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It was his eyes.
They were her first weakness, and they would be her last. Over the years she’d endured co-existing with him as children, growing into teenagers in the same year, forced into close proximity due to being in the same house. She had always kept her distance. She didn’t like him and she didn’t like the goons that he kept in front of him like dogs.
But then she’d seen his eyes.
It wasn’t a typical night. She’d snuck out to look at the stars with Morgana, something they did every year on her birthday, and she had crept back into the common room in the early hours of the morning. The castle was still, the dungeon was dark, but she’d spotted his silhouette in front of the roaring fire.
Sighing, she made sure her steps were loud, signaling her approach. She wasn’t afraid of punishment, that shiny little prefect badge he treasured did not scare her, but more so not to startle him. Sneaking up on a witch or wizard who might have their wand on hand could lead to more issues than it was worth.
Draco angled his head over his shoulder as she crossed the back of the couch. His eyes barely regarded her before he looked back to the fire, swirling his glass of whiskey in his hand.
Ryan slowed, but did not pause. Typically, if someone was sitting here this late, pondering over nothing in front of the fire and nursing a drink, it usually meant that something was bothering them. It was a Wednesday night, they had class early the next morning, and still Draco was nursing a half-empty bottle of whiskey.
Letting out a long breath through her nose, she halted. She glared up at the ceiling, cursing herself for even considering this, before she spun around to look at him.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
Draco’s jaw tightened. His eyes never left the fire. “This may be a couch, Orbit, but you are not my therapist.”
Ryan scoffed, dropping her hands to her sides. “It’s abundantly clear why you’re out here all alone, Malfoy.”
She turned to leave, but he spoke again.
“Do you ever think that maybe some people want to be alone?”
“Look, I’m sorry I even asked.”
“Or do you just insert yourself into everyone’s business, Orbit?” he spat.
Ryan whirled back around, glaring at him. She stilled when she saw him staring right back, eyes wide instead of narrowed- gaze less mocking than she’d seen it before. His hair was untidy, falling in front of his face, drawing attention to his red rimmed eyes.
Shit.
Shit.
She’d walked in on Draco Malfoy crying?
“I-,” she started, stepping toward him but immediately pausing when he sneered in her direction. “I won’t do it again.”
Tearing her eyes from his broken ones, she rushed into the girls dormitory. As she changed into her night clothes and crawled into bed, burying herself under the covers, she couldn’t help the nagging, heavy feeling in her chest. The man made of steel and iron was breakable. He’d broken, and she’d interrupted.
Those eyes weren’t full of malice, they weren’t cold and detached. They were broken.
~*~
Months passed and Ryan and Draco avoided each other just as efficiently as they had before. They didn’t speak unless they had to, and they never stayed in the same room for too long, but Ryan was always watching.
She started seeing him differently. Yeah, he was one of the worst people she knew, but she was starting to see the invisible shield he’d built around himself. More shockingly, she had realized that even though he was horrible to other people, he was strangely loyal and protective of his friends.
And his eyes. His eyes were always sad.
Ryan had been studying late in the dungeons, enjoying the silence, when Draco sauntered in with Pansy and Theo. She glanced up, meeting their eyes, and nodded in greeting before returning to her books.
Draco gestured toward the dorms, but did not move. Theo and Pansy seemed to understand the unspoken signal, and departed to their separate dormitories for the night, but Draco lingered near the dungeon doorway. Ryan pretended not to notice, but glanced his way when his footsteps started toward her.
His hair was perfectly pulled back, away from the sharp lines of his face. He had his hands buried in the pockets of his black dress pants as he strode toward her. His lip pulled at the side into a strange kind of smirk, and even though he was trying to mask it, that sadness still shone behind those steel eyes.
He stopped just before the table, but said nothing.
Ryan raised her brows. “Yes?”
“Is everything alright?” he said in an exaggerated, mocking tone- making a face to go with it.
Ryan rolled her dark eyes. Oh, please. This is what she got in return for checking in on an arsehole.
Draco laughed under his breath, pulling out the chair across from her. He sat. “Oh, come on, Orbit. It’s a joke.”
“Thankfully you’re one of the smartest students in our year,” Ryan bit out, underlining a passage in her text. “Because you wouldn’t make it as a comedian.”
“I beg to differ. I am a man of many talents.”
Ryan huffed, shaking her head curtly. She trailed her finger along the words in her book, hoping Draco would get the hint and leave. He didn’t. He sat across from her in silence, leaning back comfortably in his chair.
Ryan peered up at him again after a long moment of silence. “Do you need something, Malfoy?”
Draco considered this, looking off into the distance, his arm draped over the back of his chair. He played with the silver rings on his finger as he pursed his lips.
“Therapy, maybe? If you’re still practicing.”
Ryan rolled her eyes again, for the second time in a few minutes. She must be setting a new record. Done with his antics, and clearly unable to continue her revision, she slammed her books shut and began to gather her things.
“Come on, Orbit!” Draco barked out a laugh. “You know, this is a double standard. You can harass me during my alone time, but I’m not allowed to do the same to you?”
“I wasn’t harassing you,” she bit back, standing. She met his eyes. “You looked upset, I wanted to make sure that you weren’t about to throw yourself off of the Astronomy Tower. Sue me.”
Draco’s smile wavered, but he stood with her, trying to realign his face back to this happy-go-lucky, arrogant act he was putting on. He reached for her as she swung her bag over her shoulder, gripping her by the elbow.
Ryan froze under his touch.
“Hey. It was a bad night,” he said quietly, peering down at her. Those damn eyes, she could see so much more than he was offering swimming in them. “Next time you find me in that position, I won’t be such a prick, okay?”
“Like you said,” she seethed, adjusting her bad. “I’m not your therapist. It won’t happen again.”
She left him in the common room, but thought about his eyes again all night as she tossed and turned.
~*~
But it did happen again, and she didn’t walk away.
It was a month after that conversation when she walked into the common room in the middle of the night, bundled in a blanket. Her dark hair was pulled into a messy knot at the nape of her neck, her eyes bruised from lack of sleep. She’d been having trouble sleeping for a few nights, nursing injured pride from Auggie kissing Matilda after going on two dates with her. She’d become the butt of all of the jokes. It aggravated her.
After a week of this lack of sleep, her roommates finally scolded her for moving around so much. She was fine taking the couch.
Draco’s gaze shot upward from his spot in front of the fire. Ryan froze, clutching her blanket tighter around her shoulders, her eyes skimming his face before glancing at the whiskey in his hand.
They stared at each other. Ryan swallowed, unsure if she wanted to proceed into the common room or run the way she came.
Draco let out a long breath through his nose, his eyes never leaving hers. Inexplicably, he outstretched his hand and offered her the glass of whiskey.
Ryan sucked up her pride and walked forward, letting go of one end of her blanket to take the amber liquid from him. She brought it to her lips, watching him carefully as he went back to regarding the fire, and down the glass. She placed it on the table, dropping into the spot beside him on the couch.
He didn’t scoot over to make room. He let their legs touch as the silence spread between them. After a few moments, he re-filled the glass and handed it to her without looking at her. He took the bottle in his own hand, tapping the neck of it to the rim of hers, and took a swig.
“So, is everything alright?” he muttered, gray eyes locked on the flames.
Ryan let out a sigh, sipping from the glass and enjoying the burn that slid down her throat, warming her. “No.”
“Ah,” Draco nodded, holding the bottle between his knees. He glanced over at her. “Me neither. What happened to you?”
Ryan stared at him, her eyes narrowing slightly. She debated if telling him was a wise move. He could use it against her in the future. He could make fun of her like every single Gryffindor was besides Morgana.
Finally, she decided it didn’t matter. He’d probably already heard about it anyway.
“Auggie Bliggorian went on a few dates with me and was snogging another girl an hour after our last one,” she said, gripping her glass tightly. She rolled her eyes when Draco’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
“Auggie Bliggorian?” he asked slowly, a slow smile creeping onto his lips. “As in the oaf with the ears that stick out like they were put on sideways?”
Ryan shot him a look of warning.
“I’m sorry,” he barked out a laugh, bringing the bottle up to his lips. He held her stare as he spoke against the rim. “I don’t think that’s something that should keep you up at night.”
“He was nice!” she protested.
“Clearly not if he’s shoving his tongue down another broad’s throat the second he could,” he scoffed.
Ryan rolled her eyes, bringing her glass to her lips and taking a generous drink. She regretted saying anything at all, her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. Auggie Bliggorian was not the best looking but he was sweet. For once, she believed a boy actually liked her.
“What about you?” she asked. “Why are you out here brooding?”
“Ah,” Draco said, leaning back against the couch. His white dress shirt fell open on his neck, his sleeves unbuttoned and loose. He cocked his head, a look of displeasure flashing across his face. “My dad’s a dick.”
Ryan couldn’t help the laugh that rocked through her. Draco shot her a glance, a gentle smile tugging on his lips.
“I’m sorry!” she said through giggles. She covered her grin with her glass. “I’m sorry, it’s not funny. It’s not. I just wasn’t expecting that answer from you, Malfoy.”
“Draco,” he corrected quietly, his gaze locked on her face, on her smile behind her glass.
“What?” she asked, catching her breath.
“Call me Draco. Please,” he said, and when her smile dwindled, he turned his gaze back to the fire, lifting the bottle for another sip. “Let’s finish this bottle and drown our sorrows, shall we? To Lucius and Auggie with the weird ears.”
Ryan smiled, snuggling into her blanket. Her leg rubbed against his, but he did not move. “To shitty men ruining the world one day at a time.”
~*~
They’d gotten closer after that. Not friends, really, but they’d find each other in the common room at night and hang out until morning more frequently than either would have expected. It was easy, under the mask of darkness. Nobody looked in on them and assumed, nobody spread unnecessary gossip, and they could talk about what they needed to and leave it by the fire.
But then, one afternoon, it exploded.
Ryan was walking down the corridor with Morgana when Draco turned the corner with Blaise, Theo, Crabbe and Goyle. None of them really paid her any mind, and she’d smiled gently at Draco without stopping, but at the last moment, Crabbe had stuck out his foot and sent Morgana crashing to the floor.
Ryan hadn’t been expecting it, so she hadn’t had time to catch her. Morgana hit the floor face-first and her nose erupted with blood.
Ryan immediately took out her wand, and the Slytherins did the same. Draco didn’t. He stared at her, hands buried in his pockets, but said nothing.
“Next time you want to correct me in class, Ryeburn, make sure it doesn’t lose me house points,” Crabbe snarled, but his glare was locked on Ryan, daring her to make a move.
Blaise smirked, glancing down at Morgana, who was holding her face as she struggled to get to her feet.
“Next time make it a fair fight,” Ryan snapped, still holding her wand directly at Crabbe’s face. “Or were you afraid she’d embarrass you further?”
“Wasn’t it Bliggorian who embarrassed you?” Blaise asked, cocking a brow. “You gave him everything and you still weren’t good enough, were you?”
Ryan’s teeth ground together. Her grip tightened on her wand, desperate to shoot a hex. Her eyes flickered to Draco, who just stared at her, expression unreadable. She waited, just for a moment, in hopes that he’d butt in. She’d seen him defend his friends for less, and surely she was a friend now, right?
He stayed silent, a muscle in his jaw ticking.
“Sounds like all of the men who made the mistake of marrying your mother,” she seethed, tearing her eyes away from Draco to glare at Blaise. Blaise’s face flashed with surprise, but Theo burst out laughing- dropping his wand. “Get the hell out of here. I’m taking her to the hospital wing.”
Theo pushed Blaise to move, making fun of him loudly as the group migrated down the hall. Ryan helped Morgana to her feet, just as she burst into pained tears. She held her upright and began the slow trek to the hospital wing, refusing to look back and see if Draco was watching.
That night, she’d stared at the ceiling for so long that she drove herself crazy. In a huff, she threw off her blankets and stormed out of the dormitory. She threw open the door to enter the common room, marching into the open space and immediately finding Draco pacing the room, hand rubbing his lower jaw.
He glanced at her, surprise washing over his face, and immediately rushed toward her.
“Don’t!” she demanded, holding up a hand.
He stilled, raising his hands. “Look-.”
“-You’re a piece of shit,” she seethed, cutting him off. “I want the couch tonight. Alone.”
“Ryan.”
“You’re awful, you know that?” she bit out, taking a threatening step toward him. “I gave you the benefit of the doubt when nobody else has any kind words to say about you, but they are right, aren’t they? You’re awful.”
“I never claimed not to be,” he said, burying his hands in his pockets again.
“Merlin, Malfoy,” she spat with disgust, noting the way he flinched at the resurgence of his last name from her tongue. “You won’t even attempt to break the cycle, will you?”
Draco let out a sharp laugh. “Dr. Orbit, diagnosing me again. Daddy issues? Original.”
“Oh, sod off,” she barked, rolling her eyes. She marched to the couch, dropping herself onto it. “I want the couch, Malfoy. Go back to bed.”
“No.”
Ryan groaned, placing her face in her palms.
“I panicked, alright? I didn’t want them asking questions. I didn’t want them butting in to what we have here, okay? They would! They’d be all over it.”
Ryan just shook her head, not moving her hands from her face. “So, what? I’m your little secret friend? That’s your excuse for injuring my friend and letting your mates berate us both?”
“I didn’t say I handled it like I should have.”
“Go to bed, Draco.”
“No,” he said again. “This isn’t something I’m willing to give up, Ryan. So, if injuring ten of your friends ensures that I keep this, that I keep you, that is what I'll do.”
“Well, you gave it up by doing exactly that,” Ryan spat, dropping her hands to her lap. She glared at him over her shoulder and immediately regretted it. Those eyes again, pained and torn. “And I am not yours to keep, Draco.”
Draco nodded, glancing over his shoulder. He looked back at her after a moment. “Fine. But, I want you to be.”
“Draco,” she warned, her patience wearing thin. “Please, just go to bed.”
“No,” he said again.
He walked around the couch, allowing the silence to penetrate. He lowered himself on the couch next to her, as close as they always did, legs touching, though this time she moved her knee from his.
“I want you, Orbit,” he said, and she stilled- whirling to face him. His eyes were serious. Those eyes. “I want you. I come up with reasons to come out here and see you every few nights. Don’t take that away from me. I’ll settle for this. I won’t ever ask you for more, but I want you, Ryan. It makes me do stupid things.”
Ryan’s eyes had widened at some point, her throat dry. She stared at him, watching the way his stare never wavered. He meant it. Every word.
Her heart skipped in her chest. “What?”
“I’ll apologize to your friend, if you’d like,” he continued, like that was still the issue at the forefront of this conversation. “I’ll grovel, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
“Draco,” she whispered.
A slow smile tugged at his lips. “I’m not taking it back.”
“Really?” she asked, brow furrowing. She deflated a bit, glancing at their knees, so close to touching. “Ever?”
Draco frowned, cocking his head. “What?”
“That one part,” she continued, looking at him. “About never asking for more.”
His brows shot upward again. They studied each other, steel burning into chocolate and melting it completely. His lip twitched at the corner again, his eyes darting to her lips. He ran his tongue over his lips quickly, leaning toward her.
Her eyes closed as his hand slid against her jaw. He pulled her face to his, allowing their lips to almost touch. “We can take that part back.”
She could feel his smirk as he pressed his lips to hers. She leaned into him, giving herself to him- all of her, and taking him in return. His long fingers slid through her dark hair, his smile fading as she deepened the kiss, as she slid her tongue along his lips and pulled him closer to her by his shirt.
Ryan felt euphoric. Oh gods, she hadn’t even realized how deeply she wanted him. His kiss set her on fire, awakened her every nerve, and she was desperate for more. For always. For him.
When they pulled away for a moment, just for a breath. Draco pecked her lips one more time, his hand still cupping her face. He pulled back enough to look at her, and she felt her control slipping, her feral need replacing all other control.
“Those damn eyes,” she muttered, tugging him back down to her lips.