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It was the middle of the night, yet he could not sleep.
From inside his room, he had been writing uninterruptedly for hours, dutifully. General Yamamoto demanded those reports the next morning and could not delay.
He was never late.
As the twenty-eighth heir of the Kuchiki lineage, he was not to make any mistakes, which would tarnish his family's honour.
He finished writing in his elegant calligraphy, putting away the inkwell. He stood up, smoothing the folds of his kimono, observing the play of light created by the candle placed on the desk.
When no one could see him, he loved to get out of his bed to take a walk. The night always brought him advice, ordered his thoughts, cleared the doubts that cluttered his mind. And his heart.
He heard only the light sound of his footsteps, interrupted only by the cries of nocturnal animals, who, like him, preferred night to day.
He crossed the borders of the Soul Society, approaching the lake, whose beauty was also known in Rukongai, although none of its inhabitants could admire it.
He remained listening, trying to merge with nature, resting his back on the trunk of that centuries-old tree. At that moment, his defences were down, but he never completely lost focus of the world around him.
He caressed Senbonzakura, lost in thought. His zanpakuto was part of himself, he knew his innermost thoughts, his deepest desires.
Being a captain entailed a lot of duties, few distractions, a lot of courage and a will to live, even though it seemed that a Shinigami preferred to put his own life at risk in every confrontation.
But no, he did not intend to die before his time. Perhaps one day he would take General Yamamoto's place, rule the Soul Society together with the Gotei 13.
And then what?
And then nothing.
He had no other joys, Byakuya.
He had no one to return to at night, a wife to honour, children to teach everything he knew.
Despite having his own name, he was a lonely man.
Since losing Hisana, he had turned away from everything his heart yearned for, such as love.
It was frivolous of him to have those thoughts, but at night he could loosen his grip, have a moment's freedom from any kind of duty.
There would be time to regain control, where Byakuya Kuchiki was only the unreachable Captain Kuchiki.
He clenched his free hand in a fist, observing the ripples in the water.
He lied to himself when he said - as if to convince himself - that he had turned away from love.
Someone was there, a figure that crept into his mind like a venom, pulling him into its coils, like a snake.
But he dared not. He dared not speak his name.
His courage, in that case, was non-existent, hit hard by that feeling that he felt growing day after day, without being able to do anything to control it.
He was so different, the complete opposite. His elegance clashed with his physicality, the delicacy of his gaze with the vulgarity of his marks on his skin.
His name was...
"Captain Kuchiki."
Byakuya turned away, hiding his surprise in seconds.
"Lieutenant Abarai."
"What are you doing up at this time of night?"
"A question I can ask you too," he saw him lower his gaze.
"Here, I... I was training."
Byakuya had always appreciated the determination to get better and better. It was a behaviour he had also implemented before becoming what he was.
"You could train during the day, not get tired at night."
"I prefer to train at all available times, Captain."
"I see." he turned his head towards the lake.
"May I... sit next to you?"
"I am not sitting, Renji."
"He should do it, to rest," he approached him, sitting down at his feet.
Every time their gaze met, he faltered.
Renji Abarai had a deep respect for him, he was his reference point, the beacon in the cliff.
He knew that he wanted to improve for him as well, to get his approval.
Slowly he bent down, kneeling on the ground. Resting for a few minutes would not have harmed him.
They remained silent for a few minutes, barely perceiving each other's breathing.
If Byakuya had not been too careful watching the horizon, he would have noticed the hidden glances his lieutenant gave him.
Had he not been distracted by something else, he would clearly have seen Renji looking at him intently, as if imprinting his every detail on his mind.
And if he had not been too detached from reality, he would have noticed that what his lieutenant felt for him went far beyond esteem.
At the rustle of the kimono, his gaze returned to him.
Renji looked at him, without looking away.
The dark eyes gave a feeling of always concealing something, like an unspoken sentence or an unspoken thought.
Or an undisclosed feeling.
He had more than once watched him train, convincing himself that spying on his lieutenant served to understand his true condition in combat.
How many times had he lied to himself? Byakuya had lost count.
That time, under the scorching sun of the Soul Society, he had risked getting caught in a frivolous misunderstanding.
Renji fought, tirelessly. He parried blows, he landed more, he shouted to give way to his technique.
But the moment he took off the sleeves of his kimono, revealing his broad, toned chest, Byakuya faltered, making a noise.
Immediately Renji was alarmed, grasping his zanpakuto.
Who goes there? I heard you!
And he had come out, with no hint of astonishment on his face.
He had heard him apologise, for his threat, and thought it was something else, perhaps someone else.
From that moment on, he had begun to spy on him even more furtively, careful not to make even the slightest rustle or imperceptible noise.
"Renji, is there something you want to tell me?"
He saw him flinch, not expecting that question. What did he expect, then?
"Here, Captain... I would like to talk to you about your sister, Rukia."
Sure, Rukia.
He and Renji had always been very close, linked since childhood to their past in Rukongai.
He had no difficulty in believing that there was tenderness between them.
He felt, even knew, that they would soon form a couple. And that was fine.
"Does my sister perhaps cause you problems, Abarai?"
he saw him swallow blankly, like a child caught in a foul play.
"Yes, that is... I think you have feelings for Ichigo Kurosaki, sir."
Byakuya looked at him, surprised but not too surprised.
Ichigo Kurosaki was, unfortunately for him, an important member of the Soul Society. Their first meeting had been during the arrest of his sister, Rukia. From that moment on, they had both fought side by side as equals.
"And what makes you think that?"
"There... he talks a lot about him, it makes my head pop. And then I notice how he looks at him, sir."
"And how exactly do you look at it?"
Renji became more serious, his gaze unreadable. He saw a glint in his eyes.
"As if he were the most beautiful thing in the world," he whispered.
Byakuya looked at him, but he had underestimated everything. He was overwhelmed by a hurricane of emotions, feelings, that if he had not been sitting, would have made his head spin.
Their eyes said things that their mouths could not utter.
He stood up, with his back to him "I'm sure Rukia can handle his emotions. I hope Ichigo is a match for her." he took a step, moving away from him.
"Wait, Captain!" Renji stood up, more agitated.
He stood with his back turned, staring straight ahead.
He had not misunderstood.
He could not have misunderstood.
"It is late, Abarai. You should rest."
"I-I have to talk to you!"
"Don't do that," he only said, with a seriousness that dampened the other's agitation.
"Why?"
Yeah, why?
Because it would have been complicated.
And difficult.
And incredibly absurd.
Renji took a step towards him, trying to calm his agitation.
"Captain, I..."
"No, Renji." he froze him again, breathing deeper to calm the heart that was vibrating in his chest.
"You must tell me why."
"Because very often spoken words can be misunderstood."
"What is there to misunderstand? I am..."
"Abarai." he warned him one last time, tense. If he said anything else, he knew he would never be the same again.
"I'm in love with you, Captain," he said, in an excited tone. He had been keeping that secret for too long.
Byakuya held his breath, closing his eyes. Could it be that his plans had been so wrong? He firmly believed that his sister and he would be united, not only by a brotherly bond.
"You are really stubborn."
Renji widened his eyes, slowly getting up from the lawn "w-w-what?"
"I told you not to speak." he turned to him, noticing how dominant and powerful his aura was over him.
It wasn't the physique that counted, in that case. He, the heir to the Kuchiki family, was awe-inspiring.
"I-I... excuse me." Renji swallowed blankly, clutching the hilt of his zanpakuto, in obvious embarrassment "I'll go now." he had advanced a step, but quickly stopped at his words.
"Did I say you could go, Abarai?" asked Byakuya, staring at him.
"N-No sir. Sorry."
"Do you really believe that after your words everything is as before? Have you thought about the consequences of what you said?" he advanced a step towards him.
"Yes, Captain. But I couldn't hide it any longer." his eyes shone, with emotion, perhaps? "But I hope you will keep me as your lieutenant."
"And why should I do that now?"
"Because I want to learn everything, from you. I still have a lot to work on, I want to improve."
"You can never be as strong as me, do you know that?"
"Of course, sir. I don't presume to think such a thing."
"Very well, then," he unleashed his zanpakuto, without attacking.
He saw him widen his eyes, surprised, almost shocked "what are you doing?"
"Renji Abarai, would you fight even at the cost of your life, for me?" he pointed the zanpakuto at the level of his face, seeing him falter for a second. Then his gaze became serious and proud, "yes, Captain. At the cost of my life."
Byakuya slowly lowered his sword, placing it back in its case. He had to be sure that nothing would change after that....
He advanced further, arriving in front of him. He looked up into his face, being shorter.
Renji Abarai was indeed a rock. Tall and stocky, his build allowed him to be a worthy fighter, also being able to launch very powerful and dangerous attacks. Not for him, of course.
"Very good."
"What, cap-?" his sentence was interrupted by the hand resting on his chest. He remained motionless and rigid, his eyes wide. Was his captain perhaps... reciprocating?
"You have to learn to follow orders, Renji." his hand went up to his neck, then to his cheek, in a gentle caress "if I say be quiet, you have to do it. If..." his face came dangerously close to hers.
Renji clearly breathed in his perfume, so delicate yet virile at the same time, that it drove him crazy.
"Y-if...?"
"If I tell you to be still, you must do it." with two fingers he uncovered his shoulder slightly, from the kimono, caressing the serpentine tattoo imprinted on his skin.
Renji barely gasped, straining not to close his eyes. It was all so surreal that he couldn't miss a single second.
"Do I make myself clear, lieutenant?"
"Y-Yes, sir." his voice now sounded cracked, overwhelmed by all the feelings he was experiencing.
Byakuya lifted one side of his mouth in an almost amused little smile. His skin was so warm, it seemed to be on fire, under his caresses. He was certain - he had that presumption - that he was the cause.
However, he had not fully assessed the effect he had on him, which is why, when he lowered his face and made their lips collide, Byakuya jerked, as if burned.
But that feeling of alertness lasted only a few moments, because he finally closed his eyes, allowing himself to be kissed.
He hated not having everything under control, not anticipating the moves of others, but perhaps, just in that case - which he would have denied even under torture - he would not have remedied in any way.
His heart had remained closed and dull for hundreds of years, torn apart by the mourning of his beloved wife.
Hisana would never be forgotten, a part of his heart had died with her. But he knew that if he had been beside him at that moment, he would have told him that love was a feeling that had to be lived fully, in joy and in sorrow.
And after all that pain, the warmth he felt in his chest enveloped him completely.
Like a phoenix rising from its own ashes.
And that phoenix had only one name.
Renji Abarai.