Work Text:
Azriel stretched his scarred hands after setting down the two metallic needles that he had been holding for hours — for the past 40 minutes the tension had been building in his hands from the tedious movements, but he didn’t want to sleep without finishing his work.
His knuckles sang with relief as he stretched his phalanges and his tightened scar tissue slowly melted into relaxation as he massaged his hands.
“How does this look?” Azriel asked, nodding to the creation that laid flat on the coffee table.
He could hear the fridge shutting behind him and then the heavy footfalls of Cassian moving across the hardwood floor, and Azriel tensed as his brother approached. Azriel had spent his entire weekend working on the project in front of him, and despite his reputation as being clueless, Azriel knew that his brother understood why he dedicated 48 hours of his life to knitting a cardigan that would be useless in a few months. But that didn’t stop Azriel from dedicating all of his free time to making sure that every single stitch was perfect.
With a groan Cassian sat down next to him, Azriel could feel the leather of the couch sinking from his brother's weight, and Cassian leaned forward to drop his can of beer on the coffee table next to the small cardigan.
Azriel looked at him sharply, silently warning his brother not to spill, and Cassian rolled his eyes and scooted the frosty can across the table.
Cassian picked up the small article of clothing and inspected it, and Azriel had to admit that the sweater looked ridiculous in Cassian’s large hands. The entire garment had alternating pink and purple rows — Azriel did his best to knit small flowers into the design, and he thought that he did a good job, but now that someone else was looking at it he was hit with a sudden wave of anxiety.
“You actually made this?” Cassian asked, turning the cardigan around to look at the back and running his fingers along the rows of stitches. “Just this weekend?” Azriel nodded his head in response, his eyes trained on the cardigan because he didn’t want to see whatever expression was on Cassian’s face, but he was aware of the way Cassian shook his head and let loose a low whistle. “She’s going to love it, Az. They both are.”
Cassian set Azriel’s work back on the table and clapped his brother on the shoulder.
“Are you going tomorrow?” Azriel asked.
“Yeah, I can give it to her if you want.” Cassian offered, reaching over to grab his beer and opening it.
Azriel waited until the pop and fizz had subsided before saying, “No, I’ll give it to her myself.”
A choking sound came from Cassian’s throat, and Azriel finally looked at his brother to see his eyebrows raised to the top of his head and beer dripping down his chin.
Once Cassian managed to breathe again he said, “I should have known, really, especially since…” His voice drifted off, and his eyes landed on the cardigan that Azriel had knit.
Azriel simply nodded his head in acknowledgment of what Cassian had left unsaid.
With a stretch, Azriel stood and said good night to Cassian before turning in for the night.
___
Azriel didn’t know what to expect at a child’s birthday party, and in reality he should have expected screaming children to be a part of it, but that didn’t stop him from internally cringing as the loud shrieks of laughter filled the air and grated on his nerves.
And they were all running.
All of them. Not one single child stood still. And two of them almost knocked Azriel over as they rushed past while playing an intense game of tag — they had almost knocked the gift out of his hand, but Azriel had managed to clutch it to his chest just in time.
“You made it!” Elain’s voice called out through the noise, and Azriel swiveled in her direction. His body answered before his brain could think. He instantly relaxed as his eyes landed on her smiling form, and the small child that was resting on her hip.
“Ash! Cash!” The birthday girl beamed as she saw her two uncles, and she slapped her pudgy hands togethers as they approached.
As they walked closer Azriel could see her golden brown eyes — eyes that were just a hair lighter than her mothers, but just as warm and friendly — gleaming with happiness. She leaned forward, almost toppling out of Elain’s hold, and reached her arms up so that Azriel could grab her.
Her legs clung to his chest like a spider and her arms wrapped around his neck.
There was something that absolutely floored Azriel every time he held Sofia in his arms. Maybe it was the fact that she was so small and warm that it set off his protective instinct. Maybe it was because the young girl had immediately taken to Azriel, not once had she ever been frightened of his size or the markings on the backs of his hands, and she always just seemed happy to see him. Maybe it was because Sofia was so damn fragile and innocent that it stunned Azriel every time he saw her. Or maybe it was because there was so much of Elain in her that it caused such a reaction in him, but as he felt the racing of her heart beating in her tiny chest his resolve to protect her from the worst part of life strengthened.
“Happy Birthday Sofia.” Azriel said and planted a kiss on her forehead, and little brown curls that had escaped from her pigtails tickled his nose.
“Momma says I’m five!” Sofia said, grinning broadly in a way that caused her cheeks to puff out like a chipmunk. “She also says to thank you for coming,” The little girl placed her hands against Azriel’s chest and toyed with the buttons on his jacket. She looked a little sheepish as she leaned closer to him. “She got mad ‘cause I forgot to thank Fey.” Her voice dropped to a whisper and her brown eyes turned wide and glassy. “But I didn’t mean it.”
“You should probably thank Cassian.” Azriel whispered as he leaned forward, making sure that his face was as serious as hers, and stifled the laughter that bubbled in his chest as she eagerly nodded along — little brown curls flying.
So, Azriel handed her to her other uncle and looked at Elain and ignored the way his heart strained in his chest.
“Hi, Lain.” Azriel said as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, placing one hand on her shoulder while the other gripped the present he had wrapped in newspaper. He had spent so much time on the actual gift that he had forgotten to get the wrappings for it, so he hoped Sofia didn’t mind unwrapping cartoons off an old shoe box.
“I didn’t think you would be able to make it,” Elain said smiling, and if Azriel was to believe his own eyes, then she was blushing and the pink tint to her cheeks was because of him. “I know how hard it is for doctors to take a day off of work. It really means a lot,” Elain leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and Azriel felt his breath turn heavy in his lungs. Her lips brushed against his ear as she spoke. “Her father couldn’t make it.”
His body stilled at the words, and he turned to look at the little girl who was climbing over her uncle and laughing brightly.
“Graysen’s an asshole.” Azriel said through clenched teeth, his fingers digging into her shoulder. The thick green sweater she was wearing bunched up under his hand.
“At least she has you,” Elain said softly, placing her hand over his. “Her favorite uncle.”
Azriel nearly fell apart at the seams from the warmth and happiness shimmering in Elain’s eyes.
“He doesn’t deserve you as a wife, Elain.”
Azriel could hear her breath hitching in her throat.
“Pretty soon he won’t have me as a wife.” Elain said in a hesitant voice, and it wasn’t until then that Azriel noticed the absence of a ring on her finger.
“Elain—”
“We can talk about it later,” Elain cut him off and pressed another kiss to his cheek and Azriel swore that he could feel the Earth spinning on its axis. The leaves on the trees suddenly turned vivid — fiery red and burning oranges. And yet the beauty of the fall day around them was dim in comparison to Elain. She took a step away from him until she was just out of reach and motioned to the gift. “For Sofia?”
Azriel nodded stiffly and handed it over to her.
His heart went from freezing to doing somersaults to flatlining to spinning, and Azriel barely remembered to follow Elain and Cassian as they walked towards the gift table. Sofia was smiling over Cassian’s broad shoulder at him, and Azriel forced a smile in return.
Elain. Elain single. Elain without a husband.
He tried to calm himself — He was a fucking doctor, he knew how to keep his head cool and his hands steady under pressure, but the thought of Elain finally free from her fucking rat of a husband sent every cell of his being spiraling.
There were so many nights where Azriel held Elain’s crying and shaking form as she wondered where her husband was, and so many times where Azriel had dropped everything when Graysen didn’t show up — like when Elain’s father had died and Graysen couldn’t come home from his damned business trip, so Azriel had traveled with Elain to the funeral and held Sofia’s sad and confused body to his chest, small tears running down her plump cheeks as they lowered her grandfather into the ground.
Azriel remember every fucking second of that trip, especially as Elain looked at him with watery eyes and said he was more of a father to Sofia than Graysen ever was. He loathed himself because he let himself feel a small tug of hope in his chest during some of the worst days in Elain’s life. And ever since then he was waiting for the day where Elain would finally leave her shitty husband — she deserved so much better. Someone that actually showed up. Someone that actually cared about her and Sofia.
“You good?”
Cassian’s voice lurched Azriel out of his own head, and Azriel looked up to see Cassian looking at him with concerned eyes.
“All good.” Azriel said with a tight nod of his head.
“Ash needs cake!” Sofia said, her back practically breaking from the way she leaned backward to look at Azriel. Her messy pigtails floating next to her face.
“I’d love some, sweetheart.” Azriel said, catching Sofia as she leaned further back.
Her sharp giggle rang through the air as she enjoyed her two seconds of freefalling.
“Shoulders!” Sofia screeched and she climbed over her uncle, and Azriel laid two steadying hands on the child. “Momma!” Sofia shouted as her tiny, pudgy fingers gripped Azriel’s inky hair. “Ash needs cake!”
Elain looked over her shoulder at them, and Azriel would have given anything to know what she was thinking.
He watched as she sliced a piece of cake — the corner piece with extra frosting — and handed it to him. He tried not to read into the way her fingers lingered against his.
“Bite?” Sofia whispered as soon as her mother walked away, her heavy breath next to his cheek. Azriel turned to look at her and immediately noticed how her eyes were trained on the massive slice of cake, and Azriel wondered how long it would be until she started drooling. He quickly sunk the plastic fork into the vanilla cake and stuffed it into her mouth before he found out.
“Tank you.” Sofia said, crumbs flying out of her mouth. A bit of frosting was smeared on her face and Azriel lifted a thumb to wipe it away.
The two silently shared the cake and by the time they were done it was time to open presents.
Azriel easily lifted Sofia off of his shoulders and sat her at the head of a picnic table, on a large wooden chair decorated with pink and purple flowers.
He dutifully took all of the discarded wrapping paper that Sofia threw around as she unwrapped her presents and placed it into the trash bag that he had taken from Elain’s hands.
Eventually, Sofia was handed a present decorated with peanuts comics. She ripped the paper away to expose the box beneath, and Elain raised an eyebrow at Azriel and said, “Size 13 converse? They might be a bit big.”
Azriel rolled his eyes with a smile and urged Sofia to open the box.
A soft gasp fell from Elain’s lips as she took its contents.
Two chubby hands gripped the cardigan that Azriel had made, and Sofia looked at it in wonder. Her pink mouth fell open and her innocent eyes widened, and Azriel couldn’t remember ever seeing an expression that was so pure and wholesome.
“ Pink, ” Sofia whispered almost reverently, “ Purple ,” Azriel had never seen eyes that wide before. “I want to wear it please,” Sofia turned towards her mother and extended her arms out, showing off her present. “Please Momma.” She shook the small cardigan.
Elain moved quickly, taking the sweater from her childs hand and tucking it into the crook of her elbow. She undid the zipper on Sofia’s sweatshirt, revealing a matching pink shirt underneath, and maneuvered Sofia’s soft arms into the sleeves of the cardigan and then buttoned the silver plastic buttons on the front of the cardigan.
Azriel was more than a little relieved to see that the cardigan was a hair too big, so that it had a little more life in it than he had previously expected.
“No eating while you’re wearing this, darling, we don’t want it getting dirty,” Elain said as she kissed Sofia on the cheek, the small girl twisted to show off her new sweater. Her little arms stretched out as she looked at the sleeves with a dazed smile. Elain took a step back, leaning into Azriel as she whispered, “She loves it.”
“I thought she might,” Azriel, smiling down at Elain. “I figured pink and purple would be a safe choice.”
It was well known that Sofia loved anything and everything in those colors, and more often than not her fingernails were painted in differing shades from the palest pink to bright magenta to the deepest purple.
“It’s unique,” Elain commented as she looked at her daughter. “Where did you get it?”
There was a beat of silence, which caused Elain to turn her face towards Azriel. But Azriel kept his eyes trained on the preening child.
“I made it.” Azriel said in a tone he hoped was casual, but he could feel Elain stiffen at his side.
“Az,” Elain whispered and placed her palm against the back of his hand, over the scars that mangled his skin. “Thank you — That’s amazing. How did you even find the time? How —” Her fingers pressed closer to his skin, and Azriel finally turned to look at her and the way that she was looking at her, as if he had somehow pulled the stars out of the night sky and handed them to her as if they were diamonds, made his knees quake. “Thank you.”
Elain leaned on to her tippy toes and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. The soft skin of her lips barely connecting with his, but it was enough to make Azriel dizzy.
“Pretty?”
They pulled away at the sound of Sofia’s little voice.
Azriel looked at the little girl who had her hands fisted in the hem of her sweater, and he noticed the nervous way she looked around and the pink blush on her plump cheeks. His heart nearly melted at her bashful expression.
Sofia looked at them with large doe eyes as she waited for their answer.
Azriel dropped the trash bag from his hand and let it fall to the grass at his feet, and he placed his hands on his knees as he knelt towards Sofia.
Delicate blonde lashes lined her eyes as she looked at him, as if she was nervous about what he would say.
“Beautiful,” Azriel said and kissed her forehead, “Just like your mom.”
Sofia bent a little at the knees and smiled at the words.
“Thank you for my present.” Sofia said, wrapping her arms around herself.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“He worked all weekend on it, bunny.” Cassian’s booming voice came from across the table, and Azriel turned towards it to see his brother with his arm wrapped around Nesta’s shoulder.
A loud gasp came from the little girl.
Azriel looked and saw two brown eyes staring at him in amazement.
“Ash made it?” Sofia asked as she fingered the fabric. Azriel slowly nodded his head. “How?”
Azriel raised his hands and pantomimed knitting and said, “Well, I use two needles and I wrap the yarn around the needles, and I move the needles like this and it creates a stitch.” The little girl's eyes followed the movements of his hands.
She let go of her sweater and brought two hands out to clasp one of Azriel’s, her small, pale hands gently moving over the gnarly scars on his skin.
“Beautiful,” Sofia said and pressed a wet kiss on the back of his hand before dropping his hand completely and reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”