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to jisung, renjun’s warm. everytime he was away, the younger one felt a sense of dejection.
“just a few hours, jisungie. i’ll be home before dark!”, were the last words the youngest heard from renjun before he basically ran out of their dorm to go hiking with a friend.
in his head, jisung was positive that he was going crazy. completely insane, all over the fact that the chinese boy was going to climb up a mountain with an older guy who’s very much talented and handsome enough to grab anyone’s attention. specifically, renjun’s. and to add to that, jun was chinese. his mind repeated that fact like the chorus of a basic pop song he’d listen to during photoshoots. it was ridiculous.
renjun never specified his type in men, very much just vague about it saying ‘i don’t know, someone similar to mark-hyung?’. that info was drilled into jisung’s head, contemplating if he should ask for specifics or not. he settled with ‘not’, that’s why he’s suffering on the couch of chenle’s apartment with a million scenarios in his head about how renjun’s hiking trip was going. admittedly too bothered to stay in their dorm and wait for him there instead.
“park jisung, i will kick you in the nuts if you end up kicking my daughter”, his bestfriend mumbled while busily watching an old warriors match. the 6-footer peeked at where his legs were bouncing, noticing daegal nearly getting hit before grunting and taking a seat.
“just tell me if he’s interested in him”, he mumbled towards chenle who audibly groaned.
“jisung, he’s 26 years old”, he replied with conviction. “you have zero reason to get all worked up and jealous-”
“woah, jealous? where’d that come from?”, he cut the 01-liner off defensively. well aware of how he sounded as chenle chuckled at his tone, making him frown.
“what did you think you were feeling? worried?”, his friend asked him incredulously. to which jisung just rolled his eyes at, wanting to slap off the amused look in chenle’s face.
“leave me alone”, he mumbled as he flopped his back onto the cushion once again.
“i don’t see jeno-hyung nor jaemin-hyung losing their minds over it this much, i’m positive you’re jealous”, his friend shrugged before turning back to the game he was watching.
jealous. jisung hated that word, he never really quite understood why people had to feel that way when things will eventually come to you if they were meant for you. jealousy’s evil in his head, him and mark agreed with each other regarding it. but as hours passed, he could no longer ignore the unsettling feeling in his stomach. not wanting to name it, but certain that his best friend would only chuckle for being right.
to jisung, renjun’s a safe place. he didn’t like talking about it, genuinely scared that he might say something odd and ruin what they have. whatever that was. but everyday, after schedules that usually go on until midnight, he would instantly feel reassured just by sitting next to him in the car on the way home. his cheeks flushed whenever the smaller one ended up falling asleep on his shoulder, sighing in both contentment and exhaustion.
and even though jisung prefers being in his room on days without schedules, his eyes would look for renjun everytime he leaves to go get snacks or water. the older one would usually smile at him and wave, asking if he’d already eaten or if he was having fun playing alone.
to jisung, renjun’s yellow. joy. he liked seeing him happy, never finding ways to irritate him despite it being cute. he loved being that one person the older one can depend on when the group starts teasing him, not caring if he’s seen as someone killing the fun.
to jisung, renjun’s beautiful. well, to everyone he is. in the younger one’s opinion, he deserves every bit of praise. because he wasn’t just pretty on the outside, his heart’s way more ethereal than any physical attribute he has.
in fact, jisung feels himself melt whenever renjun reminds him to drink vitamins and consume a lot of water. he feels himself chuckle internally everytime renjun passes him the breakfast bowl he made for them because he was “feeling energetic”.
and it didn’t take long for him to admit it might’ve been more than just admiration, but in no way was he waiting for the older one to reciprocate his feelings. it was just a crush, and jaemin thinks it’s cute while chenle said it was unexpected.
he has no idea if his crush was starting to develop into something more, maybe he never will figure it out at this point. besides, he didn’t really feel like sharing with jaemin nor chenle the very much embarrassing details of how he feels whenever he’s left with renjun. he would never hear the end of it, he was quite sure.
that’s why instead of continuously hearing from his best friend’s mouth how dumb he looks while waiting, he opted to walk around. covering up most of his face to avoid locals who might recognize him as he ignored the world, lost in the songs his playlist blasted in his ears.
every song reminded him of the short-haired boy, groaning everytime a line clicked in his head in the form of renjun. he frowned as he noticed the time, sunset nearing as he found a bus stop near their dorms. completely unaware that the road he was walking led him home.
heaving a sigh, the intro of “beyond love” played from his phone as he sat down. his thoughts very much still filled with the older one, now actually worried as it was getting late.
“it’s ‘before dark’…” he mumbled renjun’s words from before, looking at the side as he got lost in the song.
his heart jumped when a hand pulled on one of his airpods, glancing at the boy who put it on his own ear.
“what are you listening to, jisungie?”, renjun asked curiously before sitting next to him. the younger one blinked a few times, not really responding in both shock and relief. probably in joy as well. the sun was just about to set.
“ah, this song”, the older one mumbled more to himself. he bounced his head to the beat of the song, slightly humoring jisung who could only look away in the hopes of hiding his grin.
“why’re you listening to this, are you brokenhearted?”, renjun asked as he listened even more to the lyrics. the younger one shook his head immediately, mumbling about how “it’s just a good song”.
“good. how could anyone break your heart?”, he replied. jisung could only chuckle in response to that, not really knowing what to say as he looked away. it was there, the bubbling feeling in his chest and the tint of red on his cheeks. he was well aware that if renjun was to stare at him, he would definitely notice every single bit of his feelings.
“how was the hike?”, he carefully asked. he felt renjun chuckle at his question, their arms closely touching.
“it was fun, felt really healing. i wore the wrong shoes for it, but it’s fine. they weren’t ruined”, the older one’s laugh filled the taller one’s ears as he talked.
“how was your day, byeongari?”, the nickname made jisung snort. unsure how he should answer, or basically unsure what lie to tell since he couldn’t admit that he basically just waited for him the whole day.
“i hung out with chenle”, he shortly replied. trying his best to sound casual as he looked over and saw the latter nodding. but as if the heavens were testing him, him and renjun locked eyes for a second before jisung quickly looked away.
“you okay?”, the older asked. concern laced around his words, while the other could only nod vigorously— almost panicking.
“were you waiting for me?”, the question took him by surprise. not because it was unexpected, but because it was something he thought was fairly obvious yet too uncomfortable or embarrassing to talk about. he wanted to say ‘no’ just to save himself from admitting it, but that would lead to more questions that’ll only make him form lies.
“yeah, i was worried”, he was aware of how his voice died down on the last syllable but ignoring it was better than laughing about it. especially since renjun didn’t seem to notice as well.
“were you? not jealous?”, the question once again caught jisung off guard. “just worried?”, renjun added. he groaned internally as the latter chuckled, cursing chenle in his head. even without the older one saying it, he was sure it was him who spilled.
“you don’t have to be jealous, jisungie”, the older one mumbled. he didn’t have to. not that he wasn’t supposed to. ‘those are two different things, right?’ he asked himself, embarrassed at how much he was overthinking it.
“honestly, all i could think of up there was how much fun i was gonna have talking about it with you”.
to jisung, renjun’s unpredictable. not that he was spontaneous in a sense that he could genuinely just pull you away and kiss you under the rain, he was too health-conscious to do that. but in a sense that jisung never knows what the latter is thinking. but somehow, renjun always knew what jisung was thinking. and he knew how to erase his doubts. maybe unknowingly, but does that truly matter?
“oh. the sunlight looks pretty on you, hold on”, the smaller one mumbled before standing up. pulling his phone from his pocket, he moved a few steps away— checking the right angle to take pictures with. unaware of how jisung’s heart stopped at how he called him ‘pretty’.
to jisung, renjun’s someone he likes. a lot. and the fear of rejection was always greater than his fondness, but as he glanced at the latter who was focused on taking his pictures from afar it felt like he was going to vomit if he didn’t say anything.
“hyung?”, he carefully called out to him. the older one responded with a “hm?” almost immediately.
“i thought about you all day…”
two beats before renjun offered a smile, mumbling about how cute jisung was.
“me too, jisungie.”