a home in those eyes.

In a hushed voice, Chanyeol spoke. “Thank you,” he said, and Kyungsoo could hear a smile in his words. “I’ll come back in good condition if you’re the one patiently waiting for me.”

At this point, Kyungsoo couldn’t contain his blush anymore and he definitely realized that Chanyeol saw how red his ears and cheeks were, so he opted to jut out his lips. “As you should.”

The cheerful laugh coming from Chanyeol felt like the beginning of breezy autumn, and Kyungsoo, eventually, laughed with him. It was surreal how Chanyeol had this magic that would make his negative emotions disappear in a puff—as if only by his presence, Kyungsoo could find his solace.

It was utterly unbelievable (yet unsurprising) how Chanyeol was the answer to his worn-out heart.

“Wanna eat with me? There’s a restaurant near my base and they have the best samgyetang, and they also serve ginger tea… your favorite.”

Kyungsoo nodded, and a small smile finally appeared upon thinking about having a nice meal with Chanyeol. “Okay.”

“Shall we go now?”

Kyungsoo bit his lips, eyes wandering around his surroundings and then stealing a glance at Chanyeol’s bare hand. Truth be told, he wanted to hold Chanyeol’s hand as he craved that kind of physical contact just to make sure that Chanyeol was here with him. He was always known to be a clingy person with people he was comfortable with, and now there’s nothing he wanted to do but hold Chanyeol’s hand.

Realizing that Kyungsoo stared at his right hand while frowning, Chanyeol’s mind snapped. An understanding smile bloomed on his face when he offered, “want me to hold your hand to the restaurant?”

It was such a simple question, laced with respect and genuineness, yet it knocked out Kyungsoo’s hesitation in a second. The smaller man smiled a blinding smile, nodding like an enthusiastic child as he reached out to hold Chanyeol’s big hand.

It was warm, and Kyungsoo felt like he was indeed coming home to his long-lost haven.

🍂

It was when Chanyeol got his sixth leave that Kyungsoo was so happy upon receiving the usual let’s meet chat from the taller man. He made sure that he would be on leave from filming his movie too when Chanyeol got his days off so he would stay longer with him. He worked harder at the filming site so he wouldn’t have to sacrifice his days off to retake everything. Once he was sure he could have the days off unscratched, Kyungsoo was over the moon.

Kyungsoo was just about to take a bath before meeting Chanyeol at the usual place (this time it was just the two of them since Sehun was busy filming and Jongin was having a photoshoot), when his phone rang, indicating that there was a new message.

Kyungsoo quickly grabbed his phone and unlocked it.

Chanyeol

[16.26] kyungsoo

[16.26] i don’t think i can meet you today

[16.26] i’m sorry… i truly am

[16.26] my mom suddenly told me that she wanted me to meet her friend’s daughter or something and i couldn’t refuse her because she had prepared it for a month and forgot to tell me

[16.27] i’m sorry… i really am, kyungsoo

Kyungsoo’s smile faltered. He needed to reread the messages twice to absorb them and to realize that Chanyeol, indeed, just canceled their meetup. He didn’t know why, but he felt different feelings rushing in—he was sad, disappointed, and… jealous.

Was his mom trying to set him up with her friend’s daughter or something?

There was a fire in the pit of his stomach that kept growing with each passing second, and eventually, it burnt his entire heart. Kyungsoo didn’t even realize that his palms were starting to sweat. Focusing his attention back on his phone, he let out a long breath in order to calm the storm in his heart.

He typed back carefully so as to not make his emotions show.

Kyungsoo

it’s okay. i hope you have fun today. take care, chanyeol.   [16.30]

It was just partially true. He indeed wished Chanyeol to have fun, but it was not okay at all. To be frank, he was kinda bummed. He had been preparing for this day more than a month ago, going as far as canceling meetups with his other friends because he just wanted to spend this day with Chanyeol without being bothered by anything. He knew he was busy as hell with his schedule, so it was a miracle he could have a free day like this. And he purposefully asked today for his day off.

Sighing, Kyungsoo threw his clothes to his bed as he didn’t feel like doing anything at all.

He spent his day lazing around his apartment, scrolling through YouTube, texting his mom, and playing some games on his phone. When he glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, he sighed upon realizing that time indeed moved slower when he was bored as it was still 6 pm now.

Kyungsoo decided to watch new shows on Netflix until he fell asleep.

Kyungsoo grunted when his sleep was disturbed by the sound of the doorbell ringing, breaking his good slumber. When he opened his eyes, he looked at the clock and realized that it was 11 pm, meaning that he had slept for at least three hours, give or take. Kyungsoo sighed, rubbing his tired eyes as he sat straight before finally walking to open the door.

When he heard another bell ringing, he muttered softly under his breath, “wait for a sec!”

His eyes were still blurry, unfocused with the amount of sleep he got, so when he opened his door and spotted a smiling Chanyeol there, he was struck.

Kyungsoo blinked twice, eyebrows furrowed once the taller man in front of him laughed.

“Did I disturb your good sleep?”

Kyungsoo paid the question no heed, eyes still blinking rapidly as if he still thought it was a mere dream. “Why are you here?”

“I miss you.”

Kyungsoo’s breath was taken away by those three words, as if the wind knocked his lung and stole the oxygen, leaving him breathless. A red color marred his cheeks and suddenly, his face felt warm.

“W—what?”

“It’s so upsetting that we couldn’t hang out today because I’ve missed you so much lately. And I thought I couldn’t come back to the barracks tomorrow before I got to see a glimpse of you.”

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and averted his gaze somewhere else, avoiding Chanyeol’s intense gaze directed at him. He felt his chest tightening as if someone just squeezed it and prohibited him from saying something. Silence fell upon them, sitting with them in a comfortable unsaid feeling hanging in the air.

Softly, Chanyeol whispered. “Kyungsoo…”

Upon hearing his name being called, Kyungsoo looked up, eyes meeting Chanyeol’s. He saw adoration masked with longing feeling—as if Chanyeol wanted to reach him and hold him as if Chanyeol wanted to spurt love confessions right away; as if Chanyeol wanted to scream just how much he missed him, just how long he’d been waiting, just how uncontrollable his yearning for Kyungsoo was.

He saw the desperation in those double pupils, and Kyungsoo’s heart was shaking.

A small smile was born on Chanyeol’s tired face. It looked like a fresh dew at dawn; it gave life to the most deafening moment. Kyungsoo, once again, got star-struck upon seeing how beautiful Chanyeol was. Twelve years they’d known each other, Kyungsoo just realized this very moment that Chanyeol’s smile felt like the combination of the warmest sunshine and the breezy wind.

In a softer tone, as if he skyrocketed his prayers to the universe to get her blessing, Chanyeol repeated, “I miss you.”

There was an unadulterated tenderness in every syllable, laced with nothing but real feelings wrapped around the rueful limited time that was robbed these years. The yearning feeling was laid bare, open for the world to witness. Chanyeol, with his melancholy eyes and unwavering heart, placed his endearment for Kyungsoo on the tip of his tongue.

Breathless, his tone wavered and tripped a bit, Kyungsoo answered it with, “same.”

Chanyeol’s face contorted into a surprised expression, eyes bulging like he didn’t believe his ears as his lip slightly parted. Kyungsoo’s blush deepened when he saw how shocked Chanyeol was, so he repeated, eloquently this time. “I miss you too.”

Chanyeol’s face broke into a wide smile, eyes crinkling in happiness that they looked like they had their own shine. Chanyeol’s smile was always contagious and this time, too, he infected Kyungsoo with it. Kyungsoo’s signature heart-shaped smile made a comeback, earning a burst of cheerful laughter from the other man.

“Can I hug you?”

Kyungsoo noticed that since Chanyeol confessed to him months ago, he was extra careful with him. The taller man always made sure to ask Kyungsoo first about literally anything related to physical touch—from holding hands to hugging. Before that, Chanyeol was always a physical person; he was always touchy and clingy, but now after he had told Kyungsoo his real feelings, he made sure that there was nothing lost in a blurred action when it comes to physical touch.

Kyungsoo smiled timidly, nodding like a small kid.

Chanyeol rushed forward, awkwardness was gone in an instant once he opened his arms wide, pulling Kyungsoo into his embrace. Kyungsoo always had a perfect height in Chanyeol’s hold—especially when they were hugging like that, because Kyungsoo’s face would perfectly nuzzle into Chanyeol’s chest, right where his heart beat loudly.

Slowly, Kyungsoo gripped Chanyeol’s waist as the latter slowly caressed Kyungsoo’s back, finger tracing it lightly as if he drew a constellation. Chanyeol, in his unhurried action, placed his chin on top of Kyungsoo’s head, inhaling his scent lingering.

Kyungsoo smelt like a mixture of sea salt and bergamot—and it reminded Chanyeol of the vast ocean in his dreams.

Chanyeol was the one breaking the hug and Kyungsoo unconsciously let out a soft whine when he lost the warmth that had been holding him close. The taller man giggled, eyes lingering way too long on Kyungsoo’s face with his soft gaze.

“I’ll make sure we’ll get to hang out together next time. Just the two of us… if you want?”

Kyungsoo broke into laughter once he heard the uncertainty in Chanyeol’s last words as if he wasn’t entirely sure if Kyungsoo wanted it. Of course Kyungsoo did.

Nodding, the petite male smiled and said, “I want that, too.”

They shared the same smile—the one kind that was filled with hope and excitement.

🍂

The day when Chanyeol went to Kyungsoo’s apartment just because he missed him was his awakening moment. When he told Baekhyun about it on the phone, the latter who was currently serving as a public servant told him that Kyungsoo was no longer in denial.

When he asked him what he meant by that, Baekhyun took his sweet time elaborating.

“You know,” he said, voice loud and clear with indistinct noise of people chattering as a background, “you two always have this different vibe. Like, you’re the only people in the room who didn’t notice that there’s something going on between you two. Everyone knows, Kyungsoo. Everyone but you two.”

Kyungsoo frowned even though he knew Baekhyun couldn’t see him. “I don’t get it…”

There was a long sigh before Baekhyun clicked his tongue in playful annoyance. “Whatever has been going on between you guys for years, I believe it transcends beyond just friendship. Yet you two are the only ones who don’t realize this. Well, maybe Chanyeol realized it first. What about you, know?”

“What about me?”

Another sigh was heard. “Did you feel something when he confessed to you? When he came to your apartment at 11 pm on his last day off for one fucking minute just because he wanted to, and I quote as you said, see a glimpse of you, unquote?”

Kyungsoo bit his lips, fighting the blush starting to creep on his face upon remembering that. “I… don’t know…”

“Alright, let me change the question: were you okay when he told you his mom set him up with her friend’s daughter? Would you be okay if he ends up liking her instead?”

Something was bubbling up inside his heart and it made his stomach twist painfully. “Baekhyun-ah …”

“Okay, then, another question: are you okay if, God forbid, Chanyeol has to repeat his service?”

“Shut your mouth up,” Kyungsoo shrieked instantly, making Baekhyun cackle right away. There was a sad frown marring Kyungsoo’s tired face upon hearing Baekhyun’s cruel words. He couldn’t even stomach the idea of being separated from Chanyeol again. He would combust if it happened. “Don’t say things like that, for God’s sake.”

There was a glint of playfulness and teasing when the other man across the phone asked, “Why?”

Kyungsoo sighed as he massaged his nose bridge tiredly. Just imagining the possibility made him have a headache. “You don’t know what I’ve been through just so I could free my schedule every time he has his days off. I even pushed back some plans just to have free days whenever he comes back, and I can only see him for a few hours. I don’t think I can go through that again.”

Silence.

It took Kyungsoo three seconds to realize that he blurted his thoughts out loud. He let out a pathetic whine as Baekhyun didn’t say anything, knowing that he might as well conclude things on his own at the moment.

“Wow.”

Kyungsoo groaned. “Don’t say anything.”

His best friend chuckled. “So now... can I casually say that you like him back or are you going to keep being in denial about it?”

“I’m not in denial,” Kyungsoo snapped back, tone laced with frustration, “I am just… confused. I don’t want to make mistakes, you know that about me. Especially when it comes to feelings.”

Baekhyun hummed. “What about now? Have you realized what you feel now?”

When he heard the question, the first thing that came to his mind was how safe Chanyeol’s hug felt that night and how in tune his heartbeat was with Chanyeol’s, as if they were two in one.

Kyungsoo bit his lips, hand gripping his phone tightly. In a murmur, he said, “I have.”

He realized that it was time to face his own feelings.

🍂

Filming for Bad Prosecutor roughly takes more than five months, and by the end of the last week of September, they have wrapped the filming successfully, hoping that when it airs, it’ll get a good response from the viewer.

Kyungsoo attends the celebration dinner with all of the staff and actors in a restaurant located in Mapo-gu, booked for the celebration.

Kyungsoo is in his best mood, not only because he has successfully wrapped up the filming, but also because in a few days, Chanyeol will come home from the military.

To him.

Kyungsoo excuses himself to go out to take a breath of air as the other actors are chatting with each other. He’s been feeling nervous because an hour has passed after he sent a message to the EXO group chat, congratulating Chanyeol’s military discharge following the congratulatory text messages from the other members too.

Chanyeol hasn’t replied to them all.

It’s when he steps out of the restaurant that he feels the wind, eddied and swirled, and takes his black hair to dance. A sense of calmness comes rushing, engulfing his tired body with a warm feeling albeit the chilly wind continuously attacks him. He lets out a shaky breath and watches how it becomes a smoke, white and thin, as it dawns on him that autumn has come.

Kyungsoo smiles.

Autumn is his favorite season because it reminds him of Chanyeol.

Autumn, just like Chanyeol, wears the warmest cloak of tenderness and wraps the mother of Earth with it in every spot that has life breathed on it. Through the brown foliage that falls beneath his feet, Kyungsoo sees the world dancing with the buoyant wind. Autumn, just like Chanyeol, covers the twilight around his craving heart.

Autumn, just like Chanyeol, has come back to him.

Kyungsoo blinks when he feels the phone in his pocket vibrating, indicating that there’s a new message. Fishing it out and unlocking it, Kyungsoo reads the message carefully with a permanent smile that ushers the summer away.

It’s a personal chat instead of a group chat.

"I'm coming home in three days," the text says. And then, below it, a new text appears. "See you soon."

A small smile blooms on Kyungsoo's face as he caresses his phone screen softly, in such a way that by doing so he can send the longing feeling built up inside for far too long. Once he sends his answer—just a simple okay— he goes back inside to the restaurant where all of the Bad Prosecutor crews are gathering around the table, ready to make a toss for finishing the drama filming.

🍂

When the day comes, Kyungsoo wakes up early, right when his alarm blasts at 6 am. Even though he knows well that Chanyeol will be just officially discharged at 1 pm, Kyungsoo just wants to be ready.

It’s not like he’ll pick him up or something, but he just wants to make sure that his heart is ready when he meets Chanyeol later.

Okay, okay. Maybe he’s nervous. A bit. No — scratch that, he’s nervous as hell.

He realizes that today is the day he’s been waiting for so long, a day he cannot wait for a minute more to come, a day where all the longing and waiting and dull days come to an end. A day where, from Kyungsoo’s viewpoint, everything will change.

With a wide smile, the petite male grabs his phone laying on the nightstand beside his bed, unlocks it, and sends a message to the person whose presence he longs for the most.

The first thing Chanyeol does when he comes home is hug his mother with a yapping Zzar on his hold. He hugs her tightly like he didn’t video call her every night these past three months. Behind her, his sister Yoora stands with a barking Toben, smiling widely when Chanyeol finally breaks the hug to run toward her, giving her the same bear-hug embrace.

His dad and brother-in-law come fifteen minutes later, their laughter filling the cozy house as Chanyeol sits on the sofa in front of the television, drinking a soda while chatting with his sister. His mom, busy with the meals, smiles while looking fondly at her son.

His brother-in-law, entering the house, smirks upon seeing Chanyeol hugging his dad. “You didn’t reply to my text, I almost thought you decided to never come back.”

Chanyeol laughs when Yoora pinches her husband, and then gives the older male a hug too, patting his back a little bit hard. “You texted me?”

“Mhm, like, twice. Asking you if you’re home yet. I guess you haven’t turned it on, huh?”

Chanyeol frowns, grabs the phone he puts in his pocket, and realizes that it’s off all along. He mutters profanity under his breath before turning it on.

He receives many text messages, but when he opens his inbox, his eyes land first on Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo

[09.34] once you’re done meeting with your family, can you meet me here?

[09.34] 📍 location

[09.35] i’ll probably be there at 11 am, but take your time. i don’t mind waiting for long

Chanyeol closes his eyes in disappointment, mostly for himself, when he knows that this is almost 2 pm, meaning that Kyungsoo, if he really went to the location he sent, is there, he’d been waiting for like, almost three hours.

He quickly grabs his car key and wallet, rushing to his mother to peck her cheek and saying that he’d go for a while and would probably come back in an hour or so before getting out of his house.

Chanyeol

fuck, kyungsoo im sorry     [13.49]

didn’t know my phone’s off     [13.49]

omw pls dont leave yet im driving real fast     [13.50]

Chanyeol drives as fast as he could, not thinking about anything else but Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo—and fuck, how could he forget about his phone? And most importantly, how could he forget about Kyungsoo?

Kyungsoo, who has occupied his mind literally every day. Kyungsoo, whose presence he longs for the most. Kyungsoo, who probably has been waiting for nearly three hours. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol is just too deep in his thoughts to realize that he’s nearly there, arriving at the location Kyungsoo previously sent when he frowns as SM Entertainment’s building comes into sight.

Chanyeol frowns while he parks his car in the space provided before stepping out of it. When he leans against his car, he grabs his phone, unlocks it, and dials “call” once he finds Kyungsoo’s number.

In the second ring, he picks up.

“Are you here?”

Chanyeol nods even though he knows Kyungsoo couldn’t see it. “Where are you?”

There is a silence for a moment like Kyungsoo is thinking—or maybe, reminiscing, before he answers it with, “Guess?”

Chanyeol lets out a breathy laugh, heart beating so loud upon realizing that Kyungsoo is still here, somewhere, inside the building maybe, waiting for him.

Kyungsoo stays.

“I dunno…” Chanyeol clicks his tongue, unable to contain the jittery feeling inside him. “Recording room?”

Kyungsoo laughs, sunny and jolly, and it feels like a blanket of hope that swaddles his freezing heart. “I’m in the practice room. Our practice room.”

A flood of memories rushes forward, kissing him to breathe in some fragment of chopped reminiscences from the early days of them knowing each other to the days they collected dreams at this place.

In a sharp intake of breath, he says, “I’ll be there.”

After he ends the call, Chanyeol hurriedly walks, almost running, to the elevator that would take him to the fourth floor where their old practice room is at. Some people greet him, shocked to see that he’s here even when it’s his first day out from the military but Chanyeol can only wave and bow at them because he’s in a hurry.

Once he reaches the fourth floor, he turns right and stops in front of a particular white door that says Practice Room. The recently discharged soldier lets out a long sigh, a nervous smile plastered on his face, and then he opens the door.

The sight that awaits him melts all the nervousness and 18 months of anticipation to meet the man he so longs for.

One smile.

It only takes one smile, blinding and utterly so, so sumptuous, to make Chanyeol almost cry upon realizing how he misses him so much. How in every day of these 18 months in the barracks, there was not a second passed by where he didn’t want to just come back to this man.

To Doh Kyungsoo.

He is still admiring how beautiful and handsome the man after him is that he doesn’t realize Kyungsoo is talking to him, asking, “can you come inside and stand there?”

Chanyeol follows Kyungsoo’s index finger and lifts his eyebrows. “There?” Chanyeol asks, chin pointing to the corner of the room, a few steps away from where he stands.

Kyungsoo nods.

Chanyeol merrily laughs, eyes crinkling in utmost happiness before he nods, obeying the petite male to stand at the exact spot Kyungsoo is pointing at.

Chanyeol lifts his eyebrows when he sees Kyungsoo still smiling, cheeks lifting up and Chanyeol’s heart bursts in gaiety. When he locks his eyes with Kyungsoo’s beautiful doe-eyes, the world disappears into nothingness and all that is left is just Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. And Kyungsoo.

“Ten steps,” Kyungsoo says, tone laced with nostalgia, “it only took you ten steps to reach me before you introduced yourself to me twelve years ago. Right here. In this very room. You stood in this spot I am standing at, and I stood in that very spot you take. Remember that?”

Chanyeol cannot trust his own voice because, damn, his heart is so, so full he’s going to cry. He opts to nod, offering Kyungsoo no word.

“Twelve years ago, you came to me like autumn creeping in; soft, breezy, and safe. Like a gentle lull. Like a long-lost melody that found its singer. Like a hug that wraps around a tired heart. You came to me, so benevolent and cozy. The only person who came to me, bold yet shy, dumbfounded yet intrigued.”

Chanyeol’s smile reappeared when his mind wandered around the memories of their very first time meeting each other twelve years ago. Twelve autumns ago, when they knew nothing about life (and still do, but they’re learning every day). Clearly, Chanyeol didn’t expect to fall in love with the small kid with astigmatism he approached with wishful thinking.

Clearly, Kyungsoo’s occupancy flipped his life upside down and made it better. An unexpected change of life, but clearly not unwelcomed.

“Today, twelve autumns later, I want to be the one coming to you.”

Chanyeol’s breath is taken away, one by one, when Kyungsoo starts taking a step forward, counting in every one of it, from one, two, three, four…

Kyungsoo is coming to him.

When he’s in his fifth step, the smaller male looks up to stare at Chanyeol, and in those shining orbs he sees the world hidden beneath leaf piles of golden autumn.

“Six… seven…”

In those eyes, Chanyeol’s heart is being held carefully, lovingly, and unapologetically.

“Eight… Nine…”

Chanyeol’s heart beats twice faster when Kyungsoo takes the last step and is now standing right in front of him. It was right at the tenth step, just like Kyungsoo said.

In front of him, Kyungsoo is shining like the world is a stage and he’s performing a love song only Chanyeol’s heart could devour the tune. Kyungsoo is radiating warm, aureate hues Chanyeol wants to keep so he could paint the sky golden and the sun bright yellow. Kyungsoo is standing right in front of him, eyes conveying a message no language could translate.

Among the stillness of autumn’s arrival, Kyungsoo says, “I’m coming to you instead today.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know if it’s too soon, but his heart is so heavy with this gnawing feeling and repressed emotion and overdue longing and just… so, so tired of loving in silence so he says it. “I love you.”

Kyungsoo’s smile widens upon receiving the confession.

“Love seems so phony when it comes to the feeling I have for you. Fuck, Kyungsoo, how do I say this?” Chanyeol lets out a hollow laugh, his voice filled with frustration because, good Lord, languages don’t have a diction for this kind of feeling he has for the man in front of him. “You’re a poetry, Kyungsoo, and my limited words don’t contain a high expression to offer this divine feeling I have inside.”

Kyungsoo’s laugh brings a dash of joyful summer inside Chanyeol’s deserted soul. “Sometimes, some things don’t need a word to translate into because they’re indecipherable just like that. Just like love, just like yours for me.”

Chanyeol’s heart warms when Kyungsoo shyly reaches out to hold his hands, holding them like a mother’s embrace—safe and full of love. “But I know what to name mine,” Kyungsoo adds, a blush creeping in his oh-so-pretty face.

Chanyeol’s voice cracks when he asks, “yeah?”

“Mhm,” Kyungsoo hums, head looking up to glance at Chanyeol once again. His signature heart-shaped smile stays. “My love is called yours. Park Chanyeol’s. Chanyeollie’s. Yours to own.”

At this rate, Chanyeol cannot think properly because—“did you… did you just say…”

Kyungsoo’s laugh is playful—teasing and exuberant. In a softer tone now, as if he doesn’t want the world to steal his confession and ruin it, Kyungsoo adds, “hold my heart but don’t crush it.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Take care of it,” Kyungsoo says, eyes full of love and unmasked feelings, “because it’s yours from now onwards.”

“I will.” A sharp intake of breath. Chanyeol’s mind goes haywire. Everything fades into the background and only Kyungsoo’s figure stays. Fuck. His heart is exploding. “I will, Kyungsoo… fuck, I love you so much…”

Kyungsoo tilts his head to the side, a small smile dancing on his lips. With a feathery touch, he caresses Chanyeol’s face with his hands, thumbs brushing his cheekbones lovingly. Through his unveiled gaze, Kyungsoo communicates intimacy and proclaims it to the man in front of him.

Then, in a hushed voice, he asks, “kiss me.”

The way Chanyeol holds his face and leans closer while closing his eyes makes Kyungsoo’s heart ache beautifully as if now he longs for more (and that’s what makes Kyungsoo afraid of loving Chanyeol—he’ll become greedy for his love).

When their lips meet, Kyungsoo’s heart makes a new home in Chanyeol’s.

The kiss is chaste, innocent just like a peck, just like a sealed promise to walk together, a confession so pure yet so true, a touch that rebirths thousands of unnamed emotions.

When they part, Kyungsoo opens his eyes and upon seeing tenderness in Chanyeol’s eyes he says, “I love you too.”

There’s no denying it now. Not now, not ever.

And Chanyeol becomes greedy for this, too. “Once more,” he says, eyes lit up in joy, “say that to me once again.”

Kyungsoo tiptoes, smiling while stealing a peck from Chanyeol’s lips. “I love you.”

“Again.”

Kyungsoo clings to Chanyeol’s neck, laughing until his cheeks hurt. “I love you.”

“Again. Please.”

“I love you,” Kyungsoo quickly obeys, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m falling in love with you… with every fiber of my being.”

Chanyeol smiles, wider than ever, before he surges for a kiss. He indulges Kyungsoo in a longer, sweeter, softer yet needier kiss. This time, love tastes so palpable and so real on their lips.

In the twelfth autumn when they fall together, Chanyeol comes back to Kyungsoo.

🍂

“Kyungsoo.”

“Hm?”

“Do you know what loving you feels like?”

“Ummm, no? What does it taste like?”

“Loving you feels like the world, for the first time ever, feels safer and kinder. Like my world is chanting your name. Constantly and continually just you. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. And then, everything disappears. Puff. Then there’s only you; a pretty man with an even prettier heart along with his prettiest mind.”

“God, you’re so cheesy.”

“Hehe. Kyungsoo?”

“Hm?”

“Kyungsoo-yaaa.”

“Heh?”

“Thank you for loving me back.”

A pause. The world is silent for a while as if it’s giving an ode to their affection. And then—

“Thank you for being my future too, Park Chanyeol.”

“To many autumns to come?”

A kiss. Tender, no rushing, sweet and sugary.

“To hundreds of autumns to come.”

🍂

[fin]