Work Text:
No one really expected that Nene would find an acting troupe or to have a friend group besides her childhood friend, Kamishiro Rui. Not even Nene herself saw it coming but yet it happened she made two more friends Otori Emu and Tenma Tsukasa. She enjoyed having the two as friends and Rui of course. Thing was the girl always had weird feelings when she was near her shorter friend who seemed like she had never ending energy, very unexplainable ones.
They were nice though but also immensely painful and the quiet girl really didn't want it to be what she thought it was. Which was love. That made her an absolute mess such as having mental breakdowns and much worse. What she saw from the two other members in the troupe being boyfriend caused Nene to be honest with herself that she wasn't sure if that's how she felt towards the shorter girl. She knew that she loved Emu but just in a platonic way, definitely not a romantic way like at all or maybe she did but knowing herself she'd rather heavily deny it.
She had moments where she almost accepted it though. Thing is there was no way that'd she be gay. No one would like her for that. That's what was being repeated 24/7 in the grey haired girl's mind whenever she thought it wasn't platonic love.
What if it wasn't though?? Would that be okay? None of her friends would care but would her mom care? Most likely not really her mom was so supportive of Rui and his boyfriend. How would she act towards Nene dating Emu?
Nene was constantly distracted by her unnecessary overthinking everyday just for her pink haired friend which felt like torture towards the poor gorl. Making her want to do stuff to herself that'd give a feeling rather than something the girl felt for her friend. To make it even worse for herself, as if Emu knew she was thinking about her, she could see her bright phone screen telling her that her crush was calling.
Wait…? Wait… what the fuck did I just think?
Nene told herself that she meant friend and not crush causing her to be more panicked to pick up the phone. It's fine Nene you meant to say friend. Accidents happen all the time now, breathing in and out before picking up. She was so used to telling herself to breathe in and out multiple times now it became a habit as well as multiple other things that hurt on a daily basis.
After two or three seconds of that she had the courage to pick up the phone when she felt odd. As if someone had turned up the heat all the way causing her palms to get sweaty and face to get redder and redder. Why do I feel like that everytime she calls or I'm near her… maybe I do feel something romantic towards her. I kinda hope I do.
"NE HELLO!!!! How are you feeling!!! You took a bit longer to pick up, are you alright? I got a bit worried, I hope I'm not bothering you!!"
That was all Nene could hear from her phone which was immensely loud but that was Emu's normal volume until it got softer at the end. It made her feel safe but it also made her stomach feel weird as if it was spinning. Especially everytime she hears Emu call her the nickname she gave her after a month of being friends. Ne. It made her feel all sorts of things.
"Nene?"
"O-oh um I'm sorry Emu I zoned out… but I'm doing alright and you?"
Nene was lying.
It was obvious that the slightly taller girl was lying to where she just knew the girl on the other side of the call could tell almost immediately made her aware of it with her response.
"Ne-chan are you sure…? If you'd like me to end the call because I scared you I can…"
It was so soft that it scared Nene but she didn't want her to hang up. She loved her and wanted to hear voice. She wanted her to be there for her and wanted her to to feel something like how she felt towards Emu. It hurt that she didn't know if she did but that was one of the few things that helped her realize that maybe she was into girls and wanted to date her.
"N—no please stay on the call Emu. I'm so sorry you caught me in the middle of something that's all... Please don't leave."
Why do I sound as if I'm about to cry??? Ughh why am I like this I'm so stupid I should just do it more to fix the problems. That's what I should do and that'll fix everything. Nene thought to herself. It was true though she did want to cry and fix everything because of how much Emu meant to her. Fuck… why am I acting so stupidly. Everything is going wrong. I can't deal with these thoughts anymore.
"I won't leave then if that's what you want, Nene. Or would you like me to go keep you distracted from your thoughts for the night? We can do all sorts of stuff and it'll be WONDERHOY!!!"
How did she know what I was thinking? I never told her… maybe it’s obvious… I should’ve covered them better. The almost entirely numb Nene scolded herself so aggressively. Everything is always my fault. That’s why I don’t deserve anything and should be in constant pain. I don't even deserve to love Emu and she doesn't deserve to be my friend or opge me at all. She could always find someone better.
It was hard for her to sound so normal talking back to Emu due to all the negative thoughts that she was thinking. That Nene could tell how obvious it was as soon as she spoke again trying to apologize.
"I'm sorry Emu… I didn't expect to be in a bad mood today, but I would appreciate that so I'll… h-happily… wait for you! If you’d like to stay the night as well you may since my parents won’t be back till tomorrow afternoon!"
“Wonderhoy, Nene-chan I’ll be there soon!! I love you a lot and I hope you know that!!”
“Thank you Emu, and I love you as well!!”
Something about that I love you felt special and as if it had a deeper meaning. Nene wasn’t sure what but she knew it had a deeper meaning and a part of her hoped it did. Another part of her was screaming at her for all the pain in her body that Emu had once distracted her from multiple times, and she means multiple times. Without even realizing how much pain she was in. She wanted it to be worse though, Nene felt as if she had no control over those thoughts and that she wanted them to be worse.
What if I made it worse? Just so I wasn't into girls?
She wasn’t opposed to the idea but she knew she shouldn’t Emu coming over and sleeping over. The idea wouldn’t stop with the intense craving to just go and look for something or anything to help the urge. Before she could though she heard Emu’s adorable voice making her face feel hot again causing her to panic. Shit SHIT I don’t have anything to cover myself with on me… no no no I need to quickly put something on before she sees.
It was too late Emu was already at her front door about to enter. Nene knew one day her secret would be out of how she treated herself but she didn’t expect that day to be today. It made her terrified being fully aware that she could just ask Emu to wait outside; she felt rude and knew it’d be better if someone did notice.
“C-come in!”
The voice that came out was quivering so much and it sounded as if she was about to have a mental breakdown in front of the girl who she loved so much to where it hurt. Why did I think the last part wasn't needed at all??? You know what fuck it I’ll think of that afterwards.
"NE!!! Are you alright?! I was worried!"
"Yes I am be- just Emu… I haven't been feeling myself for a long while… and if I'm being honest everything hurts."
She didn't like being honest about that. It felt so refreshing though to tell someone. Wait, did I almost call her beautiful… I mean she is but what the fuck brain??? Not realizing her mess up till after saying the whole thing she was hoping that Emu didn't notice.
Or how horrid all the cuts were on her arm or how rather skinny she was.
Nene was rather good at hiding all of it due to how baggy and long sleeved her clothes were so no one noticed or she hoped no one did. Emu would though knowing she was about to hug her any second which was far quicker than she intended. All she could see is Emu running up to her after processing what Nene told her and giving her an immensely tight hug.
"OW— B-be careful that hurt Emu! But don't worry you didn't know!!"
"O-oh I'm sorry Ne-chan!! I didn't real- Nene? What are all those scars and cuts? You don't have to answer if you don't want to but are you alright…?"
Nene was terrified at the fact she noticed so quickly and asked her. She wanted to tell her though even though she was petrified of what Emu would say.
"I- I um… I do want to tell you I- I just…"
"It's alright take your time. I'll patiently wait, so don't worry. I love you either way and I'm here for you!!"
"Thank you."
Nene wasn't much of a person to cry in front of others but she could feel tears start to fall from her eyes and go down her cheeks as if it was raining. She had to tell her though, even if it hurt so bad.
"I- Emu I hurt myself. I've been h-hurting myself for a while… now… and when I- I try to stop I can't… I've even stopped ea- eating some days just to have my body look how I- I want it to… and it hurts so… so bad. Also I k- know this is random b- but I think… no I know I'm into girls… and I hate that I know"
At this point she was glad she got it off her chest but it still hurt not knowing what Emu's reply was but at the same time it hurt knowing that her most favorite person in the world was the first person to know this.
"Ne-chan… I know I may not be much help… but thank you so much for telling me this and I just want you to know I'll be there in the future with you to help you. I will gladly help the person I love most. Also I'm glad you could tell me that and don't worry about what others think! I try not to do that… it may seem scary but it gets easier when the people you love most are around."
That sounds almost like a confession- I wish it was though. God I want to be with you Emu I don't deserve you. Even if Nene felt like utter shit that's when she realized she was gay and loved Emu a lot. While still bawling her eyes out she just wanted to give the other girl in the room with her a hug and thank her for being there.
"Emu. Thank you. Thank you so much for being here and I know I may have just vented my feelings out to you but Emu I love you so much and I'm thankful to have you in my life. I want to keep loving you in a romantic way for as long as possible even if I don't like the thought of it. I love how I know it's right.'
Emu was just looking at Nene while she was looking back and seeing Emu with the biggest smile on her face with tears in her eyes after being told what Nene's been going through. It wasn't what she expected to help distract her or the kiss Emu was about to give her pausing the rest of her thoughts.
"I love you too, Nene. Also may I kiss you?"
"Yes you may Emu… I'd happily let you kiss me!!"
That was the last thing Nene said for a few seconds before Emu grabbed her face to give the taller girl a kiss. It was the best feeling she felt in a while and she was glad her crush gave hee was making her that way.
"Also now I knew I was going to help distract you from your thoughts but not like that. We should get something to eat though even if it's small and the rest of the night will be WONDERHOY as girlfriends? If you'd like to be girlfriends of course?"
"Girlfriends? I like the sound of that so yes Emu. Also thank you for helping distract me and we should do that… but may we eat here instead? I feel safer if that's alright with you."
She hated that that she realized she was gay but it also made her immensely happy that her now girlfriend gave her the realization. She also hated the thought of eating but it felt nice that she would be with someone who's patient with her.
"Yes we may Nene. I don't mind at all! Just as long as you feel better!"