Work Text:
~The monster mash~
~It was a graveyard smash~
~They did the mash~
You hummed along to the radio, setting out the bags of candy you bought earlier that day onto the table. Reaching over, you placed a green bucket in the middle of the mess. It resembled a slime monster, details of green ooze drawn on and a ghostly face painted on its front. You cut open the first bag of candy and dumped them in.
Your bucket held two bags total. Big, but definitely not enough to last all night. Your town was full of children and teens, no doubt eager for their share of candy. And you happened to live in the middle of the event. If all went to plan, you’d be out midway through and you would finish off the night curled on the couch with your boyfriend, snug under a thick blanket, celebrating Halloween with a marathon of your favorites.
A crash came from the bedroom. You glanced down the hall. No follow-up came, so you continued the rest of your plan. The empty candy bags went into the trash. Moving beside that, you prepped a mug of hot cider to keep you warm and happy. When you’d have to open the door for the kids, the fall’s chill would creep in. You needed to be ready.
Handing out candy wasn’t always your favorite. When you first moved into this town, you felt like an outsider. After two years, you grew out of your shell and Halloween became your favorite just for this. Simply from seeing kids in their creative costumes, gaining a sense of community among the townsfolk, and gushing with other parents from how their young ones would hold their bucket up and say the magic words. The day was too fun and cute for you to stay away for long.
Your boyfriend was supposed to help you tonight. His costume matched yours, an idea you had in mind the past two months. He never tried it on before tonight. You took a sip of your cider, leaning against the counter.
“Bruce,” you called. “You ready?”
Another thud from the bedroom. A grunt. Then came the thuds that shook the photos lining the hallway. Your eyes widened and you set the mug down. Pushing off the counter, you watched a bulky figure bump against the walls, leaving the picture frames crooked.
“Whoa, what happened?”
The green figure scrunched his nose at you. “No Bruce.”
“I see that.” You gestured to the Hulk. “But why? What-”
Your thoughts ran a mile a minute. A million things could have happened. You haven’t had an incident in a long time. Bruce assured you he had his temper in check and that Hulk was far in the back of his consciousness. Clearly, something came up.
Was it the costume? Did it tick him off? He told you he liked it before you bought it. Maybe work. The Avengers? Tony has been on his case recently. The smartass liked to egg him on just to see when he’d crack.
In the spirit of Halloween
he claimed,
it’s not a problem when he’s in the lab.
Well, Tony, he wasn’t in the lab. He was in your home, in the middle of a busy neighborhood, on Halloween night.
“Okay. Never mind why.” You shook your head. “We just need to focus. I need to- hey, no!”
Hulk stood rather patiently while you struggled to come up with a plan. You were no avenger, just an average citizen with no real qualifications to - in the avengers' minds - be around Bruce. They still considered him unstable at the best of times. While the cogs in your brain slowly pieced together a clue of how to handle this new dilemma, his green eyes trailed from your face to behind you.
They lit up in curiosity and, finding new purpose, Hulk set his hand on your shoulder and moved you out of his way - gently, in his terms. You huffed and spun around, only to go wide-eyed as he set his hand on your bucket. Hulk lifted it up and tilted it to look inside.
“Hulk, no.” You were right at his side, grabbing him by his elbow, trying and failing to hold it down. He raised the bucket to his mouth with ease, resulting in you being lifted off the ground as well. Your legs kicked weakly, hoping your weight would do something, but his arm flexed dismissively. He ignored you, opening his mouth. “No…”
You wilted, frowning and letting go of his elbow. Landing on your feet, you crossed your arms. The candy dropped in, wrappers and all. He made a show of chewing them and kept the sugary waterfall pouring in. A few candies hit the side of his face and chest, falling lamely to the ground.
Your frown fizzled to a defeated look. “Come on, man, the night just started.”
To emphasize, your doorbell rang. You glanced away at the source, giving Hulk your best pout. He lowered the bucket, looking a smidge sheepish. At least, you believed he felt a little guilty. You and Bruce looked forward to this and at the final hour, you had no candy.
Handing the bucket to you, he huffed and walked off to the other room. “Not my problem.”
“What-” You looked down into the bucket. It was completely barren when just moments ago it was filled to the brim with sweets. “Man…”
The doorbell rang again.
One quick glance at Hulk told you he wasn’t a problem for now. Sure, he was big and green and for some reason angry, but he wasn’t breaking anything. Between dealing with him and the people outside your door, you figured he could wait a minute.
You cursed under your breath, clutching the bucket and heading to the front door. You mentally prepared yourself for disappointed faces.
A group of four children huddled eagerly on your front steps. One witch, one gorilla, a princess, and - funnily enough - a fully costumed iron man. The mask was wonky, as expected from a store-bought costume. Still better than Tony’s. They choired together in their high voices, “trick or treat.”
Raising their small arms with their buckets ready for the sweets, you mentally shrunk away. Your poor heart. Behind them, their parents waited with their cameras, smiling patiently. Right, here comes the bad news .
“Sorry, kids.” You turned your bucket’s opening toward them all. “Someone stole all my candy just a few moments ago.”
They all deflated, their buckets lowering sadly. A chorus of aww's came from them. “Who did it? The sweet tooth monster?”
Sort of. You gave an awkward smile. “Hulk, actually.”
The excuse-slash-honest-truth was taken in stride. Their sad faces turned astonished with a low muttered whoa . Iron Man didn’t buy it, of course, it would be him, and he cocked his head. He stated matter-of-factly, “Hulk doesn’t steal candy.”
“That’s what I thought too.” You held up the empty bucket. “I was wrong.”
One of the parents stepped forward. She set a hand on the little witch’s shoulder and frowned at you. The moment her eyes turned hard, you feared the worst. She shook her head. “You don’t have to be a buzzkill. Next time, have some candy, or don’t turn on your light.”
Your brows rose. You purse your lips, unprepared and unwilling to make a comeback in front of children. Instead, you waved them off pleasantly and told them to have a good night. Closing the door once they turned away, your shoulders slumped. You reached over and flicked off your porch lights. What a short night.
“Hulk?” You might as well find him and help him settle down.
Calling out to him again, you checked the bedroom. Not there. Or the kitchen, or the guest room. Not really expecting it, you weren’t shocked to not find him in the bathroom. He wouldn’t have fit in the small space. You searched for a few minutes before finding a surprise in your living room.
Crashed out on the couch, Bruce slept in his tattered clothes. He had one arm over the back of the couch, along with a leg, his other arm folded over his stomach. He was completely splayed. His mouth hung open with a little trail of drool out of the corner. Looked really out of it. The sugar must have gotten to him first.
It was kind of cute, minus the fact Hulk ate all your candy. Still, that was Hulk, not Bruce.
You walked over to the couch, taking the throw blanket off the back of it. Unfurling it with a whoosh, you lowered it over his form. That oughta keep him warm. He’d need to change later.
You leveled yourself to his ear and whispered, “you owe me fifteen for the candy.”
Bruce snored, turning his head towards the couch.
You stepped away and put your hands on your hips. Well, there went tonight’s plans out the window. Or, down his stomach. You could use this time to finish reading your book, you supposed, not wanting to wake him by watching tv.
One thing for sure, you decided, you would hide your stash of candy next year.
The next morning, Bruce would apologize profusely for ruining the night over breakfast before you had even had your coffee. And he’d make it up to you by spending the whole day watching scary movies.
You wondered if Thanksgiving dinner would be next on Hulk’s list.