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Levi was walking through the hallways of the survey corps headquarters while his hands held a tray with two tea cups.
He was on his way to visit the commander who had been filled with stress for the past 2 years now. And he could not help but feel guilty at this thought at times.
Hange tried to seem like she was always fine and she was good at faking it in front of others, except him. He always knew.
He would admit however that now his position had more demand on it as being the second in command in the survey corps. Hange would leave him with more responsibility as a veteran.
With this in mind, Levi realized that he doesn't spend as much time with Hange as he used to. With having to rebuild the survey corps back up and now the volunteers who they have to keep a close eye on, it really puts them in different positions that keeps them apart for long periods of time.
And having the brats around does help them a bit as they are still learning and grasping the idea that they themselves are also part of the veterans even with only the 4 month experience they had since the retaking of wall maria and the loss of 99 percent of their comrades.
Jean and Armin have been of special help. Jean was ready to be leader of his own, he could even replace him as captain and Armin has been helping Hange out during his absence. Planning and studying the developments of the island, brought upon by the volunteers themselves. As well as studying the negotiations left behind by none other than Zeke Jaeger through his lackey, Yelena.
Adding the fact that they had to keep an eye on Eren as well with the volunteers around, not to mention his nonchalant behavior was of concern. But even with that, he has helped quite a bit, especially during the rebuilding of the Survey Corps. Mikasa has been of excellent help as well. Letting aside her emotional attachment to Eren, she has been great at teaching the new recruits around the ODM gear as well as teaching them combat. Connie and Sasha have also been of great help, regardless of their aloof behavior at times.
With all that said, the last time he has had a moment alone with Hange was around the time of the arrival of the volunteers and that was almost a year ago. No…he did have that one private conversation with Hange 3 months back about the validity of some of the things Yelena said. But that only lasted about 5 minutes before Armin entered the room. He had not been in a room that was solely himself and Hange, someone was always there.
He missed their alone time as Hange was now his only friend left. Not just a friend, a best friend. He missed her. He had just gotten back from outside the walls, checking on the construction of their new port along with his team. He was gone for about 3 months. Too long if you asked him.
His feet stopped at the double doors that led to the commander's office. Levi knew Hange was still there as he made out the faint light coming from the room.
Knocking didn't cross his mind at all as he opened the door without permission and invited himself in. He closed the door behind him and looked up to see a passed out Hange on her desk surrounded by documents all over the desk.
So he made his way to her desk, arranged the papers and stacked them neatly before setting the tray on it.
He looked at her and he realized how exhausted she was. So he did the first thing that popped into his head. He picked her up. He carried her bridal style, putting her head on his chest as he carried her out of her office and towards her bedroom, completely forgetting the tray with their tea cups.
Once opening the door to her bedroom, he closed it behind him and the hinges made a squeak that stirred her awake.
Her eyes squinted as she moved her head to look around her and then straight at him.
"Levi…?"
"Who else did you expect?" He asked with his usual monotone.
She started moving in his arms, "Put me down Levi." And he did. She started straightening up, stretching up the muscles that have been sore for so long.
"I gotta go back to my office, I have a lot to do." And she started walking towards the door until Levi stopped in front of her.
"What are you doing, Levi?"
Levi was now irritated, "That's it?"
"What else do you need?" She asked, also slightly irritated.
"We haven't seen each other in 3 months and that's all you say?"
She looked confused, "I'm sorry, welcome back. Now I have to get back to my office." She tried to move past him but he would not budge.
"Levi, move." She said in a commanding voice that she used only as a commander. He however, did not move.
"I'm sorry Commander but I would like to speak to Hange Zoe now." She frowned at his comment.
"Ugh, fine that's how you wanna play? I'm sorry Captain but I have to attend to Levi Ackerman who's acting up."
Levi looked at her in disbelief, "I'm the one who's acting up? You're the one who doesn't even have the decency to talk to me for more than 5 minutes."
She sighed loudly, "Fine, I apologize that I am super busy and that I can't attend to your needs."
"Nope, try again."
She let out a sound of frustration and she started walking around her room.
"Levi can't you understand that I really am busy and that I need to check over those documents for tomorrow?! Can't you be considerate?"
He was now pissed, "All I asked was 5 minutes. You yourself don't even let yourself relax for that much! And don't think I was at some resort relaxing away for 3 months either."
"Well I'm not relaxed, I'm stressed! I don't have the choice to relax! I haven't since I became Commander!"
"Then I'll choose for you, take a break now."
"Why are you trying to choose for me, wasn't it enough that you already chose to put me in this position?!" Hange gasped as soon as those words came out of her mouth.
It was true, he did put her in that position and now he was trying to choose for her again. It hurt to hear it but it was true and he had no right to try and keep persuading her any longer.
"I'm sorry I have been such a burden then, goodbye." And he walked towards the door, reaching for the door handle.
"Wait- Levi!" Her voice cracked as he started opening the door. He stopped for a moment.
"Please don't go." She said and he turned around to find her eye watery and her lip quivering.
"I don't want to burden you anymore, Hange."
She shook her head profusely, "No, no no! Don't you dare leave me now, please!" She started sobbing and his heart clenched at this scene. He closed the door and walked towards her as he wrapped his arms around her as she started sobbing on him.
"I'm sorry Levi, I truly am! You're not a burden! I have missed you so much that you being away has only stressed me out more! But we are both leaders and we are to remain professional. If I had agreed to take a break then this all becomes real again. I would have started crying… like how I am now." She continued to cry as he petted the back of her head, calming her in the process.
Levi felt guilty that he made her feel this way with his absence. Although she was right, they were meant to be professional as two leaders of the same regiment. At this moment, he didn't give a crap about that. All he cared about was the woman in his arms.
At that moment, they weren't Commander and Captain of the Survey Corps. It was just them, Levi and Hange. Two best friends who cared about each other and promised to be with each other through thick and thin. Even if that promise was a silent promise, a promise that was never voiced out but was silently communicated.
His heart yearned for her, something it only did when his friends and comrades died in his presence. Right now, she was alive and that's all that mattered. She was in his arms and he wanted it to stay that way but he knew better than to wish too much.
Hange sniffled and looked at him as she finished crying. Her eyes are puffy and her nose red. She looked so beautiful even when she cried. He always found Hange had a beauty that no one could replicate. He never admitted it out loud but even the first day they met, she stunned him with her unique beauty, rambling about how she thought his skills were amazing.
"I must look like a mess right now, haha." She tried lifting the mood.
"When don't you?" He commented and she chuckled.
"That's true." And they pulled apart, already missing the warmth she gave him.
"Did you take a bath?"
She looked at him, "I did. Why?"
"Because you didn't smell like shit." She smiled at him as he looked away from her stare.
They stayed silent for a moment, realizing that they actually don't hug, in fact they both could count on their fingers how many times they actually hugged before throughout all the years they have known each other.
Hange cleared her throat, "Um, I guess I can do 5 minutes." And she walked towards her bed and sat down on it. She patted the spot next to her for him.
He sighed and walked towards her bed and sat next to her. She laid her head on his shoulder and he didn't make a single move to push her away.
They sat in silence. Neither one wanted to break this moment. Both of them were afraid to break this moment.
But then she spoke, "Levi?"
"Hmm?"
Biting her lip, she asked, "Have you…ever…nevermind."
"Spit it out, Hange."
"...Have you ever kissed someone before?"
He looked down at her, noticing the red tint on her cheeks. "What a random question."
She shook her head on his shoulder, "That's why I said nevermind before."
Levi thought about it, "You asked me this before."
"Yes years ago, and you told me to stop asking stupid shit and I laughed. Then we never talked about it again."
"Hmm, that's not how I remember it."
Hange lifted her head up from his shoulder and gave him a confused look, "What do you mean?"
He raised an eyebrow, "You asked me that while you were drinking."
"Um, yeah, I remember I had been drinking a bit."
He rolled his eyes and she was even more confused, "What?"
"You really don't remember it at all?"
Hange was now feeling nervous, "What? Levi, what else did I do?"
"After your 5th bottle of wine, I had to drag your ass back to your room as you were drunk out of your ass."
She nodded, "Yeah I know that, you told me that. Everyone told me that."
"Then once we were in your room, you asked me that again. When I refused to answer you kept pestering me. And you took that as me never having kissed anyone before."
"Yeah…" She said nervously.
"So you felt bad for me and kept teasing me. Then you offered to be my first kiss."
Hange's face was very red now and Levi had to hold back a smirk. "Oh no…did I… did we…"
"No. You threw up on your floor and passed out on your bed." Hange groaned at this revelation.
"That makes more sense."
"I cleaned it up, you're welcome." He said and she gave him a sheepish smile.
She cleared her throat, face still very much red, "Well, I'm not drunk anymore and since I asked you that question again, have you?"
He looked straight at her while she looked at her fidgeting hands. "I have."
She turned to look at him now, "Really? When? With who?"
His eyes looked deeply into her only wine colored one. He always loved the way they shined brightly so it made him upset when he saw her other eye had been permanently damaged and now covered by an eye patch. He however, never voiced this out loud.
His eyes then traveled down to her red lips which she had been chewing at since she asked the question.
"When I used to live in the underground. Many indecent things were done there but I managed to only leave that place being unfortunately kissed."
She hummed, "So I'm guessing you didn't enjoy it much."
He shrugged, "It was sloppy and the woman only did it because she heard I was the famous thug everyone feared or something like that."
"Was that the only kiss you ever had?" Although she was facing him, her eye looked to the side.
"Yes." He answered and she looked back at him.
"Oh."
He continued to look into her eye and continued to scan every part of her face until his eyes landed on her lips again. Lips that he wished to taste to get rid of the previous experience he had before. Lips that he craved since that night she asked him that question. Lips that he craved and didn't understand why. At least, he didn't want to understand why. He was afraid that if he did, things wouldn't be the same.
"Levi?"
"Hmm?"
She bit her lip again, emphasizing them in his eyes. "What if…"
"Hmm." He was inching closer to her, being able to feel each other's hot breath.
"Mmm…" As their lips were practically almost brushing against each other, Hange pulled away slightly. There was now a small gap between them.
"No. We can't." She whispered to him. But he didn't register her words.
She shook her head as he kept closing in again. She didn't move away but she kept denying it. "Levi we can't…"
"Why not?" He whispered in a low tone that made her shiver.
"You know why." She whispered back as their noses touched.
Her lips were right there. The need to kiss them was overwhelming. He knew why. He fucking knew why they couldn't. This wasn't the first time they almost kissed, there were many times when they had almost kissed and every single time, they stopped it and erased it from their memories. Never to be talked about.
After every expedition they almost kissed, after every loss of their closest comrades, they almost kissed, after Erwin's death, they almost kissed. After she became Commander, they almost kissed. They both knew why they never had the nerve to actually do it. Because if they did, it would become real.
Everything between them would become real.
Levi wasn't stupid, he realized there was something between them. More than just their friendship. Their friends would even tease them both about it. And they both would ignore it. Even the kids would notice it. Hange also knew which is why she never let it happen.
It's not normal to long for a friend, to want to be closer, to want to feel their warmth, to want them all to yourself. He tried to rationalize it every time they almost kissed. That they were nervous, that they had gone through tragedy, that it was due to stress, too much wine.
Now, at this moment, what was the reason? That they missed each other? That only made it more real. Yes he missed her, he missed her so fucking much. He yearned to see her, he yearned to hold her, to touch her, to see her smile, to hear her laugh.
But he wouldn't say that. He would just say he missed her.
But she knew what he meant. They both knew how to read each other. All it took was to look into each other's eyes and they both knew. And at this moment, he didn't give a shit. 'Fuck it all.'
"Yes I do and I don't care."
And then he closed the gap. His lips crashing onto hers. Feeling the sweet sensation that he had been longing for. It was soft and sweet as he caressed her cheek. Then he pulled her closer to deepen the kiss.
She kissed back with all the same feelings as him, pouring out. He nipped her bottom lip as she opened, giving permission. Now their tongues mingled, fighting for dominance.
Ultimately, she gave up and let him lead. The soft and sweet kiss became passionate and rough. Every single almost kiss was poured into this one. The longing, the waiting, the anticipation was all worth this one kiss.
She whimpered into the kiss as he pulled her closer to him. He wanted every inch of her to be as close to him. He didn't care of the consequences, he wasn't even thinking of them.
All he wanted was to keep tasting her as he did at this moment. And the feeling only enhanced as she let out a moan that made him want to lose all self-control.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer, not even noticing that she had been pulled onto his lap, practically straddling him.
The more they continued, the hunger for one another became more intense. He wanted her. She wanted him. Their bodies were tingling with anticipation and then…they pulled apart.
Both breathing hard, both looking at each other. Both realizing what they just did.
That's when it became real.
Hange started crying again. And Levi's heart became heavy. 'What have they done…'
After this, Levi couldn't, no he didn't have the strength to leave her anymore. That's why they never did anything about this feeling between them. Because if they gave into it, it would be much harder to let go.
Now that the world has become bigger, now that the threat has become even more deadlier, the possibility that death would be brought upon one of them is even higher. Which means, it would break him completely if he had to let her go.
She hugged him tightly as she let the tears fall continuously. "Levi…" She whimpered out and he wrapped his arms around her, not wanting to ever let her go. His eyes widened at this realization. He was unable to let her go.
She sniffled, "Levi…you know…"
"Don't say it, Hange." He held her tighter, his heart was already hurting at this reality.
"You're going to have to eventually let me go." Her words broke everything in him.
He shook his head, "No. I can protect you."
"Levi…when war breaks out, you and I will be on the battlefield."
"I don't care, I can't lose you. I won't let you be taken away from me too." He held onto her and she lifted her head up to look at him with a sad smile as she looked at him.
"But Levi…I'm already gone."
And he opened his eyes. He reached out to only feel the air. He straightened up from his bed. He looked at his hands and noticed the two fingers that had been missing. He then reached to touch the scar that had been stitched together by the one person that infiltrated his dreams.
That's when he realized that the dream he had was a distant memory. It was only a memory…and Hange was really gone. He had let her go. He broke his promise.
It hurt. And he started breathing hard as he felt the tears finally be released from his eyes. He started sobbing into his hands. He lost her, he really did. It had only been 3 months since he had lost her and helped save humanity from the rumbling and Eren.
And in the process he lost her. He couldn't come to terms with it. He lost her, she saved him. And he lost her.
He couldn't protect her. She sacrificed herself and he let it happen. And the worst part of it all was…
Maybe we should live together, right Levi?
She wanted to run away together and he never told her that he wanted to as well. He never told her how much he wanted to be with her. He never even told her…that he loves her.
He clenched his chest as he let out every emotion he had been holding back since she died.
"Hange…" he sobbed out, "Please come back."
And he sat there on his bed crying out her name, asking her to come back until his voice was hoarse.
"Just 5 more minutes…" was the last thing he said until he passed out from exhaustion.