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Sometimes, when he wasn’t looking at his busy schedule and had no one to remind him what his next appointment was, Adrien could pretend that he had all the time in the world. And if he actually had it, he knew how he wanted to spend it.
Just sitting on a rooftop somewhere, enjoying the air, which was far from fresh because this was Paris, but was still better than the stifling confines of his room. If he was lucky, he’d catch a glimpse of a star in between the clouds and wisps of fog.
But most importantly, he’d have Ladybug next to him. She didn’t know how he felt, but he also didn’t want to talk about it most of the time. He just wanted to forget. To pretend that the rest of his life didn’t exist. And her company made this easier.
Unfortunately, the short period of respite came to an end too quickly.
Ladybug yawned and Adrien knew that his time was up. He couldn’t force her to stay with him no matter how much he wanted to. And with her gone, he’d have to head home soon.
“Kitty. Are you alright?”
Adrien jumped a little. He hadn’t said anything. But maybe he hadn’t done a good job masking the sigh of longing just now.
“Yes, m’lady,” he replied readily, plastering a smile on his face.
He’d done this enough times before. He knew that when she was busy and in a hurry, she’d just shrug and take his words at face value.
But this time her eyes narrowed.
“You’re lying. Something is wrong.”
“I… maybe I wish I didn’t have to go home,” he admitted. “I feel less lonely when you’re here with me.”
“Is your home situation bad?” She asked tentatively. She no longer looked sleepy. He wasn’t sure if he welcomed the unexpected sharp focus but he had no other choice but to tell her.
“Not conventionally bad.”
It was true. He wasn’t lacking anything necessary for survival. He had a rooftop over his head, all the food he could want and he technically had a family, even if he didn’t see much of his father. He was sure that the world was full of people who were much worse off than him.
This was one of the reasons he didn’t like complaining. The other one was that he couldn’t really tell people what about his life he didn’t like.
The lack of freedom to choose his own path in life, the lack of privacy sometimes when he couldn’t slip out, the packed schedule that left him so little time to himself, him having even less time to spend with friends.
It felt like too much to him but somehow he thought that to anyone else it would come off as whining and not appreciating what he had.
“You still don’t want to go home?”
He was happy about the lack of understanding in her eyes. This meant that she’d never experienced this need to run away and never go back. This meant that unlike him, she had a happy home to look forward to.
“It’s just hard sometimes to be me,” he sighed. “I don’t wear a mask only when I’m a superhero. I’m forced to do it daily. And sometimes I wish I could actually be the person I pretend to be. Easy-going, content, lucky.” They were all words he’d heard to describe him. “It must be easier not to be troubled by things I can’t change. But I can’t. And it’s tiring.”
“Kitty… I had no idea.”
“I’m sorry. I know that you don’t want to know about any of this. It’s my own problem,”
“No! What are you saying? Of course I want to know.”
“But… why?”
“Am I really such a bad partner that you need to ask? I care about you, of course I want to know how you feel.”
“But there isn’t much I can tell you. Not really. Secret identities, remember?”
“I know. I wish…”
That it was easier. That they weren’t superhero partners who couldn’t really know each other. He knew the feeling.
“Yeah, me too.”
A hand found his, making him look at her.
“But this doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I’m sorry if I gave you this impression. I get caught up in my own troubles and tend to ignore a problem until it gets too big. I thought there was something going on with you but then I always accepted your reassurance.”
She looked so sad that he felt bad for ever thinking that she didn’t care.
“I’m not blaming you, ok? I didn’t speak up,” he said.
“It’s just that you’ve been there for me so many times. I wish I could help you as well. We still can’t stay here all night. Every night. We still need sleep.”
And she still had a family that cared about her.
“If only,” he gave her a rueful smile. “But maybe we can stay a little longer? I feel better.”
“Come here.”
She threw an arm around his shoulders and he rested his head against hers. It had been worth it to tell her. Adrien somehow felt more seen now.
“You can’t tell your friends?” She said after a minute.
“They… wouldn’t understand. I mean, they are great people. But like I said, it’s too much to drop on someone.”
“At least one? Someone to confide in. To make you feel more understood.”
“Maybe.” Marinette had acted as if she wanted to understand. “But I can’t really say a lot without giving away too much. You know, civilian life and superhero troubles blend in sometimes.”
“Don’t I know,” she laughed without humour.
“I wish I could tell you, m’lady. Everything,” he said quietly.
This had been his biggest wish since the first moment - to tell her who he was. He didn’t want to hide and pretend with her. He loved her too much for this. And while he now knew that he had to keep his feelings in check, the desire for her to really know him didn’t disappear.
“Oh, kitty. I wish you could tell me as well.”
For now, this would have to be enough.
*
Adrien didn’t forget Ladybug’s advice. While talking to her had helped, he really wanted to have someone he could be himself with in his civilian life as well.
He’d welcomed the opportunity to spend more time with Marinette even if it was because of school. She had asked him to help her with the latest maths lesson because she had missed it and he’d happily agreed. Unlike that time when they had prepared for the gaming competition, she looked more at ease and they even had some of her father’s heavenly croissants.
This helped Adrien to relax but as the time for him to go home approached, he felt the familiar tension return.
“Is something wrong?” She asked, very much like Ladybug had done.
“It’s the same old thing,” he shrugged.
“Your father?”
He nodded.
“You can talk to me, you know.”
“I’m tired,” he sighed, resting his head on top of his arms. None of the activities he was engaged in was tiring on its own. It was when it all combined in an endless string of busy, busy, busy, that it became too much. He’d almost expected his father not to let him help his friend, but he had been distracted with something else and hadn’t minded. For once.
“Long day?”
“Long day, week, month, year,” he gave her a sad smile.
“I’m sorry.”
“Being here helps. It’s better than being at home. But I know that I’ll have to go soon.”
Something seemed to strike a chord with her. As if she’d heard this before. But then she shook her head.
“Have you tried talking to your father?”
“He’d tell me to man up. That we Agrestes don’t groan and moan but just get the job done,” he said, feeling weary just imagining this.
“Ouch. You’re still allowed to have feelings,” she said softly.
“Not if you ask him.”
“Doesn’t he care? Like at all?” Her expression was a mix between sympathy and anger. He was touched by the fact that she cared so much.
“I don’t know. I like to think that he does, but he rarely shows it.”
“Can’t you leave? Like, your aunt must help you if she knows how bad it is.”
“It’s not unbearable,” he said quickly. “My life is not threatened or something. It’s just… “
“Adrien, don’t brush off your feelings. You wouldn’t be telling me this if it was nothing.”
Maybe she had a point.
“He won’t let me. I also.. I can’t…,” he said, absentmindedly fiddling with the ring on his finger. It was always there. A reminder of the freedom he had but also of his duties. “I have responsibilities here that I can’t abandon.”
“Adrien…”
There was something different in Marinette’s voice. Something he couldn't place.
“Yes?”
“Does anyone else know that your home life is troubling you?” She asked, surprising him.
“Most people don’t ask. They accept what they see on TV and on the posters - it's all glamorous, who in their right mind would complain,” he shrugged.
“Does this mean that you haven’t told anyone?”
How could he tell her without revealing too much?
“Do you remember that I told you about the girl I’m in love with.”
She winced almost imperceptibly. Was this a touchy subject for her? He couldn’t think of a reason it could be.
“Yes.”
“I tried telling her. I mean, I did tell her. But… It's a whole other set of problems there. I can’t be completely honest with her either.”
And just like that he’d said too much.
“You’re keeping a secret,” she gasped.
“Look, you shouldn’t think about this. It can put you in danger. And me. I can’t tell you,” he said quickly, cursing his big mouth.
He’d expected confusion or more curiosity from her. Instead, he was startled by a sob tearing from her.
“Marinette, I'm sorry. It’s not so bad. I’ll be fine. Please don’t cry,” he jumped from his chair and rushed to her. She looked at the hand he put on her knee and at first he didn’t understand her fascination with his ring. Hadn’t she noticed it before? Then her hand covered his and she looked at him.
“Oh, kitty,” she said, her voice thick with tears.
There was his answer. Only one person could recognise this ring as something more than a jewel without hesitation. Someone who had worn it. Someone who had a secret of her own.
“M-m’lady?”
He couldn’t be so lucky, could he? He’d wanted to reveal himself to her and he’d done exactly this.
“I had no idea that you’d come to me,” she said, tears staining her cheeks. “That you’d tell me things that sound so familiar. And here you are, fiddling with your ring that I never noticed before. And… all of a sudden, it makes sense.”
He wasn’t sure how to interpret her tears. Was she so sad or scared that her only reaction was to cry?
“You didn’t want to know, I’m sorry,” he said.
“It's too late. I guess this was meant to happen."
"I don’t want you cry because of me. I don’t want you to feel scared."
“Scared? Why should I be scared?”
“Because us knowing puts us in danger?” He reminded her.
“Oh this. Well. I’ll worry about this later. I’m not scared now.”
“Why are you crying then? Are you sad? Am I not who you expected at all?”
“No! Oh dear. I’ve messed up. Here I was thinking that crying is still preferable to blushing and talking nonsense. And I scared you instead. I’m not sad because it’s you. I’m relieved. But also knowing everything… I just feel so bad for you.”
He was still stuck at the reminder of how she used to act around him.
“Was it something I did? That made you act like that? Blushing and messing up your words. And just freaking out regularly.”
He wanted to know. She’d never acted like that around Chat Noir.
“Existing,” she said simply.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I can’t really change that.”
“I mean, no, this came out wrong. It’s not that I want you to be gone.”
“Well, you said I should to go to London,” he reminded her again.
“For your own good! I want you here, of course I do. Not only because I need you as a partner.”
“Then?”
“I want to be your friend.”
“You already are,” he smiled. She was his friend, with and without the mask. It didn’t get any better than this, right?
“A better friend?” She said, frowning. It was as if she couldn’t find the right word.
“This too. I already told you so much. You’re my best friend,” he said firmly.
“And maybe I want to be more,” she mumbled, looking away. The tears seemed to have given way to something else.
“Marinette?”
It was his turn to be confused. What did she mean?
“It’s… ugh, I’m not good at this. It took me this long to tell you and then I decided to give up and I thought you were in love with someone else. And I started falling for my partner and this was equally bad,” she rattled off, only confusing him more.
“I’m not following.”
“I thought I was in love with you. Then I realised that I didn’t really know you. Then I tried to be a better friend and… now all this,” she sighed, looking helplessly at him. Begging him to understand.
“You do know me,” he said softly. But a part of him was stuck at “I thought I was in love with you.” And also at “I started falling for my partner.” How had he missed all this?
“I know that now,” she smiled tentatively.
“Does this change how you feel?” He asked, trying not to get his hopes up.
“No. Not at all.”
Her hand squeezed his and they smiled at each other. But they both seemed to remember why this wasn’t as easy as it seemed at the same time. It was still dangerous. And still impossible in a way.
“So friends. And hopefully more. One day,” he said.
“If I go and tell your father that he’s ruining your life, maybe it can be sooner,” she barked out a laugh. He could imagine this.
“I appreciate the thought. But it won’t be solved easily.”
“I can’t also do the same with Hawk Moth so I guess… We have to wait,” she sighed.
“Can I at least give you a hug?” He asked. Thinking about what the future held for them should be easier with her by his side. They needed some time to just be happy in the present before that.
“Yes, of course.”
He pulled her into his arms and smiled into her hair.
“Thank you, m’lady. For listening. For being here for me.”
“Always, kitty. Always.”
They stood like this for a minute or more, Adrien couldn’t tell. It was just such a relief to know that they didn’t have to hide anymore.
And then a voice startled them, making them spring apart.
“Are you sure that you’re going to be better?”
“Plagg,” Adrien exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” Marinette turned to the kwami.
“He’s… hopelessly in love with you. I have to make sure that you know what you're doing."
“Plagg! This isn’t about my feelings,” Adrien said. “It’s not… the right moment. We know this.”
“Yes, I know that you think and know that. But your heart doesn’t listen,” the kwami reminded him.
“She’s the same, don’t worry,” another voice piped in. “She convinces herself that she doesn’t love him. Until the next time. Always.”
“Tikki!”
“Can you really do this without feeling bad because you’re not together? When you know all this?” Tikki asked.
They shared a look.
“We can try?”
“I’m not ready to deal with this. It only smells rotten to me. Not in a good way. I sense more pain,” Plagg crossed his paws.
“What are you suggesting then?” Marinette asked, taken aback by his stubbornness.
“You should be together,” he said simply.
“Are you saying we shouldn’t care about the danger?” Adrien gasped.
“No! Just be careful.”
“Tikki?”
“I agree with Plagg,” she said. “We have seen what happens when you try to run away from yourself.”
Well. Now that they had the kwamis’ blessing, it felt different. But Adrien still wasn’t sure what to do.
This was when his phone rang.
He smiled sadly as he took Marinette's hand in his and kissed her knuckles.
“I have to go.”
“You can stay longer,” she said, looking sad again. And a little flushed. “I mean. If you want to. You didn’t want to go home, remember.”
“Your parents won’t be very happy if I make myself at home,” he chuckled. “Also, I don’t want to cause trouble for my bodyguard. We have patrol. We’ll meet later.”
“Right,” she smiled, as if only just remembering. “Well.. see you later.”
They both leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. Which wouldn’t be so bad if they hadn’t miscalculated that. Their noses bumped and then their lips brushed and they froze.
“We’re really bad at this,” Marinette giggled, her cheeks red.
“I guess waiting isn’t our forte,” Adrien agreed. Not that he minded.
A kwami snorted nearby.
“Told you!”
“May I kiss you?” Adrien asked Marinette, ignoring the voice. Or maybe he was doing exactly what it wanted him to do. It didn't matter.
“You already did?” She smiled shyly.
“This? It didn’t count.”
Now she blushed even more.
“O-ok.”
The moment their lips touched, for real this time, he realised that the kwamis had been right. Fighting this had been wrong. Yes, they could be friends and help each other in other ways, but their hearts wanted this. It brought instant relief, warmth, and happiness. Unrivalled and pure.
Adrien couldn’t imagine staying away from her before that. Now it was absolutely impossible.
“I think Plagg was right,” he said when he pulled back, feeling a little dazed.
“I’m always right!”
Marinette laughed at that and Adrien followed suit. She looked just as happy as he felt and somehow nothing else mattered. As long as he had her, he could deal with everything else.