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Bucky gasps awake, breath frozen in his chest as he quickly takes in his surroundings. For a moment he swears he can feel the cold metal of the table under his back, the cuffs shackling his wrists and ankles, and the strap over his chest. And then the metal dissolves beneath him and he’s on damp grass, camped out under the stars with a few hundred snoring men who’ve just escaped hell on Earth. And beside him, right next to him, is his best guy, his best friend, four times bigger and just as feisty. Bucky shivers and curls into the heat pouring off Stevie’s giant new frame until they’re pressed up together and Bucky can smell him, dirty and sweaty and just the same as a hot summer night in Brooklyn.
Steve rolls over and slings and arm over Bucky, burying his face in Bucky’s neck and mutters, “You okay, Buck?”
“Yeah, jus’ a dream.”
Steve squeezes his arm around Bucky and exhales a hot gust of breath over his neck and everything’s okay. Everything’s just fine.
They make it back to base and get a few good hot meals in them before they’re sent back out. The nightmares don’t stop, but Steve is always right there, so it’s not so bad. He doesn’t let himself think about how Steve was supposed to be back home in Brooklyn, safe, away from this hell. He doesn’t let himself think about Zola’s table, the needles, the knives, the bloody-horror-shit-show that Steve, his Stevie, has wandered into unawares. He doesn’t think about whether he’s more grateful or more furious that Stevie saved him from that god awful place.
“What’s on your mind, Buck?”
Bucky sighs, snapping out of his thoughts as he sets out his bedroll for the night. “Nothin’ much, Just thinking.”
“‘Bout what?” Steve asks, and the fact that he didn’t say something witty like “don’t hurt yourself” shows just how concerned he is.
Bucky searches his mind for an excuse, anything to say that isn’t ‘you’re too damn stupid for your own good’ or ‘sometimes I wish I didn’t love you so damn much you absolute nitwit’ or ‘I’m pretty sure something in me died back there and I’m not the same man I was, but neither are you.” Instead he puts on a sheepish smile and says, “It’s just lonely, y’know?”
Steve frowns.
Bucky lays back on his bedroll and hugs his pack to his chest, rubbing his face against the canvas and feels the rough fabric against his chapped lips. “Just kinda miss havin’ someone to kiss on y’know?”
“That so?” Steve chuckles, lying down next to him, closer than necessary, “Well, guess I wouldn’t know what I’m missin’.”
Bucky sits up, “What?” He asks incredulously, “you’re not telling me no one’s kissed Captain America yet?”
“Aw shuddup,” Steve groans, hiding his face in his bedroll.
“But look at you, you’re mister irresistible, Captain biceps and freedom!”
Steve groans, “There was one, well, she just planted one right on me, but it wasn’t, well, anyway, I don’t want to kiss just anyone Buck, especially if they can’t see past the surface. You know I’m not like that.”
Bucky staves off a spark of jealousy at the mystery woman who sniped Stevie’s first kiss. “Yeah, I know. The real sparkle is underneath the star spangled wrapper,” Bucky winks.
Steve scoffs and shoves him and they tousle until Mortia tells them to can it.
Bucky has a nightmare again but Steve is right there and he doesn’t let himself feel guilty when he tucks himself in right against Steve’s body to go back to sleep.
A few days later Bucky jolts awake with a muffled scream, his body damp with cold sweat. He’s in a tent with Steve who’s already facing him with a hand petting his hair.
“Shh, Buck, I’m here,” he whispers, and Bucky relaxes, curling closer to Steve as his breathing slows. “You okay?” Steve asks, eyes shining blue and earnest as ever.
Bucky chuckles shakily, “could really use some kissing right now,” he says, recalling their previous conversation.
Steve shrugs, “can’t say I’ll be very good but I can try.”
Bucky’s breath catches, because Steve is definitely having him on. But Steve is still looking at him earnestly, with a little hint of pink darkening his cheeks. “You’d do that for me Stevie?” He whispers, heart in his throat.
“I’d do anything for you, Bucky.” Steve says, so earnest it’s heartbreaking. His blue eyes and his pink cheeks are both a little darker and he looks down at Bucky’s chapped lips where he’s biting them and Steve licks his lips unconsciously.
Bucky smiles slow and small and Steve kisses him on the nose. Steve kisses him on each eyelid and on his forehead, and then looks him in the eyes and smiles something shy and coy. Bucky kisses him then, right on the lips, and it’s clumsy and their lips are chapped, and it’s absolutely perfect.
“I’d do anything for you too, Stevie.”