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Seungmin feels dizzy, watching the bottle spinning on the floor right in front of him. His eyes go round and round and round, following the bottle's mouth, until it slows down, down, down, and eventually – unfortunately – stops pointing at him.
"Truth or dare, Seungminie?" Jisung asks without much enthusiasm.
Seungmin sighs. "You know," he says, "we can play other things if you're getting bored– I know I am."
They've been playing this game for half an hour and so far nothing exciting has happened yet. He guesses it isn't surprising, considering it's only Seungmin, two of his closest friends, and his roommate who are playing. It would be weird if something exciting happened, actually, like if you played spin the bottle and truth or dare with a bigger, less tight-knit social group and people would suddenly start making out. Seungmin shudders at the thought of his friends kissing each other, although his face involuntarily warms at the thought of him kissing someone.
He shakes his head. It's clearly the alcohol Jisung made him drink earlier. ("She's called The Green Fairy, " Jisung had introduced earlier. "She's gonna keep us warm in this chilly night.")
Seungmin wonders what's in The Green Fairy, and why he's suddenly having all these weird thoughts after having had two shots. Whatever it is, though, it sure does keep him warm– or maybe it's the electric heater his best friend Hyunjin got him a few weeks ago when winter started getting unbearably cold.
"Ha-ha," Jisung replies. "You're not getting out of your turn. Truth or dare– I go for dare."
"Truth," Seungmin says, because Jisung's dares are stupid. He's also stubborn, so he chooses not to choose dares and not to answer any truths either, even though it meant having to take a shot again.
Whatever, he thinks, with this snowstorm tonight, surely he won't be going to school tomorrow.
"You're no fun, Minie," Jisung whines. "Choose a dare! You don't answer truth questions, anyway."
"The fun starts when he gets drunk," Minho, Seungmin's roommate, calls from where he's standing in front of the stove, making ramen and heating up some leftover tteokbokki for everyone since they can't order late-night snacks in this weather.
"Shut up, hyung," Seungmin calls back, a scowl forming on his face at the thought.
"Oh, hyung is right!" Jisung affirms. "I can't think of anything to ask off the top of my head, though." He turns to the side. "Hyunjinie?"
Hyunjin, who has been so quiet for a time that Seungmin almost assumed he had fallen asleep, shakes his head.
"Minho-hyung?"
"You should be asking the question since you spun the bottle," Seungmin says before Minho can say anything, because Minho is scarily perceptive and Seungmin is sure that in the few months they've been living with each other, Minho's single-handedly figured out things that Seungmin's never even told anyone before.
"Fine." Jisung whips out his phone. "I'm gonna look for something on the internet– ah! Here. If you could go back in time, what moment would you choose to go back to and why? "
"What kind of question is that?" Hyunjin asks, giggling.
"A generic one," Minho says, finally joining them and setting the food on the coffee table.
"Hey, it's either this is or everyone's sexual encounters. I don't know about you–," he points at Hyunjin, "–but I wouldn't wanna hear about Seungmin's first time getting railed, or something."
Hyunjin almost chokes on his ramen. Minho laughs out loud. Jisung smiles smugly. Seungmin's face burns with embarrassment.
Still, Seungmin bites back, "I'm sure Minho-hyung would love to hear about yours– if he doesn't already know about it." He looks at Jisung, whose smile is replaced with an incredulous look, then at Minho, whose expression is neutral despite the small, amused smile he's sporting.
But Seungmin is also observant and perceptive, maybe not as much as Minho, but he is in his own way . That's why they work as roommates, he thinks, because he's conscious of Minho and Minho is conscious of him. And that's why Seungmin knows things, too, even though Minho never talks to him about it.
"Just answer the question, Seungmin," Jisung demands after regaining his composure. "So we can move on and you can hear about the best blow job I ever gave."
"I don't wanna hear that!" Hyunjin complains.
"I can tell you about the best hand job–"
"Shut up, Sung." Minho elbows Jisung's side lightly, but not unkindly. "Let Seungmin answer your question."
"Right, sorry. So, which moment would you go back to and why?"
Seungmin's had enough time to consider the question, and he's decided he doesn't want to answer it with the raw, unpeeled truth, so he says instead, "That moment in junior year when I lent you a pen before an exam. I'd go back to that time and not lend you a pen."
"But that was how our friendship started!"
"Exactly."
"Mean." Jisung huffs. "Nevermind, though, Hyunjin would've lent me a pen, anyway."
"Sure," says Hyunjin. "If I had any."
"If you had any, you wouldn't have had to borrow from me every time," Seungmin points out, before taking the bottle and spinning it on the ground. He doesn't watch it spin this time until it slows down, and he watches it point at Hyunjin.
"Hi," Hyunjin says with a stupid smile, cheeks red from the alcohol, once their eyes meet.
Cute, the inebriated part of Seungmin's brain supplies. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
Seungmin takes out his phone as well to look for questions on the internet, ignoring Jisung's complaints about how he's stuck inside with the most boring people ever while it's snowing so depressingly outside on an otherwise wonderful winter night.
When Seungmin finds a question-generator, he reads the first one he gets, "What would you go to jail for?"
Hyunjin laughs. "What would I go to jail for?"
Seungmin laughs along, because Hyunjin's laughter is contagious, then shows his screen to Hyunjin so he can read the question himself.
Hyunjin hums in consideration, then laughs at Jisung's suggestions ("Dancing at a very inappropriate time!" "Not picking up Kkami's poo!" "Bullying me! You can serve two months with Seungmin— I bet you’d even like that!"). After a while he finally answers, "I think I'd gladly go to jail for robbing, like, a bank in Switzerland and giving all the money to the poor."
"Oh– like a heist," Seungmin lets out. "A heist for humanity.”
“A heist for what now?” Minho snorts. “That sounds like an online petition.”
"That’s nice and all." Jisung scoffs. "Except Robin Hood here can't exactly rob a bank, regardless of whether he should be doing it or not."
"What would you guys go to jail for, then?" Seungmin asks.
"For stealing hearts,” Jisung answers without missing a beat.
“I’ll go just to get away from Jisung,” Minho deadpans. Before Jisung can protest, he turns to Hyunjin and tells him, “Spin the bottle.”
Hyunjin does as he’s told. It lands on Minho this time, who asks for a question. Hyunjin borrows Seungmin’s phone and reads the first one he gets from the site: “If you had a superpower, what would it be?”
“Talking to animals,” Minho answers right away, as if he’s thought about this countless times before. “If I could talk to my cats, that’d be great.”
“What would you tell them?” Jisung asks.
“That they need to stop scratching my parents’ couch and start using the scratching post.”
“Hyung,” Hyunjin calls, “if you had that power, could you tell Kkami not to chew on my shoes?”
Minho cackles. “Sure,” he says. He spins the bottle without having to be asked; it lands on Seungmin once again. “Truth?” he asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a smirk on his face.
Seungmin has always kind of hated the way Minho looks at him, like he knows something Seungmin doesn’t, like he’s challenging Seungmin to pull the words out of his mouth. So he looks Minho square in the eye, accepting the challenge. "Dare," he says through gritted teeth. If it's something he can't do, then he can just drink and shrug it off. Easy.
But then Minho dares him to: "Kiss Hyunjin."
Seungmin takes it back. This is not easy.
“Oh,” Jisung drawls annoyingly. “This is getting exciting!”
“Unbelievable,” Seungmin mumbles, shaking his head. “Please just pour me a drink.”
“You sure?” Minho raises his eyebrows at Seungmin, before his gaze flits towards Hyunjin for a second, then back again.
“I—,” Seungmin stammers. His heart suddenly beats loudly in his chest; if it beats any harder, it’s going to come out and flop on the floor like a fish out of water. That’s a weird analogy to make about his heart, but it seems fitting for how weird this situation is. He looks at Hyunjin, meeting his eyes, and asks, “Do you want me to?”
Hyunjin looks away. There’s a light dusting of pink on his cheeks when he answers, “No— I mean— I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”
Seungmin doesn’t know what to say. For the first time this evening, he’s thankful that he’s stuck with Minho and Jisung, who somehow always have things to say whenever they’re together.
“We can give you some privacy.” Minho offers.
“Yeah,” Jisung agrees, already standing up and pulling the older one along. “Hyung and I can stay in his room. We’ll give you seven minutes!”
“Hey– wait–!” Seungmin calls after them, but the only answer he gets is the sound of the door to Minho’s bedroom closing shut. “They're the worst,” he says under his breath with a sigh.
“Sorry,” Hyunjin mumbles, briefly meeting Seungmin’s eyes then looking away. “I must be drunk. I don’t know what Jisung put in that–.”
“No,” Seungmin interrupts. Warmth rushes up his face; it runs through his entire body as if the alcohol is mixing with his blood. He looks at Hyunjin looking back at him with a face just as red but infinitely prettier, and for a moment he lets himself believe that Hyunjin wants this, too; that Hyunjin really wants to kiss him, too.
But then that moment passes, and Hyunjin looks away.
Seungmin wants to change his answer to Jisung's question earlier. If he could go back in time, he'd choose to go back to that moment; he'd replay it over and over until the way Hyunjin looked back at him is imprinted on his mind. Maybe then he could keep hoping without feeling entirely hopeless.
"This is weird," Hyunjin says. "I'm making this weird. We're making this weird. Sorry."
They sit in silence for a long while – far longer than that small moment Seungmin thought they shared – and he just feels stupid for letting this happen, for letting Minho and Jisung do this to him.
He'll get back at them, he swears on everything holy and unholy he's ever believed in. Before all that, though, first thing's first. And the first thing is the matter at hand: Hyunjin.
“A thousand won says those two are doing something far worse than us,” Seungmin tells Hyunjin, just to have something to say because if he endures one more minute of silence he's going to combust; also, he's pissed at the other two. To his surprise, though, Hyunjin laughs out loud.
“If you knew you were gonna win,” says Hyunjin, “shouldn’t you make the stakes higher?”
“Well.” Seungmin shrugs. “Didn’t wanna empty your wallet.”
Hyunjin chuckles. "I bet you ten thousand, they're dating."
"Now you're really gonna empty your wallet."
"Why? Are they not actually dating?"
Seungmin hums. "Pretty sure they aren't," he says.
"How do you know?" Hyunjin replies. "Does Minho-hyung talk to you about it?"
"Please." Seungmin snorts. "Hyung doesn't tell me anything. I just figured it out."
"Figured out what?"
“They’re fuck buddies."
“What?" Hyunjin asks, his mouth forming into an O ; he looks adorable like that, but that isn't something Seungmin should be thinking about. "Really? Since when?”
“Don’t know.” Seungmin shrugs, looking away before he can do anything he'll later regret. “I’ve known for a couple weeks, but it might’ve been longer than that.”
“Damn.”
“They were probably trying to keep it a secret. I mean, it probably would’ve stayed a secret if I hadn’t found Jisung’s jacket in the washer. He's the one who talks; he always says he's getting some action but keeping it casual.”
“Oh.”
“They don’t know that I know, though.”
“Eh?”
“Yup." Seungmin sighs. "I mean, Minho-hyung’s probably figured out that I know about it by now, but I don't think he cares.”
"Minie." Hyunjin turns to Seungmin and grips the latter's arm. In a serious tone, he says, "I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to pretend I don’t know anything now."
“That’s fine," Seungmin assures him, absently placing a hand on top of Hyunjin's on his arm. "It’s not our problem, anyway. And besides, it’s not like that changes anything.”
"I guess you're right."
"Of course, I am," Seungmin affirms, earning him laughter from the other. And maybe Seungmin's drunk, because how can laughter sound magical? And if he wasn't completely wasted, then why would his hand unconsciously tighten where it's sitting on top of Hyunjin's, like he's afraid this moment would end and Hyunjin would disappear if he lets go?
There's silence once again. Seungmin ponders what this all really means– why does Hyunjin scoot closer, and why does he not pull his hand away?
"Minie," Hyunjin calls again. His voice is serious but low when he speaks, "There's something else I can't pretend I don't feel anymore, either."
Seungmin stares at Hyunjin, very much aware of where they're touching and how close their bodies are. The moment presents itself again; it's a moment of electricity, of truth and honesty, weakness and vulnerability. And Seungmin just can't help it; he lets himself believe again.
"Me, too," he whispers as Hyunjin leans closer.
But, once again, the moment is gone too soon.
“What are you lovebirds talking about?!” Jisung suddenly comes barging in, and the two jump apart in surprise. “Don’t tell me nothing spicy happened! You were here for seven minutes!”
"Jisung–," Hyunjin starts, but is quickly cut off by the other.
“You wasted seven minutes! Seven fucking minutes!”
“We didn’t waste it,” Seungmin snaps. “We talked about, you know, stuff.”
“Yeah?” Minho appears beside Jisung, chuckling. “Like what?”
“Like–.”
“Are you two dating?” Hyunjin blurts out and everyone goes quiet.
Seungmin marvels at how Hyunjin – his sweet, soft, sensitive Hyunjin – somehow managed to do what Seungmin’s always wanted to in less than five words: to render Minho (and Jisung) speechless. Technically, he won the bet against Hyunjin, but he’ll willingly give up his earnings and even give Hyunjin an additional ten thousand won just for this.
“No,” Minho answers simply after a short moment.
If Seungmin didn’t know better, he’d think Minho wasn’t even shaken; except, he does know better, and the way Minho’s eyes widened for a split second was enough for Seungmin to consider it a moment of victory on his part (courtesy of Hyunjin).
“Are you guys really just fucking, then?” Hyunjin asks this time. He does it so innocently, like he’s just genuinely curious; Seungmin almost finds it comedic, but moreover he finds it endearing, especially when he adds, "You know, keeping it casual and all that."
“Wait a minute,” Jisung says. “What do you mean, really ?”
Before Hyunjin can answer, Seungmin decides to take over. “Hyunjin owes me eleven thousand won if you say yes," he explains.
The way Jisung’s jaw drops all the way to the floor is worth so much more than even twelve thousand won.
"We left you here so you could make out,” says Jisung, “but you made a bet about us sleeping together instead?"
"I mean." Seungmin shrugs. “We all know you left us so you two could make out.”
"That's not the point, Seungminie!" Jisung whines. "The point was for you two to finally stop dancing around each other!"
The statement makes Seungmin pause. Have he and Hyunjin just been dancing around each other all this time? Was the spark he felt just a few moments ago real all along? Will it catch fire if he actually does something?
Maybe he should just set Jisung and Minho on fire instead.
"Why don't you two do that, then?" he tells Jisung.
"We aren't the ones pining for each other!"
"Are you sure?" Hyunjin asks.
"I–" Jisung pauses. "Of course, I am."
"You don't sound so sure," Seungmin teases.
Minho chuckles. "You secretly pining for me, Sung, or what?" he asks jokingly, although at this point Seungmin's lost track of what is and isn't true.
"What? No!" Jisung laughs nervously. "Are you secretly pining for me, hyung, or what?"
"We can give you some privacy," Seungmin offers them this time.
"Yeah," Hyunjin agrees, standing up and pulling Seungmin along. "We can stay in Minie's room for a while."
"Hey!" Jisung calls after them. "This wasn't the plan, guys!"
Seungmin ignores his friend's protest and lets Hyunjin pull him along to his room. They laugh about it until they're inside because everything's just funny when you're drunk. Then Seungmin closes the door behind him, and laughter dies as soon as it comes, while heat rises again– because things just come and go like that when you're drunk, too.
"Hey," Hyunjin says quietly in the dark.
Seungmin turns the light on and finds Hyunjin right in front of him, smiling softly, warmly. He realizes they're still linking hands, and his breath starts to shake and his palms start to sweat. Hyunjin's eyes bore into him in a way that isn't much different to how Minho's do, but also very much unlike the way Minho's is all-knowing.
Hyunjin looks at Seungmin like he knows something, but he wants to be sure that what he knows isn't wrong, and the only one who has the answer is Seungmin.
Seungmin, who can do nothing at the moment but stare back and whisper, "Hi,” while the other crowds his space even more.
Hyunjin is so close now – barely an inch away – that Seungmin can feel his breath when he says, "I have something to tell you."
What is it? Seungmin means to say. But he smells the alcohol from Hyunjin's breath and all of a sudden he's dizzy, like he's reminded that he's drunk and his brain-to-mouth filter isn't supposed to work like it normally should. So instead, he breathes out a low, "Me too," almost directly into Hyunjin's mouth.
A second later and he's breathing Hyunjin in.
Seungmin's breath hitches in his throat. This is happening. Hyunjin is kissing him– or he's kissing Hyunjin– it doesn't really matter. What matters is that this really is happening, and Seungmin can't help but notice every single feeling.
Hyunjin's lips don't taste sweet like he once imagined; they're bitter, tasting of alcohol more than anything. But Hyunjin's lips are soft; way softer than Seungmin thought they would be; and feeling them against his own lips makes his brain feel fuzzy.
Seungmin doesn't notice when Hyunjin's hand moved to his back to press their bodies even closer together, nor when Hyunjin's other hand moved to his chin to better angle their mouths together. Seungmin only notices when Hyunjin's thigh slides between his own thinner ones, and he feels heat pooling below his stomach.
I've wanted this for so long, he wants to tell Hyunjin. But the alcohol, and Hyunjin's lips – and his hands and his thighs and his everything – have rendered Seungmin incapable of words. So instead he puts his arms around Hyunjin's neck, pulling him impossibly closer, kissing him achingly harder. He whines into Hyunjin's mouth; Hyunjin bites his lip. Seungmin pulls on Hyunjin's hair; Hyunjin digs his fingers into Seungmin's skin.
Seungmin takes Hyunjin in hungrily, like he's been starved of his kisses, like he'll never get the chance to do this again. And it's okay, because Hyunjin gives like his life depended on it; he gives like there's so much of him that's solely Seungmin's to take. And as much as Seungmin is perceptive of all the sensations Hyunjin is making him feel, Hyunjin is even more reactive.
The thought makes Seungmin's chest ache. He tries to say, Thank you. You're great. You're wonderful. You're everything. Thank you for giving this to me. But it all comes out in helpless moans. But it's okay. It's alright. Hyunjin is here, and Hyunjin wants this just as much, and Seungmin realizes that he isn't alone – he's never been alone – in this ship. And although Seungmin isn't sure if Hyunjin wants to set sail, what's important is that they aren't drowning.
A lifetime passes before they pull apart, both breathing hard. Their eyes meet for a split second, and they both burst out in laughter. Maybe it's the alcohol making them feel giddy. Maybe Seungmin is just so elated that this is happening.
Maybe Hyunjin is, too, because he crushes Seungmin with a hug and smiles against the dip in his neck. "Minie," he says, breath tickling Seungmin's skin.
"Hm?" Seungmin replies. His voice is quiet, a little weak, but his heart is so full and satisfied.
"Are you secretly pining for me, too, or what?" Hyunjin asks.
Seungmin snorts. "You wish," he lies so openly.
Hyunjin laughs. "I guess we have Minho-hyung and Jisung to thank, huh?"
Seungmin hates to admit it, but he has to, even if doing so puts a scowl on his face and makes him sigh. "I guess so," he agrees.
"What do you think they're doing right now?"
"I don't really wanna know."
Hyunjin hums. "Wanna know something else, then?" he asks.
The question – along with the vibration Hyunjin's voice makes against his skin – sends shivers down Seungmin's spine.
"Sure," answers Seungmin. "What's that?"
" I've been secretly pining for you, or something."
Seungmin has to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling too widely. "I guess we haven't been doing it so secretly, after all," he confesses.
Then Hyunjin stands up properly to face Seungmin. When Seungmin looks into his eyes, he finds no question anymore; they're just open, honest, sure.
"I really like you." Seungmin is the first to admit.
The way Hyunjin kisses him again, softly this time, just chaste and pure and sweet, is all the answer Seungmin needs.
(The next morning, when Seungmin opens the door to his bedroom, he finds Minho and Jisung asleep on the couch with their limbs intertwined, and Hyunjin pulls him back inside.)