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i.
“And then he called me Smelcher in front of her! How is he seriously the worst?” Louise flung herself onto her sister’s couch, sprawling out dramatically. She waited for Tina’s response, peering up when it didn’t come. Tina was still in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes and grabbing a bottle of wine and some glasses.
Finally, Tina said, “Well, isn’t that his thing? He calls you that all the time.”
“Yeah, but this time he did it in front of someone he knew I liked, only to embarrass me. I hate him.”
Tina immediately snorted into her wine glass, tipping it back to take a sip. “No you don’t.”
Louise shot a look at her sister as if to say are you crazy?! She grabbed the bottle and filled her own glass. “Uh, yes I do. I don’t like him. Logan disgusts me.”
Leaning back, Tina raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I obsess and talk about people who disgust me all the time, too.”
“I don’t talk about him all the time!”
“You really kinda do. You do realize we’ve been talking about him for the past forty minutes?”
Louise’s jaw dropped and she snapped it shut before her sister could notice. She took a big gulp of wine. “That,” she pointed with her wine glass, “is because I’m ranting. Venting. He annoys me and I need to get it off my chest.”
Tina hummed. “Then why did you voluntarily go to the bar with him last night?”
Her cheeks began to heat up. Louise ducked her head. She refused to let Tina see the rosy tint. “He’s a good wingman, okay? At least, he was until last night. Never doing that again.”
“Reality check,” Tina announced, leaning forward. Her eyes zeroed in on Louise, who shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. “You like Logan. You like being around him and spending time with him. And guess what? That’s okay. You guys are really similar and always seem to have fun around each other. What’s so bad about that? Not everyone is so lucky to find someone who makes them happy.”
Louise whipped her head towards Tina, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. She set down her glass out of fear of dropping it. “Wait wait wait wait a second, are you insinuating that I have feelings for Logan?”
Tina all but smirked at her reaction. “I thought it was obvious.”
“No no no no way,” Louise shook her head rapidly. “That’s disgusting. Logan? Stupid Logan who works at a corporate job and wears a suit and thinks he looks fancy? Not at all. I mean, sure he’s good looking, but that’s objective. His personality far outweighs any looks, and not in a good way.”
“All I heard was that you think he looks good.” Tina settled back into the couch, nudging her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
Louise clenched her fists and inhaled deeply. She was ready to pull out another argument against Tina’s absolutely ridiculous, false, absurd theory when the door swung open and Zeke bounded through. He grinned at his wife, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and nodded at Louise.
Tina relaxed with Zeke’s arm around her shoulders and she stared up at him with a subtle smile. “Zeke, dear, will you please tell Louise that she definitely has feelings for Logan?”
A frown crossed his face. “T-Bird, I thought we agreed you would stay outta that.”
“Alright,” Louise stood and finished off the last of her wine. She smacked her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m calling it. Thanks for dinner, T.”
Tina walked her sister to the door. “I’ll stay out of your business, Louise, but don’t push away your feelings for too long. They always come back to bite you in the end.”
Louise scowled. “I don’t push away anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The door began to close behind Louise as she left the house, but she still managed to hear a chunk of conversation between Zeke and Tina. He sighed and said to his wife, “How long is she gonna remain in denial?”
Scoffing, Louise continued onward and down the sidewalk. Denial? About Logan? Bullshit. That was complete bullshit. If there was one thing Louise was certain about, it was how she felt about Stupid Logan. Stupid Logan with his stupidly attractive face and annoyingly toned arms and contagious laugh and--
Nope. She definitely was not in denial about him.
ii.
Logan steadied the pool stick, lining it up nearly perfectly. He had missed every other shot (definitely because of the two beers in his system), but this one he couldn’t miss. It was too perfect. Too easy.
He pulled back the stick and shot, watching as the white ball hit the blue and it went straight into the hole. Logan straightened up with a grin and pumped his fist in the air. “HA! Suck on that, Scotty.”
His friend leaned on his own pool stick, barely amused. “Wow, you finally got a ball in. Good job.” As Logan set up for another shot, Scotty took a swig of his drink and crossed his arms. “So, dude, where were you last night?”
He frowned. The balls (haha) were not in his favor today. “Out with Belcher. She likes to drag me to bars to be a wingman.” Logan smirked at the memory from the previous night. Even though they had gone to the bar together, Louise completely abandoned him to flirt with some girl (who was honestly way out of her league, even out of Logan’s league). Logan decided to interrupt their conversation to mess with her, because he deserved a fun night, too. Louise’s face after the girl dismissed herself was priceless. Steam was practically pouring out of her ears.
Logan made a risky move and watched the white ball go into a hole. His shoulders deflated. “Dammit. Your turn.”
Scotty focused on the pool table, setting up his stick. “If she annoys you so much, then why do you even go out with her?” He made a flawless shot.
“I mean, it’s not like I can say no,” Logan shrugged. He sipped his drink. Was this his third bottle? No, it was his second, right? Ah, fuck it, who cares.
His friend glanced up at him before shooting another ball. “Yes you can? You do it all the time. You always turn me down for a night out.”
“You always ask when I’m already in bed! I’m not turning down my beauty sleep for that.”
Scotty rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Sometimes, I swear you’re doing it just to get in her pants.”
Logan choked on his drink, spluttering and spitting beer everywhere. He coughed into his arm, before shrieking, “Excuse me?”
His friend cocked an eyebrow. “Dude, you’re like, in love with her. Don’t you realize you talk about her nonstop?”
“Are we still talking about Louise Belcher?” Logan asked, steadying himself on the pool table. “ The Louise Belcher? My arch-nemesis? The constant thorn in my side? The bane of my existence?”
“That’s the one,” Scotty muttered, taking another shot. Damn, he only had two balls left.
“Uh-uh,” Logan shook his head. “No way. Not in a million years. I mean, sure, she’s hot and funny and all, but she’s also infuriating. I could never.”
“Doesn’t she have a key to your apartment?”
“That’s because she pet-sat Cheesestick a month ago and refuses to give it back. Not my fault.”
“Isn’t she the one who named Cheesestick?”
“It’s a good name for a cat!”
Scotty attempted a skilled move, and it did not pay off. Logan grinned, taking his turn at the table. He aimed his pool stick, pulled it back, and completely missed. Scotty threw his head back and laughed. Logan scowled at his friend. “You’re the worst.”
“I know,” he grinned devilishly back. After making another (successful) shot, he glanced up at Logan. “You should ask her out.”
He ignored the flush rising to his cheeks. It was definitely from drinking too much. “Never in a million years. I told you, I don’t like her. I can barely tolerate her.”
“Hey, dude, you know that one place in Egypt? The place you’re stuck in? What’s it called? Oh that’s right, De-Nile.” Scotty shot the 8 ball in and threw his hands in the air, his pool stick cluttering to the ground. “I WIN! That’s twenty bucks, please.”
Logan swallowed the rest of his drink, hoping to wash away the idea of having feelings for Louise Belcher . “One more game, double or nothing?”
“Bet.”
iii.
Rudy scrolled aimlessly through the TV guide, stopping at every movie that could possibly be interesting to both him and Louise. “Oh, what about this one? Zombie Stopper 2? ”
Louise glanced up at it. “Nah, I saw that a couple weeks ago. It’s still fresh in my mind. It wasn’t that good, anyways.”
“Who did you see it with?”
“Logan.” She felt Rudy look at her with a curious expression and she kept her eyes on her phone, pretending to read a text from Gene that she’d already replied to hours ago.
“Huh,” Rudy muttered. He leaned back and gave Louise a small nudge with his elbow, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “So, you two have been spending quite a lot of time together, huh?”
Louise pushed him off, her cheeks instantly heating up. Why did everyone care so much about who she spent her time with?? “Don’t even think about it, Rudes. We only went together because no one else I know would want to see it.”
He splayed his hand across his chest and faux-gasped. “What about me?”
“You’re always busy with work and Jess.”
“Just like you’re always busy with work and Logan,” Rudy sang smugly.
Her face betrayed her, and Louise knew for a fact that it was bright red. She crossed her arms and ducked away, tapping her foot angrily. Ever since Tina brought it up, Louise couldn’t stop thinking about it. Her sister hadn’t been wrong; she really did enjoy spending time with Logan. Every conversation with him was like a game, with a push and pull that only he was capable of doing. He knew how to drive Louise to do her best, but also knew when to pull back and simply be a shoulder to lean on.
And she had spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about what it might be like to tangle her hands in his hair and how rough his lips might be against hers. Every time he had an idiotic retort, all Louise wanted to do was shut him up with a kiss that she knew would leave him speechless.
She pulled at a strand of hair that was coming out of her pigtails. “How did you know,” Louise mumbled, “with Jessica?”
Rudy finally set down the remote and looked at her. His smirk faded into his ‘I’m Listening’ face. “What do you mean?”
Louise sighed and straightened her shoulders a bit. “How did you know when your feelings for Jessica were more than just friendly feelings?”
“Well,” he started slowly, “I guess I noticed when all I thought about was her. It felt all-consuming, you know? I wanted to spend every moment with her. And when I was with her, all I wanted to do was be as close as possible. I really, really wanted to kiss her. I don’t usually want to kiss my friends, so that was a dead give away.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. Well, shit. It was time to do what Louise knew how to do best: shove down all thoughts of dumb Logan and his dumb good looks. She opened her eyes and smiled, maybe a little too widely. “Phew, we’re good then. I don’t feel that way at all towards Logan at all. Why don’t we watch Zombie Stopper 2 ? I’m sure I’ll like it more the second time around.”
But the thing was, Louise didn’t like it more the second time. She didn’t, because she didn’t have a dumb blond at her side, poking fun at the obvious fake blood and the horrible CGI. She didn’t like it better this time, because there was no dipshit that kept glancing at her throughout the movie, making her heart leap into her throat every single time she felt his gaze on her. It wasn’t any better this time, because there was no annoyingly attractive guy for her to fall asleep on.
Okay. Maybe she was a little bit in denial.
iv.
The realization hit Logan when he found himself, way past closing, at Bob’s Burgers finishing the till. It had been quite easy, honestly. He’d done it a few times before, whenever Louise needed some extra help and when he wanted to get to the movies or bar or wherever quicker. Tonight, though, was different. He was on his own.
Well, not completely on his own.
“How’re things goin’ up there?” Zeke asked through the window. He remained in the back, thankfully, packing up all the leftover prep from the day and leaving things in perfect shape to be picked up again tomorrow. Logan didn't dislike Zeke; he was a good husband to Tina and a hard worker in the kitchen. Logan simply preferred to either have Louise helping him, or to be on his own.
He kept to the front of the store, handling the money and the final touches of cleaning. “It’s good,” he called over his shoulder. “They keep it all organized well, so it doesn’t take too long to count.”
It felt weird that he was here, counting their money, without a single Belcher in sight to make sure he wouldn’t pocket a few bucks. Obviously he would never do that, but in the past, the Belchers wouldn’t have put it past him. Especially Louise. Mostly Louise.
Today was today , though. It had been nearly completely normal. Bob was supposed to come down after lunch to help out Zeke a bit in the kitchen, but he never did. It wasn’t until an hour before closing that Louise received a phone call from Linda.
Logan was finishing up his burger and was devising a plan to steal the pink bandana off of Louise’s head. She had been suspicious of him, though kept making jokes and poking fun at his ‘dumb accounting uniform’ (it was a suit, everyone in the office wore one!). She’d picked up the phone and answered with a grin, which slowly faded.
Linda had taken Bob to the urgent care to get his back checked out. Apparently, after eating lunch, he had thrown it out or something and couldn’t walk. She promised Louise that it was nothing critical, only a part of getting old.
She’d hung up on her mother and set down the phone, and Logan had stared at her shaking hands. Louise related the story back to him and shrugged, as if to say, ‘No big deal.’
“Go check on them,” Logan had found himself saying. “I’ll finish up here. Check up on your parents, see if they need any help.”
She’d studied him, gnawing on her bottom lip in the cute way she does when she’s worried. “It’s fine--” she’d started, but he’d already beat her to the punch. Logan picked up his plate and walked it behind the counter, stealing an apron off the coat rack.
When he came back out from the kitchen and saw Louise still behind the counter, he made a dramatically confused expression. “What’re you still doing here, Four Ears? Scram! Shoo! You’re like a pest, impossible to get rid of.”
Nearly two hours later, here he was, sticking the money from the day into an envelope and writing on the back of it: ‘Four Ears.’
Zeke finally emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on his apron and taking it off. “Awfully nice of you to help out,” he commented lightly. Almost too lightly.
Logan frowned. “She would’ve been annoying me the rest of the night, anyways.” He played it off with a shrug. “You know how the Belchers get when they’re worried about their family.”
“It’s sweet,” Zeke agreed. He glanced at the envelope. “You gonna wait for Louise to give that to ‘er?”
Logan put his jacket back on and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got a spare key.”
They stepped out into the brisk night and Zeke locked the door. He chuckled, looking over his shoulder at Logan. “Of course you do.”
He stopped short in his path and glared at Zeke. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nuthin. Just makes sense that you’d have a key to Louise’s place.”
“Well,” Logan spluttered, his mind desperately scrambling for a reason. Why did he have a key? When did she even give it to him? “It’s for times like this, when she needs help closing up or something.”
Zeke gave him a long, long look before responding. “So you’d rather spend your night closing a restaurant you don’t even work at than literally anything else? Because of Louise?”
And then it all fell into place. Logan could finally see what every other person in his life saw: he spent all his time with Louise. He went out of his way to see her, to be with her, to help her. She made him laugh and forget his problems. Hell, Logan even thought about her all. the. damn. time.
Here he was, on a Friday night, closing up Bob’s Burgers so that Louise could check on her family and ease her worries. He wasn’t doing it out of obligation, he just cared for her.
Fuck.
He really was in denial, wasn’t he?
v.
The realization had weighed on Logan’s mind for weeks, hanging in the back of his brain and always popping up at the most inconvenient times. When he’d tug at Louise’s pigtails and she’d snap at him, he found himself forcing back the urge to pull her closer. Once when she handed him his to-go burger, their fingers brushed, and it took everything in him to not grab her hand. Even when she called him some kind of dumb nickname like Slowgan or Dingleberry, his heart would go wild.
It was getting kinda ridiculous, at this point. Which is how he got here, watching as Louise vehemently ranted about a dumb customer from earlier today. They were sharing a drink on Logan’s porch after they’d both gotten off work. Well, originally Louise had stopped by to give Cheesestick a new toy she’d seen and bought on Etsy. It was a little hamburger catnip toy and she had served it to Cheesestick on a plate. Louise couldn’t stop laughing at her gift and joked about getting the cat a chef’s hat and apron (but Logan was pretty sure she was only half kidding).
Now, they were relaxing on the porch with a couple of beers, watching Cheesestick bat around his new toy. Louise’s rant had just finished and Logan took a sip of his beer. “That sucks, dude.”
“I know,” she grumbled. She flipped the bottle cap around in her fingers before asking, “How was your day?”
“Normal. Helped out Mr. Fischoeder with an issue that came up in budgeting, and then just the ordinary stuff.”
She laughed, keeping the bottle raised to her lips. Logan couldn’t tear his eyes away from the view, wishing desperately that he was that beer bottle. “I miss that old kook.” She rubbed her arm as a slight breeze passed through and rose to her feet. “I’m gonna grab my jacket, I left it inside.”
Logan nodded, turning his attention back to giving Cheesestick a scratch behind the ears. “Oh, be careful, there’s a loose board by the--”
“SHIT!”
He turned his head and burst into laughter. Louise was on the ground, her beer spilled all over her shirt, glaring up at Logan. “Found the loose board,” she muttered, hoisting herself to her feet. She glanced down at her shirt and groaned, throwing her hands up in the air. “It’s soaked! Dammit.”
Logan smirked down at her, standing up. He adamantly tried to ignore how the wet shirt plastered to her skin and accentuated, ah, her curves . “Don’t worry, Four Ears, I think I’ve got something you can change into.”
Minutes later, Louise emerged from the bathroom, in Logan’s favorite green sweater. It was old, which made it the most comfortable thing he’d ever owned. It nearly dwarfed Louise and she didn’t look happy about it. Her shorts were barely noticeable underneath the length of the sweater.
She kept her eyes trained on the wall behind him. “Thanks. It’s better than reeking of cheap beer, I guess.”
The green was the same color that she was known to wear when they were kids. Come to think of it, was that what inspired Logan to get it in the first place? Either way, it looked perfect on her, like she was meant to wear it.
He had no idea what came over him. Maybe it was the past few weeks of agonizing interactions with Louise that left Logan wanting more, dreaming of more, needing more. Maybe it was seeing her in his clothing that left him wanting to rip it off of her, piece by piece. Whatever overcame Logan, it left him blurting, “Go out with me.”
An electric silence wedged its way between them. Louise stared up at him, her eyes absolutely bewildered. Her mouth was slightly agape, her arms crossed, her expression rattled.
Yup. Logan screwed things up.
Louise shut her mouth into a thin line, her eyes hardening. “What did you just say?”
Potentially, he could pretend that he had said something completely different. Go out with me sounds a lot like Go shout for tea , right? And it totally made sense, too, right?
But no matter how much Logan could try to twist things around, trick her into thinking he had said something totally different, he knew that she wasn’t asking because she misheard him. Louise was asking because she wanted him to own up to what he said.
So Logan swallowed and lifted his chin. He took a step forward, not so close that Louise might feel trapped, but close enough to get his point across. He met her eyes with the same hardness hers held. “I said, go out with me.”
Louise’s eyes flickered back and forth as she examined his face. “Like, on a date?”
He threw his hands in the air. “Yes, Louise! Like a date! Did you lose your hearing when you stopped wearing your ears, or something?”
Her hands fell to her sides. Logan winced at the reaction and began to prepare himself to redact his words. But then, Louise groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, much like her dad tended to do. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she exclaimed. “ This is how you ask me out? When I literally reek of beer?”
Wait. Now Logan was confused. He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, stumbling back a bit. “Wait, what do you mean?”
“What do you mean, ‘what do I mean’??” Louise moved closer and pointed her finger at his chest. “This was the worst possible time for you to do this. I may not be a totally hopeless romantic like my sister, but I have some standards, Bush.”
Logan stared down at her. They were less than a foot apart, only separated by a few inches of space. “But--you--you’re okay with me asking you out?”
Louise glared up at him. The green sweater brought out the color in her eyes, and even though she was scowling at him, Logan had to focus to not get distracted. His gaze flickered down to her lips and immediately back up.
As if she read his mind, Louise fisted her hands in his shirt and yanked him down, closing the distance between them. She kissed him fiercely, leaving his body shuddering. She tasted of beer and something sweet, a sensation Logan knew he would never be able to forget. Her lips spread a wildfire of heat throughout his entire body. Logan could barely catch up, barely tilting his neck in time to deepen the kiss when she pulled away and shoved him.
“Of course I’m okay with it,” Louise snapped. She crossed her arms again. “I don’t know why--”
She didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence, because Logan wasn’t ready to be done with her just yet. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around Louise’s waist, tugging her back to him. Logan pressed his lips against hers, inhaling the light gasp of shock that came from her. Louise instantly tangled her hands in his hair and dragged her nails along his scalp. When she pulled at his hair, a low moan came from his throat.
“Finally,” Logan murmured. He moved his grip to her hips, letting his hands trail up underneath her sweater. His fingers touched her bare skin and Louise’s back arched, kissing him harder. Logan’s mind roared white. The only thing he could feel was Louise Louise Louise. His lips moved quickly against hers, her tongue slipping into his mouth. They moved together in a wave of desire, and Logan was ready to succumb to it.
Louise hummed against him. “Took you long enough.”
He pushed her back and back and back until her back slammed against the wall. Louise hooked her leg around his body and tilted her head. He scattered kisses down her neck until he reached the curve between her neck and her shoulder. Louise’s nails dug into his back as he sucked on the tender spot.
“ Fuck, Logan,” she hissed. She grabbed his chin and pulled him back to her lips. She nipped at his bottom lip and tugged, eliciting another moan from Logan. Her hands began to trail down his shirt, past his waist, gripping his thigh.
With a snarl, Logan grabbed her wrists and pulled them from his leg. He pinned them above her head and against the wall. “Enough,” he muttered, his lips grazing hers. “Care to take this somewhere more comfortable?”
He moved away just enough to lock eyes with Louise. The hunger in her gaze was enough of an answer for him. They moved down the hall, never breaking their embrace. Louise pushed against Logan, running him into the couch. He shoved back, pressing her against the doorway. Letting out a raspy moan, Louise surged against Logan and pressed him until he tripped against his bed, falling onto his back.
She didn’t hesitate before climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. Louise grinned down at him. Even now, she looked smug. Her hand snaked up his leg, teasing at the waistband. His back arched when her hand stopped right at the button, playing with it.
“You look good up there,” Logan gasped out between breaths.
Louise cocked her head to the side. “Do I?” She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the base of his neck.
His eyes rolled into the back of his head. “Yeah,” he muttered. But it still wasn’t enough. Logan sat up, gripping at her waist. He fingered the hem of her sweater, ready to rip it off. He was ready to absolutely consume her. “However,” he murmured against her lips, “you don’t look nearly as good as you will when I’m through with you.”
Louise grinned at him devilishly, and he couldn’t help but return the expression. Later, Logan would have to admit that he was wrong to Scotty and to Zeke and to everyone else who had called him out on his feelings for Louise. But, damn. Being wrong had never felt so right.