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“I still can’t believe that MILK is your favorite flavour, Feenie. Just plain? No chocolate, no strawberry…?”
“Mhm!”
“You’re insane! And you too, Rick- black licorice!”
“What is wrong with the WORMS OF EBONY?”
The Neo Trio, plus Rick Shades, were sitting around the Blyndeff Toy Emporium on a tiny toy table set, a chilly Saturday night. Despite the heater in the corner blowing hot air into the room, vrring loudly, there was still the stinging smell of ice hanging through the shelves. Outside, the golden light of the interior shone through the windows and glittered on the surface of the snow, which looked soft enough to sleep in. Besides the flakes sleepily floating down and catching the light, it was too dark to see past the sidewalk, nighttime absorbing the city.
Inside, they all were sitting on low plastic chairs, trying to huddle so close for warmth that their knees were all clumsily pressing into each others. Plastic teacups were strewn about on the tiny table, the insides stained pink and purple- Trixie had given them a potion to try that was supposed to taste like their favourite thing in the world, and they were discussing the results. Molly wasn't at all shocked at Feenie and Ricks unique and refined palettes, and giggled silently as Trixie dramatically mocked “Rich people food”, to Phoenicas annoyance and Ricks absolute confusion.
“What about you, Molly? What did yours taste like?” Trixie scratched their nose.
“Teddy grahams.”
They nodded, shrugging. Phoenica smiled with delight.
“Not bad- I kinda expected that from you. Mine tasted like pizza.”
“Oooh!” Feenie and Molly both hummed. Rick blinked, an eyebrow scrunched in confusion.
“What toppings?”
“The usual- extra cheese, chicken, mushrooms, jalapenos.”
“Ehhh, jalapenos on pizza…? I like green bell peppers.”
“Pineapples on pizza is simply just delightful!”
“Never speak again, Feenie.”
“What is pit-sa???”
The rowdy and upbeat conversation had frozen in the air, midsentence. Winter had just gotten colder as the Neo Trio slowly turned their heads to look at Rick, their faces frozen in awe and disbelief. Molly's voice choked up in her throat. Phoenica’s lower lip was trembling in horror. Trixie was squinting so judgmentally it could burn summer into the snow layering up outside. They were the one who spoke up first.
“...You… Don't know what pizza is…?”
“I do not!” Rick smiled. Phoenica gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth as Molly’s jaw dropped in disbelief. It wasn't really that big of a deal, but to three twelve year olds, this was equivalent to the end of the world- no, worse.
“Oh, you poor dear!!” The affluent girls voice wavered dangerously to the point of tears. Rick was visibly confused, and, judging from the way the light stirred in his inky black eyes, concerned. Whether that was for her or for himself was all too unclear. Trixie massaged their head with both sweater flipper covered hands.
“So you've NEVER had pizza before,” She repeated, trying to wrap their head around this tragedy. "Ever???"
“Nope! I have no idea what that is! So is it a condiment like Animals Jam , or…?”
“What did you even eat down there…?” Trixie, mind in cold shock, had collectively forgotten about the existence of fish.
“Fish!” Rick exclaimed joyfully, and obviously. “And coral! And seaweed. Sometimes these FRIENDS of mine called the OCTONAUTS would come over and distribute kelp cakes to all the wizards!”
“What?” Molly’s eyes widened, but the topic had already moved on and ran out of the field as Phoenica whipped out her phone in a wild frenzy. Pony charms jingled and caught the light.
“This reign of darkness and terror cannot continue!! I just can’t allow this!” She clumsily punched in the phone number of the nearest pizza place. “I will order a pizza for my best friends if it is the last thing I do!!”
“Get a large!” Trixie demanded. Molly nervously laughed.
“Maybe just a plain cheese pizza for now, since Rick…”
Trixie twisted around to glare at him, their bangs whipping them in the face.
“You ever had soda before!?”
“Nope!” He rubbed his chin. “Is it the same as motor oil, or…?”
“A LITER OF SODA, FEENIE! PRONTO!”
“Please,” Molly politely stitched on as Phoenica put the phone to her ear. Rick was blinking rapidly behind his sunglasses, fingers drumming the table.
“You still haven't told me what pizza is!” He said to the other two as Feenie kindly spoke with the pizza delivery guy. “Or soda, for that matter. Is it similar to saltwater…?”
“Pizza’s a food, soda’s a drink,” Trixie propped their chin up with both hands. “You'll see when it arrives, Rick. Pizza’s the type of thing that’s too magical to be explained in words.”
Molly tilted her head in confusion.
“Rick, are you freshwater or saltwater…?”
“Yes, my father’s private helicopter will be there to pick you up anytime now!” Phoenica’s jolly voice cut off Molly’s very crucial question. There was a small pause as the other person spoke, before Feenie shook her head and waved a hand dismissively, as if they were in front of her.
“Oh no, it’s nothing! I wouldn't want you driving out in this snow, you could get sick! Who would tend to the Queasy Cheesy then?”
“Queasy Cheesy…?” Rick muttered in confusion.
“It tastes better than it sounds,” Molly reassured. Phoenica nodded and hummed along to something the employee was saying, the bells in her hair jingling eagerly.
“Mhm? Yes. Yes. Alright, thank you! I love you bye!” She beamed with joy as she ended the call, Trixie scrunching their nose up in confusion.
“You tell the pizza guys “I love you”?”
“If I don't do it, who else will?”
Molly and Trixie shrieked as, outside of the shop, illuminated by streetlights, a helicopter loudly whizzed and crashed into the sidewalk.
…
Molly and Phoenica had carried in the boxes- two large pizzas- as Trixie laid out tiny plastic plates, as well as cutlery for Feenie, as she was the type to eat EVERYTHING with a knife and fork. Rick, bewildered but wanting to help, had rinsed the potion stained teacups in the sink, though there was more water on the floor and counter than down the drain by the time he was done. Molly figured that she would mop it up later- right now, she and her friends had a MISSION to accomplish!
Molly passed out three slices to everyone on small, Dora the Explorer patterned plates. Phoenica folded a napkin onto her lap. Everyone had taken their grub, but no one had made a move to chow down just yet, each of them staring at Rick Shades expectantly. Phoenica blinked. Molly’s eyebrows furrowed. Trixie coughed.
Rick twisted his plate to and fro, squinting as he poked it experimentally, like it would come to life and crawl up his arm any second now. He lifted the layer of cheese, peering at the tomato sauce underneath. Trixie coughed harder, eye twitching. Rick pinched the crust and crumbled it between his fingers. Trixie’s short fuse exploded like a pipe bomb, and they banged both fists against the table like an overzealous politician, making the teacups rattle.
“Just EAT IT already!!”
“Do you need a knife and fork?” Feenie questioned as she began cutting into her slice. Molly blew on her food a couple times, hot steam making twirling wisps in the cold air. Trixie waved her hand dismissively, rejecting Phoenica’s offer for him.
“You don't need them, Rick. Just pick it up and dig in, like this!” They eagerly rolled up both sweater sleeves and picked up the bigger slice off their plate first, devouring more than half of it in a single bite like a shark chomping into a seal. Feenie cringed as they chewed loudly, tomato sauce spread on their nose. Molly giggled nervously as she bit into hers more politely.
Rick was nodding attentively throughout the whole demonstration, rubbing his chin like a contemplative sailor looking out to sea. He picked up his pizza delicately, nibbling a bit of it sideways like it was a subway sandwich. There was a moment of silence as his eyebrows raised, the Neo Trio leaning forwards in anticipation. He blinked a couple times, licking his lips. He took another bite. His eyes shone and glittered like the snowflakes outside.
“Is he crying…?” Trixie whispered, before nudging him. “Hey, are you crying?”
“Do you not like it, Rick…?” Phoenica pat his shoulder with concern.
“This is simply…” His voice was low, face in shadow as he slowly stood up, pizza still in hand. A crackle of black electricity danced up his arm and shot off of his shoulder, then another, making the three girls shrink in apprehension as his backlit person cast a looming shadow across the tiny teaparty table. His eyes went as ebony as licorice, shoulders shaking. A wide smile broke across his face like an unlucky crack on the sidewalk. His pupils shining like streetlights, he threw his head back and cackled, a bolt of electricity shaking the floor as it rattled the humble Blyndeff Toy Emporium. The teddy bears shook on the shelves and small dolls lolled back and forth. His laughter grew louder and louder, shaking the ground, shaking the earth, shaking the three friends who were huddled together and watching in confused fear. Molly ducked under the table and yelped as a bolt of electricity crackled out in her direction, pulling her friends under before peeking back up again, heads barely poking out from under the table. Her epithet started instinctively bubbling around the soles of her shoes, waiting to see if she would need it to dumb down any dangerous sparks.
Rick continued laughing, the light above him blinking like a strobe.
“THIS IS SIMPLY MAGNIFICENT!!!”
The trio blinked as the shaking suddenly stopped, the lightning disappeared, and as Rick smiled happily while chewing on another bite as if nothing had happened. The only sign that anything epithet related had just occurred was the light above swaying slightly and the toy monkey laying on its side, crashing its cymbals. Trixie slowly raised her head.
“So… you did all of that because… you like it???”
“Haha yesss!!” He nodded cheerfully, speaking through mouthfuls as he pulled his tiny plastic chair out and sat back down. Molly let out a loud sigh of relief, banging her head on the table, as Phoenica stumbled and struggled to stand, knees knocking like a baby deer. Trixie groaned and rolled their eyes dramatically, flopping backwards into the carpet. Legendary Wizard Extraordinaire Rick Shades was as theatrical as a kid in highschool musical theatre, or perhaps even more.
The trio pulled themselves back onto their chairs, Trixie yelping as the leg crumpled underneath her and sent them tumbling back onto the floor again. Molly laughed- the Dora chair was flimsy and had to be replaced soon, the same thing had happened with Giovanni too…
They all went back to eating their cheesy queasy pizzas, conversation slow because of the fact that they were eating, but bright whenever it happened. Rick had pizza sauce all over his face, messier than even Trixie.
“I must introduce this SURFACE cuisine to my friends in the midnight zone!” Rick’s voice was muffled through mouthfuls as Phoenica cringed at his poor manners. “What is this fine dining called again?”
“Pizza. Cheese pizza,” Molly said, having finished her plate. “Though, there are many types of pizza toppings out there!”
“Yeah, like jalapenos, onions, mushrooms…” Trixie listed off.
“Broccoli, pineapples, marshmallows… ooh, even anchovies!”
Both Molly and Trixie groaned in disgust as Rick’s eyes lit up, sunglasses catching the light.
“Feenie, that’s disgusting!!”
“Disgustingly GENIUS!” Rick stitched on, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he pressed the tips of his fingers together. “I could make it big down there! Pizza from the SURFACE WORLD- Ha, every wizard in the reef would want to become friends with me! I could even become… a BIG SHOT!”
He raised an index finger into the air in maniacal triumph, the dangerous silver glint returning in his eyes. Phoenica nodded happily.
“Yes Rick! You could have a wonderful business down there! Perhaps you could even sell soda!”
“Soda! I almost forgot!” Molly hopped out of her chair and started for the fridge. “This’ll be your first time trying soda too, right?”
“Yes, unless it’s similar to tar!”
“It isn’t…????” Feenie blinked.
Molly yelped as it began to fizz up from the bottle onto the table, clumsily pouring it into teacups to reduce the damage.
…
Trixie was downing her Cola down in swigs, pretending it was booze. They slammed their teacup onto the table like how they had seen adults do in movies, making the rest of the Neo Trio giggle at their antics.
“Barkeep! Get me another!” They squeakily demanded at Molly. She rolled her eyes as she poured more soda into Trixie’s teacup.
“You got it, Roughhouse.”
Phoenica held her teacup with one pinky finger out and sipped politely, lightheartedly muttering something about mannerless ruffians before turning to Rick. He hadn't drank any of his just yet, peering into the teacup with all the suspicion of a master detective. He turned it this way and that and squinted at the liquid like it would magically transfigure into poison.
“Why is it,” He waved his hand at the cup. “Bubbling.”
“It’s supposed to do that,” Molly assured him.
“Yeah. You gotta drink it before the bubbles go away, or else it’ll be no fun!” Trixie insisted.
“It is carbonated, after all!” Phoenica cheerfully sipped away. Rick lifted his teacup again, squinting at how Feenie was holding her cup before clumsily sticking out his pinky finger too.
“Under the sea, whenever there were bubbles, it usually means that a giant underwater volcano was about to explode!” He said cheerfully, which was very much the wrong emotion. “However, I suppose i shall try the secret of the surfaces CAR-BONE-AY-SHUN JUICE!”
He raised the teacup in the air like a toast, only Molly returning it, before gulping down a good four or five swigs. They watched him swallow it down. His eyes began to water.
“It BURNS!” He exclaimed.
“Yeah, its supposed to!” Trixie pointed out, before peering at him. “Wait, are you crying?”
“It’s tingly!” He fanned himself as his face went red, eyes swimming in tears. The Neo Trio exchanged horrified looks. The wizard thought that COCA COLA was SPICY????
“Did you get some in your nose???” Phoenica’s voice wavered with concern. “Oh dear!!”
“Ouch!” He said without elaboration. “The secrets of carbonation juice are… too powerful for me! Perhaps if I dumb down the effect…?”
He snapped his fingers as the heart shaped patch over his chest roared in black, cackling flame, Molly jumping in surprise as a matching one shot up over her jacket too. His eyes glinted a poisonous green, much different from the quiet forest colors of her epithet, as he waved a hand over his cola. They watched as her epithet bubbled from his fingertips and burst into the drink like magma.
The flame went out with a loud WHOOSH.
“The power of SOULMATES never fails!” He laughed in triumph, holding up his teacup.
“You could've just asked me to dumb it down for you…” Molly pointed out the obvious, but Rick Shades Wizard Extraordinaire never passed on an opportunity to flaunt his epithet. He dismissively waved a hand and exclaimed a loud “Cheers!” before taking another sip, eyebrows raising in pleasant surprise.
“Mmm! Much better without the CAR-BONE-AY-SHUN!”
“Hang on, wait a second, give me a sip,” Trixie swiped the cup from him as the puzzle pieces clicked in their brain, too horrified to accept the truth. Their face scrunched up as they coughed in disgust after just a taste, eagerly handing the cup back to him as they went redder than soup.
“EWW! You like your soda FLAT!?!?”
“Now it is sweet juice!” he chirped. Phoenica’s nose scrunched up, but she was much too polite to say anything. Trixie, on the other hand…
“CARBONATION is the whole POINT of soda!! Without the bubbles and tingliness, its just- its just SUGAR in WATER!!!” They gagged, waving their hands around to dramatically to accentuate their point. Rick continued blissfully downing his drink, deaf to her yells of horror and fear.
Everyone was shocked into silence as Feenie let out a loud burp before breaking out into raucous laughter, loud enough to carry outside into the winter chill and spread joyous cheer. With the Neo Trio’s help, Rick Shades had finally eaten pizza.