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Sasuke never regretted his decision to not use a jutsu as a prosthetic the way Naruto did. He told himself he was plenty good enough to be a ninja without it. He was right. Sakura had said he was trying to punish himself. She knew she was right even if he didn’t tell her. Naruto thought it was both. So, Sasuke supposed that they all got the points. They were all right. Good for them.
Sasuke never regretted it. Well, almost never.
Because he wished more than anything that he had two hands and could touch Naruto the way he wanted to. And the way he wanted to was more.
More, more, more.
He wanted to be able to put his arms around him and kiss him and hold him and–
Right now, he wanted to be able to lay here next to him and watch him sleep. He supposed he didn’t need both hands for that. His fingers tracing the Uchiha fan emblazoned over Naruto’s back was enough for now.
Sasuke was a possessive person by nature, but Naruto didn’t seem to mind. He seemed, actually, to like it. For the majority of both of their lives they had had things taken away from them. Or, in Naruto’s case, had never had them at all. Sasuke had never wanted to belong to anyone before. One of their first nights in this apartment, and one of the thousands of Sasuke’s sleepless nights, Naruto had turned over in bed, pulled him closer, and whispered, mine, in the rough voice he has when he’s half asleep. Sasuke thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest.
He liked belonging to Naruto. It didn’t make him feel controlled or powerless, it made him feel safe and taken care of and wanted in a way no one had wanted him before.
Sasuke may do this more than he actually sleeps, tracing his fingers over this fan that Naruto wore so often. He was perfectly fine with that. There were far worse things he had done in the past when he couldn’t sleep. In sleepless hours like these when blue eyes and blonde hair and tan freckles were all he could think about except that the person who owned them was an unreachable world away.
But that was then. Now he was here, in the apartment he and Naruto had together in Konoha.
Sasuke had never been very good at keeping a sleep schedule. Before his clan was killed, he had blamed it on Itachi. Sasuke loved following his brother around and watching him train at all manner of early hours in the morning. He had always been an anxious child, but after his clan was gone, anxiety had crept further into his sleep. Nightmares threatened him when he tried to doze off, so he just… wouldn’t. For as long as he could physically stand it.
When he left Konoha, and in the years after, was when his nightmares became what they are now. Mixes and swirls of his family dying, of he and Itachi’s fight, and, increasing exponentially the further from Konoha he traveled, all the horrifying ways he could lose the man laying next to him. Naruto wounded, hurt or dying or already dead. The worst of the nightmares made sure to make it clear that it was Sasuke that had killed him. It was a dream like that that had woken him up tonight, he tried not to think about it. So he thought about Naruto.
Naruto had been so distracting. There were times, when he was working with Orochimaru, that Sasuke had been able to push Naruto from his mind, but only because he had pushed everything from his mind. Himself included. If he was no one then no one mattered, but if he was Sasuke Uchiha, then Naruto Uzumaki was always there.
Sasuke sighed, his fingers finished tracing the fan on Naruto’s shirt. Seeing his clan’s symbol on Naruto wasn’t anything Sasuke thought he would ever, ever see. There was a time, not all that long ago, where he was sure he would be the last. The last of the Uchiha clan, the last of his family. Being alone protected him. He had nothing to lose, and, during the worst of it, nothing he was looking to gain. And now he had this.
He stood as carefully and quietly as he could, so as not to wake Naruto, and made his way downstairs to their kitchen.
This is what he would always do when he couldn’t sleep. It had become routine. He would try to sleep, would end up getting lost in his head, then get back up and make something to eat or drink. Something hot and relaxing. Tonight he decided on sake. He sat on the counter, sipping on his drink and thinking more, because that’s all he could seem to do this late at night (morning?).
It was beginning to rain, Sasuke could hear gentle taps on the window. He had half a mind to go sit outside on their balcony, but he would definitely wake Naruto then, so he stayed where he was. As it turns out he wouldn’t have woken him anyway.
“I want some too,” Naruto’s voice came from behind him.
Sasuke smiled, not turning around and waiting for Naruto to come to him. When Naruto walked around the counter to stand in front of him, he finished off the glass.
“Teme!”
Sasuke smiled as Naruto took the cup, draining the last few drops before placing it on the counter next to them. Naruto was bracketed between his knees.
“Can’t sleep?”
Sasuke shook his head. Naruto sighed.
“Well, we’ll just not sleep together, then.”
“The bruises on my neck say otherwise,” Sasuke said with a small smile.
“That’s not what I meant!” Naruto was blushing.
Sasuke let out a light laugh, drawing Naruto in closer. “Did I wake you up?”
Naruto shook his head. “Thunder.”
Sasuke frowned. He hadn’t noticed the storm had gotten stronger. He supposed, then, Naruto still took up most of his attention even when he was just in the other room.
“What kept you from sleeping?”
“The usual,” Sasuke said quietly.
Naruto ducked his head a bit to look at Sasuke. “So, everything?”
“Usuratonkachi.”
Naruto breathed out a laugh. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Sasuke looked up at him carefully.
“Was I in it?”
He nodded. Naruto took his good hand (well, his existing hand), placing it under his jaw, then after a moment his chest. He didn’t need to, Sasuke could feel his heartbeat through the chakra that still connected them, even if the sun and moon tattoos had been blown away. But it was strongest when he was touching him, he liked that.
He could feel Naruto’s heartbeat now, under his fingertips. Closing his eyes, he bumped his forehead against Naruto’s. He heard Naruto talk and could tell he was smiling.
“You’re like a cat.”
Just to entertain him, smiling, Sasuke lifted his head maybe half an inch and bumped it against Naruto’s again. Naruto laughed, pushing back until Sasuke lifted his head and kissing him lightly.
“Sap,” Sasuke said when Naruto tilted his head back to look at him.
“Only for you, Sasuke,” Naruto said, gazing at him. After a moment, Naruto leaned back in, kissing gently along his jaw, down his neck. Sasuke tilted his head a bit, giving Naruto more access to his skin while asking, “what are you doing, usuratonkachi?”
“Well,” Naruto said, between brushing his mouth along his collarbone, “you said you liked the bruises on your neck.”
“Did I?”
Naruto hummed. “That’s what I heard.” Sasuke let his head tilt back, sighing.
Naruto stopped. “Are you hungry?”
Sasuke opened his eyes; looked back at him incredulously. “It’s three in the morning,” he said flatly.
“That wasn’t a no,” Naruto said, pulling away and going towards the fridge. How dare–
“You are–” Sasuke said, searching for the words, “insufferable, intolerable, impossible–” Naruto was smiling, laughing, “–smug, cocky, arrogant, dreadful–” his words were cut off when Naruto kissed him again and Sasuke could never stay mad at him when he kissed him like that.
When they broke apart, Sasuke said, “make me something with tomatoes.”
“I know, I know,” Naruto said, already back to digging through their fridge.
Sasuke smiled contentedly, watching Naruto wander around the kitchen with the symbol of the Uchiha clan decorating his clothes.