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It had been a rough week for you, or was it only a few days-? You couldn’t tell, the concept of time slipped your mind ever so quickly with each passing struggle. Distracting yourself with things you failed to keep interest in, meaningless conversations with people who spoke to you but never took the time to know you personally. It was dreadful, draining and left you feeling obsolete.
No one could ever really understand the scope of what you were going through, nor did they care. You didn’t even know if you cared.
There was one exception to this statement, the one person in your life who did seem to think that your futile existence mattered.
‘He’s my boyfriend, he’s only doing this to have the old me back-“
You thought.
You had met him by chance, and ever since then he was practically unable to survive without having you around. The version of you that he supposedly fell in love with was unable to be around right now. You weren’t in the right space for it. Fortunately for you, he never stopped trying.
You heard a knock on your door, getting up from the various litter and blanket fort you had made for yourself in an attempt to doze off to avoid dealing with your own thoughts, you answered.
Met with his resting downturned expression and hands clasped together, he quickly smiled as he saw you.
“Hi! You haven’t been answering my calls, so I thought I’d just come over. Sorry, I know it’s rude but I was getting really worried! I thought maybe you got hurt, or turned into a fly…”
You blink, trying to process his words without coming off as uninterested,
“Benatar,” You sigh, trying to think of an excuse, “My phone broke, I’m sorry. Should’ve let you known-“
You stared at the floor, not knowing what else to say.
“That’s terrible! Did you try putting it in rice?” He foolishly asked, totally buying your quick lie.
“No it’s- it’s all glitch-y and like- the screen is cracked and stuff so-“
He nods, still believing you despite the obvious. He turns his head a bit to see the inside of your home which is still pretty messy. Arguably messier from the last time he visited, not that he ever minded. He was more than happy to clean up after you and assist you in getting you back up on your feet. In exchange, you would simply have to deal with the numerous troublesome situations that he would get himself into with his friends. Sometimes it was annoying, but sometimes it felt good to be needed as well.
“So,” he continued, “Is something up?”
You didn’t know how to explain it in a way that he would understand, at least not the entirety of it.
“I’m sad.” You stated blankly with a frown.
‘Sad’ didn’t cover an eighth of it, you could’ve written pages on the shit that was eating at you.
And yet, the blonds hyper-empathy kicked in once again,
“God! Why didn’t you tell me? This is terrible news, what’s gotten you upset darling?”
You cringed internally at his speaking mannerisms, he could be so odd sounding sometimes but you appreciated the concern. At least someone was willing to give you the attention you were so depraved of..
“A lot of things, I don’t know.” You crossed your arms in an attempt to stay small, something just out of habit when upset.
Ben looked at you with heavy concern, if you weren’t going to tell him what the problem was, then he wouldn’t know how to fix it right? He sighed and scratched his chin in thought. You always found his cartoonish gestures amusing,
“Hm, well, do you want to go out for ice cream? Maybe we can talk it over some Dairy Queen.” He smiled, patting you on the shoulder,
“What if I don’t like Dairy Queen?” You asked as if you really cared about which store you got your ice cream from,
“Then we’ll get Baskin Robins, anything for my majesty.” He winked at you in a cheeky manner, he tried too hard to come off as charming sometimes. It was probably that stupid host club anime he’s been watching.
The car ride was pretty silent, with you staring off into the distance while your boyfriend played his ‘silly little tunes’ as he called them. You couldn’t understand how he did it, how he was able to keep up such a content demeanor, although it’d be a good guess that it was because he was too stupid to notice any of the bad in the world. Despite how many verbal punches he took, he got up because that’s what anyone is supposed to do, a trait of his that you partially envied.
“Alright! Here’s your blizzard, and I got a slushy. You won’t guess what flavour.” He sat down, pushing the ice cream cup towards you.
You rolled your eyes at his attempt at sarcasm.
“Everyone knows blue means blue raspberry, idiot.”
“Hey, you were supposed to tell me about your feelings, not hurt mine.”
You hesitated talking to him about it, but you weren’t sure how he would take it if you told him that you didn’t feel like opening up. The last thing you wanted to seem like was ungrateful, especially after the countless times he had helped you out.
“You’re right,” you replied, “I just- I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now.” You put a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth, he remembered your favourite flavour.
“That’s okay, y’know my therapist told me-“
Oh yeah, you forgot he’d been working on himself to improve your relationship. That was how much he cared, and yet you were still in the habit of teasing him all the time-
“I don’t care about your stories right now.” You snapped, although you immediately regretted your behavior as you saw his expression shift.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I should’ve given you more space to talk, I-“
“No, no don’t apologize to me.” You put your head in your hands, you just didn’t know why you couldn’t be yourself lately.
Everything in your life had been feeling so skewed lately, and taking it out on others just made you feel worse.
You tried not to have yourself think about it and start crying, but it was really fucking hard.
“I just- Ben, do you ever get the feeling that- We’re doomed to be just this version of ourselves? The one we’re unsatisfied with?” You feared that the introspection may have been too complicated for him to understand, you went back to eating your ice cream. Signaling at him to just ignore what you said.
He tried thinking about it, visibly pondering what your dilemma was and what it meant.
“Are you telling me that you think you suck?” He asked genuinely-
“That’s… a more simpler way of phrasing it, I guess.”
“Then that isn’t true at all! I know people who suck, they’re called my bandmates. And you aren’t like them at all.”
You smiled to yourself, you remembered the time that Benatar spoke to you for almost an hour about how poorly his band treated him. He practically came running to you in tears, and although the story was hilarious beyond believe, it never stopped you from validating his feelings.
And here he was, validating you in your time of need.
“I guess? I don’t know, I just feel so small sometimes.”
“You aren’t that short.”
“Not like that!” You let out a small laugh before looking somberly at your now half melted ice cream.
He reached out for your hand and held it tenderly, and you found yourself embarrassed as even though all this time had passed, it was still an act that made your cheeks heat up.
“I may not be as smart as you, but I’m here, okay? Whatever you need, I’ll try and give it to you. I love you.” He said, looking at you in adoration.
Before you could even tell, you were sobbing at his words of comfort. He was always too good at getting the emotions out of you, no matter how defensive you tried to be. He always managed a way to let himself in.
“Stupid.. Brit asshole…” You mumbled in tears, not like you meant it though.
Ben either didn’t care, or didn’t hear it. You hoped it was the latter. He just kept mindlessly drinking his frozen beverage while holding your hand.
“So… do you wanna’ play games on my DS? I brought it with me.” He offered, you couldn’t help but let out another strained chuckle.
It felt good to know that he cared, even in his own silly way. You were both there for each other, and that’s all that mattered. It didn’t matter how small either of you felt, as long as the other was able to let you feel larger than life again. You two were complimentary, and that’s what kept things perfect.