Work Text:
MC is at her wit's end.
Cuddling a new-born, on her still weak and inexperienced arms, is hard work, and she has done it for better part of four hours by then. Car rides tend to be what calms most infants down, but you don't have a car. You have your legs, and public transportation, and a park just down the street from her apartment complex.
Good thing that the latter seems to help somewhat. The public greenery holds a bench by a lake, where they can just hear the soft music of the carousel nearby humming over the babbling of the ducks. The animals are almost always nibbling at bread and toting around their own offspring, though theirs follow them in messy, zig-zagged lines while her own little bundle is less agile, softer fussy lump kept cradled in a wrap.
Her daughter likes those sounds, for some reason. Maybe, if she finds some cheap cassettes with fairgrounds music, the overworked mother will not have to make the sojourn every time the child refuses to nap.
However, in the meantime, MC finds that she does not mind so much. It is peaceful there, more so than their apartment.
It is so peaceful, in fact, that, when someone else walks by with a head of lettuce, summoning all the birds, she scarcely notices they have even spoken to her.
"I'm so sorry!" The man excuses himself. "I didn't even see you there, I wouldn't have brought the zoo running otherwise."
The voice is bashful and a little low, rather timid, if she is honest. She almost did not hear it, and stir from her rapture at rocking her mumbling daughter against her chest when she realizes the words are directed at her.
"What? Oh! Don't worry, we're fine." She smiled back awkwardly, eyes adjusting to the sunlight glinting off the water after gazing down at the shadowy blanket for so long.
When the values of the world around her all line up once again, her expression flickers with quiet surprise.
The owner of the voice looks like a prince. Royalty. Soft mint-coloured hair and blinking, mirthful eyes and a succulent face. His clothes are comfortable and clean and there is something, something incredible, about his mouth, about the way his lips fill in his magazine-worthy smile.
For the first time in months, a flicker of something stirs in her belly, burning a tiny hole in the tiredness that had permeated her bones for too long of a time, it seemed.
"She, uh… She likes the ducks, anyhow." MC tacks on, a little breathless.
The stranger looks terribly happy to hear that, and stares at her midsection longer than necessary. She dreadfully hopes she is not leaking, because that is her worst nightmare, but then a beak latches onto his pant leg and he makes a strangled noise, kicking away at the fowl.
"Well…" He says brightly, fumbling with his lettuce. "Maybe, when she gets older, I'll bring her something green to share with them. If I haven't killed them by then."
The idea, in all its ridiculousness, is so charming that MC cannot help but grin at him anyway.
"Sounds good!" She beams, nodding.
The carousel continues in a loop at the distance, a disembodied lullaby of candy horses and gilded trim on the cool breeze of springtime. The stranger, who has by then informed that his name is Jihyun Kim, tosses the leaves far off in the water, as far as he could, to keep the birds astray from their safe place on the worn wooden bench.
When his hands are empty and the hungry ducks are full, she cannot help herself but to offer him a place beside them. He, in turn, does not hesitate before accepting.
He just lets his gaze linger just a beat longer on her happily dozing bundle in her arms a few seconds longer before he joins them.
"She's very sweet." He murmurs, not even five seconds after sitting. His head tilts, and his mint-green eyes never leave her peaceful face. "What's her name?"
"Yi Lucy, like the Latin letter 'V'." The mother answers in a half-whisper to match his own, as it is best for all involved not to wake the infant. "I love her so much."
Jihyun looks up at her after that statement. Something in his face makes her own skin feel warm and flushed, and goodness, it must be the weather. It is a beautiful day out today, after all, and the pleasant feeling has naught to do with the tenderness of his smile or the sincere curve of his eyes.
"I can see why."
Coming to the lakeside suddenly becomes far less of a chore, MC finds.
She is certain that the reason for her change of heart is the weather improving as spring crawls in the city, and not at all the sudden and consistent acquisition of nice company to those visits. A company that, just as consistently, brings an extra set of tea. It is a special post-natal blend, proper for breastfeeding and nursing mothers, he makes sure to clarify.
She can only respond with a deadpan, "I didn't know you were breastfeeding."
Jihyun also brings biscuits and blanket, just in case her back hurts and she wants to lay down instead. She chooses to do just that more often than she would think, so she appreciates it.
Sometimes, with Lucy snoozing against her breast and the sunshine feeling pleasantly warm against her skin and the quilt smelling good in an uncommonly masculine and faint sort of way, she dozes off, too, for a much-needed nap. A month ago, if someone had asked MC if she would be able to fall asleep on the ground at the park nearby with a male stranger she had mostly just met and with her daughter in her arms, she would have laughed herself into hysterics.
Alas, now, in all her acquired wisdom, she wakes up a bit less than an hour later, still very confused about what is going on, and Jihyun is still there. He just sits on the bench like some sort of Greek statue, wistfully admiring the lake and not minding the wind that ruffles his kempt hair, and she feels safe in his steadfast company.
"Good morning." He says by way of a joke after he notices her blinking sleepily, a little flustered. It is almost three in the afternoon. "Have you slept well?"
"Yeah, thanks." MC mumbles back, struggling to decide between sitting up for her own benefit or laying down for Lucy's. The infant is still out like a light, drooling on her shirt. "I actually did sleep very well. You're kind of a saint, Mr. Kim."
Jihyun rolls his eyes at that, and plucks a biscuit from his plastic baggie. "You obviously don't know me well enough. Here, eat."
He leans over and pops the treat in her mouth before she can say no. She had not even realized how hungry she was, and so she sighs through closed lips as her eyes shut at how good the confectionary is.
"Would you like some more?" He quips, eyebrow raised.
MC tries not to smile, she really, really does, but her cheeks feel warm when she nods and give in.
"One more, please." The woman murmurs, self-conscious.
Needless to say, she does not sit up, but rather, she is hand-fed for the next few minutes, and the world is a beautiful place in those moments.
Her internal clock knows that her child will be rousing shortly. She does not want to go, she wants time to stop and keep her here, safe and serene in this place untouched by the rest of her life. She wants to stay where there is no small and cold apartment; no absent father, no lonely mother that lives across the country, no bills to be paid.
Where she can pretend that she is just a mother with a new friend in a place that makes her feel at home.
Lucy does not always cooperate, but such is life when one has a new-born.
"I wish, sometimes, that I, too, could scream and cry in public…" Jihyun says loftily.
MC snorts tiredly, in spite of the exhaustion burrowing in her soul. Her daughter wails and hiccups and fusses to no end, and no amount of rocking and cooing and shushing helps to any avail. The pacifier does nothing for her, nor does the shade, or swaddling, or rubbing her back.
"I hope she's not sick…" The mother muses out loud, though the girl is not feverish or anything of the sort.
She knows she is patently blessed that her infant been the paragon of health since conception, but she never knows when her luck or good graces will suddenly run out.
"Is she hungry?" Jihyun hovers nearby, but not too close.
It is a habit of his, ingrained so that she has never been in close proximity to him throughout their entire friendship, odd and short as it was. He never wants to invade on their personal space, even though she has offered to let him hold her daughter half a dozen times.
It almost hurts that he declines so obstinately. He looks at the baby with such raw adoration that she can only wish he has a child of his own one day to bask in that kind of care. If he wants to love on Lucy, she would be happy to let him.
"Uh…" MC splutters, brow furrowing and not really knowing what to respond.
She had tried to nurse before they left the house earlier that day, but the baby had wanted nothing of it. The second problem arises in the fact that, if Lucy now was in the mood, that would mean nursing in front of Jihyun. Which was fine, absolutely fine. Perfectly fine.
It is natural, right? Nothing wrong, nothing weird. She is the one who is making this weird. Right?
MC can feel the blush creeping up her throat, and she cannot quite make eye contact as her voice gives out. "I suppose she might be."
Jihyun frowns and looks over at the mother-daughter pair. "Would you like me to go? Give you some privacy?"
The question takes her by surprise. Despite all her doubtful thoughts crowding her head, it is even more surprising that the one word that cuts through them all is a resounding no. No, she does not want him to go.
At all. Not remotely. Really, actually.
Shaking her head, the mother resigns herself to plopping on the well-worn bench and gritting her teeth as she begins the wriggling out of her bra cup and adjusting the tied-up blanket nicely to hold the infant and cover them.
"You don't have to go anywhere." MC sort of manages to say, ears ringing with the disjointed quacking sounds coming from her baby. "But if, uh… If she's giving you a headache or you need to go…"
"I have nowhere else I want to be." Jihyun interrupts her instantly.
It is firm and careful enough that she looks up with wide, stunned eyes, because something in the way he speaks to her sometimes makes her feel…
Doused in a cottony feeling that stuffs up her chest, MC can only gape at him, wide-eyed and unable to articulate a thing. The man just smiles back before looking a little pink-cheeked and glancing away, and of course Lucy latches on as soon as she can and the crying ceases right after.
She settles in on the bench, relief smothering her as nothing but the sound of carousel music and ducks conversating and the leaves rustling in the trees above takes over.
"Mind if I sit?" A voice pipes next to her.
Jihyun's bravery shows up in unexpected ways.
"Of course, dummy." She teases.
The young man just sighs dramatically as he takes his place. She can tell he is careful about averting his gaze, but it is difficult trying to think straight when she is both sleepy and there is an abnormally attractive, generous man staring her right in the face.
"Isn't it weird having a conversation while a tiny human is drinking from your mammary?" He says after a beat.
The nursing mother has to actively stop herself from bursting into snorting laughter. She flumps her head back instead, shoulders shaking quietly as she giggles.
The truth slips out a tad too easily: "Never with you. Nothing's ever weird with you."
That is the first day he ever invades her personal space, if that can even be called an invasion. He laughs, too, but it is more of a hum that goes straight to her heart, like a well-targeted arrow. At some point, he shifts a little closer, until their shoulders are touching and he is a welcome furnace at her right.
MC wakes up about an hour later to her head lolled comfortably on aforementioned shoulder and with Lucy babbling and drooling contentedly, excitedly even. The source of her amusement is Jihyun, who is still dutifully ignoring her exposed breast and just entertaining her infant in hushed whispers and silly expressions.
This is, unquestionably, embarrassing at an eleven out of ten, but he does not seem to pay it any mind. He just mentions that she looked like she needed the rest, and comments on nothing else.
Later that night, in her creaky bed with curtains that need to be replaced, MC rolls over on her pillows and wonder why she cannot get comfortable. Lucy is out of the night, hopefully, just beside her, and she has not made any complaint since her dinner. Yet, the mother finds that she just cannot sleep.
Not for the first time in a while, she wishes that Jihyun was there and not wherever he was actually.
Today is one of the first days, though, that MC tries to regain a semblance of her old life.
Taking a shower, dressing up, putting on make-up, going out at night. Is this one of those things that one truly never falls out of practice?
She is still unsure, but she knows that there is something comfortingly familiar about pulling out her makeup bag, which has not been touched in the longest it has ever been untouched, and a hesitation in picking a pretty blouse. She had been avoiding those out of paranoia of leaking through her bra, considering she had enough milk to supply a small country. Comfortable tights and slip-ons remain, though. She does not think she would even attempt jeans for another month. At least.
If Jihyun notices anything different, he does not say anything to that end. Part of her mires in disappointment, wallows in insecurity and doubt. She has to be honest with herself: she is not only nursing a child, but also a small crush on this man who travels around the parks of Seoul and beyond taking pictures.
When she finally noticed the small black bag with the photo camera, a few weeks into their daily routine, she felt a little embarrassed for never realizing such a thing, as well as it explained why he could always make time to come to the park and see them. He is preparing his first exhibition, he commented in passing once, and it is supposed to be about how the urban space interacts with nature surrounding it. She still wonders about the tea knowledge, the cookies and the quilt, though.
What comes as a consolation, however, is that, even if Jihyun does not come out and say something, there is a sense of strangeness in his behaviour. Dare she say it, awkwardness. Odd pauses in his sentences. Moments when she catches him staring, dumbstruck. He looks dry-mouthed and tense when their discussion on maternity-leave winds down and she is nursing Lucy easily, no more shyness with him involved.
She is about to ask if he's feeling under the weather when he suddenly blurts out, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"
MC is certain that she looks like a moron. A breastfeeding, single mother moron with hot cheeks and a wholly self-conscious and stupid smile when she stammers and hem and haw before forcing her head to make a nodding motion.
"Yes." She says, flustered. "Please. Of course."
I would love nothing more.
Jihyun is her friend, so it is definitively not a date, but he does seem to practically melt with pleasure.
He beams at her response. "Great. I'll cook."
Kim Jihyun lives downtown, a long trip on the subway away. He insists on escorting them, and so he meets them at their usual meeting spot at the park and hails a taxi, lest MC has to walk decently further than the few blocks she is accustomed to while carrying a growing infant.
The man keeps up a steady stream of chatter on their way there about what she is craving and what her favourite foods are. Her newfound love of artichoke is interesting, but peanuts now make her throw up almost on command. Her sweet-tooth has stolidly remained, and she will never say no to a good cut of meat.
She will probably never say no to his cooking, either, but he is not supposed to know that just yet. The noises she makes when eating his cookies and tea may be just enough for him on that camp for now.
As it turns out, MC notes with anxious mirth, Jihyun lives downtown, in a very nice apartment.
After scanning a card and entering a gate and getting rung in, she can only watch in awe as the elevator takes them up and up and up, until she come to a floor with perfectly vacuumed carpets and polished doors. The mint-haired man unlocks his door, and invites her in with a gentlemanly bow and gesture.
It looks like something out of a movie, or a glossy magazine from the supermarket stands. An entire wall, the one overlooking town, is just nothing but tall and pristine windows, and the whole place is an elegant, cosy but not crowded mix of monochromes and wood and plants. Lots of potted, green things, sprouting up everywhere.
"Jihyun…" She begins seriously, still gaping at his home. "This is beautiful. This is insane."
The man chuckles awkwardly. "You are beautiful and this is just an apartment. Sit wherever you want."
MC obeys, regardless, somehow not managing to melt from his off-handed comment. She spreads out the usual blanket on the floor and line it with pillows for Lucy to flop about on safely, and tentatively go for the remote. Her host, however, has his own in the kitchen, and merely rolls his eyes before turning the TV on for her.
"You can put on anything but the news." He warns, half-jokingly.
She does not need to be told twice. Conveniently, the first thing on is the cooking channel and she sinks into the plush couch with Lucy in her periphery as the aroma of sauteed vegetables and meat browning permeates the space.
Part of her wants to nap on the couch, as this opportunity is one of precious stolen moments, after all, but MC forces herself to keep her eyes open. She is glad she does, because, at some point, the show changes and the mint-haired man has more than a few things to say about the contestants on the cooking competition.
He has seen that episode before, it turns out, and her usual amicable, well-mannered, sunny friend turns into someone bitter and cynical and utterly stomach-hurting hilarious as he says the foulest things that she has ever heard in her life at a television screen. He does all of it with a smile. Every nasty remark is pleasant and jovial and brimming with sarcasm until there are tears streaming down her face and she is begging him to stop before she vomits.
The timing works out, thankfully, and the table is set and plated despite her insistence that she should help. He would not let her. Presentation is half the battle in culinary, after all, and he does not trust her to set it just perfectly yet.
Yet is the operative word, because he also promises to teach her if she would ever like to learn.
With an indulgent smile, the first course arrives at the dining table and then there are steaming entrees placed before two chairs flawlessly. Her mouth is watering more than it ever has before. While she does not know the name of what he has made, wagering a bet on something foreign and mouthy, the colours on it are vibrant and rich and the sauce runs along the corners artfully.
MC is on her seat, gawking at it, before she even realizes she has gotten up from the couch in the first place.
"Oh…" She croaks out. "My goodness."
His entire face scrunches with pride. "That's what I like to hear. Now eat."
The hungry mother happily does as she is told. Her entire universe becomes that four-course dinner, and from the first bite, she is certain that she would give up almost anything to just marry him and never have to eat any other food ever again. Nothing is undercooked, nothing is dry, the seasoning is measured and delicious and she suddenly thinks it just might be possible to die of happiness.
Jihyun just watches his guest. From his seat across from hers, he observes keenly, hawklike eyes on every bite and measuring her reaction to every single sampling. He has never cared about someone's response to his cooking as much as he has in this single moment, and his emotions are fervent tangle of kid-in-a-candy-store and very subtly turned on by all the expressions of pleasure her face can wear.
"Would it be weird if I said it's great watching you eat?" He asks, suddenly but conversationally.
Maybe the quality of the cooking has possessed her. The man's question is light, teasing, and she toys with the fork against her plate mildly before glancing up from under her eyelashes.
"I told you already, Mr. Kim." She warbles, twirling the fork. "Nothing's ever weird with you."
MC can see how his throat bobs and he inhales slowly, patiently, something fragile and dark and mysterious lighting up behind his eyes.
A slow, seductive smile plays on his lips, but Jihyun does not comment any further than, "Silly me. How could I forget?"
When the dinner is done and he starts the process of cleaning up afterwards, he lingers and stands closer than usual. It does not feel wrong or intimidating, though, and her heart misses a few beats and hurries to catch up again.
She thanks him a million times for the meal and she offers to repay him soon.
"The only way you'll ever repay me is by letting me cook for you more often." He counters without even pausing to breathe.
The dishes clink in the sink and MC wants to wash them out of good manners, but a hard look from his end keeps her pouting and firmly seated at the dining table.
"Fine, fine." She harrumphs. "But if you teach me how to set tables, I get to teach you how to change a diaper."
The expression on his face at those words haunts her that night, and the next day. It was like his whole aura softened, became just like melted butter in the microwave, like marshmallows in a pot. It seemed like a man crumbling a little under the weight of his own love and hopes. Part of her wonders if he really, really cares about Lucy that much. Or if he just has a diaper fetish.
MC falls asleep wondering at all the expressions his beautiful face has to offer.
There are many things to love about Kim Jihyun.
He is never late, for one. If he says he will be at the park at 2:30, he will be there at 2:20 at the latest. He is funny in a way MC never sees in people often anymore, and he is very easy on the eyes. He is not stupid, he is mature, and insightful, and he has an endless well of patience. He is a nature photographer, one that appreciates natural light a little too much for his own sake, and he swears that is why he is as tired and patient as he is. He is a good listener, and he is an even better storyteller. His cooking is unbelievable, and he learns how to change diapers without a single complaint.
He somehow always knows what not to say.
Jihyun has never once asked about Lucy's father. MC has no intentions of bringing it up. As far as she is concerned, the stork brought her daughter, like it probably did many other babies in similar situations to hers.
Somewhere along the line, dinners and house visits become the norm. He is yet to come to her house, though, which is fine by her, she would be glad if the Gangnam-dweller never comes by, considering she lives in a downright dump at the edge of town. Alas, it seems that her secret alcove was not meant to last.
The moment of truth arrives when MC gets to the park fifteen minutes late and frazzled and realizing she forgot the diaper bag, even though she left it by the front door exactly so she would not forget.
"Today has been a day!" She croaks out, wanting to cry very badly.
Lucy slept terribly the night before, which naturally meant that she did not sleep at all, and her feet were sore from pacing around the diminutive floorplan, hoping to lull the baby. The only thing getting her through the miserable day was the prospect of seeing Jihyun, having a homecooked warm meal and sitting somewhere that does not remind she of the fact that her paltry savings are not going to last them much longer.
The man frowns. Without a sound, he removes his jacket and swaddles it around her. She notes that it smells like his cologne, and that is nice. He, then, tucks her hair back behind her ears and out of her way.
"Hey, hey." He soothes. "It's okay, MC. It happens. We can pick it up. We can stay there instead, if you want us to."
The woman is too fatigued to argue, and thankfully the taxi driver does not blink at only driving a few short blocks. She is still in a daze when she unlocks her door and enters her house, searching for the bag.
"This is your apartment?"
Jihyun's voice startles her, as she forgot he was there. Blushing, she grimaces and wishes she had not invited him in unintentionally.
"Um, yeah…" MC answers, self-conscious.
The man looks apologetic at his initial remark, and quickly grabs Lucy's baby bag to sling over his shoulder with a gentle smile.
"It's just… More minimalist than I expected." He comments, kindly. "You seem like the sort of person that keeps lots of flowers and lamps."
He is not wrong about that. She laughs at the sentiment anyway, and quietly wishes that she had the money for such nice things.
"Maybe one day…" MC muses instead of giving him a real response.
Jihyun is quieter than usual on the ride back to his place. She realizes that the driver might not have minded because her companion had asked him to wait for them downstairs. He sits on his phone, consumed by whatever it is he is looking at. She wagers, from a peek she snuck at the device, that he is online-shopping.
By the time they finally reach his place, MC feels like she might just fall over.
"May I hold her?"
They are standing in the living room when he asks, and she almost forgets to be shocked.
"What?" The woman splutters, absent-mindedly. "Oh, I… Yes. Please. Do you know how to hold babies?"
This is the most the two of them have ever touched each other. The mint-haired man towers over her like a knight without any armour, except for a dazzling smile and some clean clothes. Every touch is certain and delicate while she angles and orders his arms and hands into the perfect cradle. Lucy seems even smaller in his grasp despite the fact that she has been growing like a weed, a pretty weed with tufts of hair, and she does not fuss for a single second.
"There you go." MC whispers, smiling stupidly. "Right as rain."
Jihyun looks embarrassed, but his eyes are bright and he might be glowing a little.
"Great." He says, voice cracking.
She has the decency not to laugh.
The man is a natural with children. She knew this, of course, but it is surreal to see him carry her daughter around with one arm securely while he directs her off to the guest bedroom and orders her to take a nap while he prepares dinner.
"The bedding is clean, I promise!" He calls from behind, as if she needed the assurance after seeing the way he arranges his plates on the kitchen.
All is fine, and MC lowers her head tiredly. All is fine, but the only scary part is that she has never left Lucy alone with anyone. Something in her still panics, it wants to snatch her daughter back and hide, but reason kicks in and she forces herself to wave them off kindly as she enters the other room in the hall.
The guest room seems like something out of a hotel suite, and she thinks, at first, that she will not be able to fall asleep somewhere so nice.
MC is halfway to dreamland by the time her head hits the pillow.
Jihyun's preoccupation with his phone makes sense three days later.
Dinner is a gorgeous, presumably expensive mix of fruits and cheeses and crackers that are supposed to go easy on her stomach. He insists on it after she mentioned having an ache earlier. The real surprise comes from realizing there is a foldable crib in the living room and a chest carrier hanging from the coat rack. Later, MC will find a changing station in the guest bedroom, already packed with fresh diapers, wipes, baby powder and cream.
"I, uh… I hope you don't mind." Jihyun speaks up, voice trembling just a notch. It is one of the only times she has ever truly seen him nervous. "I just thought it would be better for Lucy to have some things here, too. For comfort, not…"
The man is cut off by MC forcibly hugging him. Lucy is smashed carefully between the two adult bodies, and the woman will never know why this is what finally broke the dam. After months of rotting away and being a new mom to the most perfect thing that had ever been made, pretending the stork was real, accidentally befriending the second most perfect thing that had ever existed, her heart could not take it anymore.
She did not think she could love any more than Lucy. She thought that her heart was only so big. Yet, Kim Jihyun existed, and her heart grew twice as big.
"Jihyun…" She cries, the words and tears are muffled into his shirt. "Jihyun. I love you. I love you so much. Thank you."
Strong, warm arms wrap around her, sturdy like the thick rope tied to an old anchor. He smells like mint and shallots and his soap, and mixed with the nice baby smell of Lucy, and she can only cry harder because it all just smells like home.
Wet drops on her head make MC grin ridiculously against his chest, sniffling and laughing. She is not sure what do with herself anymore.
"You…" Jihyun starts to say, and she thinks he might be laughing, too. "You are… Really something."
This time, for dinner, Jihyun pulls his chair beside hers and feeds MC himself while Lucy rolls around in her new crib with her old blanket, the one he has always brought to the park for her. She is a little embarrassed to have this man pamper her to such an extent, but she lets him do as he must.
Halfway through the meal, he politely points out that she is, in fact, leaking. Maybe all the crying did it. She makes a strangled moan of embarrassment but he just giggles and mentions it is such a waste of something good.
Then, he kisses her cheek sweetly in the midst of her cleaning herself up.
"Maybe you can try it sometime. See if you like it." She suggests playfully, flushing from her neck to her ears and ignoring the heart palpitations on her ear.
He looks at her with grave seriousness. "I love you."
Kim Jihyun is no stork, but maybe things will work out for the three of them after all.