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“I think we should wait,” Pacey said for the umpteenth time. Jo, having heard this plenty of times over the course of the summer, rolled her eyes as she continued to put together Peter’s lunch. “Just another year until he’s ready.”
“Pace, he’s ready now and besides, it’s too late. He’s already enrolled. Deal with it,” Jo was shaking her head, cutting up a pear into tiny slices. “Unless you want to go upstairs and tell our son he’s not going, which will thoroughly disappoint him since it’s all he’s been talking about.”
She gave him the stink eye. Pacey was virtually immune to this. “It’ll be the first of many. He might as well get used to it now.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Joey muttered.
“He’s five, Jo.”
“And?”
“He’s too young,” Pacey insisted. “What if there’s a bully that’s much bigger than him? Hmm? How’s he supposed to defend himself?”
“We’ll deal with that when we get there,” Joey shrugged. “And it’s not like he’s going straight to first grade. It’s kindergarten. These kids aren’t that big.”
“You’re ignoring the point,” Pacey scowled.
“Then please tell me what that point is,” Jo sighed.
“The point is I-” Pacey started to say, shutting his eyes and sighing.
This got Jo’s attention. She glanced at him, eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“I’m not ready, okay?” Pacey said in defeat.
She turned when his hands came onto her waist. Face softening, she put the knife down, reaching to the back of his head where she scratched gently. “Is that all?”
“ Is that all ? Woman, I told you how I’ve been feeling and you have the audacity to ask me if that’s all ?”
Joey laughed softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Mhm...”
“Pace, I know this is hard on you but he has to grow up sometime.”
“I know,” Pacey grumbled. “Why does it have to happen so fast, though?”
“That’s life,” she kissed his lips. “If it helps, take him out for ice cream afterwards. Have some male bonding time.”
“I guess that’s a good idea,” Pacey sighed heavily.
“Of course it is. I gave it,” she grinned.
////
Jo couldn’t accompany them on Peter’s first day. She had to be at work early, but gave him plenty of hugs and kisses, telling him to have a good day and they'd talk about it later. Their son agreed rather impatiently. He wanted to get a move on it.
At the school, Pacey’s heart felt like it was being unbearably squeezed. This was it. The beginning of the end. Soon he wouldn’t need him or Jo for anything anymore. Glancing down at Peter, who grasped his hand as they walked down to the front entrance, “Waddya say we ditch this place, huh?”
“No, Daddy,” Peter frowned. “I wanna go.”
“You wanna go?” Pacey repeated. He put on a smile. “You don't wanna spend time with your old man?”
“Not today,” Peter told him, scanning the school yard for his best friend. His face brightened up when Wyatt came rushing down the sidewalk, screeching happily. The two boys talked excitedly to one another, ignoring their parents altogether.
Angela, Wyatt’s mom, gave Pacey a tearful smile. She bent down to the kids’ level, slowly turning Wyatt around.
“Mommy, are you crying?” Wyatt frowned.
“Just a little,” Angela sniffled, kissing his forehead. “You remember what you, me and Daddy talked about?”
Wyatt nodded absentmindedly. “Yes, Mommy. I’ll be good.”
“I know you will. Have fun and do what Mr. Robbins says, okay?”
“Okay!”
Pacey got on his knees as well, placing his hands on Peter’s shoulders. “Now remember that-”
“Let’s go inside!” Wyatt suggested.
“Yeah!” Peter was beaming. He and Wyatt took off towards the entrance, without so much as looking back or saying goodbye.
Pacey put on a smile anyway, giving a mirthless chuckle. “Kids, huh?”
Angela smiled sadly. “How’s Jo doing?”
“Oh just fine ,” Pacey grumbled. “This was all her idea anyway.”
“You weren’t ready?” Angela said knowingly.
“He’s five .”
“I know how you feel,” Angela sighed. “Rob and I debated on whether we should wait. I don’t want to hold my boy back but it just feels like time’s going too fast. Pretty soon he won’t need us as much and I’m not ready for it.”
Pacey wouldn’t be either. He didn’t look forward to the days where Peter didn’t try to yank him by the hand so Pacey would read him a story or when he wouldn’t want to sit in Pacey’s lap, snuggling like he loved to do. That was his boy. They’d been close since day one. It used to take Pacey to get him to stop crying when Peter was a baby. And then as he got older, they played pretend all the time and Pacey would give him piggyback rides, listening to the way his son would giggle happily, yelling again Daddy, again!
And now he was off to kindergarten, not bothering to say goodbye or give him a hug. Just left like Pacey was insignificant and not his father or anything.
///
“Our son hates me,” was the first thing Pacey said when Jo called him on her lunch break.
“What did you do now?”
“I did nothing,” Pacey said, mildly offended. “ Your son didn’t say goodbye or hug me. He just left me there.”
“Oh, Pace,” Jo was feeling sorry for him now. “He doesn’t mean it. He’s excited. That’s a good thing.”
“Doesn’t feel like a good thing,” Pacey grumbled.
“I know,” She was sympathetic. “But it’s better than the alternative.”
“ Yeah ,” he gave a sigh. It wasn’t like he wanted his son to be sobbing and pleading with him not to leave. But it would’ve been nice if he showed some emotion. “I just thought he’d react different, you know?”
“I know. But he didn’t do it to upset you,” Jo said. “You can’t take it personally.”
Pacey mumbled incoherently. Then he said, “Listen, I think I’ll take him out for dinner and ice cream. I’ll grab something for you, okay?”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’ll grab some pizza on the way home. You two enjoy yourselves.”
////
Peter was determined to break Pacey’s heart even further, it seemed.
Pacey arrived at the school, approaching his son’s teacher, Mr. Robbins, who was keeping track of the kids as they played on the playground, waiting for their parents.
“Ah, hello. Pacey, isn’t it?” Mr. Robbins asked, shaking his hands.
“Yeah,” Pacey nodded. He couldn’t help but ask, “How did Peter do? Did he cry after I left?”
“Oh, no,” Mr. Robbins shook his head. “No. He was perfectly fine.”
“Oh, that’s...good,” Pacey said lamely.
Mr. Robbins kept his eyes on the school yard. “First day troubles, huh?” He hummed knowingly.
“I wouldn’t call them troubles .”
“You’re not the only that deals with them,” Mr. Robbins assured him. “I’ve seen plenty of parents have them; their child is upset they have to leave or they’re not and that hurts the parents’ feelings.”
Pacey crossed his arms. “He didn’t even say goodbye...”
“It’s normal,” Mr. Robbins said. “You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a good thing, really. Many times children who are fearful of their parents leaving, think they’ll never come back. Your son knows you will. He’s confident and happy and that’s what you want.”
Okay, so he might have a point, Pacey begrudgingly acknowledged. Not that he wanted to admit it.
Peter was hollering as he ran past the two of them, being chased by two other children. He came back, Pacey gently grabbed ahold of him. He certainly wasn’t expecting his smile to fall like it did. “Hey Buddy,” Pacey was pretending that hadn’t hurt. “Time to go.”
“But Daddy , I don’t want to,” Peter whined.
“I know, but I have something special planned for us,” Pacey said, hoping he sounded enthusiastic enough. “Don’t you wanna find out what the surprise is?”
Out came that look his son had inherited straight from Joey. “No.”
Pacey’s smile waned.
“Please, just five more minutes?” Peter begged. “Please, Daddy?”
“I...I suppose..”
Letting out a whoop , Peter ran off.
///
Eventually, they had to go.
Peter kept sighing as he got in the car. He slumped in his booster seat, looking out the window longingly. Angela wasn’t there quite yet so Wyatt was still here. Peter had wanted to keep playing with his friend.
“Remember that surprise I mentioned?” Pacey said as he glanced at his son through the mirror. “We’re gonna get ice cream and you get to pick what we’re having for dinner.”
But Peter did not care about that. He barely let Pacey finish. “Daddy, I wanna go back to school. It was fun!”
“Well, you can tomorrow.”
Peter cheered. “Mr. Robbins is really funny.”
“Oh, is he?” Pacey kept his eyes on the road as they headed into town.
“Uh huh!”
“Funnier than me?” Pacey pulled into a parking spot.
“Uh huh!” Peter said enthusiastically.
///
For dinner, Peter chose his favorite burger place. His ultimate favorite food was pizza, but tonight he chose burgers. They sat across from each other in a booth. Peter ordered apple juice-- without any help from Pacey--while Pacey got a cola. His son beamed when their waitress called him a little cutie and said he was so polite when he said thank you.
“Atta boy,” Pacey chuckled. “Witter men have charmed women for generations.”
Peter didn’t really understand any of that, but he nodded and said yeah anyway.
“I missed you today,” Pacey said. “I was really bored without you.”
“Maybe you need to get a hobby,” Peter smiled at his own suggestion.
Pacey narrowed his eyes playfully. “I do have a hobby. I toss little boys into the ocean for fun.”
Peter giggled. “Daddy, you’re silly.”
“ Me ?” Pacey pretended to be shocked.
“Uh huh!” Peter nodded.
Pacey laughed, leaning over to ruffle his son’s hair.
///
They sat on a swing that overlooked the rippling waters of Capeside, the wind blowing through their hair gently. Pacey used his foot to push them back and forth, a soft creak being heard. They ate their ice cream cones quietly, with Peter snuggling into Pacey’s side. He was visibly worn out after his long day, having yawned a time or two.
“Daddy?” Peter said sleepily.
“Hmm?” Pacey glanced down at him.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, kid,” Pacey kissed his hair.
Peter ended up falling asleep not too long after he finished his ice cream. Pacey carried him inside the house, passing through the kitchen where Joey was as she ate her pizza. She smiled at the two of them and with that, Pacey went upstairs to put their son to bed.