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I have been having the same dream every night lately. I am in a battle and I am winning and I am alongside Iida Tenya and he looks at me and he says We make a good team, Yuga and I am about to tell him that we do and I love you when
When he’s impaled through the heart by a villain, they punch through his chest and pull out his heart and I start screaming because he’s dead he’s dead and gone and I didn’t tell him
And the villain disappears and the rubble disappears and its just me and iida’s dead body and he comes back to life He asks me if i really think he’d like me and I say no because it's true and he wouldnt and we both know that. Me and the approximation of iida’s dead body thats still squirting out blood and it tells me youre nothing, aoyama, i never even noticed you. Youre nothing and no one, and i have friends and i dont need you. I only notice you in your dreams and that is because i am a blank canvas you project onto and i have no choices. Arent you pathetic, aoyama? Say it. Say it.
And I say it, I say its true, i am pathetic and I do not deserve my place here in the hero course, arent i awful? And then aizawa is there and he goes you are awful aoyama yuga, and i tell him to expel me because its what i deserve and he says im not going to expel you and im about to ask why but then i hear a gun click and there is someone holding a gun to my temple.
Its iida, i think, i can never turn my head to see and iida’s dead body is still there staring at me like its my fault that hes dead and hes right
I apologise to Someone . the universe. Iida. my class. I don't know. Everyone, i think, im apologising to everyone ive ever known like that will fix anything and i hear maybe iida tell me to say goodbye but i tell him no one will miss me, we know this, dont we? And we laugh and everyone laughs. Its nice to hear.
And then i wake up and im stuck in bed. Maybe in fear maybe sleep paralysis, who knows who cares. No one will ever know about this. And thats ok i think. This is my thing, my struggle to go through Id go through everything it it meant my class didnt have to, i think, if i could soak up their pain like a sponge and keep it inside me until i die miserable and alone
It must be miserable being my journal. You hear nothing nice when youre used. Im sorry. I dont hear anything nice either
Neito stares down at the journal entry. He’d just picked it up because it had been dropped in the halls and he wanted to take it to Lost and Found but… this was a lot. What was he even meant to do in this situation? He didn't even want to read it, but the page had fallen out of it and he’d seen no one will miss me, we know this, dont we? and he’d gotten concerned.
He’s even more concerned now that he's read the whole thing, what is he going to do? He should tell Vlad King. He’ll know what to do, and he closes the journal with a sharp thud as he picks up pace. He didn’t like 1-A (all the attention they got made everyone else in 1-B demotivated, which was why Neito had started the rivalry in the first place but.. He did dislike them a little bit too) but if one of their students was going through this… he could put it aside for once. His feet carry him to the teacher’s lounge (on their first day, Vlad King had told them ‘if you ever need me during breaks or lunch, I’ll be in the teacher’s lounge’ and told them directions there) and he knocks on the door, taking a deep breath as he pushes it open,
“Vlad King-Sensei? Can I talk to you?”