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“Why?”
They were miles away from the ruins now, settled into the campsite Soren and Corvus had set up for them at the rendezvous point. Once the young high mage had drawn the concealment sigils around their forest clearing, muttering the corresponding incantations so they would not be discovered by potential pursuers, the party retired to their tents. One for King Ezran, the other for Prince Callum and— well, the crownguard figured that after all this time, they would want some privacy, for better or worse.
When the royal brothers had burst through the trees with her in tow, the two men had been shocked by just how wretched she had become in her extended absence from their lives. She was much thinner, unsteady on her feet as opposed to her usual surefooted grace, her silvery hair hacked haphazardly at her neck, the ends stained with her own blood smearing from deep fresh wounds. Explanations and strategic planning on their next course of action would have to come with the dawn. But judging by the extremely grim expression on their normally assured king’s face, Soren and Corvus could at least deduce that while the Moonshadow elf of Prince Callum’s affections was safely back in his arms, there was something far far more grievous that had occured in their encounter to retrieve her.
“Why?” It was the first word to break the silence between them as they sat on the floor of their tent. Their first real exchange in over two years. Unless Callum’s pleas for Rayla’s life as Claudia threatened to use her as a sacrificial lamb counted. But they hadn’t been in vain. The high mage had played his part exactly as he was supposed to, and now the rest of the world would pay the price.
“Why?” Rayla repeated louder, her voice crackling from having screamed in torturous pain.
“How many times are you gonna ask me that?” Callum shot back at her. He held out his hand, eyeing the particularly deep gash the dark sorceress had carved into her forearm, and Rayla reluctantly turned herself over to be examined by him. “Why what?” he asked a bit softer this time, each wound sending a searing pang through his heart.
“Why did you save me?”
He nearly dropped her arm. “What?”
“You heard me.” She sounded almost angry, biting down on her chapped lip as she watched him sketch what looked like healing runes onto her skin with his index and middle fingers. He used to say the trigger words triumphantly as the enthusiastic novice mage she had known what seemed like a lifetime ago. Now he muttered the ancient Draconian under his breath in deep contemplation, keeping his eyes downcast and hidden beneath his dark swept bangs. She clearly wasn’t the only one who had changed in the past two years.
“That should knit over in the next day or so,” Callum stated in a businesslike tone, reaching into the bag on his hip. “Thanks for getting my stuff back.”
Rayla nodded, “That Terry guy’s pretty slick, but it’s hard to pull stealth over on a Moonshadow elf.” Even one as tired and beaten down as she was, feeling utterly disgusting both inside and out. How Callum could even sit this close to her, how he could look in her direction, how he could do what he had done for her—
“This is gonna hurt, I’m sorry,” he sighed out, uncorking the jar he had withdrawn and dipping his fingers in the green salve. Gently, he dabbed it along every mark Claudia had made in Rayla’s beautiful face; her cheek, her jaw, dangerously close to her jugular in her neck. She hissed as the ointment seeped its way into her wounds, leaning into Callum’s touch as he whispered apology after apology. He had nothing to apologize for. That was her burden.
“Ach!” She doubled over in pain when he began to rub it into the large gouge in her shoulder, her forehead pressing into his chest.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry, Rayla!” Slathering the rest of it on clumsily, he quickly tore off a long strip of his already fraying mage robes and wrapped it around firmly. “She’s a monster… I can’t imagine what she would’ve done to you if I hadn’t—”
He faltered, gritting his teeth behind trembling lips as he rubbed her back soothingly. The gnawing pit in the middle of his stomach widened into a black endless chasm when he replayed that moment over in his mind: Dropping the Key into Claudia’s outstretched hand while never taking his eyes off of Rayla, sobbing as she shook her head at him, despite the fact that she was dirty, starving, bruised and bleeding out onto the floor. Catching Rayla in his arms as the dark mage he had once called his friend flung her away from her bonds as if she were nothing more than a bag of garbage. Giving that villain exactly what she needed in exchange for the love of his life.
And he didn’t take a single moment— a single breath of it back.
The salve had dried several moments ago, but Rayla kept her head buried in Callum’s chest, fatigue finally having overtaken her after their frantic escape from their imprisonment. The last thing she wanted to do was cry, yet her eyes grew wet, her nose beginning to run of its own accord, and she curled her fingers into the fabric on his back.
“It’s okay,” he hushed, drawing her closer. That was a lie, nothing was okay right now, but he couldn’t bear to see her like this.
“Why did you do it, Callum?” Rayla sobbed.
“For you, Rayla.” She felt him tremble within her grip, his nose buried in her tangled silver hair. “It was always for you.”
“Claudia would’ve done anythin’ to get her hands on what she needed, and you just— gave it to her.”
“To save you.”
“Why?!” She shoved herself away from him, tears streaming down her face, her entire body shuddering uncontrollably. “I left you, Callum!”
“I know,” he said darkly, fisting his hand in his lap.
“I broke my promise, I broke your heart— I broke everythin’ between us!” She swiped at her eyes, “You should be furious with me.”
“I am.”
“You should hate me.”
“I don’t.”
“Y— what?”
Callum shook his head, “So much has changed in the past two years. But I still thought of you every day. Some days it was vicious, horrible words blaming you for all the pain you caused me. Other times I just opened my sketchbook and drew you to clear my head and remember what we had together. Everything you gave me, and I— I hoped I gave you in return.”
“You did.” She wiped her face with the heel of her hand, “Oh Callum, you have no idea how much you’ve given me. It was because you gave me so much that you didn’t deserve to shoulder this burden I had to carry and—”
“I know,” Callum stopped her, biting his lip hard and looking away. “I understand why you left, Rayla. I was so angry and confused and hurt and— and scared. Mostly so, so scared.”
Giving her wounds one last once over and making sure they were indeed healing properly until they made it back to Katolis, he then unhooked his sketchbook from his belt and opened it to the back cover. Rayla gasped softly when she saw the blue phoenix feather pressed into the pages. And underneath it, a weathered, wrinkled piece of parchment appearing to have been folded and refolded an indeterminable amount of times.
“You kept it,” she breathed out shakily. Callum lifted the folded paper out of the book and pressed it to his chest, closing his eyes as tears slid silently down his cheeks.
“Of course I kept it,” he whispered, his shoulders beginning to shake. “I know it by heart. I read it every night before I went to sleep dreaming about you, Rayla. Even though— even though it was a goodbye letter. And it made me believe I would never see you again, I still read your words to hear your voice.” He opened his eyes to see Rayla crying just as unashamedly as he was. “Because even just imagining it gave me hope that you’d come back to me.”
“Callum…” She cupped his face in her hands and swiped his tears away, even though she had no right to hold him so intimately like this. His face crumbling, Callum pressed his cheek into her touch, savoring the feel of her palm and slender four fingers against his skin, reaching up to link his own fingers through them. Rayla could hardly believe that after all this time he longed for her touch, when she herself was afraid to even look directly into his deep, gorgeous emerald eyes. Afraid to hold him any closer or longer than he would allow.
Afraid to say “I love you” for fear that she wouldn’t hear it back.
“You were supposed to stay in Katolis,” she insisted, shaking her head sorrowfully. “You were supposed to stay safe.”
“I did. For as long as I could. But two years with nothing? No closure?” Callum sniffled, his gaze hardening. “I trusted you. I understood you. But I spent so long asking ‘why’, Rayla. Why did you have to do this alone? Why didn’t you trust us? Believe in us? And because you were carrying part of me with you, I was never going to be whole again. No matter what.”
“I’m sorry,” Rayla whispered, tears stinging her cuts as they streamed down her face and dripped steadily off her chin. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“And then… I was given a lead. By a Startouch elf imprisoned inside the mirror Viren kept in his study.”
“Aaravos,” she breathed, a chill crawling up her spine. “He’s been talkin’ to Claudia through the chrysalis, and I heard him mention a mirror. But how—?”
“I’m such an idiot.” Callum buried his face in his hands, shaking it back and forth. “I should’ve known he wasn’t telling me everything, that he had a bigger agenda up his sleeve. But he promised to help me find the one I was missing most in exchange for my assistance.” He gritted his teeth, “This was that assistance.”
“This is all my fault!” Rayla burst out, hugging herself and shifting away from Callum, wincing as her movements aggravated her wounds. “If I had just died like I was supposed to and taken Viren down with me, you wouldn’t have done this!”
“Shut up!” Callum shouted, not caring if Soren, Corvus, or even Ezran overheard them at this point, her words making his blood boil with anger and pain. “Just stop talking like that, Rayla! How can you keep saying these things about yourself?!”
“Because it’s true! You said you understood my letter, you said you understood why I left, but everythin’ you say and do proves that you don’t! I needed to die so you could live, Callum!” Hiding her face in the crook of her elbow, she let out a long wail before completely dissolving into howling sobs, swallowed by her own despair just as she had been for countless lonely nights, propelled by this singular destructive aim.
But never once in those cold unyielding nights had she felt the warmth of two strong arms wrap around her, nor those arms bring her flush against an equally steadfast chest and beating heart. Rayla knew these arms, she knew this heart, and she had dreamed for months that she would hear his voice whispering comfort in her ear just one more time. Only it was real. The bloody gashes painting her body that ached with every wracking sob would not let her forget that this was real.
“I’m not someone worth savin’, Callum. As far as I’m concerned… I died two years ago.”
“No.” He pressed a kiss into her hair as she felt him start to tremble, “No, you didn’t. I thought— I thought you had.”
Pulling back from her slightly, he reached down into his bag with a trembling hand. Rayla let out a cry when he withdrew a prized possession she had thought she would never see again.
“I thought it was gone forever,” she wept, watching Callum clutch her folded butterfly blade in his fist like a lifeline.
“When I found it, I— I tried to convince myself that maybe you had left it behind on purpose. That maybe you were still safe somewhere and you weren’t— you hadn’t been—” He broke off, letting the blade fall from his slackened grip and sobbing with his head hung low. “I thought you were gone forever, Rayla. I thought you were dead. And carrying that weight— that grief— was worse than anything I’ve felt in my entire life.”
Rayla had never seen Callum so completely and utterly shattered, her heart breaking into a million pieces when she realized it was her choices that had been the cause of his anguish. It was as if everything she had hoped, wished and begged for in her farewell letter had been cruelly denied. He was hurt, and had been hurting for over two years. He had come to look for her when she had said not to follow. She had been on a mission to keep him safe, but he had ended up saving her. She loved him and—
She still didn’t know. And she couldn’t ask. Not now. All she could do was cradle him close and let him weep months’ worth of tears into her neck, let him listen to her pulse and gentle whispers in his ear so he would merely know that she was alive and here with him tonight. That now, she would do anything to keep him from hurting like this again. Unlike her, Callum would never deserve to feel this way, no matter what he did.
The crescent moon was high and the fire outside their tent was dying when she finally spoke again. “A small part of me always hoped I would see you again, Callum. That I’d return with my mission done and we could finally rest and have some peace.” Start a life together... She didn’t dare say that one out loud.
“But I only made it worse,” Callum concluded wryly. “So much worse.”
“In not so many words, yeah,” Rayla nodded.
“And I’d do it again. Without any hesitation.” His wet emerald eyes were so fierce, so dangerous in the dim light that Rayla was almost frightened.
“You’d put the entire world in mortal peril… for me?” she said in a small quivering voice.
“Rayla, I would move the heavens and hell itself if it meant saving your life. I would sacrifice my title— my magic— if it meant I could keep you alive and beside me always.”
“But why, Callum?!”
“Because I love you, Rayla!” Callum burst out, his entire body shuddering. “I never stopped loving you! And there’s nothing I want more than for you to see yourself the way I see you!”
Rayla’s mouth hung open. “Wh— what did you say?” She got her answer by him taking her face in both hands and placing a soft, chaste kiss on her lips.
“I will save you as many times as it takes until you stay in the light with me. Until… until you stay, Rayla.”
She closed her eyes, all of her senses succumbing as he kissed both of her cheeks and then her forehead, feeling his warm breath caress her face. “No… no, Viren is still— Claudia’s gonna revive him, I have to—”
“We’ll stop them. We’ll do it together this time.” He swallowed hard, a small quiver in his voice when next he spoke, “If you’ll have me.”
“You have Ezran,” Rayla shook her head, more tears streaking her dirty scratched face. “And Soren and Corvus and all those people who care about you.”
“But I still felt so alone without my best friend,” Callum insisted earnestly, pressing his forehead against hers. “My love…”
“Oh, Callum…” This had to be a dream now, it just had to be. She moved one of her wounded arms the wrong way just to make sure, hissing in pain. No. She was awake. This was really happening.
“Please stay, Rayla,” he begged in a hushed whisper, as if his plea had to remain so silent and forbidden. “I need you to stay.”
“Why?”
He opened his eyes, tears rolling quietly down his face. “Because I have your blade. And you still have part of my heart. Neither of us can be whole without the other.”
A brisk wind blew through their tent, and Callum drew a blanket around both of them. They could hear Soren and Corvus conversing quietly outside, no doubt coming up with their own theories about what could have happened at the ruins of Elarion— if Ezran hadn’t told them already, of course. Callum would give them a full explanation as well as a detailed strategy of their plan of action in the coming days, but for now… he just had to know if the Moonshadow elf in his arms was going to be at his side through it all, aching desperately for the closure he had never received long ago.
“What do we do now?” Rayla asked, gripping him tighter around the waist beneath their shared blanket. “Claudia, her elf friend, and Viren have the Key. Aaravos will break free.”
“Yeah, he will,” Callum said bitterly. “So as usual, it’s gonna be up to us now to stop him.”
She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, recalling how he said those very words the night they found Zym’s egg. “So you have a plan, High Mage?”
“My plan so far is that we do things my way this time.” He squeezed her closer, “Together.”
Rayla’s grin faded. Putting her life on the line alongside Callum’s once again was not an ideal plan she would ever agree to. Yet the stronger part of her heart yielding to his embrace yearned to remain with him; the same part of her that had never wanted to leave in the first place. Perhaps, after witnessing his monumental sacrifice, the lengths of his devotion, and hearing of the depths of his anguish, it was time to heed that ever growing part of herself.
“Okay,” she mumbled, “We’ll try it your way.”