Chapter Text
Last night, I was taking a walk along the river
And I saw him together with a young girl
And the look that he gave her made me shiver
'Cause he always used to look at me that way
Then I thought maybe I should walk right up to her and say
It’s a game he likes to play
To be honest, Musa never really had an opinion of Riven, at least not really.
Sure, he is a dick, parading around like he owns the world and not giving a shit about other people’s feelings. And whoever associates with Beatrix has to be insane or some kind of idiot.
But to really form an opinion, Musa would have to care and she doesn’t. It took her long enough to open up to the suite and she and Riven don’t even spend that much time with each other. So she doesn’t spare him many thoughts and gets on with her life.
***
It changes over time.
At first in a bad way: It is hard to forgive him for what he did, for his earlier allegiance, even if she can feel his regret so sharp it leaves a bitter taste on her tongue.
But when her opinion changes for a second time, it does for the better. She starts to understand that Riven really tries to make up for his actions. It has been months and he is still there, eating meals with them, even if it makes him anxious.
Even if she feels his guilt burning through him, especially when Terra says or does something nice that he feels he doesn’t deserve. Even when Aisha looks at him over the table with eyes so full of mistrust that Musa expects him to either curl into himself or lash out – the second option much more realistic given that she has never seen Riven to show any sign of weakness.
He still shows up with Sky, passes Aisha the salt when she asks anyone but him and flirts with Doris until she slips him enough muffins for all of them. Stella scoffs at his manipulation of the Dinner Lady but Musa knows he meant well.
That and she can feel that Doris would have done it even without him buttering her up. There is a protectiveness coming from her that makes Musa wonder if Doris sees more of Riven than all of them because she cannot imagine why Riven, who stands almost as tall as Sky and is one of the best specialists, would need protection.
Only that she kind of does when she sees his glances at Sky when the blonde sits down next to Bloom and leaves Riven no other choice but to move at the other end of the table and squeeze in between Musa and Terra. When she feels his uncertainty and worry.
Musa doesn’t want to invade his privacy but she can’t help it. He is so loud, a raging storm of emotions, all of them pushing into her no matter how hard she tries to block them out. So she knows that he is afraid to lose Sky, his best friend, his brother, over what he did. That he almost expects Sky to leave him behind.
Musa feels bad for stealing those secrets from him without him even knowing what she did. But at the same time she is almost glad that she did because it convinces her to give him a second chance.
It also sometimes makes her want to hug him but that is something she does not want to think about.
***
Musa starts to like him after that night in the lodge. After he comes back to safe her. After they start to train together and he allows her the space she so desperately needs.
Even without her powers the presence of her friends feels suffocating. They all try to bring back powers she doesn’t want to return.
She knows they mean well but it still makes her want to run away from it all. For the first time in all her life she feels like herself. Doesn’t need to wonder which emotions are her own and not coming from those around her. The world is silent in a way she was always hoping for.
She wishes she could tell the others but she knows they would not understand. For them, their powers are a gift, something to be happy about. For her, it was a burden.
Riven understands that. He doesn’t judge her for it. And he knows what she needs. That their training is more than simply that. It is an escape.
And as she gets better it makes her feel useful for once. She is no longer the mind fairy that could not protect her friends. She is a fighter. It gives her the feeling that she could do something if – when - the school is attacked again. She no longer needs protection.
Because of Riven.
But as they continue their meetings a lot more changes than just her skills and stamina.
Suddenly Musa starts to notice how nice Riven’s eyes look. They are as green as the trees around them – a deep, saturated colour that makes his iris look like it is made out of jade. Sometimes, when they stop to take a sip out of their water bottles, she catches herself loosing herself in them.
And it is not only his eyes. When they are late for dinner one evening he decides to change his sweaty shirt right after their session so that he does not lose time in his room.
During their time together, Musa has gotten used to being close to Riven, but she has never seen him without his uniform. Now she sees everything – lots and lots of golden skin, glistening after their workout.
She had always known that Riven is hot. He must be – he is a specialist after all, training every day. But she had never thought about his abs, his pecs and his biceps that bulge as he tugs the shirt over his head.
Musa’s mouth goes dry and she can feel the blood rushing to her face. For a moment she can only stare at him while her heart races at what feels like a million miles an hour. Then Riven turns towards her an she quickly averts her eyes and studies her shoes.
That night she dreams about strong arms around her and warm lips on her own and she is almost disappointed when she wakes up and is alone.
At first she thinks it’s just physical attraction. She is a teenager after all and has felt that twinge in her belly before.
But deep down she knows that is not all of it.
Sure, Musa thinks a lot about his body after that particular evening and there are goosebumps all over hers whenever he touches her during training. But more often she thinks about Riven himself – about his kindness for her, his protectiveness that would annoy her in everybody else but doesn’t because it is him.
About his laugh, less sarcastic when he is with her but so much more genuine.
And Musa knows that she wants him – not only his body but all of him.
Sometimes she thinks he feels the same. There is a spark in his eyes when he looks at her. Not only during their training but outside of it too. And he sits next to her at every meal and gravitates around her whenever their group decides to do something together.
The girls start to notice it but Musa doesn’t want to talk about it, not yet. Instead she treasures every moment with Riven and waits.
The two of them don’t talk about it but Musa thinks they will someday soon.
***
And then Musa gets her powers back.
She feels them rushing into her and all of that peace, that quietness shatters within one second. Pain, fear and distress fill her head and she can no longer tell which feelings are hers.
It is to much. It hurts, takes her breath away and for a moment there are black spots in her vision.
She hears him calling her name before he grabs her by the arm. Riven’s eyes are wide and black in the dark of the night. He frantically checks her for injuries while he asks her if she is okay.
There is an onslaught of emotions that must come from him but are so chaotic that her overwhelmed brain has a hard time making sense out of them. Panic, concern and something burning underneath it all that Musa can’t identify.
She tells him that she is okay, that the girls killed Sebastian. He knows what that means and she almost expects him to hug her, to help her deal with all those feelings, to get her out of here.
But when she lifts her head and he sees the glowing purple of her eyes, she can feel him tense. His eyes widen again but this time it is not out of worry for her because he lets go of her arm and abruptly steps back. A new wave of panic washes over her, but with it comes anger and she does not understand.
Something flickers in his eyes but it is not the same spark that was there before.
Musa feels her heart drop right before he turns around and disappears between the other specialists. It hurts so much worse than the return of her powers.
***
Musa has wondered if getting her powers back would change things between her and Riven. If it would put an end to their training sessions or if they would continue because he knows that she needs the escape it provides. If they would finally talk about the thing between them.
But she never expected this.
It has been a week and Riven is still avoiding her. He no longer sits with them in the canteen – doesn’t even show up anymore when he knows they are there. Sky doesn’t know where he is either – or at least that is what he tells Musa.
She tries to intercept him on his way back from classes but to no avail.
Sometimes she spots him for a second but he is gone before she can reach him. It leaves a cold feeling in her stomach.
Still, she does not give up. She doesn’t understand what happened and she wants answers. If Riven doesn’t want to see her anymore she wants him to tell her why, even if it hurts.
So she texts him more than once, although it feels pathetic. Especially when he never answers.
Musa wants to cry.
***
Ironically, what really makes her cry is when they actually meet.
The girls have convinced her to go to the pub – a friendly attempt to make her feel better.
They didn’t talk about what happened that night but Musa has a feeling that her friends know exactly what – or who – is responsible for her sulking. It would explain why nobody mentions Riven, not even in passing. Or why she catches Sky more than once looking at her like he wants to say something but then decides against it.
Still, Musa never says anything.
Instead she orders some cocktail – would drink anything, really, as long as it is not stout because that is what Riven ordered for her back before… she pushes the thought away and takes a big gulp from her drink.
It is sweet and sour at the same time and Musa hopes that it will take her thoughts away from the specialist that lured her in only to push her away.
The hours tick by and Musa orders another two cocktails until her head starts to swim and her heart feels numbed. It is getting harder to grasp other people’s feelings and Musa likes it.
Her friends laugh at some story Bloom tells them and Musa feels her own lips twitch. Maybe she really can enjoy this evening and spending time with her friends again.
But then her gaze drifts over to the bar and Musa abruptly sobers up.
He is here.
Riven is here, lounging on one of the stools, nursing a drink that she can’t identify.
And he is not alone.
There is a blonde girl sitting next to him, thigh pressed against his. She wears a crop top in the same red colour as her lipstick. The plunging neckline and tight cut leave litte to the imagination. Big eyes glitter in the dim light.
She is simply gorgeous. And from the look of it, Riven thinks the same thing.
Musa is vaguely aware of her friends asking if she is okay, but all she can focus on is the scene before her.
Riven brings his drink to his lips, slowly, and shoots the girl an alluring look that makes Musa’s stomach churn. She watches as he puts the glass back, leans forward and drags his fingers over the girl’s thigh. She sees his mouth move as he says something that makes the girl laugh.
Musa can’t hear the sound over the loud music but she doubts that she would hear it without it. All she can hear is the rushing of her blood in her ears. She feels like she might throw up.
For a second, Riven glances over to her and their eyes meet. Musa stops breathing.
Somehow, foolishly, she thinks he will stop whatever he is doing and come over to her. She tightens her grip around her drink.
But Riven doesn’t stop. Instead he leans forward and presses his lips to the girl’s.
And Musa’s world shatters.
She is not even aware of standing up before she is already halfway out of the pub.
She can feel the girls following her but she does not stop. Instead she rushes outside as fast as she can.
The night air is cool on her tear stained cheeks. A sob escapes her lips.
Suddenly, she regrets ever building an opinion of Riven. She just wishes she had never cared about him at all.
Look into his angel eyes
One look and you're hypnotized
He’ll take your heart and you must pay the price
Look into his angel eyes
You’ll think you're in paradise
And one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise