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“You’re a damn diva and a princess Kerry, and you wouldn’t know a hard day’s work if it got down on its knees and blew you,” V said, seething, as he stormed away from Kerry and into the kitchen of the condo.
“Oh, well just fuck you V. How fucking hard is it to remember to pick up gin? I don’t ask for much!”
V found the nearest alcohol – thankfully whiskey and not that watermelon liqueur shit Kerry had been partial to lately – and unscrewed the lid, drinking at least two fingers directly from the bottle. “Today it was gin. Yesterday it was coffee and cigarettes. Day before that you had me go all the way to Watson to get you that Chinese you like because you ‘had a hard day,’ which for you must mean you only got a three-hour nap instead of your usual five-hour one. I know we’re saving all the money we can on frivolous shit as you get the label off the ground, so you can’t get some PA to do it like before. But I’m working all day Kerry; I’m not your fucking errand boy.”
Kerry snatched the whiskey from V’s hands, and the rocker took a swig. “I work too dammit! Don’t give me that shit! I just thought while you were out…”
“While I was out working!” V interrupted.
“And out. You were still out.”
“Oh, for the love of…why can’t you get your own shit? And so help me, if you say that you couldn’t because you were tired or had a long day I will murder you.”
Kerry stood silently and stared at V. The merc sighed, took back the whiskey bottle, and drank deeply. “You’re not speaking now because that’s what you were going to say, isn’t it?”
“Nope.”
“So you’re silent now because…”
Kerry’s blank stare continued, much to V’s annoyance.
“You do see you’re being ridiculous Ker? You do see that, right?”
“I don’t think I am. I worked a twelve-hour day today V.”
“Uh huh. And how much of that day involved you sitting on a leather couch, drinking, smoking, and trying to come up with lyrics on the same song you’ve been working on for the past five weeks?”
“Most of it, but that’s my job!”
V threw up his hands, exasperated, whiskey sloshing out as he moved the bottle violently. “That’s my point! You worked twelve hours, but it was barely work! You couldn’t hack it in a normal job like mine. Do you know what my ten-hour day looked like?”
“Oh, do tell, husband of mine,” Kerry said, arms crossed in front of him showing his ire. V loved his husband, but at times like these, he wanted to smack his stupid gonk spouse upside the head.
“Well first, I spent an hour going through resumes, because I had a show-boating gonk of a merc bite the dust last week and I still need people for the jobs I have lined up. Then two hours of interviews with what must be the absolute dregs of Night City’s merc market. One of them showed up in sandals Kerry. Sandals. You ever seen a merc in sandals?”
“I guess not…”
“Exactly! You can’t run in ‘em, you stub your toes in ‘em, and this gonk comes in and acts like I’m losing my mind when I tell him no merc worth a damn would wear sandals.” V sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So I hire two people that I expect I’ll have to either bury or can in the next two months, which means I get to do this all over again.”
Kerry nods. “Alright, so that definitely sucks.”
“It’s gets worse. At lunch, a bunch of corpo rats that are in Night City for some Militech conference decide to come slum it ‘for the Night City experience’ and all I have is one bartender for the lunch rush. Since I’m short-staffed, I end up playing busboy for three hours until I can bribe someone to come in early and take over for me. I need to be lining up jobs to keep the place going, and instead I’m washing glasses while some executive bitch is trying to feel up my ass because she’s a lightweight that can’t handle two margaritas.”
“Okay, so maybe your day is harder than I thought,” Kerry said with some sheepishness. Good, V thought. He’s starting to realize he’s an ass so maybe I won’t have to strangle him and become a widower.
“Oh I’m not even finished. I finally wrap that shit up and then immediately have to listen to an angry client scream at me for a half hour and demand his money back because that stupid gonk that died last week didn’t complete the job. Then after that, what do I get to do for the rest of the day? Paperwork. The fucking taxes are due and I don’t trust an accountant to do them - since I had to kill the last one for trying to steal from me - so it’s just three-and-a-half hours of receipts and tax forms.’
‘But none of those things were the worst part of my day. Know what was the worst part of my day? When I come home, so relieved to be back here and seeing you after my nightmare at work, and the first thing out of your mouth is ‘No gin?’”
V’s husband looked at him apologetically. “You’re right. I’m sorry babe. I was an ass. And I’m also sorry your day sucked.”
“Thanks for the apology Ker. And I’m sorry for insinuating you don’t work. I know you do.” V sat the whiskey on the counter behind him, smiled at his mainline, then leaned forward and gently cupped Kerry’s right cheek affectionately. “But I still think you wouldn’t survive working a normal job.”
Kerry stepped back, insulted. “Of course I would! I worked regular jobs before. You know I worked on a boat before I wrote 'Bleed the Beat.'”
“Ker, that was forever ago. You haven’t worked as a server on a ship since you were employed on the Titanic.”
“I may feel bad because I was an ass, but it doesn’t mean I won’t bend you over my knee for being a little shit,” the rocker said with a glare.
V held up his hands and capitulated. “Fine. But I bet you that you couldn’t last a week at a real job.”
Kerry looked thoughtful. “What we betting?”
The merc was taken aback at the response. “Wait, what? I wasn’t serious.”
“Well get serious. What’s the bet?”
“I have no idea…”
Kerry looked thoughtful, then his face lit up. “I’ve got it! I make it one week at a regular job, and you sit for a painting that matches my one at the villa.”
“Oh noooooo. We’re not discussing this for the thousandth time. I’m not posing for a naked painting.”
His husband laughed. “It’d be classy! You could use a sniper rifle to cover your delicate bits, give that intimidating vibe I love so much.”
“Fuck. No.”
“Well then, you’re basically admitting I would last a week.”
V balked. “As if Eurodyne! You can’t hack it!”
“Then it’d be an easy win.”
“And if you lose?”
“I won’t,” Kerry said smiling. “But just so you buy in, if I lose, I’ll take down my naked painting.”
V emitted a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck. I can’t wait until that monstrosity is gone.”
“It’s art babe. Art.”
“It is garbage, and I can’t wait to throw it in the trash when you lose.”
Kerry smirked. “I guess we’ll see.”
*Night 1
“How can I help you?” Kerry said, as he stood disguised behind the register. It was his first night at work at Caliente’s, so V hadn’t yet seen how Kerry was going to hide his identity for the length of the bet.
V had to admit it wasn’t a bad get-up. He could tell who it was because he knew his husband, but a person off the street probably would have no idea it was Kerry unless they placed him from his voice. The rocker was wearing prosthetics on his face and neck to cover up his signature gold cyberware, his Kiroshis had changed to slate gray, and he was wearing a brunette wig with bangs that hung in his eyes. It was actually a really good look for the man.
“You’re kinda hot looking like this babe,” V said as he took in his mainline’s new look.
“Nuh uh. I’m at work. While I’m here I’m not your mainline, and I will not be hit on.” Kerry’s voice lowered to a whisper only V could hear. “But if you want me to still look like this when you fuck me after work tonight, I’m more than willing.”
V rolled his eyes. “You’ll be far too tired for anything like that Ker.”
“It’s Dave actually.”
The merc sighed in response. “Alright Dave. You’re never going to make it the whole week. I’ll make sure of it. Moved my schedule around so I can be here every night when you are, cause I want to make sure you’re working.”
It was now Kerry’s turn to sigh. “You wanna waste your time here, that’s on you. But you can’t stay unless you order something.”
“One black coffee and an easy win please.” V said with a smirk.
“Sure. One coffee and a week until you eat your words coming right up.”
*Night 3
V laughed as he took in the startled faces of the couple seated closest to him. “I think they wanted the coffee in the cup, not all over their table.”
“I’ll pour the next one on your fucking head if you don’t shut up,” Kerry mumbled as he walked by to fetch a towel.
*Night 4
V looked down on the burnt monstrosity that he believed was supposed to be the burrito he ordered.
“You know, if I wanted to eat a rock, I would have just grabbed one outside for free.”
Kerry scowled. “If you say one more word about this, you’ll be eating your next meal through a straw after I break your jaw.”
V smiled. “Do you want me to give the burrito back so you can use it to crush my face? It’s certainly hard enough to do it.”
“I hate you V.”
*Night 5
V glanced up from his datapad at what sounded like every plate in the restaurant breaking at once. Standing beside a pile of broken ceramic was his exasperated husband.
Kerry was expecting V this time, and the rocker put his hand up in a stopping gesture before his mainline had a chance to speak.
“NOT. A. WORD.”
V grinned and went back to sipping his coffee.
*Night 7
Kerry had somehow made it to the end of the week, but V still made sure to stop by to confirm that Kerry held up his end of the bargain. The merc walked into the store to see his mainline embroiled in a yelling match with a customer.
“Look here you little shit. You hit on Rachel one more fucking time, and I will drag you across this counter and beat you with a coffee pot.” Kerry’s face was red with anger, but the gonk-ass at the register wasn’t intimidated in the slightest. He reeked of corpo with his slicked back ashen hair and eyes hidden behind the sunglasses he was inexplicably wearing at three in the morning.
He leaned in towards Kerry, trying to make him back off, but the rocker stood his ground. “You beat me? That’s as rich as you aren’t. I have chrome in me worth more than everything you own, and every bit of it will help me crush your street trash face into the ground. And if you DO come after me, I will make sure my friends at the NCPD lock you away for the rest of your worthless life. You can’t do a thing to stop me, and I don’t know of a single person in this city that can.”
Smiling, V tapped on the corpo’s shoulder, and the man swung around to face the merc. V caught Kerry’s gaze as the rocker stood grinning behind the counter. “He doesn’t know a single person in this city that can take him down? How hasn’t he heard of me yet?”
The rocker smiled as the man who had just been threatening him started to realize that he had antagonized the husband of the biggest merc in the Free States. “Dunno V. I’ll have to get my PR team on it, really get the word out there.”
“You do that babe.” V stepped forward, and the eyes of the corpo widened as he hurriedly backed up. There wasn’t much room between him and the register, and when his back hit the counter, he froze. V reached up and grabbed the man around the neck, causing the corpo to emit a loud and terrified whine.
“Alright shitbag, let me make this clear. You come in here and harass anyone again, or you ever try and even breathe on my husband, and I will rip your dick off and make you choke on it.” V squeezed his hand just a little tighter, adding some extra pressure on the prick’s windpipe to really get his point across. “You understand me?”
The corpo nodded as emphatically as he could with the merc’s hand around his throat, and V then released his grasp on the man. As soon as V’s hands were removed, the man pushed past the merc and ran out the door.
Kerry untied his apron and began to fold it. “Thanks for defending me babe, but I think we drew some attention. Won’t be long until word gets out that I’ve been working here. But since my shift is done, and it’s day seven, it’s time to pack it up anyways.”
“I can’t believe you won.” V groused, shaking his head.
“Yuuuuuuup,” the rocker said, popping the ‘p’ to be extra annoying. “Oh, one more thing. Hey Ricky!” Kerry yelled as he turned to the back room behind him. “Come out here!”
The manager emerged from the office, smiling. “Eh! You made it the whole week!”
“Sure did Rick.” Kerry’s eyes then flashed blue. “And that’s the ten thousand I owe you for hiring me.”
Ricky smiled back as the payment went through. “It was a pleasure Eurodyne.” The manager turned and nodded towards a flabbergasted and speechless V. “Pleasure to see you too V, as always.” Mr. Gonzales then headed back to his office, shutting the door and jolting the merc out of his stupor.”
“You fucking son of a bitch. You cheated!”
Kerry smiled that kilowatt grin that V loved on most occasions. Not now of course, because he had been had. “I don’t remember a rule that said I couldn’t pay to work. Just that I had to have a job.”
“You know that’s not what I meant!”
“Couldn’t tell what you meant V, cause you didn’t say it.”
V made a grumble of displeasure. “You fucking sneaky, lying, cheating asshole…”
“And winner V,” Kerry said with glee. “You forgot winner.”
Kerry hugged V from behind, chin resting on the merc’s shoulder. “I told you it’d be classy.”
V groaned and shut his eyes. “I still see it every time I close my eyelids Ker. Its tackiness haunts my every moment.”
The rocker smirked against V’s back as he took in the painting of his husband in all his naked glory. “The sniper rifle was a nice touch.”
“I can’t believe I still followed through with it after you cheated.”
Kerry scoffed. “Cause you knew I used a legitimate loophole. You have no one to blame but yourself on that one.”
"And I also can't believe that you spent 10k just to prove a point. I thought you were trying to save money?"
The rocker smiled at his husband. "Eh, label is doing fine. Seemed worth the investment, and we both know I've spent way more money on stupider shit."
V rolled his eyes. “You know, if you didn't cheat, you would have never made it a week Ker,” V grumbled.
“Hmmm…” replied the rocker. “Wanna go double or nothing?”