Chapter Text
To have, and then not to have. Hardly could there be a worse thing. Especially when what is lost, is something one desired for their entire life.
Anastasia Hoshin, a former royal candidate and undisputed merchant queen, knew that too well. Until two months ago, she had everything aforementioned, but that is not what mattered to her. The only thing that mattered to her, the only loss that truly brought her pain, was that of her family.
Julius, Ricardo, the triplets, she loved them and still loves them all. They were the closest people to her, the ones that meant everything to her. But now, thanks to Gluttony, that is no longer the case. Her feelings meant nothing any more, for they knew not who she was, they knew not what she meant to them. And that is what hurt Anastasia the most.
Her family was made up of loving people, even now, if she would approach them, they would accept her as a member of their group. Part of her wanted to do so, to be with them once again, to make new memories with them once again. But, a larger part accepted the bitter truth. As sad and depressing as it was, the truth was that her family no longer exist. The people who made it up existed, and the personalities that made it the warm place that it is, still existed, but Anastasia no longer exists.
Even if she would follow a more hopeful part of herself, she would still be nonexistent. She would interact with them, perhaps they would become close friends, but a family they could never again become. For the memories they shared and the events that bonded and forged them, no longer existed. Or they did exist, but she is no longer a part of them, violently ripped out by Gluttony.
Just like in her oldest memories, she was alone. A weak girl walking the streets with no purpose or possession, baring the clothes on her back. She had all, and now she has nothing. Through her cunning, she made herself one of the world's wealthiest people. Through her kindness and care, she made herself a family, something she always desired, something she always wanted.
When she was a young girl on the streets of Kararagi she often found herself thinking of her parents. Her mind was filled with questions. Who were they? What were they like? Why did they abandon her, and if they didn't, what happened to them?
She knew not the answers to these questions, and likely, she never will. But, that didn't stop her from asking them and imagining what the answers were, dreaming of one day knowing the truth.
To one of the questions, she could swear that she knew the answer, but for some reason, she could never fully recall it. Whenever she would try to remember what they looked like, she could almost remember. She could see their silhouette, she could see some details, like her mother's long hair. But, their faces were like in a fog, she knew they existed, she knew what they looked like, but for some reason, the image, like ripped off, simply couldn't manifest.
And now after more than a decade, after all that she has done, all her Victories, all her failures, she once again finds herself there. All alone, filled with questions, but only with memories to serve as a form of an answer.
She is a smart woman, she knows what to do, and how to do it. If she tried, in a few years she could once again be a successful merchant. If she tried real hard, she might be able to find a new family. But, why do it?
What is the point of all that effort if it can be taken away so fast and viciously? Why struggle when you know that it will be for naught? Why try when you know that ultimately you will fail?
Gluttony stole her name, stole everything she made. And if she tried again, he would steal once more.
So she resided herself to walk the streets of Pristella. No purpose, no meaning, no goals, just existing. If she would to suffer at the hands of Gluttony once more, she wouldn't lose anything of importance. For her life will have no meaning reliant on others because it will have no meaning whatsoever. And if Gluttony would to take her life this time, then so be it, it held no value after all.
That will be her future, that will be her way. But for now, she should walk. The city is large, and there are many places to get lost, to not be seen. She could do with something like that right now, the danger has not yet gone.
There had been an attack on the knight's barracks, and the captured Sin Archbishop had escaped. Wonderful news for Anastasia, after all, her life couldn't possibly get worse. It had just been destroyed by one of those monsters, and yet now another one is potentially to take it. Whatever, it mattered little now. She will do what one is to do. Not for any particular reason, simply to act, to do. Her life has no purpose, so neither will her actions.
She decided to go to a back alley, usually not a smart idea, but now it could pass. The missing prisoner is unlikely to use this road, the witch cult way is loud and gruesome. So such a man would have no use of back alleys and other less direct methods of travelling. No, he would probably use the main road and make as much mess as possible while at it.
So she travelled, the alley is grim, and the people she will meet here even grimmer. But, such is the city, and such will her life be. Nothing can be done about it, nothing that can be made brighter. From now on, the best she could hope for is for things to remain the same, since they can no longer be better. She reached her peak in life two months ago, and from now on, the only way for her is down.
But her depressing thoughts were interrupted by an unhinged voice.
“What is somebody like you doing here, Anastasia?”
'They are here!'
'No, they aren't!'
'Yes, they are!'
'No, they are not! It's been more than a month since I last saw them. And there is no reason for them to be here any more.'
Those were the boys thoughts, but no matter how much they had sense. No matter how much he knew they were true. There was still a voice of doubt in his head, a voice that repeated a possibility, no matter how unlikely it was, that his former friends were still here, and that scared him.
It scared him that they might be here. It scared him that whenever he thought of them, he could see their smiles. That a part of him wanted to forgive them, to be again with them, to experience the warmth and friendship they once gave him.
But, his logical part knew the truth, there was no friendship, there was no warmth, there were only lies. He was lied to every day that he had spent in this world. Every moment that he cherished, that he considered dear to his heart, a mere falsehood. If he returns to them, they will gladly accept him, he does not doubt that. They will accept him, so they can betray him once again, only this time much worse than before.
Everybody he ever knew betrayed him, and they will do that again given the opportunity. There are no friends, there are no alliances. There are only lies and deception, finished off by treachery. His authority is the only thing he can put his faith in, for it is the only truth. It is consistent, does what it is supposed to do, no more no less.
They hurt him once, and they will do it again. He can still remember the pain, he can still feel the sadness, and he can still sense the emptiness when they broke his heart. But what is most important is that he cannot survive to feel that again. He was lucky this time, but the next time he might not be.
The only silver lining of this entire debacle is the fact that he still exists. Perhaps they can't kill him for good, perhaps they can't make him surrender what he doesn't know. But he can be defeated, and he almost was. Betrayed by those he cherished the most, betrayed by those he lived for. Without them, he had no reason to live, but now he at least has some purpose, some goal. He knew that revenge was a fruitless act, but what else could he do?
Now nothing, he can escape the city and go wherever, perhaps one day satisfying his desire for revenge. And then what? He didn't know, and he didn't mind. Emilia and her camp seek to hurt him, so he will destroy them before they get the chance. He must kill them, or else they will kill him.
It was terrifying, he knew not where they were, nor when will they attack? He could only wait and hope to be able to overcome whatever scheme they had in place to kill him. So the best thing is to seek them out and kill them, that way this fear will finally be gone.
Now he knew what to do, at least immediately. He will try to escape from the city, and then go to the Miload mansion so he can end this fright.
Now that he thinks of flight, his mind can't but go back to the time when he escaped Pristella's prison. Yes, he can remember a particular scene. One of the guards, once Subaru had killed his colleagues around him and heavily wounded him, begged for his life. He claimed how he was not going to hurt him, how he wasn't even going to remember Subaru's face, just as long as he lets him go. At the time, Subaru, driven by his authority and desire for vengeance, paid no mind to these words and simply killed the guard.
But now it is not the same. He thinks that that act may not have been necessary, that he could have spared the guard. Then he proceeds to feel guilt for his action, after all, leaving him alive wouldn't have had any negative consequences. But then he remembers, amidst the begging, the guard also mentioned his family, and how he loved them. Upon remembering that, Subaru's guilt dissipates, to be replaced with anger. The guard tried to manipulate him to stay alive, he lied to him. There is no compassion, there is no friendship, there are only lies and treachery. No good deed ever remains unpunished, had he spared him, the guard would have tried to backstab him. He made the right choice, no matter how hard that may be to process.
He killed the guards and destroyed their conversation mirrors, so it will take weeks before reinforcements arrive. That being said, one can never be too careful. Especially when you have a reason to suspect anybody and everybody. So it will be best for him if he takes to the back alleys. Most people won't see him there, and those that so he can deal with without many complications.
Pristella is a nice city, beautiful even. But like any other, look behind the curtain and a different picture shows itself. The way was decrepit, but it will do. The people were of all types, but one person he could almost recognize. And then he saw her clearly, Anastasia Hoshin, Julius's mistress.
'What is she doing in here?'
'It must be a trap!'
'It makes no sense, why use a royal candidate as bait? Somebody else could do just fine!'
'She must be, there is no other way. I must destroy her now!'
'But why are her clothes worn out, why is she so skinny, why is she so sad?'
'It is just a trick, an illusion. If their smiles were fake, then why her tears can't as well?'
'It just doesn't make sense!'
His thought, chaotic as they were, rushed to him in a whirlwind of emotions. He knew not what to do, if this was a trap, the best thing to do was to kill her and spring it. But if it wasn't, then he will be no better than those traitors. Killing an innocent person who seems to have suffered recently, just like he did. He didn't know what to do, nor why was she here. 'I guess I could just ask her.'
And that is what he did, with a voice demanding an answer he spoke,
“What is somebody like you doing here, Anastasia?”
Her name, that thing most sacred to a sentient being. The thing that defines you. The thing that carries you. The thing whose worth you can only truly appreciate once you lose it. The word she expected not to hear again, at least not without prior introduction. And yet, she heard it. And yet, her ears once again were privy to that simple word, Anastasia.
That was a name she gave herself, for her birth name she remembered not. What her parents named her was a question she always desired an answer to. But, like many things in life, that was something she will never have the luxury of knowing. Yes, her naturally curious mind could, and in most cases, should wander around searching for answers. But now, that was not what had to be done.
She knew what to do, so she behaved appropriately. She turned around to meet the voice, to see the person, that despite all seemed to remember her. The person whose voice she could not recognize, but who could recognize her. She knew it was not an accident, she knew that the name used was intended. Whoever spoke knew who she was, and yet she couldn't say the same. No matter how much she tried, how much she desired, she couldn't pair the voice with any person in her life.
It was not Julius's, for the voice lacked the elegance that the knight always presented. It was not Ricardo's, for it lacked the warmth and care she received from him, almost from the first day they met. It belonged not to any of the triplets, for it lacked the enthusiasm and failed to carry that childish mischief they were, oh so known for.
No, the voice was demanding, almost manic. It desired answers, it demanded its request be granted. Yet, there was something else in it. Something that she couldn't put her finger on, something she could only speculate on for now. She tried again to think of the owner's face, to remember their visage. After all, considering the way the person spoke to her, there is a substantial chance that they were, at the very least, acquainted. But it was for naught. She tried, she focused, but only a silhouette was present. She knew this person from before, but, just like with her parents, whenever she tried to remember, only a silhouette was present. nothing more than an outline, and even that caused her a headache.
So, in hopes of her eyes filling in what her memory couldn't, she observed the strange figure in front of her. But such action left her disappointed still. No matter how hard she looked. No matter how hard she tried, the shroud hiding this person's identity wouldn't come loose. The answer always remained so close, and yet so far.
That being said, she was able to conclude a few things based on his appearance. He wore a dark cloak that was some shade of blue. Unlike the rest of his clothes, the cloak was in pristine condition. The bags under his eyes and the general state of disrepair of his clothes implied that this man had struggled recently. But, then again, who didn't in this city. The clothes, albeit not in the best condition, didn't seem cheap. She didn't think they were particularly expensive, but she wasn't sure. The best way her mind could describe the man's apparel was by using the word strange.
The rest of his physical appearance didn't deviate too much from such a descriptor. Although taller than her, which means that he comfortably fits in with ninety-nine percent of the population, he couldn't be described as particularly tall. He was slightly below average in that department, as was his weight, although the latter clearly wasn't predetermined at birth. He seems to have been deprived of sustenance, was it self-caused or not remains to be seen. Although looking into his eyes, Anastasia can hypothesize. Because those eyes, manic as they appeared, show one emotion clearly…
“ Why aren't you answering me? Why are you here?”
Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the man's voice. That is at least how Anastasia felt until she realized that she had spent the last-minute staring at a person without answering their question. Or acknowledging them in any matter. It appears that the time spent alone has taken its toll on her. Such a thing can also be sad for the man in front of her, whose entire body and every word screamed that he had lacked any normal human interaction.
“ I am not sure if I understand what you are asking me exactly. What is it about me that makes you think my presence is unusual?”
While her vocabulary and diplomatic skills had remained relatively unscathed by the recent events. Such a thing couldn't be said about her voice, or, for that matter, ability to speak. For it took her more time than one would expect to finish the sentence. Yet, the man in front of her seemed not to have picked up on her pauses for thought. He seemed not to have picked up on anything besides the words' literal meaning. So with a voice carrying equal confusion and suspicion, he elaborated.
“ Don't play dumb Anastasia. Why is a royal candidate all alone in a shady alley?”
She was thrilled to hear this answer, although she did well to hide it from this man. Her happiness was unsurprising, after all, the only way he could know her status is if he had remembered her despite Gluttony. That happiness also brought forth uncertainty, after all, her plan for the future relied on her being forgotten by everybody. Now that such a conclusion is no longer correct, her plans will have to be reconsidered.
Whatever change they have will almost certainly have something to do with this man, and that brought her some discomfort. The man was clearly not in the right state of mind if his behaviour was any indicator. But, when she thinks about it, such a thing can probably be also said about her. Perhaps she herself can't notice it but the people around her presumably can, so it would be hypocritical for her to outright judge somebody for being scarred by their suffering just like she did. The thought of him being a witch cultist crossed her mind, but it was quickly put aside because this man shoved a clear emotion…
“ Answer me already!”
She seemed to be testing this man's patience, so she decided to answer in a way that would allow her to confirm most of her suspicions.
“ I suffered as a victim of Gluttony. Because of that, my name has been eaten and everybody has forgotten me.” She paused to collect her thoughts and construct the next part in the best possible way, “If I am not being mistaken, you yourself had suffered similarly.”
The question most definitely had an effect on the young man. His facial expression revealed an emotion somewhere between surprise and shock. He even unconsciously took a step back while in this unexpected state.
It wasn't hard for Anastasia to determine that this man had suffered the same injustice as her. While his clothes and general apparel painted such a picture, the thing that made her sure was an unusual weapon holstered at his hip. Partially hidden by the dark hood, one could be forgiven if they failed to notice a black bull whip.
The world is dangerous and many have taken to learning how to defend themselves. Most often, people would pick swords, or daggers, or any such common weapon. But a whip was an extremely rare choice for many reasons, primarily due to a lack of skilled masters and the inability to easily kill an opponent with such a weapon. For those reasons, whips are almost exclusively utilized by backline commanders and strategists, people who are not expected to fight directly. While such things can be thrust upon them by their enemies, men that wield whips usually had guards or skilled soldiers directly below them that they can rely on for direct combat.
All of this comes together to paint a clear picture. This young man was probably a strategist for the local guard's garrison, or perhaps even the regional lord's army. He had the bad luck of having his group attacked by Gluttony, where his comrades that were protecting him died in battle and he lost his name. So now he is wandering around the city not knowing what to do, just like herself.
But why can he remember her? She wondered. Perhaps the victims of gluttony can remember each other? But such a hypothesis was dropped almost immediately. If it were true, then she would have remembered him as well. They may have never interacted previously, but that is unlikely. Firstly, he addressed her by her name, if he had known her as simply a royal candidate, he would have referred to her by her title, and would have been much more cordial than he is now. In addition, it wouldn't make sense when her clouded memory is considered. It is hard to explain, but while she can't remember him, she can remember that she used to know him. She could feel that this man has a place in her memory but couldn't say where.
While her mind was filled with various thoughts and ideas, her speaking partner gathered his bearings and continued the conversation.
“ How did you know that?”
The man's voice, although trying to appear though, was quite deceitful when portraying his emotions. It was clear to Anastasia that this was a matter of great importance, so the borderline desperation in his voice made perfect sense. How wouldn't it? She herself knew that just as well. She knew how hard it was to be forgotten by everybody, and how earthshaking somebody, at weary least acknowledging that can be. She herself wanted to know how this man remembered her, after all. But, her speaking partner was clearly quite shaken by his experiences, and if she were to get her answer she needed to tread carefully. The best way to move forward was to calmly and carefully explain her case, and answer his questions.
“ It was not hard to determine that due to your appearance, the weapon of choice, and the fact that you knew my name beforehand.” In a more light-hearted voice, she steered the conversation in her desired direction, “The last one was particularly effective. Although the fact that I can't remember you despite knowing each other from before does bring some guilt to me.”
Her words seemed to be effective, and the young man's reaction was favourable, to an extent. It definitely revealed more of his character as his, almost panicked voice answered her.
“ Oh, there is no need to feel guilty. I don't know how I can remember, I simply do. Not only you, but other of Gluttony's victims. So there is no need to feel guilt.”
She got her answer, as unsatisfactory as it was. But, there were other things that she had learned now. The fact that this man's first reaction to Anastasia's question was to reassure her that she need not feel guilt wasn't lost on her. It definitely revealed a lot about his personality and coupled with his other reaction, her overall picture of him started to shift.
While at first he appeared deranged and somewhat threatening, now he appeared to be more lost than anything. If the thought act that he was putting on can be broken by simple observation of facts, then it probably wasn't particularly entrenched in him. No, it must be a recent occurrence, most likely the consequence of his name loss. All of that was probably just a way for him to cope with what happened, a defensive wall meant to protect him from something like that happening again. But, the wall was weak, and it would without much resistance crumble to reveal the real person behind it. To reveal a lost man unsure what to do in this suddenly changed world. He was just like her in that regard, and perhaps if they join forces, both of them can get their previous lives back.
But such a proposal cannot be given immediately. No, more needed to be learned and understood. To that end, she turned the conversation to more lax waters.
“ Don't you think that it is a little bit unfair that you know my name, while I don't yours?”
Her voice was friendly, after all, it couldn't be anything else when making such a comment. It appears that it was accepted in such a way by her speaking partner.
“ Yeah, sorry about that. My name is Natsuki Subaru.”
Natsuki, that is a name she had never heard before, nor does she know anybody with a similar sounding name. In addition, the family name Subaru was also a mystery to her. But, it doesn't matter now. What does is the fact that her speaking partner had grown somewhat comfortable with their conversation? So she continued further.
“ You know that I was a merchant and a royal candidate. But what were you?”
He frowned a little at this question, something that Anastasia kept in mind. But nevertheless, he answered the question.
“ I was half-elf Emilia's knight.”
That was an unexpected answer, to say the least. Emilia is quite an unpopular individual, or in less polite words, hated by almost everybody. To imagine that somebody would willingly commit themselves to her was hard to do. But, then again, from what little she had interacted with her, she seemed like a nice individual. Perhaps a foreigner, something that Natsuki presumably was, that hails from a place where elves are more accepted, could look over her heritage and accept her for her person. The only thing that got in the way of this analysis was Natsuki's reaction to this question, and the way he, almost, spits out Emilia's name. But perhaps this is a recent occurrence.
“ Emilia's followers seem like a nice group of people. Why didn't you try to reconnect?”
Subaru clenched his teeth and fist as he answered her question, “I tried, but they betrayed me, left me to rot. If I see them again, I will kill them all.”
Natsuki's anger didn't seem to cause any discomfort to Anastasia. It didn't have any reason to do so. After all, Anastasia understood well where this hate came from, so she didn't pay it too much mind. If the root problem is solved, the anger and hate will go away on their own.
“ Why didn't you try to hurt me? After all, you can argue that I abandoned you as well.”
She tried to expose his seeming hypocrisy, and in that way show him that the animosity he currently holds might not be completely in place. Many had forgotten and abandoned him, just like many had done to her. But she doesn't seek revenge because that is pointless. Everybody had forgotten them, and seeking revenge will mean that they would have to turn against the whole world. Such a thing is simply unfeasible and ultimately self-destructive. It is a much wiser idea to simply move forward and try making their lives again, or simply drifting around merely existing, just like she did.
“ It is not that they had forgotten me. It is what they did afterward that shows their true colours.” He stopped and with a serious, almost murderous expression asked her a question. “ You didn't answer my original question. Why are you here in this alley?”
The situation seems to have got somewhat out of control. This misunderstanding has seemingly caused him to question her intentions. He doesn't seem violent, at the very least, so no harm is done, just a way to protect oneself from experiencing the trauma again. So Anastasia concluded that being as honest as possible is the best way to move forward.
“I thought you asked a general question, so I answered in general. I apologize if this mistake of mine has caused you inconvenience. But, to answer correctly this time, I am here to stay away from the escaped Sin Archbishop, just like you, presumably.”
He seems to have accepted the answer in good faith. But, after thinking for a short while, he, with a serious expression, asked the most important question.
“ How do you know you aren't speaking to him.”
The question was preposterous to Anastasia. This man couldn't be a Sin Archbishop, that was simply impossible. If he is one, then she could also be one too. No, everything in their interaction showed that he wasn't one, and she answered the question asked with the only response one could.
“ You are obviously not a Sin Archbishop.”
This statement had him stunned once again. The only movement he showed was the rapid blinking of his eyes. He didn't seem angry or distressed in any way, which made Anastasia glad. She didn't understand why, but this was clearly important to him, and she was glad that she brought a positive change to somebodies life.
But the moment of appreciation wasn't for long. While they were talking, a big man, by all accounts a thief, had snuck up to them. Despite his size, he took advantage of the fact that they were deep in conversation and ignorant of their surroundings to make his move. With one arm, he grabbed the boy's shoulder and with the other placed a dagger to his neck.
“ Give me all the money you have, or your boyfriend dies!”
Anastasia, after the initial shock of being taken by surprise passed, was able to calmly observe the situation. She saw a hooded man who was tightly holding a seemingly unresponsive Natsuki. ' Poor thing, he must be petrified.' she thought as all the possible ways of dealing with this situation crossed her mind. She had dealt with such situations before. She is, after all, a world-class merchant with a lot of money, and where there is money there is trouble. On the other hand, Natsuki was, presumably, a strategist. Somebody who keeps away from direct fighting, but commands those who specialize in combat. His weapon, after all, serves to keep opponents at bay until one of his underlings can bail him out.
Now he was abandoned and there was nobody he could rely on for that. But he needn't worry, Anastasia was sure of her abilities, and this thief was nothing more than a nuisance. She will deal with him without any issue, and perhaps, in doing so. Regain the trust she had seemingly lost.
It is often that one doesn't understand what he has until losing it. But, for Subaru, the opposite appears to be true as well. For he truly didn't know how much he needed to hear these words until he heard them.” You are obviously not a Sin Archbishop.”
He took it for granted that everybody will forever see him only as that, a Sin Archbishop. In his mind, there was no doubt that until the end of his days, if such a thing was even possible for him, he will be referred to as one of the monsters he hated the most.
Emilia, the woman he used to love, said so. Beako, his beloved spirit, said so. Garfiel and Otto, the friends he even thought of as brothers, said so. Yet, Anastasia Hoshin, the woman he was merely acquainted with, and of whom he didn't have any particular affinity. That is not to say that he hated, or even disliked her. No, he recognized her talents and thought of her as a great potential ally, but not a close friend.
So why was she the only one to say the truth? She didn't need convincing, she didn't need explanations. She merely said those words like they were an obvious fact, which he stopped believing was true. So why didn't they believe him? Why didn't his family take his words, and believe his explanations?
Why?
Why?
Why?
So why is it that when he lost his name? When his achievements were forgotten. When his worth to the world is forgotten. Anastasia Hoshin, the woman he saw, as a sly fox, is the only one to see the truth. The only one to normally talk to him. The only one to seemingly accept him.
Was she lying to him? Was she manipulating him, just like they did? Was she trying to use him just like they did? That would make the most sense, but somehow, that is not true. All the signs point to the fact that everything she told him now was true. Her appearance was the evidence, of her being abandoned just like he was. Her claim of misunderstanding perfectly explained the accidental lie she had told him.
She seems not to desire revenge on her camp. Perhaps that is due to her personality, or the difference in the circumstances that led to her name being eaten. Nevertheless, she has as well suffered, not exactly like him, but similar enough. Perhaps he can trust her? Perhaps she is the key to his future after taking revenge on Emilia and her camp. It would be wonderful if he could find a friend to share this otherwise lonely new life of his. Who knows, perhaps eventually something even more than a friend? But in a perfect balance that was his mind, such thoughts couldn't remain unchallenged.
' She'll betray me. Stab me in the back as they did.'
' She might not. After all, is it not worth the risk? To end my inevitable loneliness before it began.'
' She will attack me the moment she gets an opportunity.'
' I have my authority, I can defend myself if it comes to that.'
' She will betray me.'
' She won't'
' She will'
' She won't'
' Will'
' Won't;
' Will'
' Won't'
The storm that was in his mind was temporarily stopped by an outside voice. He recognized it to be Anastasia's, but something was different. Was her voice always this melodic? He wasn't sure, but he knew one thing, it was beautiful to listen to. He could and would just listen to it, but unfortunately for him, the beautiful sound was replaced with not-so-one. The voice sounded like it belonged to a man. He didn't have much time to think about it before he found himself flying to the ground. Because of his state, he had no time to brace for a fall, and that left a painful hit as a consequence.
He saw Anastasia come to him, seeming worried for him. Strange really, he just felt there was no reason for such concern. Yet, her beautiful aqua-green eyes showed primarily that emotion. ' Since when do I think of her eyes as beautiful', was a thought that shortly crossed his mind before that ugly voice could be heard once again.
“ You got him back. Now buzz off and don't even think of calling guards.”
As a response, Anastasia's calm voice came, “Of course, as we agreed.”
He turned around to see a cloaked man carrying a dagger in one hand and a coin pouch in the other. Did this man just rob Anastasia while he was lost in his thoughts? It seems like he did. Did the thief use him as a hostage? But how did something like that happen? How didn't he notice it? He doesn't know, and he realized that he doesn't care. In a motion that was more instinctual than thought out, he commanded.
“ Give her back the money you took!”
He, as gently as he could, pushed Anastasia back as he was rising to his feet.
The thief seemed amused at this happening and with a crooked smile responded.
“ What are you doing? Playing a knig--”
He was so close to finishing his sentence when an indescribable pain struck him. He couldn't understand it, one moment he was making fun of a weak kid, and the next moment, excruciating pain hit him in his left leg and right arm. In addition, he could feel what in comparison could be described as an inconvenience on his forehead that he believes is bleeding. The pain was so great that he fell to his knees while struggling not to scream, something that came to him harder and harder to do.
Subaru slowly approached the fallen man with a hand raised and clenched into a fist. Such action wasn't necessary for his authority to work, but he did it anyway. He found that doing so made it easier for him to concentrate when transferring wounds. In addition, it made it abundantly clear to his victims that he was the one making them suffer. But, while all of the above is true. The most absurd reason for this decision is not out of practical necessity, and is more in line with Subaru's age. He simply thought it looked cool. While there were many practical reasons for this action, he couldn't put it out of his head that it looked intimidating. To this man who was breaking due to the pain, it certainly did, provided he even noticed it in his agony. On the brighter side, the cut on the forehead he gained when thrown to the floor is now gone.
When he got to the man, he expectedly tried to take the pouch from the thief's hand. But it had proven to be harder than anticipated. The man in his pain had clenched his fist too hard for Subaru to get what he wanted. In frustration, he kicks him while speaking.
“ Just give me the pouch, and I'll let you go!”
The man seemed to have heard him, as proven when the grip lessened allowing Subaru to take Anastasia's coins back.
When he had got what he wanted, Subaru turned his back on the thief, and examined the bag. He opened it and saw that there were indeed gold coins inside. Once satisfied, he cut the connection with the thief's Od and calmly gave his last command.
“ Get lost.”
He didn't need to turn around to confirm the man's compliance. No, through his authority he could clearly see the man's Od, and it was getting farther and farther away at an impressive speed. ' He is quite a good runner', Subaru humorously thought as he deactivated his authority. He slowly brought his gaze back to Anastasia when he saw something he didn't expect, confusion.
He expected her to be scared, possibly to run, but this was strange. It is then that he asked what he probably should have before doing all of this.
“ This is your money, right?”
This was quite unexpected. Anastasia was able to get rid of the thief while giving him only one-fifth of the money on her. She considered this to be a decent result, so one can understand her confusion when the young man that she rushed to aid. The young man that she thought was paralysed with fear, pushes her aside and proceeds to torture the poor thief.
One moment she is thinking about how to best reassure Natsuki of his safety and the next one she is watching him effortlessly retrieve the money she gave. It wasn't a nice sight, that was for sure, the man looked like he was suffering in unimaginable agony. His ability to not scream was quite commendable.
What made this situation most disturbing were Natsuki's eyes. When he had turned around to inspect the pouch, she could, for a split second, see what appeared to be a subtle red glint in his eyes. She had seen something like that before, Lust had the same glint in her eyes when she confronted her.
While disturbing, this didn't change her overall opinion on Natsuki's position in the cult, or lack their of. He wasn't one of them for a simple reason. The cultist in general and Sin Archbishops, in particular, are feared monsters. But, while everybody is afraid of them, the reverse is not true. They lack any form of humanity and with it, they also lack fear. Fear is something only humans have, and Natsuki has it in abundance. His every decision is made from fear. The desire for revenge, fear of being hurt once again by those who betrayed him. Aggressive front, fear of being hurt by strangers. Even now, when he had taken the money back, his eyes and words carried a fear of a different kind, fear of mistake.
'Well, at least I will not have to take care of the cut Natsuki got on his forehead', was a thought that crossed her mind before answering Natsuki's question.
“Yes.” The awkwardness of the scene crossed to Anastasia's answer and because of that, the word was more elongated than it had to be.
Put at ease by the answer, Natsuki asked that seemed to be bothering him for long.
“ Why did you do that?”
Anastasia was confused by the question. After all, it could mean plenty of things, and she wasn't sure of the answers for some. So naturally, she asked him to elaborate.
“ Did what?”
With a serious expression on his face, he answered.
“ Why didn't you run away?”
The fact that he expected her to simply run away shows a lot about his mentality and perception of other people. But such a thing is not completely unexpected, truthfully it is a small miracle that she hadn't developed such a mentality herself. Nevertheless, she had to answer and she did.
“ You were in need and I could help, so I did.”
Natsuki didn't seem to be most convinced by her argument, so he further inquired.
“ You want something from me. What is it?”
Anastasia studied his expression carefully. He was seemingly somewhat agitated and quite defensive. But, that being said, there was no sight of him desiring to hurt her. That brought a small smile to her face because that meant she can be honest without any serious consequences.
“ You are correct. I wish to give you an offer, Natsuki.”
Somewhat curious, he asked.
“ What would that be?”
Readying herself for a short argument, she drew a breath and spoke.
“ I would like to help you reconnect with your camp.”
This clearly angered him, but his pacifistic stance with her didn't change. With a wave of anger in his voice, he demanded.
“ Why would I want to live again with those lice?”
Calmly and with a voice that bordered on maternal, she answered.
“ Because that would get rid of your fear. Because you will be able to leave your hatred behind. If you think you were able to hide your fear from me, you are wrong. While others might be blind, it is clear to me that your every move is made due to fear.”
For the third time in ten minutes, he was once again stunned by the short woman. That being said, he wasn't completely gone this time, so with a lower voice, he was able to ask further.
“ Why would you do so?”
She sighs and truthfully answers.
“ I'll be honest, my reasons are quite selfish. I don't know how you broke apart with your camp, but I can guess it wasn't a peaceful one. In comparison, mine was quite uneventful, they simply disappeared, and I hadn't seen them since my name was lost.” She inhaled once again and continued, “You are the only one in the world who can remember me, and It is obvious that if each of us hopes to get normal lives back, we will have to work together. I believed I could live without any reason, without any purpose just existing. But, I was wrong the moment an opportunity showed, you showed, I understood the error of that mindset.” She looked him in the eyes before finishing, “I believe that If I could help you get your family back, then there will be a chance for me to do the same. Perhaps one day our families will remember us, but until then, I will have something else.”
He had calmed down by now, and his appearance carried something that looked like sympathy.
“ They will not remember, no matter how much time passes.”
Her gaze fell to the ground for a minute before she looked up again and spoke.
“ Then I will at least have a friend.”
Natsuki seemed lost in thought at that answer. She couldn't determine what exact emotion he was feeling, but it was obvious that there was some kind of conflict. Nevertheless, after a few minutes, he looked back at her and with a voice as calm as possible, answered.
“ Very well. But I am in charge.”
She snickered at this as she turned around and started to walk in the direction of the city.
“ Before doing anything, we should find an inn to reside temporarily. We will also need new clothes. Especially you.”
Subaru, offended at this comment, snapped back.
“ Are you talking about my appearance? Look at yourself, you are as pale as a ghost.”
Without turning around, she fought back.
“ I will have you know that a pale appearance is considered beautiful in high society. Looking like a thief isn't in any.”
Confused and somewhat panicked, he shouted. “ I don't look like a thief.”
With a giggle, she countered, “But you did demandingly shout at little ol' me.”
He growled as he admitted defeat, “I will get you one day.”
So they walked and bickered. Knowing where they were heading, but not where the faith will lead them, this unlikely couple pushed forward.