Work Text:
“Dude, it’s a lot scarier to be in a maze, especially if it was enchanted!”
“Explain to me, exactly, how it would be scarier, Dean.”
Dean rolled his eyes, and took a swig of his beer before jumping back in the fray with Sam.
“Okay, let’s say it was a topiary instead of a maze. It’s not like you can’t see where you’re going. At least you got a more clear path away from those creepy-ass hedge animals!”
Sam sat up straight in his chair and leaned on the table with his forearm. “Yeah, and what do you suppose would be the best way to run from a giant topiary lion? You think you’d be able to outrun a 10 foot lion?”
Cas strolled into the library with three fresh bottles, as Dean barked out a laugh. “You’re kidding, right? After all the weird shit we’ve been through and managed to survive, you think something like that is gonna catch me?”
Cas slid fresh bottles to each of the brothers, and went to sit next to Dean. Sam took his with a quick sip. “Thanks, Cas. Dean, with how bad your diet is and how little you actually exercise, it would catch you in less than five minutes, if even that.”
Cas raised an eyebrow and paused in taking a sip. “I’ve been healing the damage that’s been done to Dean’s body not only from physical trauma, but from bad eating habits, as well. Although, he would do well to be more careful now that I’m human.”
Dean cocked a crooked smile at Cas, and patted at the glass vial glowing underneath his t-shirt. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I haven’t forgotten.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. The point is you’d be safer in a maze.”
“Cas, break the tie for us. What’s more dangerous if it were haunted or enchanted: topiary animals or a maze?”
Cas took a long pull from his beer, and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. Sam started tapping his thumb on the side of his bottle, and Dean’s knee started bouncing a little harder than normal. To be fair, Cas liked to keep them on their toes, especially when it came to pointless debates.
He took a deep breath and said, “Well, if you were talking about a regular topiary and a regular maze, they’d both be benign. However, since they’re enchanted, the maze would be worse.”
Sam’s brow furrowed. “How so?”
“Well, have you seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Even Stephen King had commented that the way the maze was portrayed in the film was scary, and he would know. Imagine if you didn’t have any kind of protection, because you didn’t know what kind of enchantments you were dealing with. As far as topiary animals, the most I’ve seen is that horrendous made-for-TV version of The Shining, and Edward Scissorhands. Neither of which were terribly frightening. Especially when you factor in that with a maze, if you run into a dead end, that’s mostly likely it for you. At least with enchanted hedge animals, you’d be able to run somewhere.”
Dean turned a smug smile on his brother. “Told you.”
Sam begrudgingly accepted Cas’ explanation, who then turned to Dean and said, “And now, it’s time to make that chili you promised to show me how to make.”
Dean and Cas pushed away from the table, and headed towards the kitchen, bottles in hand to toss in the recycling. Sam shook his head, and got up to find Eileen, who was nose-deep in research with Jack in the basement. Maybe she’d see his side of things. Surely she would be more logical than those other two.