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1.
Mingi and Yeosang found out their homes were in the same direction, and Yeosang insisted on them walking together. They didn’t talk a lot and that was okay, more than okay. There was something about walking at night, the crisp air being a balm on Mingi's overactive mind. But even more, there was something about walking side by side with Yeosang. Mingi's long legs but slower gait paired well with Yeosang's naturally shorter legs. That wasn’t to say the man didn’t have legs for days but he was still on the short end of things (although Yeosang claimed Mingi was just a giant and yeah, that was fair).
Mingi pulled up the rain ASMR Seonghwa recommended. That, the cool air, and Yeosang helped put him at ease. It was desperately needed after the grueling day. Mingi grimaced as the memories threatened to resurface. He was having such a pleasant walk and he didn’t want to go back to the negativity, so he talked instead.
“You didn’t have to wait for me, I know I was late.”
“That’s all the more reason to wait, make sure you’re okay. Drinking plenty of water, right?”
Yeosang turned to look at Mingi with that raised eyebrow he swore he saw him rehearsing in the mirror during practice once.
He adjusted his bag to show off the water bottle tucked away in the side pocket.
“Drank enough to refill it twice.”
“Good.”
They were quiet for a while, enough that Mingi considered not pushing the question.
It was Yeosang who broke the silence.
“The instructor was being too hard on you. You really did a good job.”
“Considering that i missed the last dance practices because of my stupid back injury? Sure.”
It was a sore subject. Literally. He was fine now but he’s been bedridden too many times because of it. Whoever came up with the phrase “I’ve got your back” had clearly never had to deal with Mingi's. Otherwise that phrase would be about betrayal.
“You don’t need to be so hard on yourself.”
“Coming from you.”
It was meant to be said under Mingi’s breath but it came out more forcefully than he intended. Surprisingly it was Mingi who flinched at the words, not Yeosang.
“I know,” Yeosang said with smile that Mingi would place somewhere between wistful and an attempt at light hearted. “We can both afford to be kinder to ourselves, can’t we?”
“We’re almost as bad as Hongjoong, ghosts of the studios.”
That got a genuine smile from Yeosang, and Mingi couldn’t help but he feel he won at something, having been the reason for that reaction from Yeosang.
“What about you, though?”
“Well maybe this is for me too.”
They didn’t talk about it again. And while waiting for each other, no matter the hours, had come up from time to time, it was now a guarantee between the two.
It made Mingi’s nights better and Yeosang’s too, no matter how hard it was for Mingi to believe the last part sometimes.
2.
Mingi didn’t mean to not save Yeosang’s phone number, but now that he had it he didn’t know what to do with it.
Did he give Yeosang a cute nickname or just Kang Yeosang? Yeosang managed to find a nice in between, saving his as Mingki, a nickname that had slipped out due to Yeosang talking too fast, and now it worked as a sentimental but not overbearing contact.
He should not be thinking too much about a contact. Kakoa M didn’t pose this much trouble and it still let them talk.
He pushed call instead of edit contact. Some would call it stalling, and Mingi would be one of those people.
“Mingi?” Yeosang asked, voice thick with sleep.
“Shit.”
“Wrong number again?”
“No! I meant to call you,” Mingi reassured. then to make it obvious he added, “Yeosang.”
He expected a joke or hidden quip but instead Yeosang said, “I wondered how long it’d take for you to call.”
“How? It’s late- wow really late, sorry- I didn’t even plan on calling you.”
That got a low pitched laugh out of Yeosang and Mingi found himself leaning forward. To hear better? To run down the hall to Yeosang himself? He didn’t know. He didn’t know a lot of things, apparently.
“Don’t apologize, night owl.”
“But owls are supposed to be wise and I didn’t even remember to save your phone number.”
It was quiet after that, long enough for Mingi to start thinking Yeosang going back to sleep would be the best case scenario.
“I know this will sound fake because these things always feel like that when they’re said about ourselves, but you’re a genius. Definitely in more ways than you give yourself credit for. Mathematical, lyrical, dancing, and just in being there.”
Yeosang was right, that did sound fake. If anything Yeosang was the genius of the two.
“It’s you who’s always there for me though. It’s you who-”
“No need to drag someone else down to compliment another.”
“See it’s these kinds of things that make you a genius.”
All Mingi got was a hum that reminded him of Yeosang’s deep range.
“I’m not mad at you for not saving my contact. The guys made a bigger deal about it than it actually was. It’s not like we don’t talk. You’re literally down the hall from me, we hang out basically everyday, and we send each other messages on social media all the time. Having a contact saved isn’t a measure of how much someone cares about someone else.”
It was moments like these Mingi was reminded of Yeosang’s ability to see things others didn’t, sometimes even themselves.
“That’s how I knew you’d call me. You’re the type of person to who doesn’t want anyone to hurt. And you don’t hurt people, Mingi, it’s not in you to do that.”
He wanted to argue against that, but then he remembered Yeosang’s words from earlier.
So he swallowed down the disbelief and managed to get out, “Thank you.”
He wanted to say more, to return all of the compliments Yeosang gave him and then more. but Yeosang just gave a simple “Goodnight” and that was that.
Mingi set the contact to Yeosang 💛. He didn’t know it was because the man recently went blonde, it reminded him of a halo for angel, or maybe because Yeosang simply brought him joy- color theory. He definitely didn’t ask himself why he went with a heart. (He knew, he just didn’t want to deal with the answer right now).
3.
It should have been obvious. Yeosang had asked Mingi about how he felt towards Yunho, friends for so many years and thrown into similar whirlwind circumstances. He was too busy waxing poetics about how much Yunho meant to him to notice Yeosang’s own confirmation of sorts.
“So it’s just me then.”
Mingi didn’t know what to make of that, wondering if the words were even meant to be said aloud.
Then it dawned on him, a possibility that made him feel bittersweet for reasons he couldn’t pinpoint.
“You like Yunho?”
“Not like that.”
He didn’t elaborate, and it was an unspoken rule to respect their moments of silence.
It almost sounded like Yeosang liked someone, though. He contemplated but he got confirmation from San.
Yeosang liked Wooyoung, and Wooyoung hated that he didn’t like Yeosang like that.
When asked how San fit into that equation, he explained that Wooyoung came to him to ask about how San felt about his classmate and friend Yeonjun.
Despite Mingi and San fulfilling the same role, they handled it differently, felt it differently. Mingi knew it was evident, but San seemed to be tired of getting caught up in these things and asked if he wanted to play a video game instead.
Beating San at the zombie game gave Mingi enough confidence to talk to Yeosang about it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You weren’t the only one, Wooyoung-ah didn’t know either.”
The remark settled heavy in Mingi’s gut and he wasn’t quite aware of the words until they’re already out of his mouth, “Was it worth it, confessing?”
“I waited until I was okay with any result.”
Mingi wasn’t sure if that made Yeosang selfless or dumb. There was an air of emotional maturity in the decision, probably rooted from their longtime friendship. The type of love that didn’t need to be returned for it to hold steadfast. But what did that make Yeosang? Pining for so long in silence, waiting until his feelings- what did his feelings do? Did they change, the love for Wooyoung evolving from platonic to crushing to accepting of either? Or maybe this was love in its purest form, existing despite externalities.
“You’re confusing.”
“Wooyoung thought so too. Love doesn’t always exist to be understood, sometimes it just needs to be felt.”
There was an underlying message there: Yeosang thought the best love he could give to Wooyoung was malleable.
Mingi’s love was selfish in a sense, solid in its existence. But here’s the thing with a love that’s solid, it’s fragile. More opportune to be broken and hurting himself with shards that he can’t sweep up from under him.
It was because of that Mingi felt a hairline crack. It was because Wooyoung didn’t like Yeosang back in the way Yeosang wanted. It was because Yeosang would never admit that. It was because of Yeosang.
+1.
Yeosang didn’t initiate touch, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want it. Mingi saw it in the way that he flinched away from San’s cheek kisses but smiled afterwards, saw it in the way that he let Jongho use him as his own personal teddy bear. But Yeosang never reached out himself. He wanted to, Mingi knew that much. he recognized the look of wanting something but being scared to take it, being scared you don’t deserve it.
His hands trembled, partially from his tremors and partially from being so uncertain, and they hovered, they always hovered.
So Mingi reached over to grab Yeosang’s hand in his own. Marveling at how big they were despite his small stature. He gave them a squeeze in hopes of sending words that he could never express as eloquently as Yeosang managed.
It’s okay. You deserve this. My hand is yours to hold and guide whenever you need it.
Yeosang turned to smile at him but didn’t return the squeeze. Instead he wiggled his hand out of Mingi’s grasp. During the process Mingi caught sight of the finger brace.
“I forgot, sorry.”
He wanted to shove his hands back in his hoodie and maybe thunk his head on the table hard enough to forget the last five minutes ever existed.
But before you could, Yeosang had set his other hand on the table, palm up and ready to be held.
So Mingi intertwined their fingers and this time Yeosang was the one to squeeze their hands.
Please don’t let go.
So Mingi didn’t. He kept on reaching out to Yeosang.
After the meeting, Mingi saw Yeosang standing to the side after giving Yunho a big hug. His arms were halfway open but he didn’t make any movements towards Mingi, it was heartbreaking. So Mingi moved towards him instead. He was reminded of their height difference, of how well Yeosang fit with Mingi. And if he had to pick any particular moment of when their puzzle pieces finally clicked together, it would be Yeosang standing on his tiptoes for the hug.
“You can always just ask for these things,” Mingi whispered into Yeosang’s ear. “You deserve wanting things and asking for them.”
I’ll give them to you.
Yeosang held Mingi tighter at those words.
“Don’t let go then.”
“I’m going to have to let go eventually,” Mingi teased but tightened his grip on Yeosang all the same. “But I’ll be here, I’ll come back to you.”
Mingi wanted to give Yeosang as much as Yeosang had given him. He wanted to give reassurances and reminders that everything was going to be alright. But they didn’t need words for that. Sometimes a bone crushing hug (after nearly crushing injured fingers) was all they needed.
After all this time, Mingi had realized that Yeosang was patient. He used to wait for Mingi to get done so they could walk home together, he waited for Mingi to call him, and he waited until he was over his emotions before confessing to Wooyoung.
And Mingi wanted to give that patience back to Yeosang. He would wait for Yeosang to accept his too solid, clumsy love.