Work Text:
I’m pregnant. No, don’t think it, say it! Spit it out, break the silence that fills the large kitchen you find yourself in and tell your boyfriend that the protection was ineffective and, yet, here you sit with a child, his child, currently growing inside of you.
“Rafael, do you want kids?” Not exactly spilling the beans but, still, good start. Better than not saying anything at all, I guess.
“What?” My boyfriend questions as he dumps the cut mixed fruit into the blender for his daily morning smoothie - a healthy change from his obsessive intake of coffee that took more than a little convincing on my part for him to give up
“You and I have been together for a long while now, Rafi, and I just wonder sometimes if you’re interested in being a dad someday, start a family, you know? That’s all”
Yeah, together for seven months and we still have yet to talk about both family and marriage. Hell, our future together in general. Both of us too consumed with work to even have to time to think about anything else, including ourselves. I know, it’s pretty fucked up, it sounds like an excuse to avoid difficult conversations but it’s not. Sadly, this is our reality.
“Are you pregnant, Y/n?” He asks with concern lacing his voice, his large green eyes soft and glossy under furrowed brows.
I bow my head, staring at my plate, stabbing at my eggs nervously with the prongs of my fork as I answered with a whisper and a small nod “Yes”
Rafael takes in a deep breath through his nostrils, his heart racing inside his chest “Ar-Are you sure?”
“I took three tests, all with the same result so, yes, I’m pretty sure. I still have them as proof in case you wanted to see them for yourself”
“No. No, that’s not necessary. Um…” He lifts a hand, running his thumb across his forehead, scratching away an itch “When did you find out?”
“One hour ago” I reply anxiously, the tip of my tongue poking against the inside of my cheek
“Okay. Okay”
I raise my head, glancing at my boyfriend with tears sitting in the brim of my eyes “Can you talk to me, tell me how you’re feeling? Are you happy, are you sad, are you upset, are-”
“I…” Rafael shakes his head as he reaches a hand into the pocket of his navy blue dress pants, pulling out his vibrating cellphone, taking a peek at the screen “Mierda, I have to run” he walks around the counter to where I sat, pecking a quick kiss on my cheek “Lo siento”
“Right” I speak to myself, swallowing back tears as I finish the rest of my eggs and take his smoothie for myself, drinking it on my own commute to work.
I step into the precinct pretending everything is fine, greeting my co-workers with a smile as I sit down and finish the paperwork I had started yesterday, my only break here and there being the brief bathroom trips where I lock myself in the stall and sit on the floor with my head in the toilet spilling my guts all over the bowl.
When afternoon had arrived, I was unaware until my boyfriend waltzes in
“Hey” he voices warmly, grabbing my attention. I glance at him briefly, saying nothing “Usual place?”
Our usual place is a little diner near by where we grab a bite to eat every afternoon. It’s become a tradition ever since we first made our relationship public where Rafael picks me up and we head down, eat, and just talk about anything and everything besides work and our relationship, sadly.
“I’m not hungry” I fib coldly, keeping my eyes glued to the computer screen in front of me
“Are you sure?”
“Mhm”
“Alright” He knew I was lying. He could sense I was upset but refused to say anything more, especially in front of everyone else regarding the one thing he knew damn well I was upset with him for in the first place - walking out on me in the very moment I needed him most, work or no work.
Three hours later and Rafael was back in the precinct, finding me still seated at my desk. He drops a plastic bag in front of me.
“What is this?”
“You didn’t want to come out to lunch so I brought the lunch to you. You’re welcome”
“I told you I’m not hungry”
“That was hours ago” my boyfriend retorts “You’re…” You’re eating for two now is what he wanted to say but he stops himself, taking a peek at my partner seated across from me “You’re working more than you eat, it’s unhealthy” he musters instead
“I eat when I’m hungry”
Rafael scoffs “Let’s talk. In private”
“No can do, I’m busy”
“Well, I have something important to tell you so I need you to get your ass up and follow behind me. Now”
"Ouch" My partner breaks out in a fit of giggles as my boyfriend does not even bother to wait, immediately exiting towards the break room. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised that Rafael had actually authoritatively ordered me to do something outside of the bedroom but, here we are, my mouth slightly agape as I stand from my seat and make my way towards the room where Rafael stood, sipping on a hot cup of coffee. So much for a healthy change.
“Seriously?” I spew bitterly “We’re doing this here? Now? You couldn’t wait until w-”
“I’m afraid”
“What?”
“You heard me. I’m afraid of being a father. I’m afraid of becoming...my father. He beat my mother, he beat me. The man has been dead for fifteen years and still till this day I am afraid. I am afraid that when this child is born there will come a day where something will happen that will set me off and my true co-”
“Jesus Christ, stop” I place my palms on his cheeks and pull him into a deep short-lived kiss “Just stop. Listen to me, I don’t think you are anything like your father, Rafi. If you were, I think you would have shown that side by now. But, just in case, I will make you a promise that if I see a hint of any form of abuse towards me and our child, I will one-hundred percent leave your ass. ¿Bien?”
He smiles warmly, nodding his head in acknowledgement ”I really fucking love you, you know that?”
“I love you more, papi” I peck a kiss on his lips “So, tell me, how else are you feeling?”
“Honestly, too many emotions to mention”
“Likewise, but you know what? We’ve gotten through much worse together. We’ll get through this one too and I’ll even go as far to say that there will come a time where you will eventually fall in love with being a father so much to the point you’ll be asking if we should have another baby after this one”
“Quizás” Rafael chuckles “And in case that does happen, what would you say in return?”
“I wouldn’t say anything. What I would do instead is grab your hand, drag you into the bedroom and fuck you silly”