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"I'm Brendan," he had said, offering his hand. I remember my confusion and fascination in his British accent, promising a life of adventure. Also intruiging was his stark white skin and even whiter hair.
I shut the door behind me. "I'm Winston," I said, ignoring the obvious offer of camaraderie. I looked at my chart in my hand, held by a clipboard. Leaning against my desk, I started asking questions. "How much do you know of this place?" I asked, pen hovering over the boxes.
"Man, I dunno where I am, even." He answered.
I hummed in approval and checked a box. "Any family?"
"My mum and brother. We aren't exactly close."
At this, my heart had seized. I knew that feeling too well. Checked my box. Looked down at the next question that was already filled in.
Energy?
He has the ability of electricity generation. He's a battery, can control any electronic upon touch. Other factors unknown.
I skipped down. "Do you know how you got here?"
Brendan had placed his hand on his head and shifted underneath the bedsheet. "Not at all, mate. I was knocked out after..." he trailed off.
My eyebrows raised despite already knowing his history. Some of it, anyway.
He had been listening to music on a stolen radio. Had turned it to play a song that was destroyed. Others told the authorities, but Kenji had interfered upon hearing it. Led him out of the compound and knocked him out for security.
Kenji looked rattled when he came into my office. "We have another one, Winston."
"Thanks, Moto." I ignored his protests at the nickname. "What's his deal?"
"Why, you interested?" Kenji raised an eyebrow.
"No," I said firmly despite the rising heat. "What happened?"
I had given him some temporary clothes as I didn't know he would be arriving. He had looked at them with a certain kind of happiness in his eyes. "Thank you," he had said.
I didn't understand why he was grateful, but as I came to learn, his mother couldn't afford nice clothes, even before The Reestablishment took over.
A few days later, I heard his voice ring out over the cafeteria. "Mate!"
I looked up and shut the notebook I was drawing in as he sat beside me.
"I couldn't find you in here for days," he said sheepishly. "This place is huge."
I offered him a smile. "I know. Sorry about that. I could show you around, if Castle hasn't already."
He smiled back. "No, he has, but I'm still horribly lost."
I laughed then. He continued, "But, I'd love it if you could."
Confused, I had looked at him. "Why me?"
"You're the only one in here I know," he said, sticking potatoes into his mouth.
I looked away and thought about what he said for the rest of the meal.
I then showed him around, walked him down every hall and pointed out maps. Then, for some reason I never came to understand, I showed him to my room. We stepped in and he seemed confused.
"Mate, this is my room," he had said, laughing a little.
"It's mine," I said cautiously. "I haven't been in here in days, though."
Brendan looked at me like he had just realized something. "Castle did say I had a roommate... is that you?"
I laughed, totally amused by the absurdity. "I suppose so." We shared a laugh and went on with our days.
We became friends, as we had a way to see each other often. After my work, and after his duties, we always relied on black-out to carry our conversations. I kept a flashlight from my security part-time in my room so we could see each other.
One conversation stands out.
We were sitting on our respective beds. I was hunched over, sketching, and Brendan had his back on the wall, watching me.
"What do you draw, anyway?" He asked me suddenly.
He had never asked me that before.
"Uh, I just sketch ideas for armor or new clothes. Sometimes weapons." He had nodded in the dark.
After a few moments, he tentatively asked, "Can I see?"
His voice was so soft and sincere that I had to agree.
I shuffled over on my bed and Brendan sat next to me, leaned over to see the pages.
I was nervous and didn't know why.
I picked up the book and held it for him to see, leaned back. "Right now I'm working on a possible enhancing technology that lets weak Energies become stronger. It might be useless though..."
Brendan had pushed his body into mine, swaying. "Don't say that. I'm sure you can make anything possible."
I blushed. Truly blushed. "How do you know that?" I looked into his eyes like he was God and he had all the answers.
"Well, you made the suits everyone wears, don't you?" He smiled like it was obvious, loose and affirming.
"I did." My chest had swelled with pride.
"You're a great inventor. You understand stuff that I can't even begin to comprehend." He laughed and I did too.
I realized I liked the way our voices mixed; it was heavenly and it reminded me of everything that he said to me.
We talked into the night, losing time and realized we had accidentally stayed up the whole night. That day we smiled at each other whenever we were in the same room, as if to say, "I'm the reason you're so tired and no one knows". It was a weird source of pride for me, that I could be so interesting that someone would lose sleep over me.
I remember a night I had woken up to the sound of crying. I sat up in my bed on my elbows. "Brendan?" I said softly, and waited for his response.
"Yeah?" His voiced sounded wrecked and broken, like a lifetime's worth of guilt had finally caught up to him.
"Are you okay?" I meant the words.
A few moments passed as he decided how to answer.
"...No." He admitted.
"Do you want to talk?"
His answer is a bit quicker this time. "Yes."
I had peeled back my blanket and carefully walked over to his bed, accidentally slamming my knees into the wood frame in the process. I eased my way into his bed and found it familiar from our many conversations.
Brendan sat up and picked up the edge of his blanket, offering it to me. I huddled in and pulled it over my lap, noticing the dizziness I felt from being that close to him. By then, I had suspected I was falling in love with him but never said it out loud.
"What's wrong?" I had nearly whispered it, preoccupied with the feeling of our arms touching.
He sniffed. "I miss my family."
My heart hurt for him, one of the many times it had in our time together.
"I'm sorry. I know how that feels."
"You do?" He whispered, voice breaking.
I nodded though he couldn't see it. "I do. The last of my family died years ago. I was particularly close with my dad, believe it or not."
Brendan had relaxed into me. "I believe you." His voice was softer, as if he was relieved.
"When he died, I was lost. I couldn't think straight, couldn't live without hating the country. Castle found me after that." I slumped over in the light of the memories.
"My dad died too," Brendan said quietly. I perked up a bit. "He was killed in batte."
"Heh. Mine too." It wasn't the time to laugh, but Brendan had exhaled in a kind of laugh as well.
"My mom took his death as a worthy sacrifice. I didn't. I kept thinking, 'if the state cared for us, wouldn't they make sure we weren't dragged into their squabbles?'. I stand by my opinion, but sometimes I just wish I never took the risk."
I understand that more than anyone.
"I get that. I know you miss them, but... I'm glad you're here." I felt him turn his head to look at me.
"You are?" He asked, his voice threatening to break again.
"I am. You're my best friend. I've never had a best friend." My heart skipped a beat at the revelation.
"...Me too. About everything." Brendan's hand found its way onto mine and everything stopped.
My breathing, stopped, my heart, stopped, my brain, stopped.
Even time itself held its breath.
And when everything continued moving, continued working, I had turned my hand palm-up. Wordlessly, Brendan interlaced his fingers in mine and my heart stopped all over again.
It felt so raw, so powerful, so nice. I had held hands with people before but it had never felt like that. And in the fireworks of it all, I had squeezed his hand.
And he squeezed back.
I looked at him, head turned, and was able to make out a few of Brendan's features. I could feel his hot skin, the dregs of his breath, the faint beat of his heart, and it was beautiful. I had accepted, then, that I was in love with him.
He turned his head too, and eventually leaned in. My heart leaped, but he just settled his head on my shoulder. I was dissapointed, but accepted it. I returned the act, laying my head on top of his. His soft hair tickled my nose but I felt comfort in it.
Every part of my skin was alive and where mine touched Brendan's, I felt fire. I never knew I could feel this way about someone. I did know that I could feel some kind of way about a man.
We fell asleep like that, and in the morning, I woke up in his arms. My head was in the crook of his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. His, in turn, were secured around my body. I was embarrassed, yes, but I didn't move, afraid of separating from him in case he changed his mind.
In case he was one of the bigots that followed me through my teenage years.
When he woke up, his arms squeezed me, and his hands laid flat on my back. "Good morning," he had said without moving.
"Good morning," I slurred back. My hand had wandered, almost on its own, to his hip.
I felt searing anxiety, waiting for him to do or say something.
Brendan had slowly moved his fingers into my hair, carefully petting me. I exhaled and relaxed in his arms, letting the feeling take me away.
I heard the door slam open at that moment.
Oh no, I thought.
Kenji's voice rung clear. "Guys, it's been an hour since lights on, what are you d-"
I felt my heart drop.
We couldn't disentangle ourselves quickly enough, and in his panic, Brendan turned the lights in the room off. Thereby shutting off all the lights. It gave us time for me to jump into my bed but the damage was already done. I started to hear shouting voices in the hall.
"What the fuck," Kenji stated as if it was fact.
"Turn the lights on!" I whisper-shouted to Brendan.
He did, and the light cast its spotlight onto me and my shame. The screaming stopped.
The silence was deafening before Kenji said, "So you guys are boning now?"
Brendan was too quick to jump in. "No, of course not, we just slept together, mate-"
Kenji cut him off in laughter. "You have to know how that sounds!"
"We slept in the same bed," I snapped, looking at Kenji.
He threw up his hands. "All right, don't shoot the messenger, man."
"Huh?" Brendan asked in confusion.
Kenji clicked his tongue. "Ooh, like 'em young, huh?"
"You're 4 years younger than him." I nearly growled.
"Whatever. Listen, I was just here to tell you that Castle wanted you, and you should get going now. See ya!" He walked out of the room happily, shutting the door behind him.
I was too mortified to speak. As was Brendan. All I said to him was "bye" after dressing for the day.
Castle needed me to work on a new suit for someone that was coming soon, Juliette Ferrars. I headed straight to Alia and I's workspace and made some crude sketches of what I had in mind.
The assignment gave me a reason to stay far, far away from Brendan, so as not to know what he thinks, but I never stopped thinking of him. After days of endless work I finally passed out on my desk, given a break from the overthinking.
Unfortunately, when I woke up, the man of whom this overthinking was about was standing in front of me.
I jumped and immediately turned my gaze away from him.
"Winston...?"
I hated that I loved the way he said my name. The way his dangerously soft-looking lips wrapped around the sound.
"You've been working non-stop, you need a break. Come to our room, I have your breakfast there."
I couldn't do anything but agree. I was so hungry it hurt. Brendan helped me up and I was wrapped in resentment.
You let me destroy myself for days, how could you? I thought, before the thought of I was the one that walked away leeched into my mind.
All I remember of that walk was his hand on my lower back, guiding me.
We got to our room and I sat on my bed, eagerly picking up my tray with fruits, cereal, and pancakes. I ate happily, noticing Brendan's stare the whole time. When I finished, I put the tray on my bedside table. My hands connected between my legs.
"I guess we should talk," I said carefully.
Brendan nodded, but stayed silent.
I volunteered. "I'm in love with you," I stupidly admitted.
But Brendan's eyes were gleaming, bright blue under a curtain of white. "I think I'm in love with you too." He smiled.
I smiled as well, wide. "Really?" All my dreams were coming true and the man I loved was 2 feet away from me.
He nodded, eyes focused downward, on my lips. I blushed and shuffled awkwardly.
"I want to kiss you," Brendan said suddenly, surprising me.
"I do too," And I understood him because my eyes were traveling to his lips as well.
He stood up and closed the gap between us, leaning down and putting his hands on my shoulders. My mind was chanting 'yes' as his lips approached, and we met. His were soft and gentle, pressing into mine carefully. He pulled away with a blush on his face, beautifully accenting his light skin.
I placed my hands on his waist and guided him onto my lap, turning my head to kiss him deeper. One knee joined the other at my side and he was mine, lips opening for my tongue. I kissed him like I'd die without it, like I was in a desert and desperately dehydrated. He sank into my lap and kissed back, moaning against me. The sound was heaven.
One of Brendan's hands smoothed down my sweater, and I pulled away, trying to hide my uneven breath. He smirked at me, fucking smirked, and I couldn't believe I was 6 years his senior in that moment.
That man could own me and I'd thank him.
He pressed his lips just under my ear, giving me chills and hot flashes at the same time. Brendan pushed me onto the bed and followed me down, lips traveling the span of my neck. I was gasping and my hand went to his hair.
"Brendan..." I whined, not realizing I did it until he paused.
Brendan chuckled and moved his hand over my chest and to my stomach. It made me weak. "I love you," he whispered, and my heart ached.
To think that someone would tell me that, that early, was insane. But I loved it. "I-I love you too, Brendan."
He kissed my neck again and moved off of me, laying on his side next to me. I rolled over to face him, gazing into his beautiful, bright blue eyes. They were mesmerizing.
I put my hand on his cheek and leaned in, just barely touching his lips as I kissed him. Then again, but deeper. I pulled away and smiled at him, noticing the blush on his cheeks.
"You're cute," I whispered.
Brendan blushed harder and hid his face in my neck. "Stooop," he whined, putting his hand on my chest.
I laughed and put my arm around him. "You're my boyfriend now. I get to call you cute."
I felt him smile on my skin. "You're right. In that case, you're cute too."
I chuckled and hugged him against my body.
These memories haunt me now, as shots ring out in the crowd. Screams surround us, my eyes unfocused, I look into his blue eyes. The light in them is fading, the electric shock of his skin fading beneath my fingers.
"No," I say, grabbing his shirt. "No, no, Brendan, come on, love," I keep chanting words, anything, to make him hear me, but he never does.
His chest never rises again.
I sob, hunching over his body even as the calamity around me seems to escalate. I hear Kenji's voice, and thudding boots, and gunshots. But I never will hear Brendan's voice again and that's all that matters.
All those memories, every single one and more, play in my mind as I hold his failing body.
Another gunshot, dangerously close. Pain blooms in my chest and I gasp, looking down to see blood spurting out of my chest. I cough, blood spraying from my lips and onto my boyfriend's face.
I try hard to say something, but more warm, grossly metallic liquid chokes me and my energy is fading. Slumping over, I take Brendan's still hand into my shaking one, my tears slowing with my heart.
I love you, I think, hoping he hears it. I love you so much.