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Liam’s first mistake was arriving at their post-show party early.
“This a stupid idea,” he overheard Zayn say.
“I think it’s a genius idea,” was Harry’s reply.
Liam stepped inside and quickly shut the door behind him - the crisp chill of Bus 1’s air-conditioning was too precious to let outside into the summer eve.
“What’s the stupid idea?” he asked.
Perhaps Liam had closed the door with more force than he had intended, because both Zayn and Harry jumped about a foot in the air.
“Oh, hey, Liam,” Harry said, lips pulled taut across his face into a saccharine smile.
“You’re not planning on messing with Paul’s super glue again, are you?”
“No, we…” Harry began hesitantly, with a cautious look towards Zayn, who was glaring something awful at him. “We were actually thinking…”
“He won’t want to,” Zayn insisted.
“Won’t want to do what?” Liam asked.
Harry was doing a weird little dance on one of his ankles, and Zayn couldn’t seem to focus on any part of the bus that contained Liam.
Liam could picture Louis’ face in that moment. He’d give Liam a cheeky smile, lips pursed, eyebrow raised: A Challenge. Liam wouldn’t refuse the gauntlet. Not when he’d worked so hard for so many years to be more fun and carefree. To embrace life. To be more like Louis!
“Come on,” Liam said, maybe puffing his chest up just that little bit more. “Try me. What won’t I do?”
“He…” Zayn said. “He wants you to confess, mate.”
Liam let his chest deflate.
“Confess... in a church?”
Harry spoke his next words even slower than his usual drawl. “To Louis.”
Louis…. Confess to Louis… Confess to Louis?
Liam tried connecting the dots, but the diagram of his understanding ended up with more holes than Swiss cheese. Had he hurt Louis somehow without knowing? Or had Louis walked in on Liam doing something that maybe he shouldn’t have been doing in his dressing room? Liam thinks he’d remember that...
“The plan is,” Harry said, “We play truth or dare... I dare you to kiss Louis, you confess your feelings for him, he confesses his feelings for you, and all of us carry on with this tour a lot happier than if…”
“Hang on…” Liam started. His diagram was beginning to look more like Camembert now. “Guys, I don’t fancy Louis."
Harry and Zayn just stared at him.
“You’re wearing his shirt," Zayn said.
Liam became very aware of the soft, cotton fabric that was sticking to his chest. He was sweating quite a bit all of a sudden. He wondered if someone had left the door open.
“You wear Louis’ stuff all the time!” Liam argued. “You’re wearing my shirt right now!”
“Liam, we saw you smelling it,” Harry said in a pitying tone.
Which meant Liam’s first, first mistake had been leaving his dressing room door open before the show.
“He has nice cologne,” Liam said. He could feel his cheeks burning red. But there was no reason why liking his mate's cologne should embarrass him! He appreciated Louis' good sense for fragrances, that's all!
A brief rush of hot air and the sound of the door closing signified Niall’s arrival.
“What are we talking about?” he asked.
“How much Liam fancies Louis,” Harry said.
“Oh, yeah,” Niall said, and turned to Liam. “You say anything to him yet?”
Liam felt like he’d tumbled headfirst down the rabbit hole.
“Does everyone know about this except for me?!”
“And Louis,” Harry said.
“Yeah, and Louis,” Zayn said.
Niall gave Liam an encouraging smile. “But he’s completely mad for you, mate, you should go for it.”
“But I don’t fancy Louis!”
Niall gave Liam an identical stare to the one Harry and Zayn had just given him.
“You think about kissing him sometimes, though, don’t you?”
There –
There had to be an explanation for something like that. Liam was certain.
Who hadn’t ever thought about kissing their mates sometimes? Just a cheeky snog with the lads every once in a while? Especially someone like Louis! Everyone must have thought about kissing Louis at least once! He- he was the darling of the band! All the fan polls said so! Liam wasn’t special for loving the way Louis’ face scrunched up when he grinned that big, cheeky grin! Or for feeling transfixed every time Louis swayed his hips on stage. Or for thinking about Louis every night before he fell asleep... He and Louis were strictly platonic, with a capital ‘P’.
“But everyone loves Louis!” Liam finally managed to say through his startled indignance.
Zayn gave a little nod, and Niall hummed in consideration.
“Who loves me?”
Liam hadn’t even heard the door open, but there was Louis, right beside him.
“My mum does,” Niall said. “Always has.”
“Mine’s the same,” Zayn commiserated, laying a hand on Niall’s shoulder. Niall gave a solemn nod, wiping away an invisible tear from his eye like a crestfallen widow at their lover’s grave.
“That’s because we all fancy Louis a little bit,” Harry said. “Right, Liam?”
Liam felt Louis’ eyes snap onto him, and a sudden jolt that burned hotter than the Australian summer outside coursed through his body.
“I think I fancy a pint! Anyone else for a pint? Great, I’ll grab some!” Liam said, making a beeline for the refrigerator.
He had to work very hard not to notice the way his shoulder brushed Louis’ on the way over.
He retrieved the beers, annoyed at the fact that he had instinctively reached for Louis’ favourite beer. But that didn’t mean he fancied Louis! Just that Louis had good taste in beer, as well as cologne!
“I’ll have vodka!” Harry called.
So, Liam grabbed the vodka, too.
*
Which was Liam's next mistake.
"Truth or dare?”
Harry was on the fast path to liver failure, and thus now slimier than the snake in Eden. He had wormed his way across the bus to direct the question right at Liam.
More and more Liam did not trust that this night was going to end well. He should have known that putting strong spirits into Harry was only going to make things worse.
“Truth or dare,” Harry repeated. Liam noticed that two of his nipples were on full display already, and a third was half-peeking out from under the scrunched-up fabric of his shirt. It was almost indecent - If not for that fact that they’d all seen Harry starkers more times than they could count.
“No, no, no. Not Truth or Dare,” Louis piped up.
Liam thought he could kiss Louis with gratitude for speaking against the idea, but then remembered that that was the whole scenario he was trying to avoid in the first place.
“Aw, why not?” Harry pouted.
“Because last time we played you broke Niall’s finger, and we were in A&E for six hours.”
Niall, who had been cackling something wicked as Zayn threw cheese and onion crisps at him, froze solid, and a crisp smacked him right in the face.
“Okay! So no dares about putting things in… places they shouldn’t be,” Harry said. “At least not without permission,” he added with a wink.
Zayn pelted a few crisps at him, which Harry swooped at and caught in his mouth in three perfect arcs. Harry was a weird and terrifying beast when he was drunk. Liam wondered if he shouldn’t become a bit more concerned for his friend.
“Go on then, Liam. Truth or dare?” Harry asked, enunciating the words slowly this time.
Liam knew he was doomed either way. ‘Truth’ meant Harry would ask him if he had ever thought about kissing Louis. ‘Dare’ meant Harry would dare him to kiss Louis. And then Liam would have to kiss Louis otherwise Louis might think that Liam didn’t like the idea of kissing Louis - which wasn’t true! - but under these circumstances Liam very much didn’t want to kiss Louis in case Louis thought that Liam fancied Louis, because, of course, he didn’t fancy Louis!
“Alright, leave off ‘im,” Louis said, cuffing Harry lightly on the back of the head. “I’ll do it.”
In all his fantasies, Liam had never imagined Louis to be the one coming to his rescue... Because he’d never fantasised about Louis, of course. Definitely not for any other reason.
“Truth.”
“Alright, but you can’t lie,” Harry warned.
“That’s what truth means, dickhead.”
Harry brushed the comment away with a twirl of his drink. “Do you fancy anyone?”
Liam’s heartbeat fluttered underneath the fabric of Louis’ shirt.
“Yes,” Louis said.
“Oh, come on.”
“You asked me if I fancied anyone.”
“Yeah, but you’re dodging the question! He’s dodging the question, right?”
Niall was far too occupied with nibbling a crisp directly out of Zayn’s mouth to come to Harry’s aid, and Zayn was far too occupied by Niall biting at his face for said crisp to be of any help, either. Which left Liam as prime prey.
“Right, Liam?”
Although Liam dared not to look right at him, he could feel Louis watching him – Louis’ gaze was piercing enough to cut somebody in close proximity.
“I think…” he began. “I think it’s your turn to ask somebody now, Lou.”
“Thank you, Payno,” Louis said, with a pointed look at Harry.
And briefly – just briefly – in the way that his shoulders relaxed, Liam could have sworn Louis seemed relieved.
The game went on. Louis dared Niall to eat ketchup on a chocolate biscuit, and Niall downed the thing as if chocolate biscuits with ketchup were his regular evening meal.
Then Niall turned to Zayn.
“And don’t say truth, you always say truth,” Harry interjected.
Zayn rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Dare.”
Niall booped Zayn on the nose. “I dare you to snog Tommo.”
Zayn rolled his eyes again, but turned to Louis, nonetheless, a raised eyebrow seeking permission.
“Yeah, go on then.” Louis shrugged.
And then they kissed.
It was short and gentle and completely chaste but somehow, somehow the worst thing Liam had ever been forced to witness in his entire life.
He sprung onto his feet and wasn't even quite sure why.
“Oi, oi, where are you going?” Niall asked.
“Oh, um,” he started.
Louis was looking right at him, and Liam was looking right at Louis.
“Smoke."
He scurried away from Louis' gaze as fast as his feet would carry him.
*
Liam had never been so relieved to step out into 40-degree weather in his life. The metal bus radiated the heat back onto him in nuclear waves, and yet Liam felt cooler than he had sitting in that bus with Louis' eyes on him .
Something was flaring through Liam. Something new and strange and… spiky. But it wasn’t jealousy - it couldn’t be jealousy. Because it had just been a totally platonic kiss between friends. A cheeky snog with the lads! And Liam didn’t fancy Louis, so there really was nothing to be jealous about.
The bus door opened, and out stepped Zayn.
“Got a spare?” he asked.
Liam passed him a cigarette and they filled their lungs in silence. This was Zayn’s way of saying sorry, he thought – all part of their easy companionship. He was grateful.
“Zayn,” Liam began, regretting breaking their quiet as soon as he opened his mouth. But he really had to know. “What was it like?”
“What was what like?”
“Kiss—kissing Louis.”
Zayn shrugged, ever Mr. Cool. “’s a good kisser.”
Of course he would be. Liam couldn’t imagine anyone with lips that soft-looking ever being bad at it. He imagined a world where he had been in Zayn’s place instead - that he’d given in to Harry and let him dare Liam to kiss Louis. Then he’d know for sure what kissing Louis was like. He imagined moving softly against those lips, feeling Louis’ breath, tasting him on his tongue…
He wasn’t jealous. But then why did he felt like spiders were crawling under and over his skin every time he pictured Louis’ lips on Zayn’s? Unless… Unless Liam had been mistaken about everything. Unless…
The door opened again, and Louis emerged.
Liam was glad that he had heard him coming this time.
“Can I nick one?” Louis asked.
Liam handed it to him.
“Cheers, Payno. You’re a real love.”
Zayn stamped out his cigarette, nodded a goodbye, and disappeared back into the bus. Which just left Louis and Liam alone. Together.
“Louis, there’s—” Liam began, just as Louis started speaking, too.
“Sorry, you go,” Liam said.
“Nah, nah, you go first.”
Liam took a deep breath.
“Louis, I… think you’re wonderful.”
Louis smiled and knocked his shoulder against Liam’s.
“You’re wonderful, too, Payno.”
“No, what I mean is... What I want to say is… I think you’re really wonderful.”
Louis looked at him searchingly.
“…Truthfully?”
Liam nodded. “And there’s… something else I want to say, too… but…”
“But?”
“...You have to dare me.”
"What?”
Liam knew the time for games was long past. But he didn’t know how else he was going to work up the nerve.
“Dare me!” he blurted. Then, in a near whisper, he begged, “Please?”
Louis eyed him cautiously. A small smile curled up in the corner of his mouth. He always did love a challenge.
“Alright…” Louis said. “I dare you.”
They were very close then. And before he really knew it, the surge of courage from Louis’ dare carried Liam forwards- right onto Louis’ lips.
It was sweet, and soft, and warm. All things Liam imagine it would be.
“Was that what you wanted to tell me?” Louis asked when they parted.
A shred of braincell came back to Liam. “Oh, right, yeah, sorry. I meant to say I fancy you. But I think you probably got that, what with the…” He gestured vaguely around them.
Louis just licked his lips, and trailed that piercing gaze over Liam’s face, body, and back to his lips.
“Well, that’s good,” he said. “Because I bloody fancy you, too, Payno. I've been dropping hints near well every fucking night.”
“I didn’t know before tonight,” Liam said. “Harry wanted me to confess but I didn’t even know that I liked you like that. Except maybe I think I did know.”
Louis nodded. “Can I kiss you again now?”
Liam barely managed to nod his head before Louis’s hands were on either side of his jaw, and he was crashing back onto Liam's mouth with passionate fervour, and all Liam could think was, “Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis is snogging me, Louis is snogging me, snogging me, and I’m snogging Louis.”
When they broke apart again, forehead pressed against forehead, Liam let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Maybe he’d been holding it for years.
“Zayn wasn’t kidding,” he said softly. “You are a good kisser.”
Liam could feel the smile that spread across Louis’ face to match his own.
For every mistake he’d made that evening - every single one - Liam knew they couldn’t be all that bad. They’d led him here to Louis, after all.