Work Text:
My life on Earth was awful. Becoming an Isekai protagonist was supposed to fix all my problems. I was supposed to get an awesome cheat ability, and to have a harem of waifus following me around as I went on a quest to defeat the demon lord or something. So far I’ve been in another world for about three weeks and so far nothing’s happened like it was supposed to. I’ve got no superpowers, no quest, and worst of all no harem. What’s an Isekai protag supposed to do around here to get the pussy he’s entitled to?
I woke up in my bunk to the sound of a screaming bell, the same time as the rest of the children and teens at Dolores Orphanage. I climbed out of my bunk and dragged myself to the cafeteria, hoping today they’d serve me something I could actually eat. I got there and saw the soup had eyeballs in it. None of the other kids saw anything wrong or weird about this. Then again, none of the other kids were human.
The soup looked disgusting but I was hungry. I picked up my spoon and gathered my courage, about to start eating. But then the eyeballs spun around and looked at me. I dropped my spoon and pushed the bowl away.
The girl sitting across from me laughed. She was a beautiful humanoid teenager with scarlet skin, long blood red hair, yellow eyes with black sclera, curved black horns, leathery wings and a tail whose tip was shaped like a heart. Oh and she’s got big boobs. Her name was Perdita Caprice and she’s a succubus.
“What, you can’t handle your food looking at you?” she teased. She picked the eyeballs out of my soup, put them in her own soup, then pushed my bowl back to me. Once again I picked up my spoon and gathered my courage. It tasted bitter but I gobbled it down anyway. I hadn’t eaten for several days.
Perdita looked at me expectedly until I finally forced myself to say "thank you". Back home, I gave up on being nice to girls once I figured out it was never going to lead to them going out with me or sleeping with me. With Perdita though it's not a question of escaping the friend zone, I'm stuck being nice to her because I can't afford for her not to be friends with me. I don't like it one little bit but I need help in order to stay alive here and this succubus is the only ally I've got in this orphanage or entire realm.
“So are you excited for your first day at Hexside?”
“Not really. I don’t have a bile sack so it’s not like I’ll be able to learn magic. I’ll be the only kid in school without magic; I’ll be at the bottom of the school hierarchy just like I was back home. Except this time the school bullies will have superpowers.”
“Don’t worry Zack, I’ll protect you. At least until you find yourself a big strong boyfriend to take care of you.”
“For the last time I’m not fucking gay!”
“Just kissing, hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding gay then?”
“No I’m completely heterosexual”
“The other day when you were going on about how much your life back on Earth sucked, you talked a lot about a group of men you referred to as the Chads. You spent at least a solid three minutes ranting about how attractive those guys are, and how big you imagine their penises must be. Even as you were boiling over with rage, I could still hear the erection in your voice.”
I couldn't tell if Perdita was making fun of me, if she seriously thought I was attracted to guys, or both. At Hexside I'm already going to be singled out because I'm human, I can't have people thinking I'm a faggot too.
“How do I keep everyone at Hexside from thinking I’m gay?”
“That’s simple. Just avoid flirting with any boys, blushing at the sight of any boys, or going on homoerotic rants. Or if you can’t stop yourself from doing those things, just tell everyone you’re bisexual.”
“How is people thinking I’m bisexual any better then them thinking I’m gay?”
“It doubles your chances of getting a date obviously. I thought that was important to you? Besides, in all honestly I think you probably are bisexual and just haven’t realized it yet. I guess I’ll amend my original statement to ‘until you find yourself a big strong boyfriend or girlfriend to take care of you’”
“You’re a succubus, shouldn’t you be trying to seduce me yourself?”
“One, I find that offensive. Two, get over yourself. Three, I’m already taken.”
Perdita’s the hottest girl I’ve ever met. She's a literal sex demon and she looks like she was sculpted specifically to appeal to my weird fetishes. Of course she’s taken. I smile politely and clench my fists.
“What’s his name?”
“Her name is Elysia Nomiki, and she’s an angel.” I see a blissful smile spread across Perdita’s face as she thinks about her girlfriend. I wonder if she’s speaking figuratively or literally, in this world I’d believe either one.
Losing to Chads is bad enough, losing to a girl feels infinitely more humiliating. Something in my gut tells me this isn’t the last time this is going to happen. What’s the lesbian equivalent of a Chad? I’m going to have to invent that term if it doesn’t already exist.