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Sighing, you stood on deck of the Thousand Sunny, watching the island getting larger with each minute that went by. While others were busy preparing for the landing, you hadn't gotten any task, so you decided to stand here and watch. Since you woke up, you were uneasy and felt anxious, just like everytime when you had THAT dream. Your heart felt suddenly way more heavy, while you kept on sighing, without even realising it.
'Are you okay, (Y/N)? I hear you sighing so much..', the meek, but very sweet voice from the little doctor rang next to you.
Looking down, you blinked a little confused, before you smiled brightly at the little ball of fur. Kneeling down, so you were on the same level as him, you gave his head a small pet.
'Oh, I was just thinking about some past events, that were.. unpleasant. But I am fine, little doctor. Hey, how about we get you some good medicine books and then I'll treat you to something sweet? Maybe they got cotton candy somewhere?', you explained, before you changed the topic.
The little rascal got glittering, big eyes and nod rapidly, rushing away to do his tasks quickly, just to be able to enjoy the time with you in the city, as soon as they got there. Knowing the small creature, he would also want to check for medical herbs and concoctions. You stood up again, watching after the little doctor, before returning your gaze towards the island, yet again sighing.
____
Walking through the busy streets of the city, you watched your little friend running from one stall to another with excitement. When he finally found one merchant with medical supplies, he basically dragged you along in his 'human' form. While he was checking everything out, your gaze wandered around. A glimpse of red tufts caught your attention and you instantly felt the unease rising from within you. You made a step in the direction of the red you had seen, but a hand grabbed you and held you back. Confused, you looked back, seeing that it was Chopper who held you and looked at you worried.
'Don't run off on your own. It's so full of different smells, I would easily lose you, (Y/N).', he said concerned.
'I.. Yeah.. I guess so..', you replied, an anxious feeling crawling up your back.
You looked back into the crowd, where you saw the red, but nothing was to be seen anymore, so your gaze sank to the floor. Moments later, you found yourself in front of an old bookstore. Leaning against the wall, you waited for the small reindeer to come back outside. Looking up into the clear sky, you thought back to past events..
>> It was raining buckets, soaking everything and everyone in mere seconds. You were breathing heavily, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows. Anger was written all over your face. And as much anger as you felt, he wasn't anywhere less angry at you. There wasn't much time left, until the marines would catch up with you all, but you refused to be treated that way any longer.
'I can fight too! Why can't you just stop acting around me like I could get shattered the moment someone looks at me??', you shouted.
'If they find out what you can do, they will hunt you down and I don't know if I will be able to keep you safe a hundred percent! I don't want to risk it!', he growled back loudly.
'I don't need your protection! I can protect myself pretty well!', you bark back.
'Oh, do you now?? Then explain me why I had to drag your sorry ass back to the ship?!'
'Because you idiot started a fight and I got caught up in between because of you?!'
'So you're telling me it's my fault?!'
'Well, sorry to displease you, but yes! It was your fault! If you're so worried about my safety and cannot risk me getting caught, then maybe I am on the wrong ship because apparently my dear captain seems to love to cause trouble!!', you shouted.
That sat wrong with him. His face was suddenly void from anger and rage. Simply blank. Without another word, he turned around and started walking to the ship. Confused you walked after him, not done with him at all.
'Hey! Don't you dare just walk off! We are not done yet!', you growled.
He stopped, making you stop in your tracks too. When he turned halfway around, your anger disappeared instantly and anxiety arose. There was a coldness in his eyes, that was as sharp as a dagger.
'You are right, you are on the wrong ship. I make too much trouble to be able to keep you safe. Maybe it is best, that you leave it. We are done.', he simply said, his voice unnatural calm.
'You're not serious, right?! You just dump me like this?! You can't do that!', you growled, panic rising up in you next.
'You said it yourself. And I realise how true it is. So to ensure you are not endangered by me, I'll have to leave you behind, (Y/N).', he answered, turning away and starting to walk again.
He left you standing alone in the cold rain, stunned and unable to react. Moments later, the ship left and you watched it becoming smaller and smaller, until it disappeared on the horizon. <<
A shadow fell over you, ripping you out of your thoughts. Blinking, you stared straight into the amber colored orbs you once fell in love with, but now dispised. The red hair was as vibrant in the sun as you remember it, moving lazily in the slight breeze. How much you wanted to touch it, feeling the softness of it by driving your hand through it. The familiar googles were like always prominent, sitting on his forehead. He seemed more buff and he has gathered some pretty big scars. You wondered about his metal arm...
'Look who we have here.. Didn't expected to find you of all people.', his deep voice rumbled and grabbed your attention.
'You got to talk. And after everything you did, you still got the nerves to approach me like this?', you sneered, crossing your arms and looking at him in annoyance.
'What I've done? Don't you think you got a part in it too, (Y/N)?', he asked, irritation in his voice.
'Well, it wasn't me who just left and dumped their supposed partner.', you huffed, not being able to hold the bite back in your voice.
He was silent for a moment, his brows furrowed together, the corners of his mouth dragged down. He then growled lowly, turning half away, contemplating. You turned your eyes away from him, ignoring the hurt feeling inside of you.
'I don't suppose you want to talk.', he stated.
'You guessed right.', you murmured angrily.
He raised a hand and ruffled through his red hair, letting go a frustrated grunt. He seemed to fight with himself about something, but you couldn't care less. He had hurt you deeply and you were not going to forgive him.
'Look, I just want to talk. Can't you at least listen to me for a moment??', he growled.
'If you ask like this, probably not.', you snapped.
'Stop being so petty!', he snapped back.
'Then stop being so pissed at me, just because I give you attitude! You know what you did, don't expect me to be nice to you, Kid!', you hissed.
Saying his name felt wrong. You had sworn to yourself, that you would never say it again, but that seemed harder to do with him standing right here in front of you.
'For fucks sake! I know I did shit! Just.. come with me to the ship, where we can talk in private!', he loudly growled at first, before forcing himself to sound a little calmer.
You looked back at him, unimpressed and annoyed. Your arms were still crossed. Sighing you looked to the door of the bookstore. Chopper wasn't back yet.
'I can't. I'm waiting for my companion.', you said, your voice a little calmer as well.
'..what about tonight?', he asked, his eyes following yours, trying to figure out who your companion might be.
'..maybe.', you answered, not promising him anything.
He sighed and it seemed like his shoulders slumped a little. Looking back at the redhaired captain, you saw something like regret flimmering in his eyes, which made you feel sorry for being so harsh with him. You almost broke your attitude, but you had to keep it together. It was better this way. Better for you, before you would get hurt once again.
'Well.. if you can tonight, the Victoria Punk is hidden on the shores in the west. If you find the time.. I will wait.', he then said.
'Okay.', you answered dryly.
He hesitated a moment, before turning away from you completely. It seemed that he wanted to say something else, but decided against it and just left, merging into the crowd and disappearing out of your sight. You felt a tremble running through you, your heart aching and beating loudly in your ears. The faded sorrow slowly coming back. You always had regretted how things had ended between you, but you were too hurt to simply give in and forgive him. The door to the store opened and out came the doctor, full packed with books.
'I'm done, (Y/N)!', he said all happy.
You looked over to him, breathing through and taking some of the books, to help him.
'Great! Glad you found so much~ Let's go grab something to eat and head back to the Sunny then.', you answered, forcing yourself to a smile.
'Yes! Let's go! Let's go!', the little rascal excitedly exclaimed and started to hobble away.
You followed quickly behind, making sure to not lose him in the crowd..
____
You pondered all day if you should go or not. It drove you nearly insane and therefore stressed you out. Your companions noticed and some of them even asked, but you avoided to answer truthfully. The evening wasn't any better, instead you had turned in for the night first thing after dinner. But you couldn't fall asleep at all, only pretending to sleep, when Nami went to bed. Now, in the middle of the night, you decided enough was enough and you got up. Making sure that Nami wouldn't wake up, you dressed quickly into something and sneaked out of the bedroom. You looked up towards the kitchen and saw that there was still a light on. You were sure that it has to be Robin, still engrossed into some book. Hopefully she wasn't spying around.. You quickly moved over to the plank and walked down, throwing another look back to the Sunny, before jogging into the woods and to the said position of Kid's ship. Your heart pounded with each meter you got closer, not only from all the running, but from the anxiety that arose in you. Reaching the edge of the forest, you stopped your jogging. When you saw your former home, your mind suddenly got flooded with memories. Good old memories.. Memories of the crew. People you considered your family. The lights were off on the ship and you didn't see anyone around. Probably he was sick of waiting.. Your gaze lowered to the ground. Should you go..? Or just leave and try to forget everything? Should you just go and finally accept Luffy's offer of becoming a strawhat? Subconsciously you placed your hand where you had the Kid pirates tattoo engraved into your skin.
'So you decided to finally show up..', a kind of muffled voice behind you sounded.
You whirled around, just to be greeted by a very familiar mask in blue and white colors. A small goatie was peeking out around the chin area of the mask and even he seemed to have gained some muscles.
'Killer.. You scared the living crap out of me..', you said, trying to calm your racing heart.
'Wasn't my intention. Kid's still waiting.', he simply said.
'..he is..? So he waited all this time, huh..? What an idiot..', you murmured, sighing deeply.
'You're just as much an idiot as he is, (Y/N). Why else would you show up here, in the middle of the night?', he asked.
Blinking, you looked quite stunned at him, before you started to pout. Well, maybe you two were idiots, but.. he was still the bigger fool! You turned away, taking a step toward the Victoria Punk, but hesitated and stopped in your track.
'You gonna tuck your tail in?', the vice behind you asked, almost mockingly.
You threw him a glare over the shoulder, before looking back to the ship. You then sighed, your shoulders slumped. You weren't afraid of talking to him. You.. were afraid of what the topic would be. You were afraid of hurting again..
'Nothing good will come out of this.. Why am I even here..? I truly am an idiot, huh? I know how much this will hurt me and yet here I am. If I ain't a fool, then I am most likely a masochist for doing this to myself..', you complained.
Killer stayed quiet and just stared at you. He knew you and Kid the best. And he knew how hard this whole thing was for both of you. Not to mention the crew. Your eyes were fixed on the ship and your thoughts were racing. The uneasy feeling, the anxiety in you, it was almost too much to bear. Suddenly you were pushed forward and you stumbled out of the safety of the treeline. Catching yourself, you wanted to complain at the massacre soldier, but.. he was gone. This son of a... Ugh! You knew he was watching somewhere in the shadows, which is why you flipped the bird with both hands somewhere into the treeline. When you were done with your tantrum, you breathed through and turned to the Victoria Punk, closing in on her shortly after. You would just have a talk, then go back and leave everything behind. There was nothing he could do, to gain your forgiveness. It would never be the same.
You walked up the plank, entering the deck. Your gaze wandered, taking in the familiar place. There wasn't much that seemed to have changed, besides some repairs and replacements of wood here and there. Laying a hand on the railing, you recalled memories of your time here.
>> It was loud and cheery on deck. The crew just had raided a passenger ship, bringing in everything that was shiny and looked valuable, before they sank the ship, dooming everyone that had survived the initial attack.
'Hey (Y/N)! C'mere!', someone from a group called, grabbing your attention.
Curious, you walked over to them, seeing all the gold and jewelry they had spread out in front of them. The man that had called you jumped up to his feet, hiding something behind his back.
'Close 'yer eyes!', he asked, a big smile on his lips.
'You're not putting anything creepy on me, this time, are you..?', you asked cautiously.
It made the guys around chuckle and laugh. Hey, you were only careful. Last time he had placed a mouse on your head, that he had found on the ship.
'No, c'mon. Trust lil' ol' me, a'right?'
'...hm.. fine..', you finally agreed.
Closing your eyes, you waited. You heard shuffling, before you felt something being placed on your head. Then more shuffling, before the man told you to open your eyes. A jeweld mirror was held in front of you. Seeing your image, you noticed very quickly the diadem on your head. Gold and set with emeralds, it shimmered in the evening sun. Confused you looked towards the mate, that had placed it on your head.
'It's part of 'yer share, missy!', he explained.
'My.. share? But I didn't do anything.', you said confused.
'Maybe, but 'yer part of the family.', he said amused.
You blushed slightly, happy about how they thougth of you as part of the family. After everything, it was what you needed. A family you belonged to. <<
Coming back to the present, you felt the corner of your eyes stinging. The memories were good, but they hurt. Taking in a slightly shaking breath, you turned your gaze towards the door that lead inside. Since Kid didn't seemed up here, you supposed he was in his room, tinkering on something while waiting for your possible arrival. You went through the door, downstairs under deck, moving silently through the corridors. You knew exactly where to go, as if you never had left this place. A few moments later and you found yourself in front of the heavy looking, metallic door. The anxiety and uneasiness from before was still there, but dulled and you forced yourself to not pay much attention to it. Raising your hand, you wanted to knock on the door, but just in the moment it was opened. Startled, you stared at the man standing in the doorframe, who looked just as startled as you. When he realised it was you, you noticed an excited sparkle in his eyes.
'You're here.', he stated the obvious.
'Yeah.', you just said, crossing your arms and looking past him, just to not look at him directly.
There was a short silent pause, before he moved to the side and inviting you inside. You sighed silently, but followed his invitation and stepped into his room. It was as messy as you remembered, but non the less still cozy. He offered you the stool that stood by his desk, which you sat down on, while he grabbed a wooden chest to sit on. Leaning back in the chair and crossing your legs, you looked at him with a blank face.
'You wanted to talk. Here I am, talk.', you said.
'You took your sweet time.. But I guess that's still better than nothing..', he murmured, irritation in his voice.
'Yeah, well.. I am a busy person. And I didn't wanted to raise suspicion under my companions.', you explained dryly.
'..right.. you're traveling with that Strawhat and his crew..', he growled, furrowing his eyebrows.
'You made it clear that I wasn't welcome any longer. So yeah, I found people that are not bothered by my abilities and the danger that might come with it.', you sneered.
He opened his mouth in protest, but stopping himself before he could bite back. He knew you were right, but you were wrong about something.
'I.. I did not leave you behind, because I despised you! I had to leave you behind, because I knew I would get you in trouble and I wasn't sure if I could keep you safe from the goverment! You know that they would hunt you down, if word ever got out to them! I couldn't risk it!', he explained, trying his hardest to stay calm.
'You left me because you didn't wanted to take the responsibility if anything would have happened!', you snapped.
'That is not true!!', he snapped back.
'Oh? If it's not, why did you leave me then?! Do you know how much you made me suffer!? How much you made me doubt my life choices??!!', you ferociously growled.
He went silent, the anger in his eyes was replaced by regret. He looked to the floor, kneading his hands. He was fighting with himself for a moment, maybe even suffering under the accusations you threw at him.
'..I suffered too under my decision, (Y/N). So much so, that I tracked down an eternal pose back to this god damn island! I searched for you! But you were already gone by the time I went back! You.. I had lost you, for fucks sake! I lost you and I hated myself for it!!', he admitted whispering, before he bursted, getting up and kicking the chest he sat on before, mumbling curses under his breath because he probably hit the corner of the chest and hurted himself.
Now it was you who went quiet, watching him hobble over to his bed to support his weight, by leaning on it, while grabbing his hurt foot. Yet another sigh left you, massaging your temples. This was giving you a god damn headache.. Taking a deep breath in and exhaling, you tried to calm down.
'I left the island a week after you had set sail. I got onto a passanger ship and left, wandering around on the next best island until I met Luffy. I managed to get onto their ship and stay there until now.', you said, your gaze now fixed on the floor before you.
'..I see..', he murmured, standing straight again.
'Well, they at least let me help them fight off enemies. They don't treat me like I could break anytime. And Luffy insists that I join him.', you said plainly, shrugging your shoulders and glancing at him.
He was turned to you and there was conflict on his face. A mixture of rage and.. panic? You raised an eyebrow in response, watching him as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Knowing him, he wasn't happy about what you just had said. And you would bet everything you owned, that he was against it and would now probably try to convince you to not join them.
'..did you gave them an answer already?', he asked after a short moment of silence.
'No. I didn't. I haven't decided yet.', you answered truthfully.
'If you're happy there, you should join them. They are probably a better family for you.. ', he sighed in defeat.
That took you by surprise and you looked at him in utter disbelief. You got up, your face a mixture of anger and disappointment.
'I cannot believe you right now! You would just accept it if I joined them?? For real? I don't know what I expected, when I decided to come here, but somewhere deep down I thought you would at least fight for my forgiveness, that I would come back maybe! Instead you just go along and encourage me to join some other crew!', you snapped at him, staring at him.
The corners of your eyes started to sting and you felt how watery your eyes became, blurring your vision. You curled your hands into fists, trembling under the rage you felt. He, who normally would fight for what he thought was his, just gave up and accepted defeat! The man who you thought was too proud and stubborn to lose! Your hand slipped into your shirt and you ripped of the necklace you always wore. Presenting it to him, you felt tears running down your cheeks. The redhaired captain seemed surprised, but you weren't sure if it was because of your outburst or because you still had this necklace. Right now, you didn't even cared why he stared at you with his mouth agape.
'I told myself that it's best to forget about you and the crew and to just go on with my life! I tried to hate you! To despise you! I tried so damn hard! But I never managed to forget you or to truly hate you! I was holding onto this, because I had hopes that one day I would be able to come home!! Now you tell me, that some other crew would be a better fit for me!? You just give up on me?! Then why did you even bothered to try and talk to me?! What's the point of all this, if you're just giving up?!', you cried, grasping the necklace and holding it close to your chest.
You started to feel as desperate as back then, your heart unable to stop aching with each beat. You really had tried to keep up the defense walls, but his decision to give up on you made your walls crumble away. You clenched your eyes shut, in a try to stop the tears. There was a shifting noise and almost in an instant, you felt two strong arms wrapped around you, dragging you into a warm wall of muscles. You gasped, trying to rip yourself out of his arms, but you were too weak to escape. Instead you longed for the feeling of being hold like this. How many bad nights did you wished for this? Your hands were grasping the fabric of his coat, scared that everything was just a long dream and he would vanish any moment now. Feeling a tremble going through him, you held still and looked best as you could to his face, that was burried in the crook of your neck.
'I can't believe you still have it..', you heard him whisper.
'..I just couldn't let go of it..', you answered, while here and there little sobs and hiccups escaped you.
He hummed in response. You didn't know how long he held you like this, but you sighed soundless in disappointment when he released you from his arms. His big hands were now placed on your shoulders, while he looked at your small form. Remorse, doubt, maybe even dread lingered in his amber colored eyes. As cruel as he might have been in his life so far.. that he showed such emotions in front of you, told you how much he still trusted you.
'..I am sorry, (Y/N).. I really am..', he then said, his voice again just over a whisper.
You bit your bottom lip, the tears streaming down your cheeks. You hiccuped in between, trying so hard to calm down, but to no avail. Instead you threw punches against his chest, weak and desperate.
'You're an idiot! That's what you are! A big, dumb jellyfish!', you whined, throwing him punches and insults alike.
The captain of the Victoria Punk endured the tirade without a word, just looking at you with remorseful eyes. When you finished your rant, you had to breath through, before you could say anything else. Kid raised a hand, laying it on your cheek and cleaning the tear stains on it. You looked up at him, your sad, big (E/C) orbs making him feel even more regretful.
'..will you come back to us..? Will you give us another chance..?', he asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
You thought about it for a moment, before you answered with a nod. He dragged you into another hug, holding your small form against him, hoping to never have to let go of you again. Your arms snaked around his mid, while you pressed yourself against him, hoping the same.
'...I missed you..', he then whispered.
'..I missed you too.. Stupid idiot..', you murmured, sniffling.
He knew that he would have to endure the little insults for a while and he knew that he had to keep working on showing how sorry he was. But one thing was for sure, he would never ever let go of you again. He had learned his lesson. And he would give everything to ensure your safety. He would not run away like last time..