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He hated you at 9 when he first met you.
The entire palace was thrown into chaos because you decided to hide from your maids (to get a bunch of flowers for the people you love, he knows that now.) The Queen, the King, and the Crown Prince ordered everyone to stop what they’re doing so they could look for you. He remembers the situation clearly-your maids cry because they’re afraid you got kidnapped, the Knights are ready to sheathe their sword at any moment's notice.
But when they saw you running to them with a bunch of flowers in your hands, they all cried in relief.
As if their worries and fears didn’t matter when you’re smiling that contagious smile at them.
He only scowls beside his mentor. His hands still bruise from his training.
A Princess. A spoiled princess that everyone adores, cares for, and loves.
A princess who smiles at everyone and approaches anyone with grace and kindness.
He ignored you when you took a liking to him and proceeded to make himself stronger to become a knight and bring honor to his disgraced family.
You bring him cookies, tea, snacks, books, all to befriend him. The Knights adore you, and his peers tease him endlessly because of you.
At 10, the Crown Prince befriended him. Unlike you, the Prince is much more likeable, although all he ever hears from his friend is you, his sweet, adorable younger sister, as His Highness likes to call you.
He doesn’t know why, but he listens to everything he was told about you, even though he didn’t want to.
Maybe it was because he knows he’s born to serve the Royal Family even though he hates you so much.
At 11, the Queen died and the King never remarried.
He looks at you as you stare blankly at the seat in front of you, looking but not really seeing. He hates hates hates hates your entitlement, your kind nature, your teasing and cheeky smile, your eyes that shone, your grace that others would die for, but he hates your sadness more as you cry for your dead mother.
He became your knight at 17. You don’t quite smile like you used to, your eyes have lost their usual shine, you never visit him or your brother during sword practices, but you still greeted him warmly and with dignity.
He realizes that he hates the distance you put between yourself and him more than your overbearing presence when you were younger.
He loves loves loves you at 18 with your beautifully shaped red lips, your soft cheeks, your soft hands. He loves the way you say his name, loves the smile you give him, loves the way you feel, loves the way you taste. Loves loves loves you.
At 18, you introduced him to someone you met on one of your palace outings when you were younger.
"He’s a tourist and a friend, so I’m just showing him around." you explain.
Tourist? He takes another long, hard look at the man, and he knows he’s seen him somewhere when he accompanied the Crown Princess to the Southern Kingdom.
He has a bad feeling about this, so he tells you to be careful and not trust the "tourist." He accompanies you whenever you meet the man, and he has already alerted the prince who dismisses his worries.
Are you sure you're not just jealous? The prince teasingly asked. He scoffs, because why would he when you love only him?
You try to brush off his worries, and he hates hates your trusting nature, but he also hates making you sad, so he relented. You hold his hand while he’s sulking.
(It worked wonders, but he’s still worried.)
The expedition shouldn’t take too long with the Crown Prince commanding the troops and he fighting alongside him.
After this, he can ask for your hand in marriage. The King would not mind, and the Crown Prince would not mind. No one would mind as long as you're happy.
Lips quivering, hands shaking, eyes watering, you gave him a gauntlet. Come back safe. You say. Your eyes are steady and firm.
He kisses the gauntlet and promises.
It was the 5th day of the expedition when they heard the news.
The Southern Kingdom marched their knights into your kingdom, terrorizing the citizens and killing all the remaining knights. They beheaded the king (who died protecting you), and stabbed you to death.
He hates hates hates hates the ringing in his ears as he soaks in the information presented to them.
The expedition is forgotten as they race across time to go back to the palace.
He falls to his knees at the sight of you lifeless-your blood dried. You smell of death. And he hates hates hates -
(The Southern Queen, this was her doing. Her orders.)
The Crown Prince is now King. Mad with grief, he commanded all the Knights to storm the Southern Kingdom and rallied the citizens to avenge their beloved King and Princess.
How you would hate to see this.
He hates hates hates how right he is when he saw the ‘tourist’ you befriended next to the Queen. A traitor.
(he hates hates your trusting nature)
He knows you would have hated this. He cuts down opponent after opponent who tries to protect the Queen and the Prince from his blade.
He thinks you would have hated seeing this side of him when he presented the Queen’s and the Prince’s heads to your brother.
But you have no idea how much he hates you right now. He hates your trusting nature, your stubborness, your entitlement, your teasing and cheeky smile, your shining eyes, but what he hates the most is not seeing your beautifully shape lip smiling at him, not touching your soft cheeks, your now cold and soft hands. He hates the way he won’t hear his name from you again, won’t feel you and taste you again. He hates hates hates how much he loves you.
He lost you at 19, and the world knows of his hatred as his hands turn red.