Work Text:
In the fullness of the open field, with no obstacles for the wind to cross, there’s a man standing in the midst of grass and flowers. Covered in the same tones, since he knew they were his lover's favorites. Without any interest in the sunset in front of his eyes, nor the wind that ruffles his hair; there, unaccompanied, he finds himself waiting, the most talented cook his soulmate had ever met, the sweetest lover and the kindest boy he could have imagined meeting, all those years ago. In the silence of his person, with an indecisive and dry look, awaits that gentleman, of a slim figure and reddish hair like the phoenix. In his brown suit with pocket watch and top hat. It was always the favorite outfit of the man he was waiting for, because there was nothing in the world that Jonathan Bravo wanted more than to see his beautiful laughing angel happy, and dressing in such an elegant way made him truly happy. But now, there was nothing that could cheer him up, nothing but the memory of his brave and faithful love.
With his eyes to the horizon, and his head held high, Sherwin stood in that desolate place he used to call home, hoping to see him pass, to see him return. For without him there, there was little reason to continue to consider the land on which he walked his home. For the wind and the sun, that tall and slim brown figure did nothing but wait, but inside his mind, the redhead kept his faith, with a talk that no matter how much he wanted, no one could hear. A monologue that made him live once again.
He knew he was waiting for someone who would never come back.
I received your letter like every second Sunday of every month, even in the farness of our small house the mail arrives without delay... two months ago that was. I didn't know at the time I read your words what you wanted to tell me. Rather, I did know, but I didn't want to believe you for a moment. You don't know how much I've missed you Jonathan, every day, every hour I spend in this lonely house... why did I think it would be different here? I thought that away from everyone, just you and me, we could live the way that we wanted so much. Together, no problems, no fights, just the two of us and our everlasting love.
Why did you have to leave me here? I would have preferred to accompany you to the end of the world, even if we didn't last long... it's a thousand times more devastating to be so far away from you, not knowing how you are, waiting obsessively every damn Sunday, waiting to receive at least that little sign that you're still alive. Why did you sacrifice yourself for me? Why did this happen to us? After everything we've been through, after everything we've suffered. But I don't regret our past, not that, never our past... without it I would never have met you, without it I wouldn't be able to call you the love of my life now.
The day those men came and took you from me... I can't stop dreaming about it every night, when I turn around and you're not by my side. When did this happen? Overnight there was already a war to fight and military at our door, looking for every man they could recruit, but all they did was kidnap. That day I was preparing lunch like any other day, your favorite actually, do you remember? Potato stew and mushroom cream to go with it... you rushed through the door, without your hat or basket in hand, you scared me when you started screaming at me, telling me to hide in the tool cabinet... when you covered my mouth and did not comfort my crying... you seemed to have seen a ghost.
Leaving me locked up there, you made me promise not to make a sound, not even the slightest, and to wait for you and only you to ask me out. At that time I did not know what was happening, I was afraid that someone would attack us, or rob us, I feared for your life. Then you told me what had happened... you had seen the army convoy approaching and you knew it was not good news. They booked you and enlisted you in less than half an hour, in which I just stayed hidden, not knowing what to do... I was a coward. I should have helped you, whoever they were, I knew we were in danger and you wanted to protect me, but I froze... I'm so sorry, Jonathan.
As soon as they left our home you asked me to come out and I did. You explained to me what had happened and the lie you had told them. "Only my wife and I live in this house." You couldn't hide with me, because they had seen you while you were sowing. Hopefully they bought your excuse, they thought your wife had really gone mushroom picking...
In exactly 2 days they came for you and behind the window was the last time I saw you. We could not flee anywhere, the nearest town was three days away by horse, which we did not have. You comforted me for those two days, in the best way you could. You showered me with promises and nice words... we both knew they wouldn't do much good, but you did it anyway. You dried my tears, calmed my heartbeat and kissed me until exhaustion... it wasn't enough. We spent more time in bed during those two days than in any other part of the house... patiently and lovingly you took all my punches and insults, you never stopped hugging me. Was it that obvious how hurt I was? of course it was. None of my words were true, they were all lies, but I felt that if I got mad at you the pain would pass... You know I've never been violent or spiteful, and with every push I gave you you only responded with more kisses and caresses.
I cried in your arms once again, I think it's the only thing I’m good at. I looked into your eyes and I couldn't take it anymore, I fell apart in your grip, I'm sorry for that... I just, I-I... I love you so much and I miss you even more. Look at me, I'm crying again... I'm sure you wouldn't like to see me like this, that's why I try to control myself every day. But at night it is almost impossible not to think of you. I'm sure at this point the smell on your pillow is just my imagination, there's nothing there anymore. The nights are colder and much longer when you're alone, did you know that? In that bed, where so many times you declared your complete love to me, where so many times I gave myself to you... you were always a gentleman with me, whenever we finished making love you filled me with kisses and kept me warm in your arms.
I still remember our first time, it was a complete disaster, really. It still makes me laugh... we didn't know what we were doing, but still, even if I was dying of nervousness, you calmed me down and treated me with such affection that... that I couldn't take it back, that night under the stars, with all the inexperience and clumsiness that we had... we did it with all the love that we had bottled up.
Do you remember how we met, Jon? I remember every detail with warmth. It was the summer of ‘58, we were 13 years old and had a mountain of goals. I arrived with my mother at the Bloom house, she would be their new cook and I would be her kitchen assistant. When they showed us the small house in which we would live together with the rest of the servants, it was when I saw you for the first time. You were learning to plant cotton with Mr. Jenkins, in your calf-length trousers and white cotton shirt, you were covered in dirt up to your ears, I'm sorry I laughed at you. Hearing my laugh you turned to see me, you were stunned for a second until your mentor returned you to the world of the living with a blow to the head. In that first glance that we intertwined I could see your eyes shine, we both felt it Jon... we had fallen in love. You smiled at me before continuing with your work and I continued with the tour that the housekeeper gave us.
During my first week I didn't get out of the kitchen much, I was afraid of getting scolded for leaving my work station. If we needed anything, it was my mother who would come out, leaving me in charge of watching the food. At least I had a window, from which I could see the cotton field and the apple trees. I don't know if you realized it, but every time I could I ended up gawking at you... in the way you used the heavy tools to work the land, it seemed that it was a bit difficult for you to use them but I knew that they were much heavier and more complicated to use than they seemed. You weren't that big, but you had a lot of strength. I remember that I liked to see how you wiped the sweat from your forehead and the way you fixed your hair, which sometimes covered your face, it was the same cut that most of the boys our age wore, but on you it looked as if it had been created with you in mind.
From time to time you felt my gaze in the distance, you turned to see me with a smile and I only cowered before your gaze... I felt discovered and vulnerable when that happened, from that distance could you see how red I turned? of course you could, you confessed it to me several years later. But nothing compares to the time we introduced ourselves, when we officially met, there you were much more nervous than me. Tell me Jonathan, did you suspect since then that you loved me?
"Here's the basket of apples you asked for." you were afraid to even step into the kitchen, you looked so cute when you were nervous. But that never stopped you from trying your best, you were determined to get my attention, weren't you?
"Oh thanks, please leave them over there, I'll wash them right away."
"Hey uhhh... how's it going? Are you... are you doing fine getting used to this?" as much as you tried to sound confident and gallant, you looked like a first-timer, I always liked that about you.
“Uhm yes, my mother and I are getting used to it rather well."
"I... that's what I meant, of course, you and your mother... great."
"Don't you have work to do? I don't want you to be taught a lesson again because of me." I'm sorry if I sounded rude, I didn't mean to push you away, but it seemed like it hurt you.
"What? Oh no don’t worry about that! Mr. Jenkins and I are always like that, it really was like a greeting more than anything, it didn't even hurt me…" so cute without that being your goal, you were really the most attractive boy I'd ever seen, for being so attentive to me. "sooo... what are you guys going to do with the apples?"
“We'll make apple pie for Mrs. Bloom and her guests today. The rest will be prepared in juice I’m afraid. Such a waste of good hand picked apples.”
“Apple pie is my favorite... actually anything with apples is the best in my opinion, I could never get bored of them.” since that day I prepared whatever you wanted with apples, I would never get tired of pampering you, my love.
"I can save you a piece if you want, just stop by before lunch…" you completely forgot to introduce yourself, but it was worth it... I could see that red color on your face for the first time.
"Uh? OH! I'm sorry... my name is Jonathan, if you ever need anything I'm your guy. Really, whatever you need just tell me, I’m always around… Not like I’m lurking or anything! It’s my job, I mean…” you tried so hard to look like a gentleman, even if you had no studies or ostentatious last name, for me you were always the most gentlemanly man in the whole world. “I take care of most things, that’s what I meant.”
"Alright… Jon. You can call me Sherwin… and I… same! If you want me to prepare something special you can... you can just tell me anytime.” you kept looking into my eyes, with that perfect smile, I love your dimples like you have no idea, I've told you many times and I'll say it again. You made me nervous.
"Thanks Sher. I really… I appreciate that." apparently I wasn't the only one nervous, you kept hugging me with your eyes. Your voice always relaxed me, for that I thank you.
"Sherwin! Why aren't the apples ready yet? I need you to cut them off at once, come on, chop chop!” I noticed from the beginning that my mother didn't like you very much, it was because you were swarthy. "Did you lose something? We're busy here as you can see."
"No uhhm, I was just leaving... Nice to meet you ma’am! Bye Sherwin!" you never held a grudge against her, it was very noble of you, Jon. I also hoped to see you again, if only for a moment.
“What's wrong with that boy? We all have enough work in this house as it is and he comes here to waste our time. If he comes back don't let him in, I don't want him roaming loose in the kitchen. God only knows what filth is in those hands... And I don't want him to distract you either!”
For a while things were normal between us, you greeted me and I responded. But little by little, with each small conversation, with each visit you made to the kitchen to bring apples, I began to feel different. My days were reduced to waiting for you to pass by the window or tell me some funny anecdote about Mr. Jenkins. All I thought about was you, your smile, your kind eyes and your comforting voice. Every time you climbed the trees to pick their fruit I saw you and you smiled back at me from afar, risking it doing tricks on the branches, falling a couple of times. You worried me, but you stood up every time with an even bigger smile on your face and laughed at your injuries.
The children in the house often asked us to play with them, you and I were the closest thing to children there was. Mr. Bloom's daughter always favored you, said you were her boyfriend and never left your side. When you carried her in your arms and made her laugh I couldn't help but imagine myself in her place, I was jealous of a little 8 year old. You seemed to notice it, every time you saw me like this you left her aside to go do some errand or favor that "you had forgotten" and you asked me to accompany you. We let the children play and you took me to the groves, where we ate apples and got to know each other better.
We had but one day off, Sunday, solely on the belief of Mr. Bloom, who truly believed that it was the day of rest, even for servants. While the others stayed in bed or took the opportunity to attend to their personal activities, you and I went to the roof of the small house and reclined as we watched the clouds. It was one of those Sundays that I dared to rub my little finger with yours. I was nervous, but I felt like I had to do it. You didn't turn to look, you didn't ask anything, you just took my hand in yours and continued looking at the sky. I couldn't stop looking at you, I was sure you could see how red I had gotten, but still you didn't let go of my hand, you squeezed it gently, calming my nerves. No one could see us up there, we were safe.
Time passed and we became closer, we knew each other's likes and dislikes, we saw each other more often in our jobs. Mr. Jenkins was already letting you do most of the heavy lifting, you'd grown up, as had I. But what you grew in muscles I grew in height. You were still fit and slender, that put me in a very undignified state. We were teenagers after all, we were always hungry, we stank easily, more you than me, and we had new needs that we could not satisfy or we would be reprimanded.
We would go to the nearby river to wash our own clothes, my mother was not going to help me with that, after all I was treated more like an adult than a son. You went with me on Sundays, after a lot of insistence I managed to convince you to let me wash your clothes for you, but you still went and kept me company. Your clothes might have stunk, but you didn't, you never let me smell you like that, unless it was impossible to avoid, you always bathed and kept clean for me, you didn't want to ruin my presence, you never lost that, still living together you always smelled delicious and fresh.
One night on the roof we met like we used to, you asked me to be stealthy and not to miss, I would never, I would never stand you up, Jonathan. You had heard Mr. Bloom talking on the phone, apparently there was going to be a meteor shower. We stayed awake watching the rocks pass through the starry sky, you had the face of a fascinated child and I knew it was time to confess what I had felt for so long now.
"Jon?… I-I was thinking the other day… I need to tell you… well you see... I think I might... maybe... like-like you." until that day, it was the hardest thing I had ever said, it took me 15 mental attempts and a lot of strength for it to come out with my voice full of cuts and cracks, it sounded like I wanted to cry, because I really wanted to cry.
"I was beginning to think you'd never say it Sher. If you hadn't, I wasn't going to come down off this roof without saying so.” you, on the other hand, seemed so calm, there was nothing that affected you, the security in your words was comforting, but still I was an insecure young man and it was my first time in love, I didn't want to get hurt. What a fool I was, you would never hurt me, quite the opposite, my darling.
"So... that means?"
“It means... I think I might like you too.... A bit too much actually... it's embarrassing but I can't help it sometimes... It's like I can't stop thinking about you... and I don't want to stop thinking about you either. Does that make sense?” you looked into my eyes once more and I returned your touch, but holding hands wouldn't be enough now. On that beautiful night, we kissed with the purest tenderness of all. I still think about that moment from time to time, our first kiss was truly magnificent, thank you for choosing me, thank you for loving me.
We spent the springs better than anyone, I picked flowers and you stared at me as if I were the most interesting thing on the planet. From time to time I found small bouquets of flowers in the kitchen window, they were daisies... my favorites. Thanks for your gifts Jon, they were always the most suitable, perfect for me.
When it was very hot on summer days we would go swimming in the river... I didn't know how to swim, but you taught me. You never let go of me anyway when we went to deeper parts, you were afraid that the current would take me away and I might not come back. You always took such good care of me... I tried to do the same for you, I'm sorry for failing you.
The days my mom and I would fight I used to run away with a basket full of the food we had made, I didn't mind getting her in trouble. She disapproved of you, it was the only thing that bothered me enough to answer her, you were the perfect guy... you were a dream come true and I wouldn't allow others to stain your name in vain. You saw me arrive at lunchtime with the basket in hand and although you suspected of my fights, you gladly accepted having a picnic with me. You never forced me to talk, you always waited until I was ready to tell you.
When the twins turned 10, more people came to the house, private tutors for Mr. and Mrs. Bloom's children. You loved listening to the lessons they gave them, every time your little girlfriend demanded to her parents that they had you in her classes. You told me everything you had learned, about the stars, about the plants and animals... about the poems. Literature was always your downfall, you listened to the stories and tales that the teachers read and you wished you could understand it too, you didn't know how to read or write but that never stopped you.
You convinced Miss Liz to teach you how to read and write, for half an hour, every Sunday. At that time you didn't tell me where you went every afternoon so early, but you assured me that you would come back. In less than two months you learned to read and write just so you could write me poems. You had been so amazed by poetry and you had so much that you wanted to write to me, you really had a talent for it, the tutors recognized it and my heart recognized it too. You made me feel things I've never felt with your words, Jonathan. You were like honey for my bad days, I kept all your poems in a box, you taught me to read so I could remember them whenever I wanted. Later you taught me to write and I began to write you letters.
The day my mother found out about us was the most intense day I had ever lived, I left crying, furious, she had forbidden me to see you again, she was going to give us away to the owners of the house, she had with her the small wooden box where I kept your poems and my letters. She burned them all, when I came back at night I saw her doing it and I ran to her, pushing her until she fell. The fire had consumed everything and I did not stop crying, my mother never spoke to me again. So far I don't know what stopped her from ratting us out, but a few days later she was gone, no one saw her leave or knew when she left. They sent for her but they never found her, all she left behind was a letter that I found under her pillow. It was one of those I had written to you, in which I dedicated my eternal love and being to you.
You comforted me, now I was alone just like you, we were alone the two of us, now we would be our only family. The cook job increased when I didn't get anyone to help me, but I continued anyway. One day the master of the house congratulated me, saying that I would be a great pastry chef one day, I knew I would be, so that I could prepare all the desserts you wanted, my love.
When you turned 17 you had become the man of the house, without actually being it. Whatever others needed, you did it, you solved problems with a smile, you carried heavy things with pleasure and gave away your free time to whoever it was. Mr. Jenkins couldn't do much anymore, he left the house after a few months, we didn't know why, but we knew it wasn't of his own volition. In those days you were so busy that we grew apart, suddenly you couldn't dedicate all your time to me. I looked at you again from afar and smiled at you when you turned around, you were exhausted every day, I should have taken better care of you my love, you needed me and I didn't react.
One day they found you passed out in the cotton field, you hadn't had breakfast and the sun was strong. I wasn't going to wait any longer... I wasn't going to let anything worse happen to you. You woke up in bed, with me by your side, I had prepared you soup and stew, your favorite. You tried to go back to work but I wouldn't let you, I had convinced Mr. Bloom to let you rest for the day. I clothed you and fed you despite your insistence. From that day on I paid special attention and took good care of you. We seemed like a married couple and I was your wife, who would never neglect you again.
You began to receive a small payment, for your effort and attitude. The family had grown attached to you, they almost saw you as another human being. You came to sleep late, but still you kissed me goodnight first, you thought I was asleep, but I waited for you. One day you took me with you to see Mrs. Bloom, you hadn't told me why. My effort was recognized in the same way and they began to pay me for it, but not with money, instead with fabrics and sewing classes. You had told the lady of the house about my desire to learn, to be able to dress better, to be able to dress you better, you deserved it.
With the teaching of Mrs. Bloom herself I became a good tailor, you were proud of me. You surprised me one Sunday, when you arrived unannounced at the room we shared, you wanted to play an innocent joke on me. You were stunned when you walked in and saw me in a rather simple new suit that I had made, the vest was unfinished and the trousers were a little too long. I felt horrible for a second, I didn't want you to think I was there wasting time while you were working extra hard, but you didn't last a second like that and you wrapped me in your arms, closing the door behind you.
“You look so handsome… really really fancy, Sherwin.” you were happily crying on my shoulder, I didn't understand what was happening but you embarrassed me just the same. Thank you for continuing to love me, for encouraging my tastes.
“Are you serious?”
"Very serious, mi cielo. You have no idea... you are so... I can't explain it. You were always meant to dress like this.” I love you so much Jon, I miss you so much... you have no idea. I hugged you tightly and didn't let go, we danced for a while and you kept spinning me around in my new suit, you really loved it.
A year later we began to have more freedoms, you and I, we rested on Saturdays and Sundays and we could bathe in hot water. Things were getting better, but you still didn't see a future for us in those conditions, you promised me the life of my dreams and I believed you. You kept your word, Jonathan, you always kept your promises.
You always wanted to know the sea, it was one of your dreams... I am very sorry that you could not fulfill it, do you think that if it had not been for this war, we would have been able to go? I would give everything to see your face once again, to kiss you one more time, to tell you how much I love you once more… how much better you made my life.
I remember our first time, it was on our fourth anniversary of... whatever we were, we weren't boyfriends, we weren't lovers, but we were always meant for each other. That night under the stars you recited several poems to me, which left me weak and in your arms, full of tears. You promised to always stay by my side, to protect me, whatever it takes. You asked me to marry you, you knew we couldn't do it but you still asked me... you already knew the answer, you just wanted to see me smile and say "I do". You undressed me with love and marked me with your kisses all over, the nightly wind couldn't cool me down, because you kept me warm in your arms.
We did everything wrong, we laughed at our mistakes and you were as embarrassed as I was, but you still continued... you were so gentle, you never hurt me... you laid me down tenderly and I fell asleep next to you.
When we turned 19 you woke me up one fall morning, told me to pack only the essentials and meet you at the river for lunch. We never went back to work that afternoon, we fled for our lives, you had gotten the future you promised me. You took my hand and led us through highways and open fields, from town to town, avoiding the cities. We could finally be who we were, you started treating me like your lover no matter who saw, you kissed my hand when you felt like it and defended me from whoever you had to.
We finally arrived at the place in the middle of nowhere that you had found, a small old house in pieces, it was no problem for us. We rebuilt it and adapted it, planted our crops and you put animal traps nearby, we had it all. Food, a roof over our heads and most important of all, I had you and you had me... we lived as we wanted, you never stopped treating me like it was the first day. You used to ask me out or to eat something, you used that attractive tone that I like so much and spoke to me in spanish. You gave me the best years of my life Jonathan, you gave meaning to my days... and now I don't know what to do without you here, I don't know where to go or who to turn to. I'm not going to replace you, I'll never listen to you in that regard... no matter how much you insist that I look out for love again, if something happens to you. I'm never going to do that to you. I already found love once, I don't need more.
Your words in that last letter keep running through my head, Jon. "You don't know how lucky you are, until you get your luck taken back." You're absolutely right, my love. But I refuse to let my luck run out, even if it costs me my life. I promised to love you always, every day and night. I promised to stay strong, I promised to wait for your arrival...
“And here I am! Standing as promised, 24 years old and counting… Sherwin Bravo, the love of your life and keeper of your heart! I faithfully promise that I will not let your memory fade in this world that is so cruel and so beautiful! Because in the light of day or in the dark of night I will love you, forever and ever... even if death do us part.” he yelled from the soul, with power in his lungs and courage in his tears. That afternoon nature itself witnessed what it really means to love someone and be devoted to it, which led that man dressed in brown to never give up.
A month had passed since his last letter, and the news had reached his house. "The war is over, this is the land of the free." The newspapers were full of the global news, the brave soldiers would return home to their families, the nightmare was over. Except for Sherwin, he did not celebrate what the others did, nor did he feel good about the well-being of others, for him the whole world no longer mattered at all.
More news reached his ears, the army convoys had already left, a couple of days ago every last soldier alive had returned home. The tears did not come out of his eyes this time, he was dry from crying so much, but the feeling of agony was still there in his throat. He left the house again, wearing the same outfit that he hadn't stopped reusing since that Sunday. He marched down to the same spot as last time and again in the evening he lost his force. This time he couldn't resist, the brown angel's long legs collapsed, letting him land on his knees. The pain was not comparable to the pain in his broken heart, but he had to stay alive, keep Jonathan alive in his memory, he couldn't fail in that, it was the only thing he had left.
The sun was almost extinguished once again, in front of the heartless redhead who, due to low spirits, was weak. He wasn’t eating well, wasn’t sleeping well. Kneeling on the ground, with dry tears on his cheeks, he heard the wolves howling afar and pondered the possibility of ending everything right there and then. His ears were plugged and his nose was stuffy, he was at the mercy of nature, a few minutes into the night. “Let it be what it had to become of me”, thought the man in the brown suit. And in an instant he felt shaky arms surround him, along with the aroma he had missed so much for so long. He opened his eyes as fast as he could and his heart jumped so high as well as it dropped so low that it hurt in his chest. The army convoy was in front of his home, he hadn't even heard it arrive with his senses failing him so much. He returned the hug, unable to discern if what he saw was real or a hallucination, because he felt very weak and very broken.
But just one look into those dreamy blue eyes, filled with tears of joy, made it clear to him, it was real, real enough at least. He let out a cry as heartbreaking as it was, he didn't care, and in Jonathan's embrace he clung. There he was, in one whole piece, young and handsome as he remembered him, his war uniform eating him alive, he had lost weight and needed a haircut, which he would gladly give him once his hands were not shaky. He owed the very universe he had left to die, for his life had returned to him, along with the reason to live it, in that convoy.
Apparently of all the news that were floating around, there was just one that he failed to receive. Thousands of letters had been intercepted and destroyed by the enemy, including those from Jonathan.
"I'm sorry... I'm so very sorry Sherwin... I shouldn't have left you... ever. I missed you so much...” he tried to hold back the tears but he couldn't, he squeezed his precious angel more and more and with the hoarsest and sweetest voice he could calm him down. “It's over, I promise... I'll never leave you alone again. W-wherever you go I'll go, wherever I go I'll take you with me. I promise... I promise you, mi cielito lindo.”
"I- I thought I had... lost you... forever." the poor redhead cried heartbreakingly, he would need all the love the dark-haired man could give him, and after that a little bit more.
Resuming their journey, the soldiers, survivors and companions of Jonathan left, leaving the private to comfort who from that distance they believed was his young wife. Jonathan did not let go of Sherwin that night, not for a single second, they cried out and laughed nervously together, until they fell asleep at sunrise, and even when one of them woke up from terrible nightmares, he was comforted by the other. They had a lot to heal and a lot more to live for. After all, they were the lucky ones, lucky enough to find their soulmate alive and they would not let their love be threatened again. Be it under the sunlight or in the darkness of night, even if death does them part.
The end.