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❝[…] everybody moved on, I stayed there. […] right where you left me.❞
Sergio reminded Y/N of the moon. Its jet-black fur was much like the night sky and its incredibly soft padding around the apartment recalled her of the secret wishes she used to tell the stars.
Her fiancée’s cat wasn’t very fond of her at the beginning of their relationship. He’d jumped away every time Y/N simply gesture towards him. This changed after Y/N spent the first night at Emily’s place. It was as if Sergio had understood “this one right here is safe.”
But it wasn’t just that.
Y/N had been the first person that slept over the night at Emily Prentiss's apartment. First partner that stayed over. She hadn’t known it back then, of course. Emily told her a bit after they had officialized their relationship.
The next morning Y/N slept over, when they were having breakfast, she offered a piece of her toast to the pet and he slowly walked over, analysing her actions. He accepted it. Staying by her side the rest of the day. And for the rest of the years she spent there too.
Sergio wasn’t the first to trust her. But he was going to be one of the hardest goodbye she would ever give that night.
“Y/N?” Emily called out as she arrived home. Y/N could hear the clicking of the keys and steps approaching. “I made a reservation at your favourite restaurant, for tomorrow. Luckily they weren’t all booked out-”
The cat left her arms as soon as his owner arrived. Fair enough, buddy.
“What is all this?” Asked Emily upon arriving at the living room and seeing the suitcase and a duffle bag by the coffee table.
“I’m leaving.” Y/N replied, not facing her quiet yet. She didn’t get up from the couch either. They would have to talk before she left. They would have to have a confrontation. She knew. But that didn’t mean she wanted it to happen.
A moment of silence was all it took for Emily to react. “No, you’re not.” She dropped her work bag on the ground, moving to sit by her partner’s side. Her fiancée. The one she was supposed to get married to. Her other half. “Whatever it is, we can figure it out, Y/N.”
If there was something Y/N hated on Emily was the calmness the woman was covered with at every moment. Someone could be dying and she would speak with the most serene tone to deal with the situation. Y/N didn’t want calmness now. She wanted to hear her scream. Throw things. Get angry that she was leaving.
She pulled her hand away when the brunette tried to grasp it. Something broke inside Emily; but she could fix this.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Y/N muttered, swallowing the lump on her throat.
“What happened?” Emily inquired, praying that the woman would at least look at her. “Please, sweetheart. We can talk about this. Was it something I did? I can fix this, Y/N.”
Y/N scoffed, sparing her a scowl, “You can fix everything, right, Emily?” She stood up, craving space. She needed space from her. When had Y/N ever needed space from the woman she loved more than anything in this world? Perhaps, that also changed. “I’m not one of those… things. I’m not someone you can simply leave one day and expect to go back to whenever you feel like it.”
Emily finally understood what this was about. In the end, all of their arguments ended up being about that.
“You know I didn’t just leave. I’d never leave you willingly,” Emily protested while silently watching her fiancée nervous moving around the living room.
“Right.” Y/N said, crossing her arms. Attention drifting to her packed bags as an excuse to not glance at Emily. “You were protecting me and the ones you loved.“
Emily’s eyes snapped at her. God, why can’t she look at me?
”-That I love.“ She corrected firmly, standing up to reach towards Y/N. Who, this time, let her touch her. Good, she could still fix this. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?” And I know you love me too. Don’t you? Was what was implicit in her question.
She didn’t receive an answer. Her fingers pushed a strand of Y/N’s hair behind her ear softly. “I did what I did because I couldn’t lose you. I had to go.”
“I know.” Y/N said with furrowed brows, voice shaking slightly. “I know that, Em.” Once the tears came, they couldn’t be stopped. It was like a storm. Unstoppable when the sky has been grey all day. “But- you died.” Y/N choked out, retracting a hand but still let Emily hold the other. Even letting her touch me feels foreign now. Y/N thought. “You died. I went to your funeral, Emily. I-” She tried to hold back a sob. “I mourned you for months.”
Emily was crying now, too. Could she still fix this?
“Y/N-” She tried reasoning, but was interrupted.
“Did you know that I was at that restaurant? When I received the news?” Y/N let out a shaky breath, looking for something in Emily’s eyes. Something she couldn’t find anymore. She took a step away. “… the one you still say is my favourite. I was sitting at the table on that corner where we would always sit, and then I received the call. Some days, I still feel as if I’m there. Waiting for a call to tell me you’re gone again.”
“I’m here, Y/N.” Emily begged, hand numbing at the feeling of being rejected once again. “I’m right here. I promise you I won’t go anywhere this time.”
This time. But I needed you before.
“But I am not here. Not anymore, Em.” Shaking her head with tear-stained cheeks, she turned towards the door, facing it instead of her lost lover. “As long as I’m with you, I will still be at that restaurant, at that corner.” And who are we kidding? Even after countless tries, we were always a losing game. Y/N didn’t say it out loud. There had been enough words said to end them both.
“I’m sorry, I can’t get past this.” Y/N glanced at Emily, feeling a heaviness inside her chest over the outcome of that night. It couldn’t have gone any better. “I love you, Emily Prentiss. I- I just can’t stay by your side anymore.”
Sobs racked through Emily’s body as the door closed. She felt lost. She felt helpless. She didn’t want to lose her, but there was nothing else she could do. It was inevitable.
Emily wished she had followed Y/N to the door, stopping her from leaving. But when she saw the ring laying at the coffee table, the diamond reflecting against the glass, she knew she couldn’t fix anything anymore. It was too late. That night, her heart left through that door. She wasn’t sure if it would ever come back again. As her body stayed there, on the cold floor of her apartment, loneliness slowly crept in inside her bones and mind. It was not a strange feeling for she had felt it her whole life. She just never thought she would have to feel it once more.
Now, loneliness was just greeting her again.