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“Yeah, they’re still holding practice even though it’s a half day. I’m so happy.” Kate threw her backpack next to the sturdy trunk of a tree and hoped her mom wouldn’t hear it through the phone.
“Oh. Why are you so out of breath?”
Kate stole a glance at the hill below and imagined Chess standing next to her. Don’t be an asshole, Kate, the ghost said. If you get grounded I can’t drive you home, remember?
A year ago, she would have considered those words and would have reluctantly admitted that Chess-the real Chess- was right. But this Chess was a figment of her imagination, and Kate was driving herself home tonight.
“I’m just so dedicated to my art,” she said shortly.
Her mom sighed. “Yeah, whatever, smartass. Remember to go on that website and-“
“If you say one more thing about college right now, I swear to god I’m driving up to Dad’s house and staying there for a week.”
Give me the phone, imaginary Chess said. Stop talking.
“Kaitlyn Dalton,” her mom said sternly. “I suggest you check your attitude before I get home tonight. And sign up for that college visit. And the SAT registration deadline is today. You need to actually study this time. Stop mouthing off to me and fill it out or else you’re paying the fee with your paycheck, missy.”
“Okay. See you in a week.” They hung up before her mom could answer.
She collapsed onto the grass and unzipped her backpack. Inside was a bouquet of pink camellias, bought from the grocery store this morning when Kate had also lied to her mom and said she was going to school early for a college fair.
Despite the fact that Kate usually avoided pink like the plague, they looked nice tucked neatly with everything else. Several others had left things at the tree, too. Some were left over from last year, and some were clearly new. Now empty candle jars and matted, weather worn teddy bears held fresh flowers from every color of the rainbow. She couldn’t help but smile as they arranged the flowers among the others.
Ha. Gay.
They had no idea who else was leaving things there. The team, maybe. A few times they had seen Mattie passing by, only to hurry away as soon Kate spotted her.
You don’t need to run away, Kate wanted to tell her. I don’t care.
She rubbed fallen leaves off the surface of the plaque.
In Loving Memory of Francesca
“Chess” Belmont
Never forgotten, forever missed.
2002-2019
Goddamn cheesy bastards, Kate had said at the Board Meeting. How dare you pretend that you give a shit about her now.
She was lucky she didn’t get suspended for that one.
After she was satisfied with how it looked, she sat, leaning against the trunk. One of the biggest trees on school property.
Kate and Annleigh both had a lot of thoughts about the fact that the school didn’t even bother to plant a new tree or something. One more thing to trauma bond over, I guess.
They just got some stupid stone plaques and threw some hearts on it and called it a day. They expressed their sympathy and how torn apart they were about this tragedy while Annleigh and Kate sat in the corner, lips fused together in thin, angry lines.
“This is on their paid time,” Kate had said bitterly. “When they clock out this afternoon they can go home and forget about all of this.”
Annleigh hadn’t been very responsive the entire time, but she looked at Kate and nodded.
They deserve better, Kate thought. Every morning. They deserve better.
They deserve better than what happened to them.
They deserved to live.
They deserved people who were able to make it a ‘not so shitty’ memorial.
Kate sat and watched as a baby deer cautiously stepped out of the forest.
She’d never admit it out loud, but it could have been worse. The whole time Chess was in high school this was the tree whose leaves became most colorful in the fall. Last year the leaves all fell off after a week, as if it were grieving with them all. And it was pretty. Up on a hill, near a bunch of soccer fields, for some ungodly reason. The grass in the shade was soft underneath. A perfect spot to read, maybe under different circumstances.
It was where she came every chance she could. When practice got too overwhelming. When she stayed after school because she didn’t want to go home. She came and sat and did homework and read her books. This week she’d been reading “The Perks of Being A Wallflower” out loud.
School is closer than the cemetery.
It would’ve been completely comfortable if not for the reason she was there. The wind blew slightly through the leaves. The sun was shining. Not too hot and not too cold. All the mosquitoes had gone back to hell where they belonged.
It’s peaceful here, Kate thought. Maybe she’s okay with this. Maybe she gets to climb this tree all day and sleep in the branches like we did when we were kids.
This was one of two places she allowed herself to think of Chess. Completely alone. The rest of the day she tried as hard as she possibly could to shove it from her mind, guilty as it made her feel.
As it turned out, Kate was stubborn to the point that she couldn’t even listen to herself.
She tried to read again.
Tried to take a deep breath.
Tried to stop imagining herself walking into that prison visiting area and beating a certain someone to death with their bare hands.
Damn. That’s twisted.
They could already see it in their mind. Their therapists face would scrunch up and try very hard to hide any judgement when she heard about that fun little thought.“Okay, I’m sensing a lot of anger.Is this our healthiest response to this trauma? Do you think that place is setting you backwards?”
Kate shrugged the scenario away. It was nobody’s goddamn business whether she was sending herself backwards. She could shoot herself out a cannon towards the past and still tell anyone who tried to interfere to fuck off.
Trauma, my ass, she thought defiantly, opening her book for the third time and determined to read. This time out of spite if nothing else.
They focused on the words.
Ignore the pictures.
Ignore the thoughts.
I am reading to Chess.
Everything is fine.
Before they could realize it or do anything to stop it, her eyes became heavy. They forgot about the SATs and the college tours and the fact that now, for the first time in the history of the whole world, she was the same age as Chess. Her head rested on the giant tree trunk and the book slipped out of her hands unintentionally.
And for a second it was completely quiet.
Kate slept for the first time in almost twenty-four hours. The only distant sounds were cars on the main road and the leaves, rustling and falling softly to the ground.
And then a girl slowly climbed down from the oldest tree on the property. She rose from her hammock of strong tree limbs and was careful not to make a noise, despite having no weight to possibly snap a twig even if she wanted to.
Chess was still used to having a body, even after a full year.
She stared at Kate for a second.
You stubborn, sleep deprived little shit.
She used as much energy as she could to place a leaf in between the book’s pages. Kate moved like she was being chased when she was sleeping, it was honestly impressive that she’d been this still for the past ten seconds.
They looked peaceful.
For once.
Chess crept to sit down next to Kate, resting her head just an inch away on the trunk.
Her eyes scanned the field.
The parking lot.
The woods.
Coast is clear. Nobody’s gonna bother her, for now at least.
God help anyone who tries.
“Good night,” she said jokingly, and she hoped that somehow Kate could hear it. “Get some rest, Katie.”