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The first time he saw him, the sun was setting and it cast this beautiful streaks of gold light across the man’s face, making his alluring smile glow even brighter. It was the first time Shu felt the strings of his heart strum a melody he’s never heard before yet immediately learned to love the moment he heard the first note; much like Luca’s laugh.
When Shu enrolled in high school, he had zero expectations that he was going to enjoy it. Frankly, he expected his days to be dull and uneventful, filled with nothing but miserable classes and frustrating assignments but out of the blue, this man with a personality that could put the sun to shame appeared in his life and it was like a burst of colors painting his monotone world.
It was mysterious how well they clicked to the point where their peers would joke that they were soulmates, destined to be together, to which the both of them would brush off with a simple laugh and flushed cheeks that would go unnoticed but unmentioned.
Everyone loved Luca, including the teachers. He's outgoing, funny, and has a knack for turning even rainy days entertaining. He just spreads joy wherever he went. So it came as a huge surprise to Shu when Luca shared with him the fact that he suffers from a terminal illness.
They were sitting together on the rooftop after classes. Luca had snatched Shu's notebook from his grasp and ran away laughing, prompting the latter to chase after him. In their exhausted state, Luca plopped his head on Shu's lap and Shu, ignoring his increasing heart rate, played with his blonde strands.
"The doctor told me there's no known cure," Luca said, his smile soft as he looked at Shu who didn't know what to say or do other than frown and brush Luca's hair comfortingly.
So many things were going through his head. How can Luca act so happy with that burden weighing heavy on his shoulders? How does he manage to smile every day? Is he going to be okay?
"Hey, you're crying," Luca's soft expression faded into worry as he sat up and cupped Shu's face to brush away the tears with the pad of his thumbs.
"Are you gonna leave me?" Shu asked before he can stop himself and his cheeks warmed underneath the afternoon sun but his eyes didn't stray from the other.
"Oh, Shu..." Warm lips pressed themselves on the bridge of his nose and Shu preened. "I'll never leave you. I mean, how can I? You're too cute," Luca teased with a goofy grin but Shu shook his head and suddenly threw his arms around his neck to hug him tightly.
It caught Luca off guard and they fell to the ground with him looking up at the orange sky and a quietly crying Shu atop of him.
"Promise me!" Shu demanded and Luca's chest tightened. He wrapped his arms around Shu's waist and buried his face in the crook of his shoulder.
"I promise, Shu. I won't leave you,"
For the rest of the afternoon, they stayed there in each other's embrace with heads filled with worry yet hearts content to be so close to one another.
Luca went in and out of the hospital. Sometimes he stayed for an hour-long check-up and sometimes he stayed for a week when his condition became unstable. During those times, Shu and his friends would visit to keep him company.
"Aw, you two look like a cute couple," Uki had commented one morning when Shu was peeling and cutting fruits from where he sat on the edge of the bed with Luca's arm on his lap.
"Shut up, Uki," Shu chuckled sheepishly as he shot him a glare that instantly softened when he felt a slight tug on the hem of his shirt. He looked at Luca who had opened his mouth expectantly.
"Feed me, my love," Luca joked, earning a coo from Uki and a laugh from Mysta. Shu ignored the heat across his cheeks and indulged him by popping an apple slice in his mouth.
When everyone had left, Shu stayed and Luca invited him to lie down next to him on the bed that barely fitted them both so they were forced to be pressed flushed. Not that they minded. They spent the night chatting and laughing at awful jokes until their sides hurt. Then their laughs faded and they stared into each other's eyes and counted the perfect imperfections on the other's faces.
Luca brushed the back of his knuckles against Shu's cheek, smiling fondly when the latter leaned towards his warmth almost instantly.
"You're beautiful," Luca said, feeling a surge of bravery that quickly went away when Shu blinked silently at him. "But I look beautiful-er!" He added hastily and Shu burst into a fit of laughter. Luca could only sigh as that melody filled his ears and made his stomach feel all funny and it wasn't because of the medications he took this morning.
"Stay with me tonight?" Luca asked, feeling brave again as he pulled Shu closer by the waist until he can see the evident red tint on the apple of his cheeks being highlighted by the moonlight that seeped through the curtains parted ajar.
In lieu of a reply, Shu opted to tuck himself underneath Luca's chin and nuzzle his face into his chest as he wrapped an arm around his torso.
For a second, Luca panicked because with Shu this close, there was no doubt the man could hear the way his heart was hammering wildly against his ribcage but then he slowly relaxed and made himself comfortable. He played with Shu's hair and pressed his lips atop his head, letting them linger there.
"We're not dating," Shu insisted when Uki asked him about his relationship with a certain blonde man during lunch break.
"Oh okay, so you licking ice cream off the corner of his lips earlier was totally normal, yeah okay," Uki rolled his eyes and Shu swore his cheeks turned ten shades brighter at the reminder. To be honest, he doesn't know what prompted him to act so boldly. He could have just offered Luca a napkin but instead, he decided to lean over the desk and embarrass himself. Luca had been so surprised, he dropped his frozen dessert.
"Don't forget the way you two were literally cuddling in one futon during the field trip," Mysta chimed in, his voice muffled by the cream bread in his mouth.
"Or the time you wore his tracksuit jacket during the sports day festival and literally refused to be even two feet apart from him," Ike added from behind his book without looking up.
"We-we're not dating!" Shu could only repeat before he stormed out of the classroom, wanting nothing more than to dig a hole and hide inside it for the rest of the day.
It was the same question every time. Are you and Luca dating? Are you Luca's boyfriend? Do you like Luca? Luca. Luca. Luca.
"Luca!"
Shu's hurricane of thoughts came to an abrupt stop at the mention of the man's name. He looked out of the window overlooking the school field where he found said name playing a game of soccer with his peers.
Dressed in a plain white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of red track pants, Luca laughed and cheered as he caught the ball with his feet and dribbled it across the field. He agilely avoided incoming counterattacks and easily scored a goal that had him howling in triumph as he glowed brighter than the afternoon sun. He looked so perfect.
Shu placed a hand over his chest. He's not even participating in the game and yet his heart is racing a hundred miles per second. It's like time had stopped around him and only Luca is moving. Only Luca was in focus. At that moment, only he mattered and Shu ached from the realization that he had hopelessly fallen in love.
Uki squealed when Shu hesitantly admitted to having a crush on Luca and encouraged him to confess.
"He only sees me as a friend," Shu said as he scratched the back of his neck, feeling shy. He's had crushes before but it never got to his point where just looking at the subject of his infatuation made him feel all warm and fuzzy.
"Have you seen the way he looks at you, dude?" Mysta cocked an eyebrow at him in disbelief. "He walked into a pole staring at you during P.E class when you had your hair up in a ponytail,"
Shu laughed. Luca does tend to be clumsy. He found it endearing. But no, he cannot tell him how he felt lest he wanted a broken heart and a person he used to know.
Everything was going to be alright. He convinced himself. And for a while, it was, until Shu visited Luca at the hospital after he got admitted for another week due to bad test results. He was placed on pain medications that only increased the longer he stayed there.
"Shu, what's wrong? What's with the sad face, hm?" Luca asked him while a tad high on pain medications.
"Nothing," Shu shook his head and forced himself to smile but when he looked at Luca on the bed dressed in a hospital gown instead of his school uniform or his hoodies with a needle attached to an IV drip inserted into his arm, he couldn't help the way his shoulder sagged helplessly.
"C'mere," Luca beckoned. Shu obliged and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm gonna be alright, yeah? Don't you worry about me. You know I hate it when you do that," Luca caressed his cheek as he assured him and Shu wanted to slap himself because it's supposed to be him comforting Luca, not the other way around. He felt so useless.
"I just wish I can do more for you," Shu admitted. He placed a hand over Luca's that was still on his cheek and squeezed it.
"What're you talking about? You are doing so much more than you think. Hey, look at me, I'm being serious," Luca cupped Shu's other cheek with his other hand so he's holding his face merely inches away from his. "You being here is more than enough. You don't have to do anything else, just be with me, okay?"
Shu bit the inside of his bottom lip and nodded as his eyes watered.
"Oh, Shu, don't cry..." Luca sighed but that only urged Shu more as he quietly began to sob. It ached to see Luca in pain. If he could take his illness away, he would without a second thought.
Luca wiped his tears and attempted to comfort him by nuzzling him, playing with his hair — something Shu loved when he does — even lightly teasing him for being a crybaby but the tears refused to stop.
"C'mon, Shu, I don't like seeing you cry," He sighed again. He leaned their foreheads together. One hand still cupped Shu's wet cheek while the other rubbed up and down his arm.
Maybe it was the mild brain fog he was having from all the medications but at the moment, kissing Shu felt like the most reasonable thing to do. So that's what he did. He started with a small peck on the cheek; a chaste press of lips. Then another accompanied by a subtle smack, then another. Lips lingering a second longer with each peck he peppered on Shu's face, inching closer and closer to the latter's lips until they're ghosting over each other.
The silent sobs had stopped, now replaced with nervous, shaky breaths. Luca counted in his head. One, two, three, he tilted his head and when Shu didn't show any signs of discomfort, he closed the distance and captured his lips.
At first, Shu was frozen, eyes wide in shock, fear, and confusion but then Luca deepened the kiss and he melted. He fluttered his eyes closed and timidly reciprocated. Luca kissed him softly, delicately. It made Shu's heart swell yet ached.
They pulled away only to reconnect. No other words were exchanged, just innocent kisses under the moonlight until the medications finally kicked in and Shu kissed Luca down onto the pillows.
Luca gave him a somnolent smile as sleep takes over him. Shu admired the man's tranquil expression before he leaned down to kiss him on the lips one last time and left the ward with his emotions going haywire.
"Good night, Luca. I'll see you in school next week,"
Luca didn't wake up the next day having succumbed to his illness and everything around Shu crumbled as he cried hysterically in his friends' arms who could do nothing but hold him tightly. They tried their hardest to make him feel better but they knew just how much Luca meant to Shu and so all of their attempts were futile.
"I love him," Shu confessed, his entire body trembling violently with each broken sob.
"He did too. I know you think he only saw you as a friend but trust me when I say that he fucking loved you," Mysta held him tighter. He tried not to sound like he wasn't crying but failed when Shu let out an agonized cry and he couldn't help but sob with him.
Much like the first time he met him, the sunset shone brightly on the horizon. Only this time no man was standing in front of it to block the streaks of light and it blinded him briefly as he placed down a bouquet of tulips in front of a polished stone with words engraved into it.
He sat down on the grass and carefully brushed away the fallen leaves that covered the name of the one he loved dearly. He knew he was a few years late but the devastating loss completely destroyed him. Nothing was the same, everything felt worthless. But fortunately, he had friends who refused to give up on him no matter how much he screamed at them to leave him alone and it's thanks to them that he's able to bravely stand in front of Luca again.
He took a deep breath to calm himself down before he said the words he had been aching to say all those years ago.
"I loved you; I still do." Finally, he confessed to him with a bittersweet smile.