Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Our hearts are like, firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love”

Beca's used to Fat Amy breaking a moment, but she has to admit that a bear trap is a new one. It takes her a second to recover from the intensity of ice-blue eyes and a soft, warm gaze in order to process the dramatic development, and honestly, she would have liked to have stayed wrapped in that gaze a while longer, Her grumpy "shake it off, Fat Amy" is 100% motivated by this frustration.

Leaving the other Bellas to rescue their comrade – or possibly just feed her smores through the net – Beca takes the opportunity to get away from the suddenly too-warm atmosphere around the campfire and take a breath. The residual melancholy from the evening’s conversation and the knowledge that truly, things won't ever be the same again weighs down on her; time is flying, and despite spending a large portion of her freshman year willing it to go faster, Beca now wishes that it would stop, take a break, whatever.

That's not all she's feeling though. She feels like she's in a daze, brain and body two steps behind the rest of the world, and when she closes her eyes all she can see is Chloe. Chloe's red hair and her gorgeous eyes, and the most earnest expression Beca's ever seen on anyone written all over her face as she somehow rewinds time three years, to a time where Chloe wore a similar look as Beca tried to hide her nerves while showcasing a silly trick she learned from YouTube. She thinks the redhead had seen right through her back then and it makes her wonder what Chloe sees in her now.

Beca's not one of those girls - she doesn't turn to mush at the first sign of affection and she certainly doesn't swoon. She doesn't see the point in flowers as a romantic expression – doesn’t understand why anyone would force someone they care about to take care of something that is doomed to die within a week and end up in the trash (and really, she's been tempted to cut out the middle-man in this scenario and allow the flowers that Jesse would bring her to meet their fate early) - and she'll never understand The Notebook, but she's truly touched that Chloe remembered her audition song.

She shouldn't read too much into it, she supposes, as being thoughtful comes so naturally to Chloe. Still, it leaves her a little warm inside and a little light-headed, hence the need to take a moment. Part of it is a nice feeling for sure – it taps into that small, young place inside of her that felt overlooked and like no-one (read: her parents) remembered even the littlest things about her. The thought that Chloe might – well, it's soothing.

The problem is the other side of the coin; the guilt that twists in her gut when she finds herself revelling in the redhead's attention. It took her a long time to figure out why she feels like that but in the end it all comes down to Jesse, and man if that isn't a can of worms all on its own. The short answer is this: Chloe's thoughtfulness makes her feel the way that Jesse's thoughtfulness should have made her feel. Chloe's caring snuck in subtly and slowly, like air, like a light breeze that found the cracks in her walls and floated through. Jesse's was obvious; written all in caps, bold and underlined. It felt like a sledgehammer. If Chloe's affection was light and airy, Jesse's could be thick and cloying.

Which, really, has a lot to do with the current situation between her and Jesse. Beca had counted, mainly out of boredom, and it’s been nine weeks and four days since she last kissed her boyfriend (she doesn't know how many hours). Calling him that feels frankly ridiculous at this stage, and she can already picture the feeling of relief that will come when she doesn't have to do it anymore, even if she suspects (knows, actually) that Jesse is far less excited at the prospect.

Essentially, they've broken up but they aren't telling anyone. The Bellas and the Trebles may have had their differences way back when, but these days the two groups are pretty inseparable, especially now that they are no longer in direct competition. The reason they haven't told anyone is, ostensibly, that they don't want to shake things up by 'coming out' to the group as a non-couple, which, yeah, that is definitely part of it, but Beca has her own reasons too. Nearing the top of the list, for example, is that she doesn't think she can take the sheer amount of 'female bonding' that will inevitably ensue if her teammates find out; the pitying looks and the attempts to get her to 'open up'.

And honestly, she doesn't feel like she has that much to open up about. She and Jesse had a good thing, she supposes. Freshman year had been so exciting, full of discovery and experiences and all that awful clichéd stuff that turned out to be clichéd for a reason. She had kind of gotten swept away in it all, and when she looks back on it now it's all kind of a blur. A few things stand out, and of course that includes kissing Jesse after their big win, but includes other things too. Auditioning for the Bellas. Getting her mix on the radio. Chloe busting into her shower. The riff off. Aubrey asking for her help. Chloe bursting into her shower.

Somewhere after the craziness of freshman year, Beca had settled into the Bellas' house and developed a routine: classes, internship, practice, Jesse. Was she proud of the fact that her boyfriend had been a slot on her schedule? Well, no, of course not. And she thinks that may well be why she hid it for so long. Why she ignored the signs (and goddammit, she wishes she could even think the word 'signs' without feeling haunted by visions of flight attendant uniforms and Aubrey and tight scarves cutting off the circulation in her throat), and why she allowed her and Jesse to continue on for as long as they did.

It didn't take long for her to realise that they were 'boy friend and girl friend' rather than 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. What's shameful is that it took her so long to admit it to Jesse. She thinks he knew, too, maybe not as early as she did, but definitely after the summer between junior and senior year where they barely spoke for the entire eight weeks. Jesse had gone home to his family and Beca had stayed on campus, and she had only missed him in a vague 'there's an unusual gap in my day' way.

At least she'd had the guts to tell him pretty soon after they returned from summer break and to be honest, she does give herself some credit for that because it had been really fucking difficult. As it turned out though, Jesse knowing the situation and Jesse accepting the situation were two very different things. It had been a work in progress ever since with him still wanting to act like a couple and Beca willing to humour him to avoid the fallout. If she’s honest with herself though (and the trouble is lately, she'd really tried to avoid being just that), she wishes he would accept just a little bit more distance; be a little bit less clingy.

Basically, Beca needs to take her own advice to Chloe and 'sack up'. She needs to tell Jesse not to drive her to work anymore, and she needs to stop turning to him for reassurance. She needs to stop his stupid plan to come to Denmark to see the Bellas at Worlds. She knows she's avoiding these difficult conversations, and she knows it's typical of her. It's not like she's given Jesse any indication that there's any hope for them as a couple though, and that peck on the lips as she arrived at the hood party had been the last attempt he'd made (thank god).

Beca feels like they have achieved some kind of tentative status quo though, and anyway, it's not like she has other romantic options at the minute. Probably. She sighs, squeezing her eyes shut, her train of thought leading her back to red hair and the bluest eye's she's ever seen, and singing as the flames from the fire lick around her. The way she relates to Chloe has always been so different to the way she relates to other people and if she's honest, the way Chloe is making her feel right now is nothing new. There's just a new layer of intensity on her part because she knows (even if Chloe doesn't) that now there is just the slightest sliver of possibility that had remained buried (mostly) whilst she was with Jesse.

She's found herself spending an increasing amount of time doing this – over-thinking, over-analysing – when it comes to she and Chloe. It's a little frustrating, actually, and she thinks that she's been taking it out on the redhead a little. Her brain has been so full of Worlds and work and Chloe, and she's been bottling the last two up to the point where it's made her snappy and irritable, and not just in her usual Beca way. Their earlier argument comes flooding back to her and she feels the guilt hit her at the way she'd spoken to the gentlest, kindest person she knows. Chloe deserves better than Beca being frustrated with her for not knowing about Beca's internship and not knowing about Beca's feelings when the redhead has no hope of knowing about these things because Beca's been running scared of telling her.

Chloe deserves far better than Beca's panicked dismissal of her in their shared tent, too. The only way she can justify her reaction to the redhead the previous night is that the timing was so off – in a tent with the Bellas surrounding them – and Chloe's delivery had made it sound so casual at a time when Beca was coming to realise that her feelings for Chloe were anything but casual. That had annoyed her too and she'd freaked out, reacting without thinking and shutting Chloe down before she could even try and ascertain whether there was even a hint of seriousness behind the whispered words.

She has no idea, now, how to bring it up without confessing too much and turning it into a super-serious thing. But maybe, well maybe it's time. Chloe is so honest and she deserves honesty in return. Then again – experimenting. Beca feels her stomach drop at the thought of Chloe just wanting to experiment with her, because she's pretty sure that's not all she wants to do with Chloe. Like, she's definitely attracted to Chloe. She can imagine kissing her. She can't imagine the other stuff in anything other than and out of focus blur, but she knows she wants it. The problem is though, that she doesn't think she could be just a casual hook-up to anyone, and especially not to Chloe.

Yep, Beca Mitchell has caught feelings. And more often than not, she hates them. Her sexual experience is reasonably limited for that reason; there's such a vulnerability in doing those things with – to – another person; in being naked and giving pleasure to someone without, quite frankly, feeling ridiculous; in allowing somebody to touch her and tease out those involuntary sounds and physical reactions without embarrassment. She's not a prude but she would never be able to trust somebody like that for an 'experiment'.

She knows that Chloe would though, and that's what throws her off. Over the years that they've been friends, she's seen casual flings wander in and out of her best friend's life, without any emotional attachment on Chloe's part. It seems incongruent with the sweet and kind person that the redhead is in some ways, but there again Beca supposes it's just another form of honesty and openness. Chloe is comfortable in her own skin (and oh, how Beca envies her sometimes) and she enjoys sex. Those two facts were obvious right from the very start what with the shower incident, and Tom's presence. What if she wants to enjoy sex with Beca in the same way she enjoys sex with those random boys? Beca might not be able to picture what sex with Chloe would look like, exactly, but she is even less able to imagine gathering up her clothes and leaving Chloe's room afterward; to waking up in her own bed and going downstairs to get coffee with the redhead in the kitchen acting nonchalant. It makes her feel super awkward just thinking about it. But then... the way Chloe had looked at her around the campfire...

The whole thing is messing with Beca's head, big time.

She's been gone maybe five, ten minutes, standing off to the side facing a large tree trunk, forehead pressed up against the bark with her eyes scrunched up, just short of actually repeatedly banging her head against it, when she hears a tentative "hey" next to her. Beca takes a breath before opening her eyes and meeting the bright blue ones beside her. Chloe's brow is furrowed in concern.

"So, is Fat Amy still in a bear trap?" Beca asks, deadpan. Chloe smirks beside her.

"Yeah, and she's refusing to let Lily cut her down despite having, and I quote, 'a ready-made internal crash cushion'. Aubrey's gone to get reinforcements". Beca nods, suddenly at a loss for what to say. "So, is this some new kind of strategy? Mumbling to a tree in the hopes that it will tell us how to win Worlds?" Chloe bumps Beca's shoulder and drops her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "Becs, are you Pocahontas?"

Beca snorts involuntarily, internally rolling her eyes at herself for how attractive she's sure that wasn't. She hadn't even realised she'd been mumbling aloud. "I hate that I understand that movie reference", Beca says in reply, thinking ruefully about enforced Disney marathons in the Bellas' house.

Chloe hip checks her this time. "You love it" she comments, in that teasing tone her voice so often takes on. Beca doesn't really have an answer for that because yes – maybe she does.

There's silence for a few beats before both girls start to speak at once. Chloe giggles whilst Beca clears her throat awkwardly. Silence falls again as the brunette casts her eyes around the silent forestry , and it makes Beca nervous. That's the only reason she can think of for what comes out of her mouth next. "So, exotic dancing huh?"

A laugh bursts from Chloe's mouth, her eyes sparkling, and she's beautiful, Beca thinks. "Well, I hear it pays well. And I think I'd be good at it," Chloe winks conspiratorially "I am pretty limber, you know". At a stretch, Beca could blame the colour in her cheeks on the lingering heat from the fire rather than on Chloe's words because yes, she knows that Chloe is limber. She was there for all of those Bellas performances, and rehearsals, and nights out at clubs, and impromptu dance parties in the house, and wow, she can feel her face getting hotter.

She grins despite herself, and shakes her head. "Still though, I think teaching music might be a safer option". Chloe is silent for a beat, and Beca senses that she is thinking about the future.

"It'll be okay, you know. Graduating I mean".

Chloe looks over at her with a small, genuine smile. "Yeah, I know it will. It's just going to be an adjustment". She takes a breath "anyway. That's not why I came over here." Beca closes her eyes again, knowing that her brief reprise is almost over and that she will need to make a decision. Tell, or don't tell. Open the door, or leave it closed.

Opening one eye, she peers sidelong at Chloe and raises her eyebrow. “Can we walk a little?” Beca asks, needing something to else to concentrate on as she tries to face the music (and man, is that ever an ironic expression to use in their current situation). Chloe shrugs and nods and then they’re walking slowly through the forest, sporadic electric lanterns lighting their way as twigs snap underfoot.

Chloe smiles at her again and Beca can't help but smile back. "Well, are you going to tell me what's going on with you, or are we just going to walk until me meet our cardio quota?" The determined look in the redhead's eyes takes her back again to that fateful shower in her freshman year, where Chloe refused to leave until Beca sang with her.

Beca sighs, at a loss of where to start or even what she wants to say. "I'm sorry for being, like, totally inept at all of this" she says, gesturing vaguely with her hands as they follow the winding path through the trees. Chloe just stares at her, her kind eyes unblinking, and so Beca continues "I should have told you about the internship. I should've been honest with you. Although, it might not matter now anyway since it turns out I kinda suck at producing music".

Chloe frowns again, deeper this time "what are you even talking about, Beca?"

"Well, the Bellas may have found their sound but Beca Mitchell unfortunately has not" Beca says with self-deprecating shrug, "It seems I've become the thing I always feared... generic".

Chloe scoffs loudly, "as if! Beca, you couldn't be generic if you tried."

"And yet..." Beca trails off, pursing her lips and shrugging once more.

"I'm serious!" Chloe exclaims, and if that much wasn't blatantly obvious to Beca from the way she says it, the fierceness of her facial expression and the fact that she stops walking and turns to look directly at the brunette sure hammers the point home. "Look, it sounds like you've had a stressful few months, okay? It's not easy to feel inspired under those circumstances. I just wish I could have helped..." the redhead trails off, biting her lip guiltily.

If Beca were so inclined, she could cry at the genuine care and concern on Chloe's face. "Chlo, you can't feel bad for not helping with something that I didn't tell you about in the first place. That's not a thing" she shakes her head, smiling fondly at the redhead. Chloe is this insane mix of adorable and hot, and just when Beca thinks she's got her sussed Chloe switches from one to the other. Nine times out of ten it catches her completely off guard; like right now she's gone from having the visual of Chloe taking her clothes off for money in her brain not more than two minutes ago, to the sight of her best friend looking at her now with the kind of pure, honest expression that makes Beca's hands twitch uselessly at her sides.

It's as if the dichotomy of Chloe's personality means that each side of her is magnified due to its contrast with the other, making the redhead into something bigger, something more in Beca's mind. Of course it could be that Beca's hopelessly in – something – with Chloe; there's that too.

"I know, I just wish I could have been there for you" Chloe says softly, her hand reaching out to touch Beca's arm. Beca peers up at her, looking into Chloe's eyes. The look she finds in them is the same one she had back at the campfire when they finished singing: caring and hopeful, with a question in her eyes.

Beca so badly wants to answer that question – wants to be the answer to that question, but something inside her falters every time, like she's always second guessing what Chloe's asking.

"Well, I wish I hadn't been such a raging bitch to you" Beca replies, looking down ashamedly as she resumes their walk.

Chloe laughs softly, falling into step behind her. "I wouldn't exactly say 'raging bitch', Bec. Maybe a bit of a grumposaurus. But I get it, you were dealing with stuff".

"Yeah, and pushing you away when I should've been honest."

"It's okay, Beca. You can stop apologising". Chloe squeezes her arm to emphasise her words.

Beca looks at her then, into her kind, smiling face, and she realises that she owes Chloe more than this. Chloe deserves more; more than another moment lost, another misstep, another emotion hidden behind a joke. It's then that Beca realises she has to say something.

"I don't want to be the German's tiny mouse".

Well, she never said it would something smart.

Chloe blinks at her, then purses her lips and scrunches her eyes up in that way she has when she's confused "o...kay..." she starts, but Beca holds a hand up to halt her, stopping their walk and stopping Chloe's words in their tracks at the same time.

"I mean, the German, Kommisar, she's like, pretty, and she's tall but then, she's mean and harsh and not at all like –" here Beca pauses, rolling her eyes at herself before continuing "um, anyway, what I want to say, what I'm trying to say, badly, I might add, is this..." She takes a deep breath in and breathes out slowly, puffing out her cheeks as she does. She takes a second – half a second – to look up at Chloe's beautiful face with its slightly bemused but mostly smiling expression before she closes her eyes, and opens her mouth again.

"It's not her who confuses me. It's not Jesse, or any other guy, it's... it's you, Chloe. You confuse me in this 'you-make-me-dizzy-and-I-think-I-like-it way'. You make me want to like, smile in a totally non-ironic way when I'm walking around campus. You make me feel like I want to be nice and friendly on occasion because I know it makes you proud, and goddammit Chloe, you make me make terrible speeches like this one. Honestly, today I've jumped off of a water tower and I've zip-lined what had to be at least, like, a thousand feet or something and I've been caught in a freaking bear trap, but more exhilarating than any of that was singing with you just now".

It's typical, Beca thinks, that the first time she's ever seen the redhead stoic is in the moment after she tries to express her actual, genuine feelings. Chloe is frozen in place with her hand on Beca's arm, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. It's quiet enough that she can hear the air around them gently passing over the leaves in the trees. "Dude, say something".

At that Chloe shakes her head, as if trying to physically shake herself out of her silence. And it's beautiful – really, truly beautiful – because Beca gets to watch the exact moment her words seem to fully sink in to the redhead's brain, and she kind of wants to throw up for even thinking something so corny, but it does feel a little like time has slowed down as she watches a smile appear on Chloe's face and sees it grow and grow until the woman in front of her is grinning, her eyes alight. The sight makes Beca smile too, because this must be a good thing, right?

Still grinning, Chloe opens her mouth to speak as she moves a fraction of an inch closer to the brunette. "Beca Mitchell."

The redhead's voice has a teasing quality to it, and Beca finds herself responding in kind, falling back into their safe 'Beca-and-Chloe' back and forth, clearing her throat with mock seriousness. "Chloe Beale".

Chloe inches forward again, and her eyes go from playful to fond as she looks at Beca with the most earnest expression Beca's ever seen. The redhead slowly lifts her hand to Beca's cheek and strokes it with the backs of her knuckles, the soft, reverent touch causing Beca’s skin to tingle. She can’t stop her gaze falling to Chloe’s lips, biting her own as she contemplates her next move. Looking back up at Chloe, Beca kind of hesitates, part of her wanting to look away – to hide from the intensity of the moment. Chloe must read the hesitance in her eyes because suddenly she's looking concerned and asking "are you okay?"

Beca lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding in, the air leaving her in a gust as, to her extreme horror, she feels tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She turns her eyes to the dark sky, trying to stop them from falling. She opens her mouth to reassure Chloe; to tell her that yes, she's fine, obviously – she's Beca effin' Mitchell for crying out loud. To appear confident and strong, and be the person Chloe deserves. Instead, her voice cracks as she chokes out "I'm scared".

The words are only just out of her mouth when she finds herself being pulled into an embrace she had no idea she needed; one of Chloe's arms wrapping around her neck whilst the other winds its way around her back. She's fighting a losing battle against the tears, and with one gasping, shuddering inhale she gives in and lets them slowly fall, wrapping her arms around Chloe in return.

"This wasn't how I intended this to go" she sniffles. Chloe doesn't say anything, just gently strokes Beca's back and rests her cheek on the crown of Beca's head. "I was going to be cool and collected and say all the right things; maybe make you swoon a little at all of my confidence".

"You have no chill, Beca Mitchell," Chloe states, deadpan, "and I hear that you're borrowing confidence from Fat Amy's butt". Pulling back, Beca can't stop the laugh that escapes her.

"Oh she told you about that?" Beca asks, eyebrows raised.

"Yes, Bec, she told me. She even offered me some too. I didn't take her up on the offer though, unlike you."

"Hey, it's not like I wanted it! It was forced upon me; it was butt confidence under duress!" A beat, and then they're both chuckling, Beca shaking her head at the silliness of it all. "God, today's been a roller coaster".

Chloe hums her agreement, and before Beca can elaborate further she's got her arms full of redhead again. An involuntary “oof” escapes Beca as Chloe clings to her tighter, only just managing to stay upright on the uneven ground. She lets Chloe hold her for a long moment, clinging to the redhead just as tightly. She can feel herself relaxing into the embrace as she breathes in Chloe’s familiar scent, her mind emptying as the tension drains from her limbs. The tears are gone as quickly as they started and she feels soothed, and safe, and a whole myriad of other gross, sappy emotions.

She pulls back slightly, still in the cradle of Chloe’s arms, and smiles shyly at the woman in front of her. “Soooo… about those, words, that I, yunno, said before… the whole, showing my emotions thing, and then with the speaking…” she trails off for a moment then rolls her eyes at herself. “Why am I so bad at this, Chlo? Why can’t I even tell y-”

Whatever Beca is about to say, and honestly she has no idea what it would’ve been, is cut off by the gentle press of Chloe’s lips against hers. The kiss itself is brief, so brief, but Chloe lingers afterward, her lips still just – just – making contact with Beca’s. Beca feels that half a millimetre of contact everywhere. All over her body, from her pinkie toe to the roots of her hair. She can’t move, won’t move; can’t think, won’t think; can’t press forward, can’t move away.

Thankfully Chloe takes the decision out of her hands, connecting her lips with Beca’s again, firmer this time, and slanting over the brunette’s at a slight angle. Chloe sighs into the kiss and honestly it might be the hottest thing Beca’s ever experienced. She has never thought of herself as a particularly sexual person (see: limited sexual experience); she figured she was maybe just missing the hormone that made her crave sleeping with someone, or that she was weird about physical affection due to whatever pop-psychology childhood trauma (not enough hugs, maybe?), or even that she was just plain defective. Chloe’s kiss takes all of those theories and smashes them into pieces right there on the forest floor in front of her, like these well-crafted, deep-seated ideas she has about herself are nothing more than idle, fleeting thoughts.

She imagines what it would feel like to feel Chloe everywhere, and she shudders.

Chloe pulls back further this time, enough so that when Beca opens her eyes she meets Chloe’s gaze. The redhead’s eyes, although still bright, are hooded, and her audible swallow both excites and placates Beca in equal measures; the former because Chloe is clearly turned on, and that makes Beca so hot for her that her face couldn’t be more flushed if she was sitting in the campfire, and the latter because it’s reassuring to know that she isn’t the only one in this predicament.

It’s her who leans forward into Chloe this time, but it’s Chloe who deepens the kiss. She groans at the first swipe of Chloe’s tongue on her bottom lip and okay, she really does have no chill. No one possibly could though, she reasons with herself, when kissing someone like Chloe. Everything gets a little bit blurry after that, but she knows she’s kissing back with equal fervour, her tongue stroking into Chloe’s pretty, pretty mouth and her hands winding their way into Chloe’s hair and tangling in the gorgeous red mane.

She’s suddenly aware of her back being pressed against a tree trunk, the rough bark scraping in a way she couldn't care less about, and then – oh – and then Chloe is pressing into her, and she can feel the rise and fall of the redhead’s chest against hers, and she can feel the push of those amazing hips, and honestly she really didn’t need to worry about that whole ‘lack of a sex drive’ thing. Chloe’s hands stroke the length of her arms – just her arms, for god’s sake – and she gasps. The redhead takes that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss and Beca’s thinking that maybe Lily wasn’t the only one born with gills, because she’s fairly sure she can’t breathe for much longer and yet Chloe doesn’t seem to be having that problem at all.

She pulls back from the redhead and takes a deep, shuddering breath, but if this is how air feels then it’s totally overrated, and within a split second she’s pulling Chloe in again by the back of the neck, her other hand moving over Chloe’s back trying to find purchase on something… anything. She flexes her thigh and then Chloe’s pressing down into it, and pressing her thigh into Beca in return, and Beca’s stomach rolls and rolls, like she’s on a physical roller coaster rather than just an emotional one. She wants Chloe like she’s never wanted anyone before. Her body is crying out for the redhead, heat prickling at the base of her spine and she burns.

Her world narrows down to the knowledge of three things: first, she knows that she wants Chloe in ways she has never even dared imagine. Second, she knows she is a complete asshole for not acting on this sooner. Third, she knows she needs to stop, because although Beca knows that she’s not with Jesse, Chloe doesn’t know that, and Chloe doesn’t for one single solitary second deserve to feel like someone’s other woman. Someone’s second choice.

And breaking up with Jesse was fucking difficult, but pulling away from Chloe in this moment is harder.

Beca thinks she deserves a medal for her achievement, and looking at Chloe once she does pull away she doesn't think there's anyone in the world who would disagree. Chloe's chest is heaving, and honestly that visual is doing nothing to help Beca focus. The redhead has this look in her eyes, the same look Beca suspects she has in her own. Hungry, messy, drunk without having touched a drop.

"Chloe, I..." Beca begins, trailing off as her body seems to carry her back towards the redhead, leaning in without even realising she's doing it. She swallows, lost in Chloe's eyes and inching, inching forward ever closer, leaning up towards the redhead's still parted lips. Every last part of her is itching to close that last millimetre and get lost in the redhead's kisses again.

She clenches her fists and screws her eyes shut, knowing that if she doesn't she'll give in to what she craves and honestly, she doesn't think she can pull away again. She takes a deep, steadying breath and opens her eyes again. "Chloe. I need you to tell you... I need you to know... I just... I need -"

She is so lucky that Chloe knows her well enough to see when she's flailing, when she needs help. "Beca" she starts, suddenly serious. "Whatever you need to say, you can tell me. Anything. You should know that by now... I'm not one to shock easily". The redhead's last few words are delivered with a soft smile, and Beca feels something clench deep inside; completely different to the shivers of pleasure coursing through her veins just moments ago but no less remarkable.

"I do know that. I do... I feel like I know that. I feel like I know you". Chloe's smile hasn't faded, and it's encouraging; it makes the words come more easily. "Jesse and I broke up".

For a moment the redhead's eyes go wide but she hides it well, swallowing and breathing out slowly. "Um, when?"

Beca bites her lip "sometime between the Bellas getting suspended and the day after I started my internship".

This time Chloe can't hide the shock that registers in her eyes. "Wow. That's... that's a long time. Why didn't you tell me?"

Chloe sounds a little hurt. It's not the devastated look that appeared on her face when she and Beca were arguing earlier, but it still twists in Beca's stomach and makes her want to fix it, fast. The snapping of twigs underfoot alerts Beca to the fact that Chloe has started walking again and that galvanises her into action as she strides to catch up.

"I was ashamed. Or, scared. Or... something that made sense at the time but now sounds completely and utterly lame. I don't... none of it seems to make sense now. I felt guilty to Jesse for ending it, and I felt guilty lying about my internship, and guilty about not being able to create a single, solitary mix for the Bellas and God, I don't know, that guilt got all lumped together into this thing that was bigger than me; bigger than any of its parts and I just... I guess I felt like I couldn't talk about any of it without talking about all of it. It sounds ridiculous I know, I -"

"No, I get it. Kind of. How did Jesse take it?" And really, that's typical Chloe, worried about someone else even when she should be thinking of herself.

"He saw it coming, sort of. We were always better as friends. Sometimes I think we never should have... well, anyway. No use thinking that now. But, it's been difficult for him. And I feel like the worst person in the world sometimes. Often times."

Chloe's head tilts to the side sympathetically as her arm reaches out and touches Beca’s, stopping them as they come to a clearing. "Beca, you have to know that isn't true..."

"No, I know... usually I know. I guess everything this year has just been a big mess and I'm trying really hard to make sense of it but it's difficult, you know?"

Chloe averts her eyes for the first time in a long while, looking at her feet as she toes the damp ground. In another circumstance, Beca would find it totally adorable, and then spend the rest of the time she was in Chloe's company trying to cover up that fact with layers of sarcasm and gentle mockery. Right now though she just feels concerned. "Am I," Chloe swallows, frowning as she speaks her next words, "am I part of that mess?"

Beca takes a second to consider her next words. She wants to be honest but it's so difficult to work out what her own truth is. "You're not part of that mess. You're part of a different mess. A better mess," she presses on despite Chloe's narrowing eyes snapping up to meet hers. "It's a good kind of mess. It's nothing I ever expected and it's exhilarating and it always, always leaves me breathless. I've been so stupid, Chloe, like seriously dumb. I couldn't have caught a clue if it hit me in the freaking face. And I meant it when I said I was scared, because I really, truly am." Chloe isn't running away - not yet anyway - and so Beca continues, "I'm scared of what I feel for you because I'm scared that you don't feel that way about me. I'm scared of the fact that I spent three years mistaking a relationship with Jesse for what in reality was just a friendship, and maybe... God, maybe mistaking a friendship with you as just that, a friendship, when really it was more. And I shouldn't have just dismissed you last night but I can't, Chloe, I can't be... I can't be an experiment" she finishes, painfully aware of the way her voice increases in pitch towards the end of her sentence.

Chloe is clearly done looking at the ground because when Beca focuses back on her beautiful face there's all kinds of eye contact. "Beca, no... that's not -" The redhead trails off, and frankly Beca is reassured to realise that she isn't the only one who's a little bit flustered.

She watches Chloe take a deep, steadying breath. "Beca... what I said last night, you have to know I was scared too. I have been wanting to come clean to you for so, so long, and I took a stupid chance and I hid behind a stupid line. It was a silly thing to say. And I'm sorry; I..." At this, Chloe trails off. She looks timid, which isn't a look Beca has ever seen on the redhead before. Frankly, it's a little disconcerting, and Beca can't help but want to comfort her, physically.

Still, curiosity gets the better of her, replying with a soft smile "use your words, dude".

Chloe smiles back, her beautiful blue eyes twinkling, her confidence returned. "You would never, ever be just an experiment to me." Beca doesn't even try to stop the smile that spreads across her face at the redhead's simple words.

"Yeah?" she questions, her voice coming out breathy. She can hear her own smile, for Christ's sake.

"Definitely. You're really special to me, Bec". Chloe moves an inch forward again and there's no hesitation this time as the brunette leans into her and brings their lips together again. They kiss slowly, thoroughly, and it's intense and full of feeling. Beca's hands rest on the redhead's cheeks as she keeps their mouths connected, revelling in the softness of the pale skin under her fingertips and of the pliant lips under her own.

There is no sudden pulling away this time as they take their time exploring each other. Beca enjoys hearing Chloe's audible inhale as she moves her tongue over the redhead's bottom lip and her stuttering exhale as that same lip is nibbled gently. She thrills at the perfect pressure of Chloe's tongue licking into her mouth as one of Chloe's hands winds through her hair, pulling slightly before coming to rest behind her ear.

When they part they are both breathing noticeably heavier, smiling at each other as they silently recognise that they are both feeling the same thing. "I guess we should talk about this" Chloe begins.

To her embarrassment a whiny, petulant noise escapes Beca's mouth against her will; an involuntary reaction to the idea of talking about kissing Chloe versus actually kissing Chloe. The redhead just raises an eyebrow and laughs at her. "Or, you know...we could just not, instead..." Beca suggests, her gaze alternating between Chloe's lips and her eyes. She catches the redhead looking at her mouth in return and for a moment she thinks it's going to work, but then Chloe blinks and shakes it off, and when she looks back at Beca there's a hint of steel in her eyes that tells the brunette that there is going to be a conversation whether she'd prefer to be kissing Chloe or not.

And really, Beca doesn't want Chloe to think that this isn't important to her, whatever this thing between them is. She does need Chloe to know how much she matters to her, even if she's not totally comfortable trying to find the words. Still, she can't resist leaning back in and giving Chloe a quick, sweet kiss on the lips before pulling back. She notices Chloe's cheeks reddening slightly and it makes her feel warm. "Okay, Chloe Beale. Let's talk".

"Okay. So," Chloe has the same look in her eyes that she has when they're at Bellas practice and she's about to give a motivational speech. She looks downright determined. Beca finds it adorable. "As you know, I like most people. I mean, unless people are mean to animals or babies or old people, I can generally find something to like in them. And I don't think it's a bad thing, although when I was a kid my parents used to worry that I would go off with the first stranger who offered me candy, or a box of puppies or kittens or something..." Beca grins, and apparently it's infectious because Chloe smiles big, too, "Anyway, I know the rest of the Bellas would probably say it comes pretty natural to me, but actually it's a process. Like, I meet a person, and I act friendly and try to get to know them, and generally it shows me what kind of person they are, or at least that they have something about them. But with you...." Chloe gives a rueful shake of her head and smiles, "with you, I liked you straight away. You totally skipped through my process, and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why. I thought for a while that it was some kind of a cappella destiny or something,"

"You know that's not a thing, right?" Beca teases.

"Well, duh" Chloe replies, still smiling, "or, I do now anyway. I thought about it a lot, and what I eventually realised is that there was nothing to think about. I liked you because I liked you, and it was that simple."

"Simple?" Beca questions, because her feelings for Chloe and the dawning realisation of them has been anything but simple.

Chloe smiles in understanding. "Yeah, for all of about a minute". Beca can't help but smirk at this as she waits for the redhead to continue. "Then there were Nationals, and Jesse, and the combination of the two at the same time, and that involved you guys kissing and I realised that I needed to just... put a smile on my face and get on with things. Get on with being your friend.” Chloe’s still smiling but it’s kind of sad now. The breeze is picking up around them and it catches Beca off guard, combining with the redhead's expression to make her shiver.

“Aubrey helped, in amongst a lot of very confusing advice involving things her dad passed on to her, and the Bellas were doing great, and it really wasn't that difficult to just keep on going. Our friendship is so important to me and I couldn't – can't – imagine not having it."

"Chlo..." Beca begins, but Chloe shakes her head, her red hair catching the light from the lanterns beautifully.

"No, Bec it's okay. I truly wasn't like, analysing every action or brooding whenever we weren't together. I really don’t want you to feel like I was being dishonest or faking our friendship. I can't explain it but it just became this warm part of me, inside me, that I knew was there and I was okay with it. I knew where we stood because I knew you were with Jesse. Which, I know, isn't to say that I exactly reined myself in when it came to being affectionate -" Beca smirks at this and Chloe rolls her eyes playfully in return.

"-but I saw it for what it was, mostly. But then this year happened, and something changed. There was the stress of Kennedy Centre, and being suspended, and I know those might seem like stupid things but they are really important to me, and I can't, won't, apologise for that. I gave a lot of myself to the group for seven years, and I got even more back out of it. Truthfully, I don't really belong anywhere else. I found my little niche in the world where I wasn't this redheaded weirdo who smiled too much and cared too much about music, and I grabbed on to that for all it was worth. And maybe I should have been thinking about graduating and about what to do next with my life but every time I did I would remember how I felt before Barden, and I would get scared and bury my head in the sand".

Chloe kicks at the ground a little, and Beca swears she feels her heart clench at her words as the redhead presses on, "I could feel you pulling away from me, and I thought I must have done something wrong. I could feel myself acting like a crazy person – worse than Aubrey – about the Bellas and about Worlds but I couldn't stop it, so I assumed it was that. And I did what I always do and clung on tighter, but it just seemed to push you away even more. I've missed you so much, Bec." The band around Beca's heart seems to tighten and it takes her a second to find her breath.

"It wasn't about you, Chloe, I swear it wasn't. Not how you think anyway. I mean, I guess a little bit was about you because I felt guilty for not telling you things, and because I could see you were hurting and all I could manage through my own dumb angst were half-hearted attempts to help. My feelings for you..." Beca trails off and takes a deep breath, "my feelings for you have always been real. I just didn't see them for what they were until I was already in that bad place. I... god, I really messed up," the brunette can't help but gesture emphatically at her own words. "Anyway. Please, just know that it wasn't about you".

"I do, I get that now. I think. It wasn't just that though. Now I’m thinking that maybe I picked up on the fact that Jesse was around even less than usual, I don't know, but suddenly that warm place I told you about? It grew and it became harder to ignore. For the first time it felt like something I needed to act on. And tonight, after the day we’ve had and the way we’ve been talking, well, I guess I couldn't hold back anymore."

"I don't want you to hold back," Beca says. "I really don't. You're... god, you're so beautiful Chloe, and your feelings, and the way you express yourself are beautiful too. You should never have to hold yourself back from anyone, but especially not from me."

There's a beat of silence before Chloe asks "so what do we do now?"

Beca exhales slowly as she considers the redhead's words. "Well, we've established no experiments. You know I have feelings for you, and I know you have them for me too. I don't know about you, but I really liked kissing you. Like, wow. Really liked it," Beca smirks again and sees it mirrored on Chloe's face. "So, I think that kind of leaves us one place, and one place only". Beca steps closer to Chloe.

"Oh, and where's that?"

"together."

There's a second, and then Chloe bursts out laughing, gesturing with her hands in the wide-open space as she exclaims "oh god, Beca Mitchell. Who even are you?!"

Beca's grinning too, as she laughs through her next sentence. "Yeah, I thought that could go either way." The brunette looks down at the floor, toeing the ground. "And okay, I like 90% said that for laughs. But, that is something I might like to explore. If you would also like to explore it."

"Oh, I would very much like to explore," Chloe says with a wink, and just like that she's back to sexy. It makes Beca's head spin, honestly. The redhead softens a moment later, adding "genuinely, Beca. I want to see where this goes". That's all the permission Beca needs, apparently, because she's leaning in again without really realising she's doing it.

"What about Jesse though?"

The words pull Beca up short. "What do you mean?"

"You said you guys were broken up, but I've seen him around you. It seems... complicated".

Beca breathes out slowly. "It is. But it doesn't need to be. I've been honest with him about my feelings but I could have been clearer about my behaviours. Or, his behaviours. Whatever. But I swear to you Chloe, I will talk to him and I will make sure he gets it. I care about his feelings, I do. But you are what matters most to me," Beca glances around shyly, unable to maintain eye contact, "and I think you always were".

The gentle smile that spreads over Chloe's features is stunning. Like, genuinely Beca feels frozen in place right there in the woods. She thinks she might be grinning like an idiot but she's so much more aware of the redhead right now than she is of herself.

"Okay". Chloe says simply.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, Bec. Okay. You'll talk to Jesse. You and I will talk more-"

"Really?" Beca questions, the whine making a return to her voice.

"Oh yeah. Lots of talking. We have a lot to catch up on. I want to hear all about your internship!" Chloe's enthusiasm is contagious.

"Right, the good kind of talking. I can do that".

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Wait. There will be kissing as well as talking, right?"

Chloe pretends to consider it, before smiling. "Definitely kissing as well as talking. Among other things," the redhead smirks, and dammit if Beca can't feel herself blush.

"So, we're doing this?" Chloe asks

"Doing… this? Right now?! Out here?" Beca squeaks.

"Not that, silly. This-" Chloe gestures between the two of them. "Us".

"Oh. Oh! Sure, I knew that". Chloe chuckles and it makes Beca smile.

"Beca?" Chloe questions, and she's got that look on her face again - the one that is pure earnestness. "I'm really excited about this".

Beca grins, because it’s such a Chloe thing to say. "Me too".

"I'm going to kiss you now", breathed almost against her lips.

"Me too". More grinning.

When their lips meet this time, it's no less passionate than their earlier kisses. Beca feels lighter, and okay, maybe she can admit that the talking has helped. There's still one thing that’s been praying on her mind though, and although she hates herself a little for asking instead of reclaiming Chloe’s lips, she finds herself doing it anyway. "What happens after graduation? You know, if we're still 'exploring'" she asks, punctuating the final word with air quotations.

"Well, you're staying on at the record studio for a while, right?" Beca nods. "Then I guess I'll just have to find a music school in Georgia that's hiring. Or, you know, a strip club". Beca almost growls, and a laugh escapes Chloe. "Beca Mitchell, are you jealous?"

"No!" Beca exclaims, although she can feel her cheeks heating up.

"Okay, well then maybe you don't like the idea of me taking my clothes off..." Chloe smirks. Beca feels her mouth go dry. "Or maybe... maybe you don't think I'd be any good at it?"

At this, Beca has to protest. "Dude. That is not the issue here. You'd be..." she trails off, trying to find the words. "I mean, you'd look... wow". Beca stares off in to space for a moment, lost in her thoughts. Shaking herself out of it, she continues "okay, maybe I am jealous. I don't want other people seeing you like that."

"Other people?"

"Well, yeah. Yunno. People other than me."

"So you want to 'see me like that'?" Chloe has this predatory look on her face, her eyes sparkling in brilliant contrast to her flaming red hair. Beca can only gulp as Chloe closes the distance until there are only millimetres between them. "Would you want to see me dance, Beca?" the erotic tone of Chloe's voice gives her shivers and all Beca can manage is a nod as she closes her eyes and tries to get a hold of herself. "Would you want to see me take my clothes off? If it were just you and me?"

"Jesus, Chlo," Beca gasps out, feeling the heat spread from her cheeks through the rest of her body.

"Would you want to see me naked?" Beca is a complete goner, she knows she is, as she surges forward to capture Chloe's lips before she can even process her actions. Their kiss is hard and demanding, and Chloe's mouth opens up under hers as soon as the brunette so much as attempts to deepen the kiss. It's passionate, and thorough, and so, so hot. They break apart just long enough for Chloe to declare "I'll take that as a yes," before Beca tangles her fingers into red locks and forcibly pulls the redhead's mouth back to hers.

Beca has never had a kiss like this before in her life, of that she is certain. Other things she is certain of include the fact that her knees are going week as she shakes with desire, that the lines Chloe’s fingers are tracing down her spine and across her shoulders have her tingling, and that she is so, so turned on.

If this is what Chloe can do to her with her words and a kiss, Beca realises that she may well be doomed. Beautifully, wonderfully doomed.

They break apart for air, Beca breathing heavy and fast. "God, Chloe," she exclaims, pulling the redhead into her again, lips and body. Tighter this time, and harder. The redhead gasps and it's music to Beca's ears. Her hands move from Chloe's hair down the sides of her beautiful face and the length of her arms. They come to rest on Chloe's hips, mapping the curve of them with her fingertips. She’s watched the sway of these hips countless times, appreciated them from a distance as they’ve moved to a beat of Beca’s own making. She wants to make them move to a different kind of beat; one that is even more wonderful, even more intense than music. The feeling of absolute want surges up inside of her before crashing back down through her body to rest at the bottom of her spine.

She is burning with desire and it shapes the movement of her hands, pulling them slowly up to inch ever so slightly under the hem of Chloe’s t-shirt, tracing the line of it with the tips of her fingers. Chloe lets out an honest to god whimper as her fingers tangle at the back of Beca’s neck, and Beca feels like she might die if she doesn’t hear that sound again. She moves her fingers upward experimentally, feeling the redhead’s tight abdominal muscles ripple under her touch, then around until they meet at the small of Chloe’s back, pressing her in tighter and closer as the redhead makes that delicious sound again.

Every time they break for air they fall right back into one another, the movement of their mouths resuming, their tongues meeting each other’s again as hands begin to wander with increasing confidence. That doesn’t mean that Beca isn’t vaguely embarrassed when she channels her apparent inner teenage boy without thinking and her hands find their way to Chloe’s ass, squeezing the redhead through her jeans. Chloe moans and – more embarrassment – Beca moans along with her. But really, it’s not just Chloe’s hips that Beca has watched during choreography and man, Chloe can really, really shake it when she wants to.

It’s hardly Beca’s fault that Chloe’s body is a masterpiece that she wants to explore. Beca’s been doing so for like, two minutes, tops - hardly any time at all- and already she’s found the perfect combination of firm muscle and soft, womanly curves. If her head was a little clearer she might feel insecure in comparison, but as it is she can’t think any further than Chloe Beale and really, she doesn’t want to. Besides, Chloe’s hands are having a little journey of their own, tracing the notches of Beca’s spine, then winding into her hair, pulling in a way that is just past gentle but short of painful and really, that isn’t something Beca would ever have imagined she’d enjoy but she wants more of it, more of everything.

She wants to move the hands that are still resting on Chloe’s ass up under the back of her shirt and stroke along her back; feel her skin under her fingertips. She wants to rake her nails up over Chloe’s ribs and feel the weight of her breasts under her palms. She wants to pop the button on the redhead’s jeans and… goddammit, she just wants, with every cell of her being.

She pulls back and starts kissing a line down Chloe’s neck, letting her tongue and teeth sneak out as she tastes the redhead. Making out has never been instinctive to Beca. Like, ever. She always felt like there were steps to follow and specific actions to take; a pre-determined A to B process. In her current situation, kissing and licking a trail to Chloe’s earlobe before taking it between her teeth, she isn’t thinking about some tried and true formula. She’s barely thinking about what it is she wants to do at all; she’s just doing it. As she nibbles gently Chloe moans loudly, the sound shooting straight down between Beca’s legs as she feels her stomach roll.

She doesn’t just feel like her clothes are too tight; she feels like her skin is too tight, like she’s going to burst out of herself. And really, it’s not Beca’s fault because nothing could have prepared her for how this would feel. She’s never been so turned on in her life; she didn’t even know it was possible to be this turned on and she feels like if she doesn’t touch Chloe, or Chloe doesn’t touch her (because she really doesn’t know which she needs more) then she might just stop breathing.

The redhead’s hands grip at her hips and Beca presses herself forward, seeking out non-existent friction. She groans out her disappointment, making Chloe exhale a breathy laugh. Beca’s about to make a snarky, mock-offended comment; it’s on the tip of her tongue, really, but then the redhead presses a thigh between Beca’s and oh. Oh. Even that tiny, momentary relief feels incredible. Beca adjusts again, slipping her own thigh between Chloe’s and pushing up into her hard. “Oh, fuck, Beca,” Chloe groans out, and Beca can’t even feel embarrassed at the needy moan that escapes her in return because – oh god – Chloe just moaned her name. Her name. Awkward, cynical Becca Mitchell has by some miracle got Chloe Beale so turned on that the other woman is swearing and moaning her name. Winning Nationals three times in a row has nothing on this.

She moves her mouth back to Chloe’s and bites down on her bottom lip at the same time as Chloe slips her hands up Beca’s shirt and strokes them up and down her sides causing what feel like static shocks to break over the brunette’s body. She feels sex drunk; she doesn’t even know if that’s a thing but it’s how she feels nonetheless, and really that’s the only reason why her usually pretty alert brain doesn’t process the shouting straight away.

See, all good things must come to an end, and Beca is, after all, used to Fat Amy breaking a moment. The bear trap was new and different, and possibly a welcome change from the usual shouting, stomping and strange comments that so often accompany the blonde’s intrusions. From the sounds of things though, Fat Amy is returning to form. First she hears “Beca!”, then “Chloe!”, closely followed by “Bhloe!”

It’s on the second iteration of this ear-splitting litany that Becca pulls her lips away from Chloe’s, keeping their foreheads together as she tries to get her breath back. She must growl, or groan, or something, because all of a sudden Chloe’s chuckling at her gently, albeit through ragged breaths. “Be nice, Bec,” she feels breathed against her lips. Beca grumbles again, putting her arms around Chloe’s neck and pulling her down into another kiss.

Another shout and they’re breaking apart again. “Ugh, how did she even find us? We walked pretty far and we both know Fat Amy is not one for exercise.” Beca feels herself pout, and she hates it. She blames Fat Amy.

“Bhloe, where are you?!” Fat Amy’s typically loud voice sounds closer now, and Beca reluctantly pulls back. She takes in Chloe’s face, her cheeks flushed a deep pink and her lips slightly parted, swollen from their prolonged contact with Beca’s. She looks amazing, and Beca can’t help but marvel at the fact that if she’s really, really lucky she’s going to get to kiss Chloe again, and soon.

“What is it? Chloe asks Beca, running a hand self-consciously through her messy ginger locks, smiling.

“You look so great” Beca tells her honestly. Chloe smiles bigger and maybe even blushes a little deeper, and Beca swears to herself she will do all she can to put that smile on Chloe’s face as often as she possibly can, because the redhead deserves nothing less.

“Beca! Chloe!”

Fat Amy is almost upon them now. It takes an almost inhuman amount of effort for Beca to tear her eyes away from Chloe, but somehow she manages it. “What?!” she yells back, and if she sounds more than a little pissed off, well, sue her. She has better things to be doing than yelling back and forth with her crazy roommate.

“Where are you?!”

“Jeez, Amy, I don’t know. By a tree? There aren’t exactly any local landmarks around here!” Chloe gives her a look and she would feel chastised for the excessive sarcasm but really, Chloe has no idea what she’s going through because the redhead has never seen herself through Beca’s eyes; has never felt her skin through Beca’s fingertips.

“There you are!” Fat Amy’s voice sounds from behind Beca, and she can tell from the way that Chloe’s eyes are looking over her shoulder rather than at her face that the blonde is in sight. She sighs and closes her eyes to gather herself for a moment before turning around, trying to inject some enthusiasm into her voice.

“Fat Amy. What’s up?” Okay, so she fails on the enthusiasm.

Stacie is standing beside Fat Amy, her arm on Amy’s like she’s trying to hold her back, or pull her away.

“Well, Beca, it’s funny you should ask. First I got caught in a bear trap. I can tell you that these boobs at that velocity was not a pleasant experience. Then you two twig bitches disappeared, and when I finally made it down from the bear trap, Jessica and/or Ashley had eaten my share of the smores-”

“Amy, I think you actually finished them before you even got caught in the trap” Beca tries.

“–not the point, Beca Mitchell. Not the point at all. And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, Posen but a ban on bedtime until we located you two. You can’t keep this girl from her sleep, Beca. You just can’t! You don’t look this good –” here Amy moves her hand up and down her body with a sweeping gesture “– without a little beauty sleep.”

Fat Amy looks genuinely concerned, and that’s the only reason Beca refrains from pointing out that for at least three evenings of each week Amy apparently doesn’t care so much about sleeping at night, creeping in at 7am as Beca’s getting up for work and word-vomiting nonsense about going out to get a burger, or being on Australian time, or really anything other than admitting she’s been at Bumper’s.

“I tried to stop her coming over,” Stacie interjects, at which Beca raises her eyebrow. Stacie looks halfway between gleeful and guilty, like she knows something. Like she knows.

“Uh, that’s okay,” Beca manages.

“Yeah, I guess we should get back,” Chloe smiles. Beca shoots her a look; well, more of a glare really. Chloe just shrugs and grins back at her, holding out a hand for Beca to take, which, of course, Beca does, sensing she might be just a teensy bit whipped already. She does roes roll her eyes at Chloe though, so there’s that.

When they get back to the rest of the group, Aubrey gives Beca a knowing look which makes Stacie’s seem downright subtle. It makes Beca a little nervous which is dumb because she and Aubrey are good now, save for the blonde relentlessly putting them through their paces in the last thirty six hours. Still, when she was hugging the blonde upon their arrival at the retreat she didn’t know that Aubrey was well aware of Chloe’s feelings and had been from the start. She hasn’t ever had a close female friend in the way that Chloe and Aubrey are close, but she imagines that if she were Aubrey she would probably hate Beca. The fact that Aubrey – highly strung, dramatic Aubrey – doesn’t seem to is really nothing short of a miracle.

She senses Chloe coming to stand beside her before she actually sees her; is aware of the tingling sensation of Chloe’s arm linking through hers before she actually feels it. She glances at the redhead who is looking over at Aubrey. She’s smiling her normal, caring Chloe smile but Beca sees an edge of steel in her eyes, as if she’s telling the blonde that this is not something to be discussed right at this moment in front of the other Bellas. Chloe catches Beca’s eye and her expression softens, dropping the brunette a wink and a smile. For her part, Beca can just tell that she has a totally dopey expression on her face. She still feels dazed; still partly turned on, still a little shell-shocked from the events of the evening. She feels like she doesn’t know how to act now; how to pretend that she hadn’t just been on the verge of – well, whatever – with Chloe.

“Okay Aubrey, Chloe and Beca are back now from their forest adventure, so can we please, please, go to bed?” Fat Amy whines.

Aubrey does an obvious and frankly arbitrary headcount, before nodding, satisfied. “Okay, ladies. Follow me”.

“Uh, Aubrey, isn’t the tent the other way?” Emily questions.

“I’m glad you asked, Emily. As a reward for all of your good team work today, I’ve decided to let you ladies sleep in the dorms instead of the tent.”

“Let us?!” Cynthia Rose exclaims, incredulous. “Are you seriously telling me that we didn’t need to sleep in that old-ass tent last night?!”

“No, Cynthia Rose, that’s not what I’m saying at all. You needed to sleep in the tent because it was part of your bonding experience. And by the way, it worked. You’re bonded. So I think what you meant to say to me was ‘thank you very much, Aubrey’. To which, I say ‘you’re welcome’.” It’s typical Aubrey, right down to the way she turns on her heel and flounces off.

The Bellas look at each other and kind of shrug it off, mostly used to this behaviour from Aubrey and also thankful that they won’t have to spend another night trapped in a canvas nightmare, and follow on behind. Beca starts to join them when feels a tug on her arm and looks up to see Chloe signalling for her to stay back from the rest of the group. She lags behind, and once the other Bellas are out of earshot she looks back at the redhead. She can’t help the smile that tugs at her lips upon looking at Chloe any more than she can help the sudden and unexpected shyness that falls over her. Five minutes ago she was practically mauling the woman, but now she feels like a dumb kid with a giant crush. Chloe seems to get it though, the way she seems to get everything else about Beca, even when Beca herself doesn’t understand. “Are you okay?” Chloe asks gently.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Beca replies, and she can’t help but smile because for the first time in so long, she’s not hiding anything. She’s not covering up how she feels with a fake smile or a grimace; she’s no longer concealing a list of secrets from everyone around her. She’s not thinking of anything other than how much of a relief it is to finally be honest. How amazed she is that Chloe returns her feelings. “Are you?” she questions, wondering why Chloe wanted her to stay behind.

“I am,” Chloe grins, and it’s infectious and adorable and Beca can’t help but lean in and kiss the corner of the redhead’s mouth. “Mmm, I like that,” Chloe comments with a dreamy smile, looping her arms around Beca’s neck.

Beca places another kiss in the same place. “I like it too.”

“Is it wrong that I’m tempted to drag you back into the woods and pick up where we left off?” Chloe asks the question so innocently that it’s jarring to Beca, knowing that the things the redhead is referring to are anything but chaste.

“Not wrong. Ill-advised maybe, but definitely not wrong” Beca comments. Chloe leans in and captures her lips again but it’s fleeting, and Beca knows that the moment is almost over.

It must show on her face because Chloe brings her hand up to Beca’s brow, soothing her frown lines with gentle strokes of her thumb. “What’s wrong?”

Beca sighs before answering. “This is going to happen again, right?”

Chloe laughs aloud. “You’re worried you won’t get to experience these lips again?” the redhead asks, gesturing to herself. It takes Beca a second to focus because, duh, Chloe, but when she does she shakes her head slightly.

“Not that. I mean, god, not that I don’t want that!” she adds, suddenly panicked. She takes a breath before trying again. “I just don’t want things to be weird between us. They’ve been weird for months and I couldn’t stand it then. I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle it now after everything we’ve talked about.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re going pretend tonight never happened, right?” Chloe asks her calmly.

“No, I definitely don’t want that.” Beca answers.

“Well I don’t either. I meant what I said earlier; I want to explore this with you. I want to see where we can go because I think we could be amazing for each other Beca.” Chloe’s grinning so confidently, so assuredly, and it takes away whatever worries Beca may have about Chloe not wanting this. She can feel herself grinning back like an idiot and it’s ridiculous that Chloe can provoke that kind of reaction in her.

Beca leans in and kisses the redhead again, for longer this time and with just a hint of tongue. “What on earth are you doing to me, Chloe Beale?”

Chloe moves then, and takes both of Beca’s hands in hers, looking back up at the brunette from below her lashes. “Well… it would appear, Becca Mitchell, that what I am doing, what I have been doing for a long time now in fact… is loving you”.

And it’s such a sweet, simple declaration to summarise so many years of deep and complex feelings. Beca knows there is so much more behind it and probably so much more that they’ll need to say but right now it’s everything Beca needs to hear (and she does need to hear it, even if she’d rather pretend to be tough). It’s perfect, and it’s Chloe, and it makes Beca’s heart stutter and jump up into her throat.

Nothing in the world – not Fat Amy shouting, or Aubrey barking orders, or all of the other Bellas simultaneously being caught in a giant bear trap together with no means of escape – would have a hope of stopping Beca’s actions in that moment. She launches herself at Chloe, kissing her relentlessly with her hands pressed against the redhead’s cheeks, holding Chloe in place. The kiss deepens almost straight away as Beca pushes into her desperately, crushing their lips together and swallowing the redhead’s moan.

She gives everything to that kiss, like she wants to give everything to Chloe. She takes the big ball of tension that’s been knotted in her stomach for months – years – and puts it into her actions, accessing the passion that she’s only ever really felt when a mix comes together just right, when the beats twist and blend and build. And this is perfect, this is music, this is… Jesus, this is love.

She pulls back abruptly when her body catches up to her brain, dropping one hand from Chloe’s face to slide down and tangle their fingers together. She keeps the other cupped around the redhead’s right cheek, breathing heavily, as she stares into bright, vibrant eyes.

“I love you, Chloe”.

There’s nothing more to say and so Beca doesn’t, just leans back in for another kiss. She looks back into blue eyes shining with happy tears, and she feels her heart soar. Soon, she’ll tell Chloe just how much she means it. She’ll admit to Chloe that she’s never said that to another person until now. She’ll go back over all of the feelings that have led to this place, all the little nuances of their friendship and the actions which in retrospect take on a whole new meaning. She promises herself that she won’t hide her feelings away anymore; she’ll do all of it, for Chloe. For them.

Kissing Chloe; holding Chloe’s hand as they make their way to the lodge; looking at the redhead’s beautiful, sweet, sexy, wonderful eyes is as easy as breathing, and Beca, the girl who used pretend she that she wanted nothing, that she needed nothing and no-one, knows she wants it all.