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Crack in his chassis. Lost the second he laid a hand on Dean Winchester in Hell. A spanner in the works, always requiring other angels to sacrifice for him. A rebel angel with a cause, who’d been god more often than their estranged father. The angel in love with humanity. All those things were what people said was wrong with him, according to Heaven. He certainly wouldn’t deny that last one. While the other claims may not have been entirely truthful, Castiel’s love for humanity was undeniable and always had been.
Castiel leaned forward, elbows resting on his thighs. For millennia he used to look at himself as a good, loyal soldier ready and willing to do whatever was necessary to serve Heaven’s purpose. Or so he’d thought. Then something happened. Castiel could never pinpoint when the slide towards falling started. When Castiel began thinking that his father’s idea of free will was nothing more than a length of rope to hang yourself with. There was, however, no doubt that the acceleration, that fast-track, joy-ride straight to being hated amongst his own kind began with Dean. Despite the pain and the heartache, Castiel didn’t and would never regret a second of it.
He'd said it himself once, “Everyone loves something.” What he’d meant was someone because that’s what had happened. Even then, he’d not had the courage to speak up. Oh, he’d said the words out loud the way a human would to their siblings or to their children. He’d meant them; Castiel truly loved Sam, Mary, and Jack that way.
A song played in the background. He’d had the same one on repeat for so long now that he’d lost track of the times he’d heard the lines:
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
The old Castiel, the loyal soldier from the garrison had never imagined that he'd fall so deeply in love with any other being. But he had. Castiel loved Dean exactly the way the lyrics described. But no matter what he thought he might have heard or caught glimpses of in Dean’s mind, Castiel couldn’t be entirely sure what he wanted to say would be well-received. Not even after Dean’s prayer in Purgatory. Then there was the deal with the Empty. Castiel had no choice but to make that deal, Jack’s future was at stake. What loving father wouldn’t do the same for their child?
All these musings had brought Castiel to the present moment in the Bunker. Another painful choice to make. Finally, Castiel knew that happiness wasn’t in having Dean Winchester in his arms. No, it was knowing that Castiel, Angel of the Lord, could be shown the real meaning of love and caring for humanity because of one human. A righteous man who was willing to fight to save the entire world solely for love. Castiel was content with his decision that if the only way to defeat Chuck was to cash in his deal with the Empty, so be it.
*********
As it turned out, it wasn’t Chuck directly that caused to Castiel cash in his deal.
Standing in a storage room in the Bunker with Death pounding at the door, Castiel said the words. The lightness in his being when he told Dean the truth about how selfless and loving Dean was and how he had changed Castiel was breathtaking.
“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”
Castiel wanted to reach out and cup Dean’s face, to reassure him. There wasn’t time.
“Because it is. I love you.”
Castiel could barely hear the words out of Dean’s mouth above the rushing energy from both Billie and the Empty. But he’d done it, he'd saved Dean from Billie. Now Castiel could be at peace.
“Goodbye, Dean.”
Then the world stopped spinning. Everything froze. Had he heard what he thought he had? Why hadn’t he been swept away to the everlasting darkness?
Dean spoke again. This time louder, with greater certainty.
“I love you too, Cas. So much. You changed me as much as I changed you. I wanted to tell you in Purgatory—but you stopped me.”
Was this was real? They were still alive?
Castiel couldn’t hear anything but Dean.
He dared to look around. Everything in the storeroom was exactly the way it would have been had the world not been ending. No sigil on the door. Billie wasn’t pounding on it, desperate to kill Dean before she died. Best of all, Castiel and Dean were together, unharmed, and hopefully on the same page at last.
“Do you mean it, Dean?” Castiel said, unable to keep the uncertainty out of his voice.
Dean closed the gap between them. He licked his bottom lip, eyes flickering up and down Castiel’s body.
“Yes, Cas. Truly.”
Castiel blinked as the man, usually so afraid of admitting his feelings, reached to pull him in for the softest, sweetest kiss.
Chuck, it turned out, had played a wicked game on them. Dean accepting and returning Castiel’s love was the key to stopping everything. As unbelievable as it sounded, that was the truth. All the people in their life returned to them. Chuck vanished off to another of his universes to torment the people there. Billie’s wound healed. Everything reversed and put right with their world because Dean and Castiel found the courage to declare their real feelings for one another.