Chapter Text
It has been a few weeks since she and Sage settled into their new workplaces. Turns out, any place that is walking-distance from their work has a blasphemous amount of rent; neither of them wanted to deal with such a number when they wouldn’t even be in the apartment all that often. So, despite their history, the two decided to room together to halve the cost. Their arrangement has been alright for now. Furniture and items are settling down into fixed positions and they’ve evenly split the chores. Heading towards such an idea of home after work still needed some getting used to, but everything is working out for the most part. It was still awkward when the two were in the same room every now and then, but it wasn’t that much of an issue. They’ll get used to it eventually.
Viper unlocked the door, welcomed by the warm light yellow lights and the sound of water running after a long day. Sage usually came home a little earlier than she did, and usually started cooking something when Viper returned. She had no idea how Sage was able to go to a days worth of work, still have the energy to cook and be so amicable, but she did, somehow.
“Ah, welcome home…Viper.” Sage struggled to decide which name to call her.
She nodded in response.
It’s a little annoying…maybe annoying isn’t the right word…inconvenient? Sage cooking after work made Viper feel like she had to help, though she wanted to sit on the couch and brood for a bit before ordering something. It sounds a little selfish and lazy, but it’s what she was used to. Maybe her horrible mood as of late also contributed to this. It also made Sage feel…almost inhuman? In a way? The fact that goes through work the same as she does, and can still return to cook and welcome Viper back home with a smile. You could tell what the long haired woman was thinking based on her expressions, yet it also felt like you couldn’t at the same time. Viper wondered how that woman manages every day. Sage’s cooking was really good, though, and helping her prepare was kind of relaxing. But habits don't form in a day, and they certainly don't break in one either.
“What are you making today? Is there anything I can help with?” Viper went through the motions.
“I was just going to use some leftovers to create some fried rice, is that ok?” Sage asked.
“Sure. I can wash those carrots.” Viper offered, hanging her coat on the rack.
“It’s ok you don’t-” Viper went over, rolling her sleeves, and started to rinse the carrots.
“Thanks.” Sage mumbled.
The rest of the night went in the same fashion: silence that was seldom broken, only with, only with stiff conversations in an attempt to break the tension once in a blue moon every now and then.
Viper offered to wash the dishes and took them to the sink before Sage had time to speak up.
Everything was becoming the same-old again, going through the motions only to wake to another day of the same thing. Waking up to dread work; working until the very idea filled her with dread; going back home, only to find that there was nothing left for her except work; sleep; the cycle repeats. Only with headache-inducing memories of her past intertwining her dreams changing things up now and then.
It’s all just mind numbing work, really. But did she get all those achievements, wasting so many years slugging away to reach some kind of goal while everyone lived normal lives, just to end up like an average person, if not worse? She thought if she just worked a little harder, a little longer, she’d get rewarded, feel happy and accomplished, or something. She never did, thanks to the fucking Kingdom Cooperation, unless you counted the copious amount of data she had to analyze this week and the weeks prior a reward. Unknowingly, she let out a harsh sigh.
“...Is everything ok, Viper?” Sage asked, freezing in the middle of the kitchen/dining area.
Viper hadn’t realized Sage wasn’t fully out of the kitchen yet.
“Oh. Nothing. Work has just been…frustrating.” Viper’s eyebrows furrowed.
"Oh. Is there anything I can help with?” Sage replied.
It was clear that part of Sage was just going through the motions too, but part of her also seemed genuine.
“No. Thank you though.” Viper said.
Sage nodded and left, leaving Viper feeling even more tired than before, somehow.
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She needed to finish going through at least half of the data tonight, or else she’d have to scramble during work tomorrow. But all she could do was just sit there, typing a few things that were easy to come up with every now and then. Too tired. The smell of dish soap and dishes reeked from her hands. Too…unmotivated. To do anything, really. Despite the fact that she looked like she was constantly working and churning out results (which she was), a good chunk of the time was just interrupting thoughts like these. She didn’t want to do work anymore, the blue light from her laptop stung her eyes. But what was left of her if not work? The very thought irritated her.
She wasn’t progressing at all, just sitting there, unable to get herself to do anything. She needed to start, she should’ve started 25 minutes ago, but she’s just sitting here. The more she sat there, the more irritated and frantic she got, impending doom seeping into her, knowing that if she didn’t start working now, she’d regret it later. But she desperately didn’t want to start. What was the point? She’s gotten nothing from all this work. Work has brought her so much unhappiness, and there was so much of it. Never ending, it seemed. Her chest tightened, it was getting a little hard to breathe and she felt beads of sweat prickle her skin. With trembling hands she forced herself to eye the results, but she felt too apathetic to do anything. Yet part of her also screamed at her: she needed to work, to hurry up and do something, that she was going to curse herself tomorrow for not analyzing the data.
She stood up suddenly, her chair screeching as it was pushed back. She opened a drawer to grab a box and stuffed it into her pocket. Out of her blinding frustration she stormed out of the apartment trying to get some fresh air. Only, it was the ends of summer, and the air was still a little hot and humid. Occasional cool breezes cut through the heat. Somehow that made Viper even more frustrated, angrily ruffling her hair and taking out a cigarette from the box to light it. She inhaled and exhaled, letting out a gray puff of smoke. She normally didn't smoke, only when she was stressed and when she wanted to hurt something. The only thing she could really hurt was herself though, so cigarettes will do. Kinda funny how the ex-poison/toxic fumes lady was inhaling fumes that would be harmful to you over time on her own accord.
This fucking sucks. Viper scowled.
Why was nothing working out? She had worked so hard. She didn’t even want some kind of grand-scale achievement like she did when she was younger. For fucks sake she just wanted to have some semblance of a life people had described to her if she just worked hard and did her best. She was always trying, why isn’t she feeling the results? The feeling inside her was growing out of control, bursting out. Her hands trembled, In fact, her whole body did. A sudden gust of wild emotion erupted in her.
She started punching a light pole out of anger, cigarette dangling in her mouth. Hollow thumps as her fists met the metal pole. Kicking, punching, yelling, breaking her skin like she was insane. She probably wasn’t sane, to be fair.
Sure, part of it was her fault, and she knows the world is cruel… but still. There were worst people out there than her, living happier lives and it. Thunk. just. Thunk. wasn’t. Thunk. fair.
She took out the cigarette with her bloodied hands. Her breaths sounded more and more like sobs with each heave. She pushed back her hair in frustration, blood dripping towards her wrist. She felt someone watching her. She turned her head.
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When Sage heard the slam on the door, she lifted her head from her work. She was almost done, but fatigue was settling in her. Just one more page and I'll call it a day.
She thought it might’ve been their neighbors, but the sound of Sa-, no, Viper’s chair indicated it might’ve been her. She walked out to the door. It was unlocked.
Oh.
She was probably getting fresh air. But the memory of Viper sighing and her somehow even fouler mood as of late hung in the back of Sage’s brain.
She’s a grown adult. She’s just getting fresh air or something probably. I shouldn’t be meddling with people’s own problems. I should know that by now. Sage thought.
But somehow, she found herself outside, watching her now roommate furiously punching a light pole, yelling. Sage lowered her eyes, maybe she should let her let out some anger alone and not bother her. She wasn’t very close to the scientist and she’d probably make things worse anyway. Just as she was making her mind to go back home, Viper noticed her.
“H-how long have you been here?” Viper was still a little breathless, trying to control her emotions in her words.
Sage tensed for a moment, “About a minute or two…sorry I just heard the door close and you…”
Viper snorted, “And what, you thought I was going to do something stupid?”
Sage was quiet.
“Well, you aren’t entirely wrong,” Viper muttered, “Fucking shit, this is embarassing.”
They stayed silent for a moment, the humidity and warmth seeping into them.
“Do you want ice cream?” Sage suddenly asked.
A cool breeze brushed against their arms.
“Huh?” Viper stopped.
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They walked in silence to the convenience store, welcoming them in with cold white lights.
“I can buy if you want to finish that. What flavor?” Sage pointed to the cigarette still between Viper’s fingers.
“Huh? Oh…” Viper scratched her head, motioning to put her cigarette out.
“It’s ok. What flavor?” Sage repeated.
“B-Any.” Viper was about to change her mind but quickly stopped herself.
Sage nodded and went in.
Viper rubbed her temples and took another puff. This was beyond humiliating, having someone, especially Sage, watching her throw a fit. And now they were getting…ice cream? She put out the remaining embers in the ashtray just outside the door. Today was going just great.
Sage came out with a blue raspberry popsicle, some disinfectant, cotton swabs, and a box of bandages. “Sit down.” She motioned to the curb right out the store. Viper’s eyes widened a little at the popsicle.
“Are you not getting one?” Viper felt a little awkward taking the only popsicle.
“I will. But it’ll melt after I treat your hand, so I’ll buy one later.” Sage opened the bottle and took out two cotton swabs.
“Oh. It's ok, it's not…" Viper tried to hide her hands.
“They're going to get infected like that. Give me one of your hands.” Sage put out hers.
The two stood there for a moment, before Viper complied and quietly took the popsicle.
Sage carefully tended to Viper’s bloodied hand while she ate the popsicle. The cold treat tasted good, despite just being food coloring and sugar. It felt…nostalgic? Viper winced as the disinfectant dripping cotton swabs ran over the cuts and dents on her knuckles. Sage didn’t give her a I told you that was stupid look, which she was thankful for. Somehow, this situation reminded her of when she was little, given a blue raspberry popsicle to shut herself up as her mother cleaned her bruises from playing. Her heart wrenched at the memory.
Sage gently put bandages on the cuts and Viper gave her her other hand. Sage changed cotton swabs and started again. Once she was done, she got up to throw away the swabs and waxy paper from the bandages.
“Thanks.” Viper murmured and Sage nodded.
“I’m going to buy one too.” Sage said as she reentered the store.
Viper felt drained from releasing all that pent-up anger, but also from the humiliation just now. What did Sage think of her now? She didn’t even want to think about it. It probably wasn’t very high to begin with, but now it must be 3000 feet below Earth’s surface. Her hands stung a little now that the adrenaline disappeared. There was small peaks of red through the areas that weren't fully covered by the bandages. She felt utterly defeated, and for some reason, felt like crying. She stared at the peaks of red gashes that weren’t fully covered by bandages. They stung a little. Though not as much as the embarrassment right now.
Sage came out with a lime flavored popsicle in her hand. “Does it hurt a lot?” She let out a worried chuckle.
Viper quickly wiped the tears from her face, feeling more flustered.
“No…I just…” Viper fumbled.
Sage opened the wrapper and took out a bright green popsicle. It was going to dye her mouth green like how Viper’s made hers blue.
A light gust of cool wind brushed their faces.
“Mmm. This kind of reminds me of China, back before I went to the monastery of course. Bit hot, bit humid, and the smell of cigarette smoke in the air while you ate 棒冰 (popsicles) with your friends. Sweat used to drip off of our foreheads from running so much.” Sage smiled, eating the popsicle thoughtfully.
Viper tried imagining a little Sage, playing with her friends, laughing, eating popsicles, doing things other normal children did. Those days must’ve not lasted long for her either. It made the woman that was seemingly perfect who sat right next to her feel a little more human.
They sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying another cool breeze. The small amount of good feeling that grew in her was quickly smothered as the thought of her work crashed down again. The dopamine from the sugar went away within seconds.
“Oh, shit. It’s late isn’t it? I still have work and you must too…” The calm look on Viper’s face disappeared much quicker than it came.
Sage looked at Viper for a moment thoughtfully. Words seemed to be caught in her throat.
“S…S-Sabine.” The scientist’s heart wrenched at the sound of that name, “I know you have high standards for yourself and your own way of doing things, but, maybe you should go a little easier on yourself. You seem to be really stressed lately. I’m sure your coworkers wouldn't mind all that much if you asked for help. They ask you often, no?”
It was true that Viper's new coworkers asked her for help a lot since she had so much experience, despite it being altered on her resume by Liam so she could enter the company without too much suspicion. He did have connections with the owner, but better be safe than sorry. That was part of the reason she was still so busy even now.
Sage seemed to have more words she was struggling to say, she’s never been in such a situation before. The two sat in another moment of silence.
“...And I know we’re not that close but…since we’re roommates…no, even if we weren’t roommates, you could always talk about what’s troubling you… if you want to, of course.” Sage finally said all the words she was hesitant to say.
The sound of wind rushed against their ears. It was silent enough to hear the lights of the convenience store whirring, the crickets chirping, and the sound of cars whooshing by in the distance. All of these details Viper never noticed, but Sabine did. Maybe this was something she was missing. Sabine sat down, the walls Viper put up were slowly lowering. Tears were uncontrollably welling up in her eyes. Breath shaking, she chuckled, “Going a little easier on myself, huh? That’s kinda hypocritical coming from you.”
Sage (Or was it Ling Ying…?) let out an amused breath.
Sabine took in a large breath, tilting her head up to the sky, trying to get a hold of herself. But maybe she was too tired but she finally couldn’t control herself anymore. Tears kept dropping. She took another sharp inhale and cried silently. Ling Ying gently let Sabine lean on her shoulder.
Honestly, Sabine didn’t know what was wrong with her, why she was crying. All Ling Ying did was show some concern for her, but maybe that was all it took.
Ling Ying patted Sabine’s trembling shoulders, “Sometimes, the best way to feel better is to release your emotions. Take your time.”
Her voice sounded so soothing.
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Once Sabine regained a semblance of her posture, they sat together for a bit longer. Sabine felt hot embarrassment in her cheeks, but she did feel a little better.
"Sorry." Sabine muttered.
Ling Ying chuckled, "You don't have anything to apologize for."
"...Thanks." Sabine got up from Ling Ying's shoulder.
"Though, who knew the award-winning scientist also has a soft side?" Ling Ying teased.
"Let's just go home." Sabine grumbled, brushing her hair to her ear.
"Alright." Ling Ying chuckled.
They gently teased each other on their brief walk back, soaking in the cool breezes and sticking their colored tongues at each other.
The two took turns washing and returned to their bedrooms. They looked at each other before closing the doors.
“Thank you…for that.” Sabine mumbled.
Ling Ying smiled, “Of course. Good night, Sabine.”
“You too.” Sabine replied.
There was the sound of doors closing with a thunk.
Maybe Sabine will ask if some of her work could be divided among her coworkers.
They'll get used to it, eventually.