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Leonard was exhausted and worried, wanted a drink, and was about to kill his best friend. His best friend who happened to just save them all from absolute destruction, along with Earth. He ground his teeth together as he paced inside the office that was technically his but was surrounded by the late Doctor Puri's items. It was always the plan for him to be CMO, but not this way. Not with Doctor Puri dying, and certainly not without Chris as his captain. As much as he wanted to be a shiny beacon of hope for his lover, he knew Chris's cowboy captain days were likely over. He'd recover fully, but Starfleet would probably never put him in charge of a ship like the Enterprise.
All of Chris's hard work washed right down the drain in a matter of hours. Less than a day. And that was on top of half the Vulcan race and their planet being destroyed. Not to mention the loss of almost their entire soon-to-be-graduating class of cadets on brand new ships meant to revitalize the fleet. Leonard felt an immediate wash of survivor's guilt consume him. He was alive, his partner was alive, his family was alive, his best friend was alive, and here he was bitching just because he didn't get to spend time with his partner.
The door chimed, and Leonard told the computer to let whoever it was in. It was probably announced, but he had too much cotton in his ears to hear anything. Cotton in his mouth, too. His whole head was cotton. He needed to dose himself with more stims and drink some water.
"Doctor McCoy?" Spock asked awkwardly from the door as if it wasn't the first time he spoke. "You appear distracted. I can return later if this is a bad time."
Spock. The man who lost his mom right in front of him, lost his planet right in front of him, choked out Jim—who deserved it—and helped save damn near everything that Leonard held dear. He couldn't help the near-sob that escaped when he tried to speak, no matter how much he tried. When the sound made it through the cotton and hit his own ears, his eyes prickled and burned with tears…only he had no more tears left to shed. Leonard leaned his hip on the desk as the room started spinning. "I'm okay, just…."
"Doctor McCoy, you do not appear 'okay.'" Spock stepped forward as if he was prepared to catch Leonard if he fell. "Do I need to escort you to your quarters?"
Leonard maneuvered around the desk—he refused to think of it as his—and sat down in the chair. He scrubbed his face with his hands and pulled at his hair, likely leaving it sticking out on end. Spock, who lost his damn momma, was here caring for him. He—wait. "Mister Spock, how close are you an' Ch— Captain Pike?"
"I do not see how this pertains to your current situation."
"It does," Leonard snapped. He immediately regretted it and looked up with what he hoped was an apologetic enough face. "Sorry. I just… Please."
"During my time as a cadet, I applied to and was accepted as his personal trainee aboard the Yorktown during term breaks. After graduating from Starfleet Academy, I served with him as his chief science officer. I chose to return to the academy as an instructor so that I may join him on the Enterprise as his first officer." Spock cocked his head to the side. "Please explain your desire to know this information."
"So that means you were close, right? That you also knew him on a personal level? And he wouldn't be upset if I told you personal information?" Leonard tapped his hand rather aggressively against the chair's arm as he fought to keep himself under control. Spock-like people were aggravating in the best circumstances, and this was close to the worst circumstance he could imagine.
Spock nodded. "We are… as my mother would say, on 'Hanukkah card terms.'"
Leonard smiled at that; maybe Spock wasn't so bad after all. "Didn't know you were Jewish, you an' Jim have that in common." He looked away and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "I need you to do your friend, and me, a favor and get Jim the hell out of Chris's room for a while."
"You should not address the captain so informally." Spock's eyes and eyebrows narrowed critically.
"I will address my partner how I damn well please." Leonard reached into his pocket and pulled out the last thing Chris gave him before he left for the Narada: Chris's Starfleet class ring. It fit perfectly on Leonard's ring finger—they'd played around with it before—and Chris… He had it. Chris knew what he was going to do. He knew what was going to happen when all hell broke loose. It was probably kept in his go-bag just in case something happened. Something like an attack, not a genocide. Vulcan. Gone. Just like that. There's no way Chris could have predicted that when he packed his go-bag. Leonard felt himself spiraling again, and he lowered his head between his knees, the ring safe in his fist.
"Ah, so you are the doctor." Spock must have gone over to the replicator because the next time Leonard looked up, he saw a mug of coffee and a glass of water. "The captain—Christopher—would not admit to your name until you agreed to his marriage proposal, but he referred to you often and fondly." He nudged the glass of water forward when Leonard didn't move. "Though I must admit my surprise that his choice in doctor was a mere cadet."
"Oh, wait 'til he tells you the story of when he called me a mere cadet." Leonard tilted his head up just enough for Spock to see his grin. "I was Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy before Starfleet, and I'll sure as hell be Doc McCoy after Starfleet. Though I think Chris wants our name hyphenated." He played with the ring again before putting it back in his pocket.
"Acting Captain Kirk is your close acquaintance, why are you unable to remove him from the room yourself? While I understand the two have a relationship bordering on familial, your relationship supersedes his."
"Jim doesn't know about us. Chris wanted to wait. Hell, I wanted to wait. Then we just… kept waiting. What Jim doesn't know can't hurt 'im, but we both agreed that it'd be Chris who said anything when the time was right." Leonard shrugged and took a sip of the water, already getting lost again. He lifted his right foot, rested it on the chair, and then pulled his knee to his chest. Everything felt uncomfortable in this office. He felt defeated and scared, vulnerable. "I haven't had a chance to be alone with him for four fucking days and I swear on my medical degree that I will hypo Jim with whatever's closest if he walks in on us again."
"Then it is my duty as first officer to thwart your attempt at mutiny by keeping the acting captain contained."
"Thanks, Mister Spock. I owe ya one," Leonard said with a half smile.
"I believe that the Vulcans aboard this ship will be forever in your debt, Doctor McCoy. While mine and Kirk's actions in this event were more visible, and will undoubtedly earn more accolades, it was your fortitude and skill that kept all Vulcans, no matter their injuries, alive once they were brought on board. You also saw to it that their needs were met, and that all of their injuries were addressed, not just the physical ones."
Leonard blushed and scratched at his days-old beard. "I was just doing my job, so was the rest of medical… but thank you. And you can call me Leonard in private if you want."
Jim chose that moment to rush right in, and if he didn't look so flustered, Leonard would have ripped him a new asshole for not chiming. "Pike said he'd kill me if I didn't leave and get you right now. Is he gonna be okay, Bones?"
Leonard leaped out of his chair so fast that he caught the corner of the desk with his hip, faltered, and knocked over the glass and mug. He cursed, more out of pain, and continued vacating the room as quickly as he could manage. Which was apparently too fast to make the turn safely because his standard issue boot slid right out from under him, and he crashed to the floor. If the situation were any different, it might have been comical, but Leonard was focused on one thing: Chris was awake, talking, and wanted to see him.
Christine—it was hard not to be on a first-name basis with someone after going through so much trauma together—was coming out of Chris's room and offered to help, but Leonard scrambled an undignified meter of ground in a bear crawl before getting back to his feet. Finally, finally, he got to Chris's private room and hovered at the door to take everything in. Chris was awake and smiling. He motioned for Leonard to come over, and he barely held back a sob as he put his hand in Chris's slimmer, but no less sturdy, hand and held on for dear life. "If you ever pull that hero shit again, I'm gonna divorce you." He wiped his nose on his uniform sleeve and sniffled. "Never, ever again."
"Kinda hard to threaten me with divorce when we're not even married, Len." Chris squeezed Leonard's hand. "Though if you want to change that… If you still…."
"Right." Leonard pulled the ring out of his pocket and put it into Chris's hand. "I want to tell you to ask me properly, but you're so hyped up on pain meds that I'm not sure if—"
"Marry me, Leonard."
"Holy shit, how drugged is Pike that he's asking you to marry him, Bones?" Jim barged in with Spock hot on his tail. The Vulcan was apologizing profusely for letting Jim intrude, but Leonard's ears started burning, and his world focused on Jim, whose eyes were calculating. He tried to look dumb and play dumb, but Jim was not dumb. There was more to that not-quite-playful tone than he let on, but Leonard had never heard it directed at him before.
"Good, Jim can officiate."
"Chris, you are drugged to all hell, and you still might be feeling the effects of… Just trust me, alright? Stop talking." Leonard glanced at the diagnostic equipment to make sure the sudden appearance of Jim wasn't doing anything. Chris was fine, and that was the only reason he didn't yell at Jim. Leonard tried to shush his loose-lipped lover, but he looked so damn happy. It was hard. Chris never allowed himself to be this open when other people were around them. "You were more sober in Vegas," Leonard said quietly. "You're gonna regret everything in a couple days."
"Fine, if you don't want Jim to do it, Spock can do it."
"I'm gonna sedate you if you don't stop runnin' yer mouth."
"What's going on, Bones?" Jim invaded their space and looked between Leonard's face and his hand in Chris's, hypercritical. "How long has this been going on?"
"Jim. Please hold off on this until the effects of the slug have worn off and we've weaned him off the pain meds. Chr—Pike would not be okay with everyone in here like this when he can't control what he's saying." Leonard was talking over Chris, who couldn't stop spilling anything and everything that popped into his head. "I need both of you to leave before Pike says an—"
"How come I can't move my legs?" Chris's monitors started to increase their beeping as he became agitated. "Len, why the fuck can't I move my legs? Wait, why can't I sit up?!"
Leonard grit his teeth and cursed. Fuck Jim and his goddamn invasion. He pointedly turned away from his friend and focused entirely on Chris. He placed his palms against his lover's cheeks and smoothed his thumbs over his cheekbones as he babbled on in increasing hysterics over his condition. "Hon, a lot of shit went down, but you're going to be alright. We'll talk about it more when you aren't drugged. Bottom line: you're going to be fine." Leonard leaned over to quiet him with a kiss. "Those bastards didn't break anything I can't fix."
"So it's serious?" Jim invaded their space again, and Spock was there to pull him back, only for him to move out of reach. "No, Spock, no. We're dealing with this."
"No we're not, Jim. As Chris's doctor and medical proxy, I am telling you to leave. As Chris's family, and I'm referring to both of us here, you need to respect that this is not the way he wants to be seen by you. Or Mister Spock. Or anyone outside of medical." Leonard tried his best not to look pissed when he spoke, but he was pissed, and that fact wasn't going to change just because he understood where Jim was coming from.
Jim was about to say something, but they were interrupted by Uhura on the comms, letting Jim know that he had an incoming message from Starfleet. "We aren't done, Bones. We're talking about this."
"When he is sober, we will. I promise." Jim stormed out, and Leonard sighed in relief. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply as he tried to focus. When he opened them again, Spock had brought over a chair and was handing him a glass of water. "Y'know, you're alright, Mister Spock."
"He'd be better than alright if he officiated right now," Chris 'helpfully' pointed out.
Leonard rolled his eyes but didn't stop his fond smile. "Well at least that's better than you bein' worried."
"Why would I worry when you said I'd be okay?" Chris was so damn sincere that it hurt, and Leonard wanted to ask more questions, but not at the risk of violating his lover's privacy.
Spock cleared his throat as he stood awkwardly between Leonard and the door. "I will ensure that the acting captain does not intrude further. Do you need any belongings from your quarters or the captain's?"
"Need you to get my personal PADD and then officiate after I bring up the marriage forms. I already had them filled out," Chris commented.
"Dammit Chris," Leonard muttered before turning to Spock. "Please forget everything you've heard him say and will hear him say until the poison and heavy drugs are out of his system. It's all in my report, but I don't know how long until the effects will wear off. As for stuff, I don't need anything right now, but if you could have meals brought down later, that would be a big help." He ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, food right now would be good. I can't even remember when and what I ate last."
Spock nodded and left the room, and Leonard used his acting CMO override to put a privacy lock on the door. Not even Jim's code could override it unless he also had Spock's code…though a determined Jim would find a way around any obstacle. His thoughts were interrupted by Chris's loving comments on his ass, and he shook his head. "Well at least we don't have an audience now, darlin', but as much as I love our drunken conversations, you didn't consent to this one."
Leonard dropped the rail on the biobed and settled half his rear on the bed with most of his weight balanced on the chair. He wanted to be as close to Chris as Chris wanted him. Hell, he wanted to crawl into the biobed with him, but his situation was too precarious. Leonard reached up and combed his fingers through Chris's hair, who must have been enjoying it based on his fluttering eyelids and quiet groan. "You almost died on me, Chris. A couple of times."
"Didn't think it'd happen so fast." Chris frowned and squeezed Leonard's hand, frowning more when he couldn't press harder. "There are emergencies, and then there are emergencies. I thought we would have time to tell Jim and get married before… Everything."
"If we got married before you went off to play soldier, I would have lost a lot of my leverage over ya." Leonard lifted Chris's hand and pressed it to his lips. "You had more incentive to come back 'cause you had unfinished business."
"I'd like to finish it, if you don't mind."
Leonard laughed and put Chris's palm to his cheek. "I promise we'll get married as soon as you can properly, soberly propose and agree to it. Now if you change your mind 'cause you're gonna be using a mobility aid for the next year or two, I'm going to veto that."
"They broke me."
"I fixed you."
"But I'm broken."
"Are you questionin' my skills as a doctor?" Leonard dropped Chris's hand carefully back to the cot and crossed his arms, lifting a mock-threatening eyebrow.
Chris frowned. "No, but—"
"'No' is a complete sentence." There was a knock on the door; it was Christine with the food Spock sent down. Much to his surprise, Spock was mindful of giving them the same meal and made sure it was something Chris could eat safely with little fuss. Thoughtful guy. "Thanks, Christine. Do you mind getting another cot in here? In case you didn't hear before—"
"No need to explain, Len. Until either of you want to explain, you're just a CMO who really cares about his captain. Everyone on the floor who heard anything agreed to it." Christine smiled so sweetly, and Leonard spilled a few tears over it. He also noticed that she didn't say acting before the CMO. Did she really have that much confidence that he'd get the job officially? Yep, more tears. "Didn't take you for the crybaby type, doc."
Leonard swiped the wetness from his eyes with a laugh and was about to make a joke when Chris objected. "Hey, don't talk to my Len like that!"
"Ah, forgive me, Captain, my mistake. Doctor McCoy wasn't crying, it was a very specific temporary anomaly in the atmospheric controls." Christine smirked, and Leonard was almost in love. Professionally, of course.
"You gonna be my head nurse if I get this position permanently?" Leonard asked, turning more fully toward Christine. Instead of the happiness that Leonard expected to see, Christine frowned and looked between Chris and Leonard, biting her lip. "Oh, right. We'll talk later. Thank you for delivering the food, and please tell Mister Spock thanks for us, too." After his hopefully future head nurse left, Leonard turned back to Chris and leaned over to give him a kiss. "Gonna angle the bed so you can eat now, alright?"
"Do I get more kisses?"
"If you finish your food."
Chris's face pinched in thought for longer than Leonard was comfortable with. "I guess."
"Way to make your fiance feel loved, ya jerk," Leonard deadpanned.
"Fiance, hm? What happened to not accepting my proposal until I'm sober?"
Leonard rolled his eyes and moved the food tray over Chris's lap. "What can I say? I'm a complicated man."
They mainly ate peacefully, with Chris only putting up a minor fuss about being fed by Leonard. He settled when Leonard reminded him that he did the same for him when Leonard came down with the Andorian Flu despite being vaccinated. Both avoided talking about the incident—Chris knew it wasn't Leonard's place to give the news, and Leonard wasn't ready to talk about it. The added food to his system and the increased activity helped Chris focus more, and Leonard heard far fewer random anecdotes and comments about his ass.
After dinner, Leonard did some doctoring and ensured nothing aggravated the back of Chris's throat, which was where most of his surgical intervention occurred. It was healing nicely, and that was all Leonard could ask for at this point. Chris, however, had plenty of other things to ask for. "What's my prognosis?"
Leonard sighed, wishing he had practiced this conversation while Chris was still in a coma. "You're going to need a lot of physical therapy. You and the Enterprise."
"What happened to my ship?"
"You don't want to know, and I don't exactly know."
Chris cursed and closed his eyes. "Will this end my career?"
"Only if you let it." Leonard stood up and kissed Chris on the forehead. "I wouldn't mind if you got me my medical ship sooner rather than later, though."
"You don't think I'll get the Enterprise back?"
Leonard shook his head. "She'll be fixed before you're ready." He quieted Chris's protests with a kiss. "Unless whoever they assign gives her up three or four years into their captaincy, you'll need another ship."
"But I can get one in three or four years?"
"If you work for it." Leonard knocked his chair out of the way and dragged over the cot Christine brought in while they were eating. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some shuteye."
"Is that your not-so-subtle way of telling me to get some rest?"
Leonard barely processed the quip as he lifted the cot to be level with the biobed. It's as if the thought of sleep made his brain fast-track his system shut down. "I, uh, haven't been able to sleep without you, at least not well. I had to hypo myself—"
"Dammit, Len, you said you'd stop doing that!'
"Chris, we… We lost a third of the medical crew. I had no choice." Leonard pushed the cot flush with Chris's bed and got in. "We all had to make sacrifices."
"Will you still love me even if I don't get my legs back?"
Leonard rolled his eyes and laid down, facing Chris. "If I woke up paralyzed, would you still love me?"
"Of course! Why would you even think I wouldn't?!"
"Mmhmm." Leonard smirked and leaned over for a kiss. "Your prognosis looks good, though."
"You look good."
Leonard laughed, but it quickly turned into a yawn. "Right back atcha, darlin'."
Chris tried and failed to move closer, and his face didn't hide how much it pained him. "I'll get better for you. I promise."
"You need to get better for yourself, Chris." Leonard scooted as close as he could without being in the gap and moved his pillow to Chris's shoulder. He settled his head down and grinned as he traced a finger up Chris's arm. "But if you need extra motivation, I'll be your at-home physical therapist, and I have some ideas to make it more interesting."
Chris laughed, winced, cursed, and eventually gave up. "You're going to make me work for it, aren't you?"
"Damn straight!" Leonard rocked forward and gave Chris one more kiss. "Now get to bed, it'll help pass the time and—"
"Will you marry me when we wake up?"
"No. But I'll get a better timeline for when you can consent." Leonard laughed at Chris's groan and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "Don't be in such a hurry to rush it. The second you're clear of the poison and drugs, you have to start dealing with Starfleet and Jim."
Chris frowned and looked up at the ceiling for a long moment before turning back. "They're not going to give us any time."
"Nope." Leonard yawned, leaned his forehead against Chris's shoulder, and closed his eyes. "I wanted Jo in the wedding anyway."
Chris chuckled and kissed the top of Leonard's head. They had maybe five minutes of silence before Chris piped up with, "Have you always had such luscious eyelashes?"
This would be a long couple of days, but at least they could see the light at the end of the tunnel. The Enterprise was on the way home. They were on the way home. Leonard's two loved ones survived. He survived. Everyone left on this ship would survive. Leonard could rest for now, and for the first time since they launched, he did. He slept through the night and well into the morning. Leonard would have slept longer, but Spock woke him up for breakfast and helped him with Chris.
Chris. Who spent the entire meal telling Spock how much he loved Leonard.