Chapter Text
“We’ve received word that the Guild is planning to destroy the Armed Detective Agency.”
Dazai looks up, hearing the President’s straight forward words.
“What’s new?” Ranpo asks nonchalantly, “They’re always trying to destroy us. They never succeed.”
Kunikida sighs, not looking up from his laptop. “Their schemes have been more and more elaborate lately. We must stay vigilant.”
The President walks to the front of the office, holding a file. “Kunikida is right. Also, none of our informants have found any information regarding their plans.”
Dazai speaks up, “Could it involve the Port Mafia?”
“It always involves the Port Mafia.” Ranpo rolls his eyes.
Atsushi barges in, holding an envelope, with a grim look on his face.
"Do we want to know what that is, Atsushi-kun?" Tanizaki asks as Atsushi hands the envelope to the President.
"The envelope says it's from the Guild." Atsushi sighs as he sits at his desk. "I found it in the elevator."
Fukuzawa takes a moment to look over the letter. Facial expressions unintelligible as he reads. He seems to read it over multiple times. "This can't be real."
Ranpo stands up and takes the letter from the president. He puts on his glasses and reads it over. No one really knows if he's using his "ability" or not at this point.
He looks up at the President. "It's real."
"Well, what does it say?" Yosano asks in between sips of her coffee.
Fukuzawa hesitates, Ranpo uses the time to read it out loud.
"Dear Armed Detective Agency,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am going to be completely transparent with you and say that the Guild does indeed want the ADA gone. The same also goes for the Port Mafia, they will be receiving a similar letter to this one.
But I'd like to make things more interesting.
If we see one inter-associational relationship between the ADA and Port Mafia, we will cancel our plans. This will guarantee the safety of both associations and the city of Yokohama from the Guild.
You can choose to believe my words or not. But I think it's crucial to know that our plans are confidential and kept that way thanks to a certain ability, so there's little to no chance that you'll have enough time to investigate them; even with your 'master detective'.
You have one week.
It's up to you to decide what you do with this information.
I'm excited to see how this plays out.
~ A Guild Associate"
"A Guild associate..?" Kenji ponders.
Dazai practically chokes hearing the contents of the letter.
"What could they mean by 'inter-associational' relationship?" Kyouka questions.
Fukuzawa sighs. "If they meant an alliance they would’ve just said so..”
“This isn’t very characteristic of the guild..” Tanizaki starts. “Ranpo-san, are you sure it’s real?”
Ranpo nods. “Unfortunately, it’s real.”
Kunikida sighs. “Dazai, do you have any ideas? Acquaintances from the Port Mafia maybe?”
Dazai practically slams his head on the desk as he mumbles, “Yes.”
“Don’t do that, you’ll put a dent in the desk.” Kunikida sighs. “Who might this acquaintance be?”
Dazai stands up, grabbing what looks like a can of alcohol from his desk cabinet. “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll be back.”
"Dazai-" Kunikida starts as Dazai walks out of the agency's office.
Fukuzawa sighs. "Let's just trust that he's doing something productive."
----------
Chuuya storms out of the Port Mafia executive meeting, not believing anything he just heard, mumbling to himself. "There's no way in hell any of that could be real. What would the Guild even gain from that?"
He storms into his office and before he can shut the door, he sees Dazai sitting on his desk.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"Calm down, Hat rack. You'll alert everyone in the building." Dazai starts. "You should know why I'm here."
"You don't really believe that letter do you? And how did you even get in here??"
Dazai stands up and walks toward Chuuya. "Do you want to not believe the letter and put all of Yokohama at risk?" Also, since you know why I'm here, you must've had the same idea-"
"How did you get in here??"
"Don't avoid the question."
"You're avoiding my question too, you piece of shit."
"No need for the profanity."
As Dazai approaches, Chuuya backs up, eventually hitting the wall. Dazai practically pins him to the wall.
"Wow, I thought you were smarter than this." Dazai teases.
"You smell like alcohol."
"You think I could do this sober?" Dazai asks. "I don't like this anymore than you do."
"Then, stop."
"I will if you have a better idea."
Chuuya pauses for a moment before groaning.
"I take it you don't have a better idea."
"I don't.. yet."
"So will you at least agree to somewhat convincingly fake a relationship with me until we do figure something out. The agency's like family to me and it'd be dangerous to have anyone else fake this."
"And this isn't dangerous?"
"It's a lot safer than having hmm.. I don't know.. the two bosses-"
"HELL NO."
"Exactly."
"How exactly do we fake this?"
"Remember when we.." Dazai practically gags. "Remember when we actually were together."
"I'm not doing any of that shit with you."
"Oh trust me, I wouldn't do most of that no matter how drunk I am."
"Then what do you have planned."
"Well first of all, I'm surprised you haven't hit me or anything for cornering you like this."
"Spit it out, you blockhead-"
Footsteps can be heard and before they can do anything, Akutagawa walks in.
Silence ensues as they all make awkward eye contact with one another.
A few moments later, Akutagawa turns around to leave. "Excuse me.."
Chuuya finally pushes Dazai, sending him stumbling back slightly and walks towards Akutagawa. "You saw nothing."
Akutagawa stops for a moment. "I wish."
Chuuya nudges Akutagawa out the door. "Alright, maybe you did see something. But don't say anything about it. He just happens to be very drunk, there's nothing going on."
"Do you take me for an idiot? This is about the letter."
"Yes it is, but it's not what it looks like."
"What is it then?"
"It's a negotiation."
"Looks like a little more than that."
Dazai buts in finally realizing what Chuuya had said, "Wait, I'm not that drunk."
"Dazai, you need to get out." Chuuya states flatly.
"I wasn't done explaining."
Chuuya sighs. "Akutagawa, don't mention anything to the Boss until we have things figured out."
"Shouldn't you consult with him?"
"No."
Chuuya closes the door before turning around to look at Dazai. "Go on."
"Things never change, he always walks in at the worst times. Remember that one time he walked in on us-"
"Dazai, spit out your plan or get out right now."
"Okay okay." Dazai pulls out a small piece of note paper. "To be completely honest, I didn't plan this far, so I'll text you the plan later-"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TEXT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE??"
"I didn't think of that."
"I'M SURE YOU DID-"
"Calm down, Pipsqueak. Where do you keep your wine again?
"Get out-"
"Just kidding, I already grabbed some." Dazai pulls a bottle of wine out of his coat.
Chuuya storms towards him and tries to grab it, resulting in Dazai raising it above his head.
"Give it back." Chuuya says through gritted teeth.
"I don't think I will." Dazai pops the top off and takes a sip.
Chuuya snatches the wine bottle out of Dazai's hand and walks towards his desk, taking a sip.
"Was that an indirect kiss? Gross!"
"So childish." Chuuya avoids the question. "If you're going to be like that, at least drink from a glass."
Chuuya takes a seat at his desk, pulling out two wine glasses and gesturing to Dazai to take a seat.
Dazai chuckles. "Weren't you just telling me to get out?"
"Do you want some or not?" Chuuya barks, having already poured the wine and drinking from his own glass.
"Alright, alright." Dazai takes a seat. "This better be poisoned."