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Chapter Text

March 1st, 2022
863 HQ, Blue Base

Matthias Fredericks was stuck. Surrounded by an inky blackness that clung to him and seemed to seep into his very soul. Wha… what happened? He thought.

You’re lucky I let you wake up. A menacing voice replied. Matt froze, still groggy from… whatever had happened before this. He recognized that voice.

He’d had another blackout.

This sort of thing had happened to Matt before- ever since being injected at the police station. He’d space out for minutes or even hours, only to wake up in an entirely new area and time. And he’d hear that voice. Sometimes it spoke to him, before or after the blackouts, in a deep snarling whisper. Sometimes it came out of the blue. Every time he’d heard that voice, echoing from some distant place, Matt had been strangely compelled to follow it. To trust it.

It hadn’t been until the motel room that he’d realized it was mind control. What was the phrase the document had used? Subliminal manipulation. He’d hid his shock at the prospect, suddenly and inexplicably unwilling to come clean to them about the strange things he’d been experiencing. But it wasn’t because of the voice. Matt was prideful. Embarrassed. Ashamed. But most of all, Matthias was afraid.

Afraid that his friends would turn on him.

Leave him alone.

Outcast him.

Or worst of all, be scared of him.

Little did he know, not telling them would multiply his pain a million fold.

Enough reminiscing. The voice came again, deep and sinister. You’re mine now, remember?

No! Matt shot back. He groped around in the thick darkness, struggling to feel anything. He felt oddly… disconnected. What did you do? He shouted out into the void. Who are you?

You’ll find out soon enough.

Matt growled, impatient with all the games. He just wanted to know if his friends and family were safe. And where he was. That would be nice too.

I can do both of those things for you. Came the voice yet again, sickly smooth. Would you like to say hello to your friends?

Matt immediately stopped struggling at the mention of his team. Yes! He shouted. Are they OK? Where are they?

The thing gave an oddly sardonic, ominous chuckle, the sound reverberating around in the thick darkness he was beginning to associate with that voice. You’ll understand in time.

Suddenly a different voice came out of the darkness, this one much closer, bouncing around Matt so loud he could barely hear anything else. “So, you’ve gotta be wondering what you’re in here for.”

Wait. That was his own voice.

Another voice, slightly more distant but still much more present than the thing’s, came through, distinctly feminine and extremely worried. “Matt? Are… are you OK? What’s going on?” Similar questions to Sam’s were echoed by Bailey and Woods. Where are they? Matt sent out. Why can’t I see them?

Oh, goodness me. The thing replied in a falsely cheery tone. I almost forgot!

Suddenly Matthias felt himself being pushed forward. He groped on for something to hang onto but there was nothing, and in a moment the sensation was over, leaving him to feel for the first time the unique sensation of returning to one’s own body. He could still sense the presence, limiting his movements, but at least he could see and hear his friends properly now, if not move much. “Guys?” His voice came out cracked and tired, and he felt as though the dark ink holding his muscles rigidly in place was the only thing keeping him from collapsing on the floor right then and there.

Apparently having your mind invaded took a lot out of you.

He went speechless from shock as his eyes adjusted, allowing him to take in the scene around him. Bailey, Sam and Woods were all seated in the padded black chairs surrounding the touchscreen table that made up the main desk of the HQ, hands tied together by orange cord. “You’re tied up.”

“Yeah, we can see that.” Woods’ voice was annoyed. “Do you need us to fill you on what you did?”

What I did? Matt’s blood ran cold with tredipation. What exactly did you use me for while I was out? But for once, the thing was silent. Convenient for you. He muttered internally. Suddenly the voice responded, slippery smooth and mischievous. Why don’t you ask Bailey or Woods? Or better yet, ask Sam. Yes, let’s do that.

Suddenly Matt felt words ripping out of his throat without his consent. “What do you think I did?” The words came out harsh and clipped, accusatory, and Bailey cringed back in her chair. God, she looked on the verge of tears. Matt stared into her glassy eyes for a moment, unable to convey his apology. What had just happened? He tried again, this time the words coming out of his own free will, soft and cracked as he glanced between Sam and Woods. “What’s happening to me?”

Woods looked too angry to speak, merely leveling Matt with a mutinous glare. What did I do that was so bad? Matt thought helplessly. Sam stepped in, on the verge of hysteria herself but struggling to act calm for her friends. “Let’s see.” The emotions inside her built up, a mix or rage and deep sadness, thickened by confusion and fear. “You sent everyone home early for no apparent reason and then dragged us up here one by one and tied us up and started interrogating us! Why would we be mad, I wonder? Now you tell us what’s going on!” Her voice was laced with that barely controlled emotion and Matt took a half step back, swimming in confusion. It wasn’t her fault- she was scared, and for good reason. But he was too, and he wasn’t in any better of a position than she was.

“No…” he choked out, throat going oddly tight. He’d just realized- his worse fears were coming true.

They we’re all afraid of him.

In Bailey, it was obvious- a single tear, shimmering in the dimly lit room, had already slipped down one cheek. Sam was struggling to hold herself together, Woods was hiding his betrayal in anger.

And it was all directed at him.

It seemed surreal, but there was no denying it. No. He thought again, unable to say or think anything but thsimple confession of denial.

Oh yes. The dark presence replied, sounding mad with glee. You’re all mine. So why don’t we have some fun with your friends here?

No! Matt yelled at the top of his lungs- but nothing came out. Don’t hurt them! Don’t even touch them!

Matt was suddenly pushed backward, feeling nauseous as the blackness surged up again, taking control of everything but his sight. So you can watch. Came the voice, answering his unspoken question. Matthias watched helplessly, horror rising as his body stalked closer to Bailey, fishing something out of his coat pocket.

An injection gun, similar to the one Ben had used in Samantha’s office all those years ago.

Matt struggled, trying to fight, but it was like trying to fight water. The darkness was untouchable, invincible. There was nothing he could do but watch helplessly, horror mounting as his own hands roughly grabbed Bailey’s bare arm and shoved the massive needle deeply, seamlessly into her skin.

The scream that came from her was bloodcurdling, like nothing he’d ever heard before or wished to hear again. It was long, guttural, pain-filled, yet still high pitched and filled with hopeless desperation. He could vaguely feel the grip of the fingers of her opposite hand on his arm, squeezing so hard her knuckles turned white as she tried to shove his arm off.

Matt felt his right arm jerk as it pulled itself and the needle away from Bailey, leaving a ragged, bleeding hole in her forearm. The second the needle tip had cleared her skin she collapsed, brunette braids flying askew as her head hit the padded seat back. Matt couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

When he was given control back of his muscles, he collapsed, filled with shock and numb in every bone of his body.

Eventually, unable to process his own thoughts or emotions, he shifted slightly from his kneeled position on the dusty dark wood floor to see Sam and Woodland’s reactions. Samantha, brown eyes filled with fear, was leaned back so far in her chair it looked like she would tip backward, mouth agape and white as a sheet. Woods merely looked more angry, if that was even possible, gripping his own hands into fists so hard against the table Matt thought he saw blood. Woods’ rage was so great, in fact, that when he spoke, his voice was low and dangerous, barely masking the roiling wrath within. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Her.” He spoke deliberately, no trace of hesitancy left in his tone.

Matt stumbled to his feet and retreated, putting the table in between him and his wrathful counterpart. His heart was breaking at the fact that this was all indeed his fault. He still couldn’t fathom the idea that Bailey had just been injected with who knew what. “Woods…” he began, not knowing where to start. “I swear, please believe me. It’s-“ not me. His thoughts finished. But his voice was cut off, stopping him from telling the truth.

“What, Matthias?” Woods’ tone was hard and cold. “It’s what? It’s okay to do whatever the hell you want to your friends? To the people you said you would protect with your life?”

“It’s simple.” The voice replied for Matthew, who was still struggling to even understand the concept of what was about to go down. “I deceived you all from the beginning, and now I have what I need. The location of the Spire. You see, between Woods’ helpful hint during our little conversation earlier, about Deb’s hard drives not being fully smashed, and my genius- My genius, you mean. Matt interjected bitterly. “-I have discovered how to find the Spire. That’s all I ever wanted. The rest of this? It means nothing to me. You were all pawns.”

Matt’s blood ram colder than before as he realized where the voice was going with this. No, no no no no no no… he muttered, trying yet again to regain control of his own body to no avail. No matter what he did, the thing seemed to evade him, slipping away with ease yet never losing control.

“So that’s all this ever was?” Sam whispered in a heartbroken tone, eyes downcast as she clasped her hands together, curling into herself on the chair. “All we ever were to you were pawns to help you get what we want?”

No! Matt shouted. But the thing swept on. “Of course. I planted that first key to lead us all down this path. You never mattered to me. I used all of you, and boy did you fall hard for it.”

“So all of this pain, everything we’ve been through… it was all a fake.” Sam’s voice was even quieter now, filled with a wrenching hopelessness and betrayal that numbed Matt beyond feeling. “We never meant anything to you.”

“You just wanted us for Subject 4.” Woods rasped, hand clenched even tighter than before if that was at all possible. No, no! No! Matt screamed internally, fighting harder and harder without making progress. No, please. I’ve always cared about you. I didn’t do this, I never wanted this for us! Please… I love you guys more than anything! Don’t believe him!

Quiet. The voice shot out, reverberating through his skull so loud he screamed internally in pain. I’m growing sick of your sentiments.

Should’ve thought of that before you took over my body. Matt shot back, filled with a sense of hatred. Why’d you pick me anyway? The thing chuckled disbelievingly. You still don’t know who I am.

How would I? Matthias fired back resentfully. You haven’t exactly given me much space to think recently! The thing merely laughed again in response to Matthias’ barbed comment, the evil sound echoing through Matt’s head and threatening to make him sick. I picked you because you’re the leader, just like me. I deserved your body. And you’re pretty close to my body type. It’s easier to adjust that way. Subject 4 wasn’t wrong when they said you were like me.

Matt’s breath caught in his throat. Syphus. He muttered internally. You’re smarter than you look. The voice- Nelson- replied. Yes. You guessed it. Now focus up- I think Woods is about to do something rather interesting…

Filled with tredipation, Matt turned his gaze back to his once-friends. Woods’ fists we’re still clenched in rage and his cold brown eyes were glaring daggers into Matt and Syphus’ shared skull. “But why hurt Bailey?” Woods choked out at last. “Take you and your lies and your betrayal and precious Spire and get the fuck out.” Matt could feel his cheeks stretching into a maniacal smile, even as he struggled not to break down on the inside. “Because of all the shit you put me through.” Came his own voice, against his own volition. “All you did to me deserves revenge.” Woods stood, slamming his hands down on the table and making Matt flinch. “All we did to you? What are you saying? You’re the one who…”

Woods’ voice faded out as Matt felt the blackness reaching out to something else in the room. He wasn’t sure how, but he saw what was coming and pulled harder than ever, letting out a verbal yell that stopped Woods in his tracks as Matt struggled for control, to keep the thing from getting to its new target.

Bailey.

But the thing that represented Nelson was already gone, slipping through his metaphorical fingers without a sound. Yet again, Matt collapsed to his knees, shaking at the strange sensations and general exhaustion. He couldn’t take much more of this, but his focus wasn’t on himself. It was on the female sitting next to him.

“Bailey…” he croaked out helplessly, voice uncharacteristically dry. “No…” Woods’ gaze snapped from him to her, face lighting up when she stirred. “No…” Matt tried again, still barely able to get above a whisper. “Woods, please, it’s not her. You don’t…”

“Oh, don’t give me that.” Woods sneered, standing over Bailey with a protective expression that reminded Matt of his own when he’d gone out to confront Ben. Oh, how the tables had turned. “You’re the one who’s not yourself. But then again, you never were, were you?” Sam reached out a comforting hand that went ignored as Woods’ voice rose in volume and pitch until it was almost hysterical-sounding. “Oh wait! That’s right! Because you’re a backstabbing son of a-“

Bailey’s weak voice interrupted Woods’ painful tirade- “Guys?”- as she sat up weakly. No doubt Nelson getting used to his new body. Matt thought bitterly. If only someone would believe me. He could literally feel the darkness wafting off of her, and if he looked closely, he thought he could see a hint of red in Bailey’s shadowed eyes. But no one will ever listen to me again. Matthias thought remorsefully. Because I was so stupidly prideful that I didn’t warn them about this. It’s all my fault.

Sam started towards Bailey, placing a hand on her shoulder and making her flinch. “See that?” Matt yelped, desperate to try and prove himself. “She flinched! That’s because she’s not herself! It sounds crazy but you have to believe me, Nelson was controlling me and now its in her and-“

Woods’ gaze was hard. “I said don’t give me that!” He was interrupted by a still-sitting Bailey placing a hand on his arm. “Woods, what is he saying?” God, it didn’t even sound like her! But Woods didn’t seem to see any of those signs. He disentangled his arm from Bailey’s and stalked toward Matthias, stiff rage visible in every muscle of his body. “You know what? You just told me the past three years of my life were a lie, and the worst part is I actually believe you! I just watched you inject one of my best friends, one of our team!”

“No-“ Matt tried to interject but Woods was having no part of it. Woods stalked towards Matthias, causing the latter to back up towards the side wall. When the former spoke, his voice was dangerously soft. “No. You’ve lied to and betrayed and hurt me and my friends, and you’ve done it for the last time.” Sam’s head shot up from where she was protectively standing next to Bailey. “Woods, wait, what-“

But it was too late. Time slowed down as Matthias watched Woods rush toward him, vaulting the table in slow motion. He felt the darkness seep back into him from Bailey’s direction, taking control back without warning. Matt saw his hand dip into his right pocket…

Was that a revolver?

Matt suddenly realized what was happening, but it was too late.

His arm came up.

The trigger was pressed.

Time sped up as the darkness flowed swiftly back out of him, just in time for him to hear the girls’ screams as Woods hurtled backwards, the end of a huge bang still echoing through the air as Woods crumpled into the right wall with a thud, bloody gaping hole barely visible in the side of his darkly matted head.

Matt woke up screaming.

Chapter Text

Matt woke up screaming. He felt like the world was spinning, and he couldn’t hear over the rushing of blood in his ears and the gasping breaths he was taking. He pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating wildly under his thin gray tank as adrenaline shot through his veins. He was covered in sweat and shaking uncontrollably from head to toe as he fought for control. “Woods…” he muttered when he found his voice, shaky and quiet. That wasn’t real, that wasn’t real, that wasn’t real… Matt flinched violently when something warm slid around his waist. One thin, long arm, supporting Matt. “Amanda?” He whispered in a broken tone.

“Same dream?” She whispered back gently, slowing rocking them back and forth as Matt drew his knees up to his chest and shuddered.

“Worse.” His wife grimaced, face dimly lit red by their night light. The light made her eyes look red. Suddenly finding the near darkness unbearable- it reminded him too much of the darkness that had been flowing through his veins moments before- Matthias disentangled one still-shaking arm from the tangle of limbs and flicked on his sunset lamp. The little bulb sent out a soft, glowing yellow light. There. That’s better.

After a moment of heavy silence, Matthias stiffened. Is that footsteps? A second later he relaxed, dispelling uncomfortable images from his head when he recognized the soft, quick pit-pat of his daughter Luna’s onesie-covered feet. Pull yourself together. Matt reprimanded himself, trying to get a hold of his frayed nerves. Within moments, the little footsteps paused and he saw the gold knob turn as Luna reached up to open their door. Matthias took one last steadying breath as he looped an arm around his wife’s back, not quite ready to relinquish her comforting warmth.

Soon the thick white door creaked open, sending a thin ray of white light into the room as Luna stepped inside- and froze. Fear flashed through her large, young brown eyes. In Matt’s eyes, her small round face was replaced with Sam’s, those same deep, thoughtful brown eyes reflecting the same emotions in a similarly lit room as he watched his hands plunge a needle deep into Bailey’s-

Matt blinked rapidly to distill the image, grip tightening around his wife’s waist as she gave a worried glance. “You’re not there anymore, Matt.” Amanda whispered. “You’re safe.”

Am I?

But gradually, the panic faded and Matt sighed deeply, extending a hand to Luna and willing it not to shake noticeably. “Come here, baby girl.” Luna tottered forward sleepily, holding out her arms as her father lifted her onto the bed. “Are you okay, daddy?” Her sweet, innocent voice threatened to worm its way right through his already crumbling defenses, and Matt was surprised to feel tears coming to his eyes. “Yeah, honey. I’m fine.” He choked out in a barely convincing voice. “I just had a bad dream.”

Yeah. Bad dream. That’s all it was. Or did Matthias just not want to accept that anything remotely similar to his experience could happen?

“Oh.” Luna replied, strangely somber for a young child as she patted her dad’s bare leg. “Like the dream I had where the aw- all- allig-“

“Alligator?” Amanda supplied, reaching over to smooth a hand down her daughter‘s gray fuzz-covered arm. “Yeah. Alligator.” Luna continued, although her toddler-induced lisp made the troublesome sound more like “awwigator”. “That thing came up from a bench at Target in a dream once- it was scary. Like that?” Matt forced a smile onto his face, pulling his precious daughter in for a hug. “Yeah. Just like that.” Luna wrapped one small, pudgy finger around the Absalate cord and Matthias stiffened, forcing himself not to react as she threw her short arms partway around his neck. He would not let anything, and he meant anything, get in between him and his daughter. Not even himself. But try as he might, Luna knew something was up. She pulled back to stare him in the eyes. He looked tired and sad, which gave her a strange icky feeling inside. “Just a bad dream?” She asked again, trying to reassure herself.

“Yes honey.” Matt struggled to nod and smile reassuringly, hating every minute of it. “Definitely. Now you-“ He picked his oldest daughter up and slung her over his shoulder, eliciting a shocked giggle. “-need to go to bed, little missy!” Luna nodded sleepily. “Ok. Can you sing me the dinosaur song first?” Matt stopped swinging her, voice drying in his throat as he considered the concept. He couldn’t imagine singing anything, let alone something so simple and innocent, right now.

“No, baby, sorry. It’s-“ he cast a quick glance at Amanda, who offered no help. “It’s getting late. I’ll try and sing it for you tomorrow.”

“It is tomorrow.” Amanda whispered. Then she raised her voice, adjusting a strap on her white spaghetti strap tank top. “Daddy’s right, honey. Go to bed.” Luna pouted, sliding down from her father’s arms. “Fine.” She grumbled, extending one hand to her father. “Tuck me in?” Matt smiled warmly for the first time since he’d woken up. “Of course, Luna.” He gently enveloped one of her much smaller hands in his larger, rougher one and slid off the bed, bending over to accommodate for her shorter height.

Slowly they made their way back to Luna’s spacious, princess themed, carpeted room. Matt led her past the white toy box to a small bed set in a nook on the far wall. “There you are, m’lady.” He whispered, setting Luna gently into bed and giving her a quick squeeze before pulling her thick pink and white comforter up to her shoulders. Luna promptly turned on her side, staring at her father’s silhouette outlined by the light from the small white ceiling lamp in the hallway. She wished she could see his eyes. “Are you sure you’re OK, Daddy? That was a really scary scream.” Her honest, high-pitched lisp only drove her point home. Matt paused for a moment, internally battling with himself. He instinctively balked at lying to his child, but…

“Yeah.” He finally managed, breaking the far too long silence. “I promise I’m OK. Just a silly little nightmare.” Images flashed through his mind yet again- Bailey screaming, Sam screaming at him, voice filled with panic and hurt, Woods rushing towards him, the glint of the revolver, the sound the gun made while he watched helplessly as his best friend was- Matt snapped back into reality, hand on his chest, gasping for air and shaking yet again. “Just… a nightmare…” He mumbled breathlessly, more for himself than just oldest child.

Get it together, Matt. Don’t let her see.

It didn’t work. Luna seemed reassured, however, turning over and promptly falling alseep. Matt sighed, stroking her short, messy blonde hair and wishing he could sleep that easily.

He turned after a long moment and headed towards the door, wondering whether he should go out into the living room and try to get some work done or go back to bed. Something told him his wife wouldn’t let him just brush this one off, so Matthias decided to go back to bed and face the music. He shut the door quietly behind him and collapsed into it, hands on his head.

God, he hated lying to his family.

——————————————————
Luna heard the thump of her father’s back hitting the wood and turned over. She felt sort of guilty for pretending she was asleep, but that wasn’t a lie, was it? Besides, she had too much to think about. Her dad had been acting really strange lately- he was more tired and never really slept. It seemed like most nights she could hear him padding downstairs to work on some project.

She didn’t like it.

She also didn’t like his necklace. Luna fingered her own little unicorn necklace nervously. She’d originally put it on to be like her dad, but now… that thing was bad for him, she could tell. Every time she touched it he got really mad, even though he tried to act like it didn’t bother him. And he was getting really forgetful too. For the past few weeks, whenever her dad walked in the door he’d blink and look around, fingering that weird necklace and acting like he didn’t know where he was.

And his eyes would do that weird scary thing.

In a surge of anger, she ripped her own necklace off her neck, struggling with the chain for a moment before throwing it toward the wall on the other side of the room. When it didn’t quite reach the wall she growled, slipping out from under the covers and throwing the symbol of her father’s pain under the dresser on the back wall. At least now she didn’t have to look at it. Then she tiptoed back to her room, thankful for the beige carpet that hopefully had allowed her to go undetected by her parents. Luna slipped under the covers, freezing every time her bed creaked. When finally got situated in bed, she felt slightly better but still confused.

Luna stared blearily toward the door her father had disappeared out of. Whatever was going on, she would get to the bottom of it.

——————————————————

Matt eventually pulled himself together, walking slowly toward his bedroom at the end of the hall, stopping briefly to check on the youngest member of the family, Atticus. The baby was laying on his back, sleeping soundly on the soft mattress of his crib. “Night, little guy.” Matt whispered gently, smiling softly at the serenity of the scene. Atticus mewled, rolling over and grabbing at the air with his pudgy fingers. Matthias, not wanting to wake the child up, backed out of the room, leaving the door cracked behind him as he padded the few short steps between his and Atticus’ room.

Amanda was sitting cross-legged on the bed, blonde-brown ombré hair hanging down almost to her brown pajama pants. “So, you gonna tell me what happened?” She asked.

The dream.

Matt realized he was staring and stepped inside, closing the door and cutting off the harsh stream of white light that had been flooding in. He turned off his sunset light without looking- he was trying to gauge his wife’s emotion- returning the room to a dim red glow before he shut off the night light as well, opting to open the blinds on the small window on the far side of the room, bathing the room in a soft, white tone. Then he slowly made his way to the bed and eased down onto it, feeling years older with the weight of all he would soon have to explain. “Where do I even begin?” He asked, scooting closer to his wife and taking one of her hands. She pushed her way closer, sides brushing as Amanda looped her other arm around him loosely, leaving enough room for her to stare him in the eyes with a worried expression.

“Just… start at the beginning. Imagine it like you’re telling me a story and retell it, maybe that will help you sort through it.” He scoffed. She truly knew how his brain worked. “Well… I shouldn’t keep you up. You have to take Luna to preschool in the morning.”

Now it was Amanda’s turn to scoff. “Between you and Atticus, I haven’t slept in weeks. I can take care of myself. You, on the other hand, obviously need to talk. I can spare a couple hours to talk through whatever it is that’s getting at you.” When he didn’t respond right away, she prompted again: “If this dream was worse than the others- and it was definitely bad, you look terrible- you need to let it out.” Amanda tipped his chin up when he tried to look down. “So shoot.”

“Fine.” Matt replied disappointedly. In all honesty, he’d been hoping she’d drop it and he could lock the memories safely away somewhere it wouldn’t ever come back up again. But a part of him knew his wife was right, so he began his story haltingly, doubling back often to correct mistakes or try to describe the horrifying emotions swirling through him as he forced himself to relive the most terrifying moments of his life. He talked for half an hour, trying to remember that this had indeed been just a dream, although it hadn’t felt like it. Most dreams would fade after a while, even the nightmares he’d had before, but this one seemed to only become more vivid and twisted as time went on. How was Matthias to describe the feeling of watching yourself hurt or even kill your friends and be completely helpless to do so? Having them blame you and knowing this really was all your fault?

When he got to the final piece of the nightmare, nothing came out. Matt tried- he could describe the scene, that’s what he did for a living- but no words could express the spinning horror, guilt and pure terror that had been overflowing him.

It was too painful to put into words.

Eventually Amanda broke him out of his thoughts, placing a hand on her husband’s thigh and silently encouraging him to continue. They sat like that for a moment, silently enjoying each other’s closeness before the silence was shattered by a wail from the other room. Amanda grunted, disentangling herself from her other half and standing with a stretch. “Atticus is awake. I’ll be right back.” She got to the door and turned, dim white hallway light silhouetting her thin figure. “You stay here and… think things through.” Matt nodded wordlessly, hand on his chin as he gazed into the space above their darkwood dresser. She sighed, leaving the door cracked behind her. She didn’t know what was going on at his work, but it was seriously affecting him. He hadn’t been sleeping properly for a while, and he’d seemed stressed, on the verge of aggressive, but just then? That had been worse. He’d looked… broken.

—————————————————

As soon as his wife walked back in the room, something clicked for Matt.

I can’t tell her all of this.

His job was to protect his family and friends. He couldn’t do that if he was weak, if he needed the admittedly mentally stronger one of the duo to solve his problems for him. He’d already taken steps to do so when he’d asked her not to watch his videos- he hadn’t wanted work and family to mix, especially in such dangerous times, and although confused, Amanda had decided to trust her husband and agree. So, he decided to try and brush off the subject.

“So, how was Atticus?” He asked a falsely carefree voice as his wife settled back into the bed. “Fine.” She whispered, casting a glance toward the door and motioning to him to lower his voice. “He just wanted his dino bottle. He loves that thing.” Matt gave a halfhearted and she leaned in to poke his arm. “Don’t you go trying to change the subject.” Matthias felt the soft mattress bend slightly beneath him as she scooted closer yet again. “You’re going to finish telling me, and you know I won’t give up.” Matthias sighed- he knew she was right, but he couldn’t tell her.

He couldn’t tell his wife that he was a murderer.

There. He’d said it. Dream or not, it had happened. He’d killed one of his best friends.

“Matt!” A whispered shout made the hurting man jerk his head back up to meet the eyes of his suddenly very frustrated wife. “If you don’t tell me-“ she glanced toward the door again and lowered her volume, if not intensity of tone. “-if you don’t tell me what happened, I will drag it out of you by any means necessary.”m

“It’s really nothing, honey. I’m fine. Let’s… let’s go back to sleep.” That was anything but true, but he wasn’t about to admit that. Matt jerked back in shock as Amanda thrust her face close, eyes blazing. “I will not have you walking around this house like a ghost any longer!”

Matthias flinched back, a sudden flash of the XX phantom coming behind his eyes. Why do I suddenly hate that word so much? Amanda was plowing on unaware. “You’re not doing yourself any favors by driving yourself into the ground!” She sighed at her husband’s silence; smooth, no-nonsense voice finally dropping into a real whisper as she stroked his arm. “Whatever this is, this is killing you. Let it out.” His eyes shot up, hurt and surprise flashing through them. Ironic choice of words. But deep down, Matt knew the beautiful woman sitting beside him was right, so he sighed, leaning in to her warmth yet again as he prepared to finish his haunting story.

When it was finally over, he collapsed back onto his pillow, drawing his knees up to his chest as his wife hugged him tightly with a whimper. “I’m so sorry.” She mumbled, voice muffled by Matt’s thin gray tank. The hurting man hugged Amanda tightly, staring off into the darkness of their gray-walled room, still encapsulated in the horrid emotions swirling through his memories.

“I’m so, so sorry…” Amanda murmured again, stroking one hand shakily up and down her husband’s arm. “That must’ve been awful for you.” When Matthias still didn’t respond, she attempted to reassure him. “At least it can’t happen in real life!” Matt stiffened suddenly, bicep going stiff under her arm. She glanced up to see his eyes harden, muscles around his mouth tightening to draw it into a thin, straight line that reflected the dim light from the window. “Right?” She asked again, suddenly nervous. There was no way… right?

Matt had frozen. How was he supposed to explain the strange time lapses he’d been having, where he’d suddenly find himself in an entirely different location minutes or hours past the time he last remembered, with only vague flashes to remind him of what had happened. And the voice… whether that was Nelson or not, Matt had no way of knowing, but he dreaded trying to explain it to anyone- let alone his wife. He barely even believed it himself.

Amanda had grown tired of waiting for an answer and grabbed her husband’s other shoulder shaking him firmly. She was relieved when his blue eyes, appearing gray in the current lighting, slowly refocused on her. “Hey, Matt? This is the part where you tell me you’re not being mind controlled and all of that could never happen in real life, right?”

Matt swallowed thickly. His secret was threatening to burst out of him, but at the same time his throat was strangely constricted. She has to know. Matt could see well enough that he was reaching his breaking point- fighting 24/7 to keep your family and friends out of danger, to not even let them know there was a danger… it was exhausting. He was tired, hurt, angry, ashamed, and scared- deathly scared- of Nelson… and himself.

He needed someone to confide in.

So, with his decision made, Matthias took his wife’s hands again, turning so that they were facing each other cross-legged on the bed and never breaking eye contact. “Amanda, I have something to tell you and I need you to just- hear me out, OK?”

Amanda stilled. Her husband’s voice was quiet. Hesitant. Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly as he sucked in a breath and continued: “Those… blackouts, and the voice?” She nodded hesitantly. “They…. well, they weren’t just dreams.”

There. He’d said it. Matt felt like he’d just dropped a bomb in between the two of them, but he’d finally admitted it. Amanda turned away slightly, lips going into a thin line as her thin hands tightened around his. Moments passed and still she was silent. Desperation twisting in his gut, Matthias swallowed again, nudging his wife gently. “Hey… I-“ he sighed. “It just feels like everything is falling apart right now, I need-“

“How long?” Came the quiet yet clear whisper, cutting right through his rushed words. He knew what it meant: How long has this been happening and you didn’t tell me, your wife, about something this important?

“Since the police station.”

Amanda had to know a few things of course- she knew there had been some work accident and that’s why he’d been in the hospital, and she knew he’d recently gotten someone arrested, but she didn’t know the context. Matt sighed again. She didn’t know about Syntec or serum or phantoms, or his theory about the injection at the police station being the second dose of serum needed to induce mind control… this whole mess was going to be a lot to explain.

“Months.” Amanda finally turned to face him and he was shocked to see her wide brown eyes, not unlike Luna’s, brimming with tears. He quickly squeezed her hands, panic rising in him. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to tell her. “Months, Matthias. And you never once thought maybe I might need to know about it?” She huffed, looking away and struggling to keep her tone to a whisper.

“I-I’m sorry…” came the hushed reply. “I just-“

“Didn’t trust me?”

Now it was Matt’s turn to raise his tone. “What? No! Are you kidding me? I was ashamed! I wanted to protect all of you!” Something about this argument was too familiar. The desperation rose up yet again, making Matt feel sick to his stomach as the world spun around him. Suddenly Amanda’s livid tone was compounded with other voices swirling through his head- not Nelson’s, but those of his friends. And he could see them too- Sam, red faced and bleary-eyed, waving a hand around maniacally: “Oh, I wonder why we’d be mad at you? You tied us up!” Came the sarcastic, hurt voice from his memories. Woods, too, quiet wrath showing through his dark tone: “What the hell makes you think it’s OK to attack one of us?”

Worst of all, Bailey’s heart-wrenching, guttural, pain-filled scream.

They haunted him.

“Please…” he muttered, tightening his grip on Amanda’s hand as his only reminder of safety. In his mind’s eye, he was back in the HQ, crumpled against the corner wall, pain washing over him. Sam was sitting over Woods, manicured hands hovering over his chest and head in circles as she frantically tried to help her unconscious- or worse- friend. Matt rushed forward, breathing coming fast and erratic as he tried to help, to undo what he had done. He collapsed on his knees at Woods’ side, catching a glimpse of a large, bloody gash on the side of Woods’ head and not being able to look away.

Horror. That was the only way to describe the numbing feeling encompassing him.

I did this.

Matthias tried to lean forward, to do something to help, but Sam gave him a hard shove. He didn’t even feel the impact as he hit the hardwood tile, but he did feel the sharp cut of her next words.

“Stay away from my friend.”

“Please!” He yelped desperately, clawing his way back toward Woods only to stop dead in his tracks at the cold glare Sam was giving him. It was hard and merciless, almost uncaring. But he could still see the hurt and betrayal and pain behind the walls she’d put up so quickly. Somehow that made it worse. “You… you can’t think I did this. I wouldn’t…”

Sam stopped her work at ripping a piece of fabric from her shirt. “No, Matt. I don’t think you tried to kill Woods.” His heart leapt. Maybe if someone believed him, he could try again! His already thin hopes were crushed when Sam looked up at him, same hate smoldering in her blazing brown eyes. “I just think you’re weak.”

Somehow that hurt the worst.

She went on, going back to her work as she lividly muttered about how everything was all Matt’s fault. He barely heard her, scooting back to the corner and pulling his knees up to his chest, breath coming in ragged gasps. He glanced around the room- everywhere he looked, he saw signs of his failure. The scattered items on the table from Woods and his’ struggle?

His fault.

Bailey sitting numbly in the same chair she’d been in, only a fragment of herself truly there as Nelson watched from inside her with a gloating victory Matt could physically feel?

His fault.

Woods, crumpled on the ground as Sam wiped her eyes repeatedly, struggling to tear a piece of fabric off her shirt to stem the flow of blood pouring from the gash on his head onto the laminated wood floor?

His fault.

Everything was his fault.

The world was spinning again, leaving him in a black haze. All he could think was that same phrase, This is all my fault, over and over and over again. He felt sick to his stomach and was vaguely aware of a layer of sweat dripping down his neck and back as he hyperventilated, sorrow and guilt tearing through him with merciless iron claws. And he deserved it.

Suddenly a voice came through the swirling haze. “Matt.”

Amanda.

“Please… just don’t turn on me like they are. I can’t-“ Matt’s voice cracked.
He felt a hand grip his arm and flinched, expecting the punishment he deserved. But this grip was gentle, a guiding force. So he focused on her- her eyes, inches away from his as she stared him down and back into reality. Her warm breath on his nose as she whispered: “I’m sorry, Matt. I am so, so sorry. I’m not leaving you, ever. I’m staying right here and you can’t get rid of me, you hear? That was just a nightmare. You’re safe.” And he could smell her hair, too- coconut, she must’ve showered recently- and feel the tips of it brushing his bare knee.

Slowly Matt’s breathing evened out and he relaxed his death grip on his shins, leaning his head back against the pillow with an exhausted sigh. He was safe. That was just a… a flashback, he assumed. The haze was quickly clearing now as the roiling emotions began to fade.

With that came a new kind of clarity. He was never going to let that happen, no matter what it cost.

Chapter Text

Slowly Matt’s breathing evened out and he relaxed his death grip on his shins, leaning his head back against the pillow with an exhausted sigh. He was safe. That was just a… a flashback, he assumed. The haze was quickly clearing now as the roiling emotions began to fade. With that came a new kind of clarity. He was never going to let that happen, no matter what it cost. “Maybe… m-maybe I should leave.” He muttered. “I deserve to be alone, and i-if I get far enough away maybe the thing won’t be able to use me to hurt any of you-“ Amanda stopped him quickly. “Are you kidding me?” She glanced toward the door and lowered her voice, most likely not wanting to wake Luna or Atticus. Matt took the opportunity to expound on his plan. “But Amanda, what if I get taken over while I’m around you? Or-or our kids, or my team? I’m a danger to everyone… but if I leave-“ “If you leave you’ll be an easy target! The second you try to get away that Nelson guy will take you over and use you as a rogue -something- to terrorize the rest of us! No. You’re staying here where we can keep an eye on you and tell you if you start going crazy.” An image of B27 popped into Matt’s head and he winced. Amanda rolled her eyes. “I know that look. What other surprises are there for me to find?” Matt grinned awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Eh… a lot- hey!” Amanda sat back, rolling her knuckles experimentally. “Hey, that one hurt more than usual, maybe those workouts are actually doing something.” Matt huffed. “Of course they are.” Amanda’s expression darkened. “But if you seriously ever think about leaving, there will be issues.” Matt sighed heavily, putting his head in his hands. “I still don’t want to put you in danger…” Amanda grabbed his hands, pulling them down so she could stare her husband in the eyes. “What’s done is done. You’re staying here and filling me in because you can’t just drop a bombshell like ‘I’m being mind controlled by a psychopath’ and then not give me context! And you’re going to tell them team everything you just told me, because I’m sure they’re caught up in-” “What?!” Matt screeched, wincing at the loudness of his voice. “No! There’s no way I can-“ This time, Amanda silenced him with a kiss, forgoing a hand to the face as her lips pressed gently against his, cutting off his frantic words. Matt’s hands went up to thread through her hair and when they separated, a small smile wormed its way onto his face unbidden. “You really need to relax more.” Amanda whispered. “You’re probably right.” Amanda smirked, threading her long arms around his neck. “Mph”, Matt grunted. “Fine. I’ll tell them.” Amanda’s smile stretched and she leaned into her husband, turning so she could look up at him. “You want me to come with you tomorrow?” Matthias’ grin faded as he deliberated internally. The fragment of his pride left wanted him to be strong, not need help from anyone, but at the same time… “Yeah, that would be great.” Minutes passed, the two enjoying each other’s company in silence. Then- “Hey, Matt.” “Hm?” “What if the nightmare was your subconscious telling you what you need to do to through the control?” “Then I was to stubborn to listen.” Matt smiled. “That’s what I’m here for.” Amanda smirked, wrapping her legs around his. “Someone has to keep you in line.” “And boy am I grateful.” Wow, she actually took that really well. “And who is that piece of-“ Never mind. “Hey, hey, hey!” Matt laughed nervously, a little terrified of the almost- vulgar language his wife rarely used. “It’s okay, calm down.” Amanda bolted up, enraged. “Are you kidding me? It’s not OK.” Matt tightened his hold on her waist just enough to keep her where she was. “Amanda. There’s no point in being mad at- well, a phantom. We have to just deal with it, OK?” Amanda sighed disappointedly, leaning back into him. “Fine.” Beat. “But if you ever get your hands on that guy I want a crack at him.” Matt snorted. “Sure, you can take a swing at whatever’s left once Woods and I are through with him.” Amanda smirked threateningly. The mental picture of an angry Amanda and Woods wielding baseball bats against a phantom was both terrifying and hilarious at the same time. His friends- his family- were certainly a force to be reckoned with. When Matt looked back, Amanda’ gaze had changed from confident to sharp and worried. “Wait. Woods is that fluffy-haired guy you work with, right?” Matt nodded, snorting. “Yeah, sounds like him. Why?” “Why would he attack the guy if he doesn’t know about- your situation? Is he brainwashed too?” Matt winced- he didn’t like being reminded of… that. “No, no. It’s complicated. But I’m the only good guy with active serum in me.” “I have so many questions right now. Serum? Active?” “Serum is the stuff that gives the bad guy kind control powers. I’ll show you tomorrow, I guess, but yeah… most of the valley currently has some sort of passive serum in them right now.” “I’m sorry, what?” “Yeah, you remember the wacko I told you we got arrested a few months back?” “… Yeah…” “Well, he set off a big serum bomb that got the entire valley infected. Passive serum doesn’t do anything right now, but the guy’s working on some sort of big contraption to activate all the serum…” Matt trailed off at the horrified look on his wife’s face. Shoot. Why couldn’t he think anything through? The entire valley included her. “Matt. Are you seriously saying our entire family could be about to get mind controlled at any minute?” “… Yeah…” Matt knew he was in trouble, and he deserved it. His selfish desire to hide from reality had put his family in danger, but that ended tonight. “And you didn’t think I should know that?” Matt took her hands gently as she stared into his eyes, her own wide and numbly confused. Her tone was harsh but Matt knew her well enough to know she was faking anger. She was scared, and it was his fault. “I’m sorry, again.” He started, gently rubbing his thumb in circles across the back of her hand. “I should’ve told you already, but I didn’t want you to worry. We’re going to find the Sp- the machine and turn it off, and you never even needed to know about it. Ok?” “This serum stuff still in me, and Luna, and Atticus. Doesn’t that freak you out a little?” Matt sighed guiltily. He hadn’t thought about it. “Honestly, it didn’t even occur to me that this wasn’t normal for you- I’ve lived with this stuff in me since the hospital trip, even though the ‘brainwashing’ didn’t start until after the police station, so…” Amanda sighed. “I still wish you would’ve told me about all of this sooner, and I still have a lot of questions, but I guess they can wait until tomorrow. Are you free after I take Luna to kindergarten, or are you going in early tomorrow?” Matt answered her question with another question, distracted by her mention of their daughter. “Speaking of, has Luna guessed something’s up? She seemed a little weirded out by me earlier…” Amanda sighed. “Yeah, you seemed really… panicked when she walked in. What was that all about?” Now it was Matt’s turn to sigh, threading his fingers over hers. “I just… the look in her eyes reminded me too much of Sam’s in the dream… you know, when I-“ Matt used his free hand to make a jabbing motion in the air. When I injected Bailey. He thought- but he didn’t want to say it aloud. He wanted to forget. Amanda’s grip tightened on his and he looked up. “She’s not scared of you, Matt. But you’re right- she knows something’s up. She keeps asking me why you’re always up at night-“ “I’m not up all that often!” “-and why you’re going to work late and coming home late-“ “Also not that often…” “And why you always look confused when you walk in the door, and…” Matt stopped his frequent interjections. He knew his wife well enough to see that she was uncomfortable with whatever she’d been about to say. “Amanda, you have to tell me what you saw. It could be a clue as to how to- fix me, or even if I could suppress it maybe I could help Luna? Please?” He wasn’t so sure about his logic, but he did know that he desperately wanted to know what he was doing, even if it was without his own consent, that was making his wife and oldest child so uncomfortable around him. “Alright fine I’ll just say it because it’s ridiculous but this whole thing is ridiculous so here goes your eyes turn red for a second when you walk in or wake up from a nightmare.” She shrugged helplessly as her husband’s currently ice blue eyes widened. “Red eyes? No wonder she was freaked out. They… they aren’t red now, are they?” “No, but they were earlier. I thought I was imagining it but then Luna mentioned it to me as well…” Matt, suddenly hit with a burst of unquenchable curiosity, tiptoed over to the small square dimmer-light switch on the wall next to the door and flicked it on. Amanda covered her eyes with her pillow, muttering something about annoying husbands, but Matt wasn’t paying attention. He was staring at himself in the mirror above their dark oak dressers, desperately hoping his eyes weren’t red; but at the same time… No, nothing. He muttered internally. Wait. What if…? He never wanted to relive that dream. But he had a hunch that might end up very important, so Matthias closed his eyes, took a shuddering breath, and reached out. Reached out to the voice he’d been sensing since the police station- that dark, thick, hateful presence always hovering around him namelessly that he’d been trying to avoid. No more. He had to know. So he pushed harder, letting out an actual groan as he mentally fought to touch on his attacker’s mind. Usually it went the other way- the thing would reach out to him and make a connection. Possession takes incredible amounts of patience and concentration. Where did that come from? Matt didn’t remember ever reading that in the document, but… Oh, like the Force meditations Jedi do! Of course, Matt didn’t have the Force, but maybe the concept was similar. So he squeezed his eyes shut tighter, sinking into himself the way he’d learned experimenting with different meditation techniques with CJ years ago. No distractions. There it was! It felt like a wall had been broken between him and the thing he always felt, sometimes forgot about, lurking at the very back of his mind. He felt the thing’s shock as Matt, for the first time, reversed the control and saw into his attacker’s head. He couldn’t sense much- the thing had extremely strong mental walls that kept Matt on the very outside of its consciousness, but he’d done it. He’d reversed the control, if only for a few seconds. And it was exhausting. Matt, realizing how quickly this was sapping his strength, tried to pull out slowly. But the thing noticed. Wha- get out! Came the voice. And he was shoved forcibly away, snapping back into reality with a physical slam that sent Matthias hurtling into the bed. “Woah…” Matt muttered. His legs felt like jelly, but he forced himself to get up and stumble to the mirror, a worried Amanda following suit. His eyes were red. “That’s it!” Matthias shouted- then winced, lowering his tone to an excited whisper. “That’s how you guys can tell if I’m going crazy- whenever I make contact with the thing, my eyes go red!” Amanda still looked shocked. “Wait. I- it took you over just now?” “No…” Suddenly Matt’s legs felt too tired to hold him up, and he crumpled. Everything’s spinning… Amanda gasped and managed to get and arm under his before he hit the floor, helping him slowly back to the bed. For Matt, the sensation was confusing. A minute ago, he’d been fine! Tired, but fine. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off… he felt empty. Purely exhausted, the few short steps to the bed taking what little energy he had left. Matthias’ vision was blurry and his head felt like a block of lead, impossible to keep up. It was hard to focus on anything. He dimly felt Amanda lower him down, felt the blanket come up over him and Amanda settle next to him. “You need sleep. You’ve been up for almost two days as it is, between not sleeping last night and the nightmare just now.” Matt knew she was right, but first: “Wait. Amanda.” His voice was soft, tired. “That wasn’t… Nelson. I know why… that happened.” Amanda stared into his tired blue eyes, trying to grasp what he was about to say. “It’s always been… the thing… reaching out to me.” Amanda wanted to shush Matt, tell him to rest- she hated seeing her husband in any sort of unhealthy state. But this had to be important or else he wouldn’t be fighting so hard to get it out- and of course she was curious as to what had caused that sudden collapse. “I did… that. Just now. That’s why… I’m… so tired. I actually reached out to him that time.” Amanda could see the hopeful gleam behind the exhaustion in his eyes, but she still didn’t quite understand. “Listen- that means I can fight the control. I just beat his defenses, got inside his head. I have a chance.” Finally, Amanda got it. Her husband, unbeknownst to her, had been struggling silently for months. And now he had a hope to end it, a way to fight back. She didn’t have to understand completely how all of that worked- she was just happy something had finally gone right for him. “Oh my gosh!” She whispered, hugging him tightly. “That’s… incredible.” “Yeah…” her husband whispered sleepily. “Kinda like a Jedi…” Amanda pushed her head into his chest slightly, smiling. This night had started off so wrong, but now they both finally had information and a tangible way to help him. A game plan. A hope. Next to her, Matthias was thinking the same thing. He could take anything now, knowing he had a way to fight back. And tomorrow, when him and Amanda told his friends, they would have his back. They would help him brainstorm how to end this once and for all. And he hadn’t been the best father recently either, which was understandable with all the stress, but but- Matt smiled, wrapping this arms slightly tighter around the beautiful woman next to him- he had an idea for tomorrow that was going to start changing all of that. And make sure that dream never became a reality. A/N: OK! That's all I had planned for this fic, but you guys always have the best ideas. Want me to continue it? Let me know!