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It’s been a while since they’ve done something like this — a sleepover. When they were younger Seungmin and Hyunjin did sleep over at each other’s houses all the time.
At first, it was more out of necessity than anything else. Their parents had naturally grown close after Seungmin’s family had moved into the apartment complex where Hyunjin lived — same floor, door to door. With two children born in the same year, it was almost a given their families would start to rely on each other and take turns babysitting the kids. Plus, Seungmin’s parents believed it would be good for him to have a friend in the area over summer break.
Making friends with Hyunjin wasn’t as easy as his parents made it out to be. Seungmin remembers it idly, the silence (not necessarily awkward) that surrounded them in the beginning stages of their friendship if you could even call it that. There was just nothing much to talk about or things to bond over since the both of them were just so different. Most of their play dates inside consisted of Seungmin quietly playing with his toy cars in one corner while Hyunjin scribbled away on thousands of sheets of paper, making drawing after drawing, in the other — Seungmin never got to see any of those. When playing outside Seungmin preferred exploring the different areas of the playground and running around to the point of exhaustion while Hyunjin preferred building sand castles in the sand pit or occasionally sitting on the swings.
It wasn’t until Seungmin’s “accident” that things shift between them. It isn’t anything huge or that’s what Seungmin always points out when Hyunjin recounts the story of how they got close — always the drama queen he vastly exaggerates every time. What happened was this:
A few rowdy kids a little older than the both of them had been hanging around their go-to playground near their complex that day. Seungmin could sense they were bad news from the get-go since they kept throwing around pabbles towards the sand pit where Hyunjin was expanding his empire he had started the day prior. Seungmin’s hunch that they were up to no good got confirmed when the gang started to mock Hyunjin for not playing with the other boys but building sandcastles by himself instead. Seungmin tried to mediate at first and told the kids to leave Hyunjin alone since he obviously wasn’t bothering anybody, but they wouldn’t stop harassing Hyunjin. The whole situation escalated when one of the boys decided to trample the sandcastle Hyunjin was working on to the ground. Seungmin remembers it clearly, locking eyes with Hyunjin who was on the verge of tears and feeling anger well up from somewhere deep inside of him. Yes, Seungmin didn’t completely consider Hyunjin one of his friends back then, but there was still this sense of unspoken companionship looming over them. So little Seungmin, mind drained white by anger, ran up to the guy without any sense of fear and decked him in the face. He cashed the paycheck for his reckless behaviour immediately after when the rest of the bullies pushed him to the ground before they ran off so the leader could lick his wounds. Seungmin fell to the ground, Hyunjin’s alarming scream ringing through the air, as his arm made close friends with the wooden edge of the pit. Unfortunately, it didn’t end with only a bruise but a broken bone.
Seungmin regrets nothing about that day and he would always do the same again. It was all worth the starry look filled with an unwavering amount of amazement Hyunjin gave him in the months that follow (and the fact that Seungmin somehow also broke the douche’s nose). Seungmin definitely to this day sees it as a huge win.
Hyunjin is a no-show for a full week after the doctor put a cast on Seungmin’s arm and it’s the most bored Seungmin has been since the move — he misses Hyunjin’s company (a lot, at least more than he thought he would). Seungmin really hadn’t noticed before how much time he actually spent together with Hyunjin and how empty it was without him by his side even though they didn’t really interact that much. Seungmin almost starts to think Hyunjin doesn’t want to be friends anymore after what happened, but everything comes together when Hyunjin finally comes over after seven long days which had felt like an eternity, and hands Seungmin a drawing. It’s of him swinging a sword at some monstrous creatures (that look strikingly familiar) shining armor and all, honorably defending Hyunjin who is looking outside one of the castle’s windows.
It’s obvious Hyunjin put all his effort into this drawing, Seungmin can tell even though it’s the first drawing made by Hyunjin he’s ever seen. Seungmin often replays this moment in his head, Hyunjin tentatively asking whether he likes it or not while worrying his bottom lips. It makes him feel weirdly touched. It’s that moment when Seungmin swears he will always stick by Hyunjin’s side and protect him, even if it’s the last thing he does. That had been the start of it all, not only what kicked off their budding friendship, but also what had laid the foundation for the massive crush Seungmin would develop down the line.
After that point, Seungmin becomes Hyunjin’s knight in shining armor and the sandpit their little kingdom Seungmin swears an oath to protect. Seungmin still plays catch with the other children in the area from time to time, but more often than not he spends his time patrolling the sandpit to make sure Hyunjin can build his little empire in peace, sometimes he even helps Hyunjin decorate before they proudly show the finished project to their parents. All gets “worse” when Hyunjin enters his Disney phase and starts roping Seungmin into acting out all his favorite movies. Yes, kiss and all, Seungmin wouldn’t have agreed if he had known how much trouble it would bring him back in the future, but at the humble age of six, it hadn’t meant anything. He couldn’t have anticipated the consequences of his actions.
Somehow this dynamic of theirs carries over and becomes the baseline of their friendship. Seungmin protects Hyunjin from every single loser who dares to make fun of his friend for being more into arts instead of playing sports after school. The narrative changes a little once the both of them start high school, not only because the girls in their class come to admire Hyunjin’s devotion to the arts, but also because puberty did wonders to Hyunjin’s looks. His friend grows into his rather lanky figure, he becomes lean and taller than Seungmin by a few centimeters. His rather round face becomes sharper, more angled — handsome. Seungmin doesn’t register the subtle changes until one day he has to gaze up to meet Hyunjin’s eye and everything is just suddenly so different, sending his complete world to spiral.
Seungmin has to come to terms with the fact that Hyunjin isn’t Seungmin’s cute little princess anymore that needs protection, no, he grew up to be a dashing prince with the ability to defend himself. Seungmin decides to waste no time agonizing over it. People change. It’s only part of growing up. So easily he likes this side of Hyunjin too — is proud of it. He actually likes it so much — too much. He likes Hyunjin too, too much. He likes how Hyunjin uses every free minute to draw. He likes that he is always the first person to see one of Hyunjin’s new art pieces. He likes that he is allowed to keep the little doodles Hyunjin sketches when he isn’t paying attention to class. He likes the shy smile Hyunjin flashes him when Seungmin praises him, likes the fact that even with no bullies there to fight off, he can still help fight Hyunjin’s doubts and inner demons. That despite them growing up, Seungmin is still Hyunjin’s pillar, always there for him to lean on.
Obviously, Seungmin isn’t alone in the realization of his childhood friend having quite the glow up from middle school, which means that Seungmin while tackling his own growing feelings also has to come to terms with being a middle man. Delivering love letters every other day, being asked for Hyunjin’s whereabouts, his phone number, or whether Hyunjin is dating someone at the moment is now his new job.
It is not easy, loving someone who is loved by everyone — someone unreachable. And the worst thing about it isn’t even that he technically has so many opponents to vie against, it’s that even though Seungmin is probably the closest person to Hyunjin, dating him, out of all people who are pining after his friend, is the most unattainable for Seungmin.
But when it comes down to it, Seungmin would rather stay stuck in the limbo of an unrequited love than jeopardize his most precious friendship. That, however, doesn’t mean Seungmin doesn’t get anxious every damn time he hands Hyunjin a love letter or the other gets asked out after school. To Seungmin’s delight Hyunjin’s answer to the countless confessions he receives stays the same all through to high school: I am really flattered, but I really want to focus on school and getting better at drawing.
Through everything, they stay friends. Even going to different schools, their schedules far from matching up with Hyunjin slaving away in the art studios sketching up blueprints or building little houses from scratch most of the time, and Seungmin holed up in the research lab, conducting experiment after experiment, does little to lessen their friendship. Probably because Hyunjin is so very adamant about spending quality time together when they do end up having a free minute at the same time. Which brings us back to the beginning — sleepovers.
Seungmin didn’t think he would be back in his childhood friend’s bedroom for a sleepover as a grown adult. But here he is, spacing out, already dressed in his pyjamas, tucked under the covers, and waiting for Hyunjin to join him after washing up.
Seungmin doesn’t even realize Hyunjin has entered the room, roaming around the space until he switches off the ceiling light, leaving only the LED panel in his room to paint the walls and atmosphere a dim green. Soon after Hyunjin crawls under the covers and joins Seungmin on the bed, immediately clinging to Seungmin’s side. He slings a leg over Seungmin’s lower body, digs his chin into Seungmin’s shoulder, and lets his arm circle around Seungmin’s waist. Hyunjin’s long slender fingers find the hem of Seungmin’s pyjama shirt and curl around the fabric in a loose but sure grip almost as if he is afraid Seungmin would run if Hyunjin doesn’t hold on tight enough.
When Hyunjin finally is comfortably nestled in his position, he sighs, long and content. “I’ve missed this,” he mumbles into the crook of Seungmin’s neck, breath tingling his skin and almost making Seungmin shudder. “I’ve missed you.”
“We just saw each other yesterday. And the day before.” They are on break right now so there had been plenty of time to hang out and catch up.
“I know,” Hyunjin whines, drawing away a bit. “But this is not the same! It’s been so long since I’ve got you like this — just to myself. Don’t pretend like you didn’t miss this too!”
“Hm. I don’t know… I quite came to value my personal space.” Seungmin grunts and Hyunjin takes offense at his insincere answer.
“Come on Minnie. Admit it. You like this too!” Hyunjin presses.
“No, not really,” Seungmin says nonchalantly before he lightly jabs Hyunjin’s side to get his friend to detach himself from his body. Hyunjin jolts and Seungmin uses the moment of disorientation to slide his hand under the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt and then — he starts tickling. Hyunjin yelps and starts squirming under Seungmin’s touch, trying to wind and bend himself to escape the weird sensation, but Seungmin is relentless in his attack. The moment Hyunjin tries to bolt, Seungmin grabs him by the hip to prevent his friend from getting away. Hah, he won’t make it that easy! Hyunjin lands on Seungmin’s lap and Seungmin immediately continues to fondle Hyunjin’s sides. He is merciless. No matter how much Hyunjin is gasping for air in between screeches and giggles, no matter how often Hyunjin begs Seungmin to stop while curving and coiling, contorting his body in fruitless attempts to break free. It’s fun teasing Hyunjin like this. It fills Seungmin with a strange satisfaction since he’s pretty no one else gets to see his friend like this besides him — hot cheeks and breathless. It’s the closest to ruined Seungmin will ever get since he can’t kiss Hyunjin. They aren’t six anymore.
When Hyunjin’s head is beet-read is when Seungmin finally lets him go. Hyunjin sags together on top of him, letting his head fall into his neck as he gasps for air. He looks unbelievably sexy right now and Seungmin feels kind of proud he made Hyunjin look like this even if it was only through something as innocent as tickeling.
“This reminds me of when we were kids,” Seungmin randomly brings up. Maybe because he suddenly has this innate urge to grab Hyunjin by the neck and ravish him with kisses and the last time they had kissed had been when they were kids — admittedly much more innocently than what Seungmin is imagining right now.
“How so?” Hyunjin huffs out, his breathing just beginning to even out again. He runs a hand through his tousled locks, but it doesn’t do much to fix his hair, loose strands just falling right back into Hyunjin’s eyes as he gazes down at Seungmin from above. Hyunjin watches Seungmin with curious eyes and appears rather intrigued by where Seungmin is going with this.
“It’s not quite the same since our positions were reversed but… Doesn’t this remind you of that time when you were obsessed with Disney Princesses and always begged me to reenact your favorite scenes all the time? Even as a child you were already such a big sap, always choosing the most romantic scenes…” Seungmin never thought he’d be jealous of himself, but alas here he is. “How many times did I kiss you awake from a “100 years' sleep” or saved you from the imaginary poisonous apple stuck down your throat? Maybe if I didn’t indulge you so much back then you would have turned out not to be such a hopeless romantic.”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t like that side of me. You still indulge me. Maybe with more reluctance than back then… But only because Minho-hyung is brainwashing you into adapting weird views on friendship. You still are my biggest enabler, you really are.”
“It‘s my worst habit, I really need to fix that,” sometimes it’s a mystery for Seungmin how Hyunjin hasn’t figured out that he has had the hots for him for so, so long now since it was so obvious through his actions.
“How about you indulge me for a change? Carter to my needs.” Seungmin knows there is not much evidence to back his statement. Hyunjin does an exceptional job as a best friend, he is Seungmin’s dedicated hypeman, an important indispensable part of his safety net, and a person he can seek out for comfort. But that’s where it ends, that’s as far as it goes. Seungmin admits it’s a little unfair of him to be sulking about Hyunjin not fulfilling the kind of needs that go way beyond a deep-rooted friendship — he can’t ask for more, he never will — but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t long.
“I never imagined you’d be jealous and hold a grudge over something like this for such a long time,” Hyunjin laughs. “You could have said something if you wanted to switch.”
Yes, he could have, but it’s not like that would have solved anything. Back then Seungmin hadn’t known his true feelings yet. He didn't know he would look back at their childhood days as they continued to grow up and wonder how it would feel like to kiss his best friend once more outside of all the play pretend. How different it might feel now that there would be meaning to kiss. So it wasn’t really about who kissed whom. Seungmin very much has always prided himself on having the unofficial title of Hyunjin’s protector. It's not that, it’s more like– “I just think it’s unfair I gave you at least thousands of kisses for free, but not even once got one in return.” –that it saddens him that Hyunjin probably never actively thought about kissing Seungmin when for a while, especially during their teens, all Seungmin could think about was kissing Hyunjin.
Sneaking a kiss when Hyunjin stayed back in one of the art rooms to practice drawing, or in an empty hallway during breaks when nobody was around. A quick peck to the mouth when Seungmin would come to shake Hyunjin awake when his parents were on business trips to wake him up instead, on the bus to or back from school when no one was looking. A smooch to cheer Hyunjin up when he was unhappy about how one of his drawings came out, or when he didn’t do as well on a test as he had anticipated, or just because Seungmin wanted to.
“Okay, we can easily change that. Close your eyes and imagine,” Hyunjin instructs. “I’ll be the knight this time, you are the princess.”
“Huh?” Seungmin startles. Hyunjin was completely missing the point here, Seungmin thinks bitterly. “You don’t have to–”
“Shush!” Hyunjin shuts him up. “This is easy. If it’s you I can easily do this much.”
He shouldn’t be able to do this with ease when it came to Seungmin, that would just mean it wasn’t a big deal for Hyunjin, emphasizing once again that their feelings were not the same. But Seungmin would lie if that statement didn’t make his heart flutter a bit nonetheless. He would probably feel more excited if Hyunjin wasn’t saying that just because Seungmin is his best friend and they are insanely comfortable with each other to do something like this — to kiss just to kiss without any meaning attached to the motion. At this point, he is willing to take what he can get — ever the opportunist — though this was probably a very bad idea.
“Think back to when we were younger, in this same bedroom,” Hyunjin mutters. “You are the princess now. I am the knight coming to save you.”
Seungmin complies and closes his eyes, but it takes him a bit of willpower to not start laughing, this whole scene was just so obscene. Besides, it’s funny how in the middle of Hyunjin indulging Seungmin, Seungmin is yet again still letting Hyunjin dictate the tone. Either way, Seungmin allows himself to do what he hasn’t done in a long time, he lets himself imagine.
That alone is a dangerous variable in this scenario since imaging meant unlocking the chamber that held all his feelings, all his desires he had trained himself years on years to suppress. Imagining meant to let go, to give up control and that is scary. It is scary because it now means Seungmin doesn’t know if he could leave it at a simple innocent kiss just like back when they were kids. Seungmin wonders what might be worse — being left to ponder or yearn for something you can’t get back. He would know soon enough, soon Seungmin wouldn’t need to speculate anymore how Hyunjin’s lips feel against his, how it feels to be kissed and not to be the kisser. Soon he would know if he had been better off left in ignorant bliss rather than chasing for something he can’t have — Hyunjin’s lips the forbidden fruit he should have never tasted, leaving Seungmin to suffer, forever shunned from his paradise built on lies.
Hyunjin shifts on top of Seungmin. Seungmin can feel Hyunjin bow down. He doesn’t know if Hyunjin is going for a straight kill or if he might hesitate for a bit before connecting their lips — maybe he isn’t going for the mouth at all and Seungmin deluded himself for nothing. He doesn’t have much time to run all the scenarios through his head. A ghost of a breath fanning his face is the only warning he gets before he can feel Hyunjin press against his lips. Seungmin had expected for it to be a chaste kiss with an immediate drawback like Seungmin himself had done as a child, but Hyunjin lingers for a bit. He doesn’t move, but Seungmin can feel there is intent behind the press of Hyunjin’s mouth. He doesn’t know if that means there is a deeper meaning to this kiss, or if Hyunjin is just a really good kisser. After all his friend had always been the more delicate one out of the both of them, so it only made sense that the same sentiment would waver in the way he kisses too.
When Hyunjin draws back, it takes Seungmin a second longer to arrive back in reality. Having Hyunjin like that even if it was just for a brief moment made Seungmin blank out like he was catapulted into a different dimension. Seungmin slowly opens his eyes after coming back to his senses, locking eyes with Hyunjin who is still so very close, barely out of Seungmin’s reach. He is so insanely beautiful with the LED lights reflecting in his glazed eyes and hair a mess. He looks absolutely wrecked like they had done more than just pressing mouth to mouth for less than three seconds. It makes Seungmin wish they had done more. Now he is craving to know more, to explore and wander, to see what else can make Hyunjin squirm and bend — what can make him break.
Seungmin gulps and tries to shoo his thoughts away. He already got what he wanted. Yet, he can’t help, but let his eyes wander to Hyunjin’s plush lips once more. When Seungmin catches himself, he quickly redirects his eyes to Hyunjin’s eyes again.
Seungmin blinks.
Hyunjin blinks too.
And then…
they are kissing again.
Seungmin doesn’t know who leaned in first, but to be honest he couldn’t care less about a minor detail like that. All that really mattered in that moment was Hyunjin’s mouth back on his. This kiss from the get-go is way more charged than the one they shared just before. Hyunjin meets Seungmin like he’s in a hurry, catching Seungmin’s lips wet and open-mouthed, it makes him feel a little dizzy. Seungmin does his best to catch up to the sudden shift of energy between them, caught a little off guard by the course of action. His fingers, which had stayed rested at Hyunjin’s hips after Seungmin’s little tickle attack, dig into the skin there desperate for anything to hold. The action makes Hyunjin silently gasp into the kiss while leaving Seungmin with an opening to let his tongue slip into the wetness of Hyunjin’s hot mouth, taking over control.
Seungmin lets one of his hands slide over the curve of Hyunjin’s bare back, pressing him impossibly closer as he eagerly licks into Hyunjin, deepening the kiss. Hyunjin on top of him shudders, curling a fist around the fabric of Seungmin’s pyjama shirt. Seungmin works Hyunjin open with his tongue, making his friend let out all sorts of little sweet sounds that only spur Seungmin on to go further. He doesn't know what exactly he does to draw a moan out of Hyunjin, but it makes him push Hyunjin away in shock. He isn't rough with it — never with Hyunjin. He simply puts a gentle hand on Hyunjin's shoulder just enough to make them part. Hyunjin looks absolutely out of it, eyes hungry and lips swollen red. It almost makes Seungmin draw him back in immediately, but not with so many questions suddenly in his head. This isn't where this should have been going... What exactly are they doing right now?
“Why did you kiss me?” The like that gets stuck in Seungmin’s throat. Of course, that is the first thing he blurts out in his confusion. Seungmin immediately regrets it because of how accusatory it came out. He’s just genuinely so baffled, he never thought something like that would ever be a possibility between them.
“I thought this is what you wanted? Me paying you back, no?” Hyunjin’s voice is even, but Seungmin can see the panic rise behind his friend’s eyes. Even Hyunjin who, while a rather sensitive soul yet not the most perceptive, seems to realize he — no, they — they both went too far just now. “Just like when we were kids, right,” Hyunjin chuckles, but it sounds dry and awkward.
“Those… were different from what you just did.”
“No true!” Hyunjin rushes out, but the blush creeping up his neck is very telling. Seungmin knows he is lying, or hiding something at best.
“Why did you kiss me like that?” Seungmin repeats a little more compassionate this time, but still serious enough. After all, this is an all-or-nothing moment.
“Why do you think I turned down every confession I got in high school,” Hyunjin sighs. “And continued to do so now that we are in university?”
Seungmin isn’t sure why that has anything to do with them kissing, but he answers the question anyway. “Because you are very devoted to your studies?” Seungmin says tentatively. “Which by the way, I always really admired about–”
Hyunjin cuts him off. “No! Wrong!” He cries out. “Obviously, there is someone I like!”
“Oh…”
They stare at each other for a while and Hyunjin looks like he is waiting for Seungmin to say something. But what? Who is it? Why haven’t you told me sooner? Congratulations?
“You!” Hyunjin wails and stabs Seungmin in the chest with his pointer finger when Seungmin fails to say whatever Hyunjin had expected him to say. “I like you, you idiot!”
“Oh,” Seungmin repeats as he continues to stare at Hyunjin. For some reason, he is drawing a huge blank right now.
“And?”
“And what?”
“Come on Seungmin,” Hyunjin makes a face that is hard to decipher. It looks like Hyunjin is close to strangling him or crying or, well, both, but he does neither. “Anything you want to say about that?” Is what Hyunjin asks instead.
“I like you too.”
Hyunjin shakes his head, but he can’t help the smile that spreads on his face. “Out of all the confessions I ever got to hear this is probably the lamest yet,” Hyunjin sighs, but goes to cup Seungmin’s cheeks with both hands affectionately. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” Hyunjin leans forward a little bit, eyes narrowing just the slightest. “Before you say anything more stupid — since you are clearly malfunctioning right now — I think you just should kiss me again.”
Seungmin hastily grabs the front of Hyunjin's shirt and pulls him closer. “That I can do,” Seungmin whispers against Hyunjin’s lips before he closes the gap that had once felt so big between them once more.
fin.