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Paris was a new start, a fresh beginning. She'd told Luke as much when she'd left him in Port Charles to continue his own do-over--his marriage to Tracy Quartermaine. Though it broke something inside Laura to let the love of her life go, she couldn't deny him the smile on his face, the bounce in his step that seemingly stemmed from his association with Tracy, and Paris provided the perfect excuse. She needed to be healthy, she needed to complete her recovery. And while she probably could’ve found a doctor closer to home, there was no way she could be any less than a transatlantic flight away from Luke if she hoped to make a clean break. And a break was what she needed.
The house that Nikolas had rented for her was perfect; two small bedrooms and a little kitchen was more than she'd need. She'd spent her first few days getting unpacked and shopping for essentials before meeting with the Institute's staff to plan her ongoing therapies. Then she'd scrubbed the little house to within an inch of its life, although the cleaning crew that had come through after the last resident had been almost obsessively thorough. She didn't--couldn't--stop to think about her children, her mother, her home. Her eyes passed over the silver-framed photographs scattered on tables throughout the house without really seeing.
When she finally exhausted every ounce of energy that remained in her body, she sank to the couch and stared at the closest picture. In it, Nikolas was holding his son, waving Spencer's chubby little hand to say 'hi' to his grandmother. Laura's mouth twisted in a wry smile as she realized she'd never been able to see little Spencer during her short time in Port Charles. He'd been sick, and Nikolas worried about dragging him out in the cold and snow. She idly hoped that her son would keep his promise and bring everyone to visit her, and soon. Fresh start or not, her children were a part of her soul, and Laura ached at not being able to see them, hold them, advise them. Taking a steadying breath, she pulled herself off the couch and made her way into the bathroom, scouring away a day's worth of cleaning with a steaming shower.
She was climbing into bed and slipping beneath the covers, about to congratulate herself on what a smart decision she'd made with this journey, when the picture on her nightstand caught her eye. Laura instantly regretted her haste in unpacking; if she'd been more careful, she might not have placed it there. She might not have brought it out of the suitcase at all, if she'd been paying attention. But there it was, Luke's face grinning out at her. Her fresh start crumbled and her heart shattered and Laura broke down.
***
The next day was a little better--she only let herself cry a little, after Lulu called to check on her. They'd talked for hours, about everything under the sun, and afterwards, Laura had felt a thousand percent better. She'd told Lulu that she was planning to explore the city sometime soon, so she decided that was as good a time as any, and she pulled her coat on and stepped out into the brisk Paris afternoon. Strolling down the sidewalk, Laura took in the beauty around her, trying to appreciate the gift she'd been given, this chance to explore one of the loveliest cities in the world, with one of the greatest histories. Yet all she saw were things she wanted to show Lucky, the museums Nikolas would gladly spend an entire afternoon escorting her through, the restaurants she and Lulu could sit in, and sip red wine and talk about Johnny and Luke and how similar they were despite being so different in many ways. Every shop window had a toy she made a mental note of; within hours, she had a shopping list a mile long for Christmas that would make her grandsons squeal with delight. And Laura let herself rest on those thoughts, imagining her children coming to visit, bringing the people they loved most in the world. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew who was in the background of that fantasy, smiling and holding her hand, but she refused to peer that far into it, dwelling instead on what she knew she could make happen.
***
"It's going really well," Laura said with a smile. "I like my doctors a lot, and I think the combination of medication and therapy is...well, I don't know if it's working, but I haven't seen a hint of a relapse, so that's a good thing."
"That's great, Mom." Lulu's smile was evident in her voice. "So you...um, you think maybe you'll be home soon? I'm not trying to rush you, I promise, it's just..."
"It's almost Christmas," Laura acknowledged, fighting a wave of sadness. "And I've missed so many Christmases already, haven't I?"
Lulu hurried to reassure her. "That's not your fault! I just--we miss you."
We. Laura sighed softly. "I miss you, too, sweetheart. And Lucky, and Nikolas. But I don't know if I'm ready."
"To face Dad?"
Laura had to laugh, although it was strained. "God, you're so smart. Too smart, maybe."
"He misses you. I mean, he's okay, but I know he'd love to see you."
"Lulu..."
"Just promise me you'll think about it."
"I'll think about it."
"Promise."
"Lesley Lu..." Laura trailed off. "I promise."
"Good. I've gotta go, Mom, Johnny's here and we're going out. I love you."
"Love you, too, baby. Have fun."
"I will."
Laura smiled to herself, trying to sound pouty when she added, "Promise."
"Mo-o-o-m," Lulu giggled. "I promise. Loveyoubye!"
***
The package arrived on the twenty-second of November, in the middle of a special airing on the History Channel about the assassination of JFK. Nikolas had apparently spared no expense when setting up Laura's accommodations, including a spectacular satellite system, so she received some of the American channels. She muted the documentary and went to answer the door, surprised but pleased to see the FedEx employee on the other side of the door. She signed for the package and stepped back inside, shivering from the draft. She sank back onto the couch and tucked her feet up beneath her, capturing an errant blonde hair behind her ear before tearing into the big box. Once she'd made it through the packing tape and the layer of newspaper stuffed inside, Laura was rewarded with another box, this one smaller but also taped shut. She grinned as she imagined Lucky or Nikolas trying to wrap this little gift for her, and she was finally able to wrestle it out of the box.
Laura stared down at the little mp3 player in confusion. She'd seen them before, but why her children thought she needed one was beyond her. Still, she was determined to appreciate the present, so she unraveled the little earphones and put one in her ear, clicking what she hoped was the 'Play' button.
She recognized the soft violins and tinkling piano notes immediately, and her eyes filled with tears, overflowing to run in unnoticed rivulets down her cheeks. Their song. Listening to it--for she found she couldn't press 'Stop'--Laura finally let herself acknowledge that despite everything she'd said to him about doing her best not to need him, she did. With everything she was, she missed Luke. And without him, a new beginning was just an ending.