Chapter Text
"Kanade..."
She smiled, and immediately, Kanade felt an icy pang in her stomach. This face was so unfamiliar, so sickened and numb, but still--smooth cheeks, darkened violet eyes, under the shadow of her unkempt purple bangs--unmistakably belonging to Mafuyu, sitting with her legs crossed on the windowsill.
Kanade always had a way to respond. A way to walk forward and hold her gently. So why, why now, why was her body so stiff even as her heart beat so fast, as she could do nothing but stare at Mafuyu as she twirled the knife in her hands?
"You tried so hard..." Mafuyu's voice was airy, as if she wanted to laugh at how pathetic Kanade looked. "It's my own fault, though, isn't it? I should've known...someone as broken as you could never have been my savior."
She gently grazed the blade against her cheeks. The window behind her shook, as if being hit in an earthquake, while the world around them darkened.
"And you. You should've known it would end like this." Mafuyu tilted her head, empty eyes widening slightly. "You could say...it already has. This whole time we've known each other, Kanade...I was dead. Asahina Mafuyu had already been killed."
At the utterance of that word, Kanade was mobile again, suddenly unshackled by her invisible binding, but just as she lunged forward, Mafuyu was quick to hold the knife out and plunge it right into her throat.
The window swung open, with wind and moonlight pulling Mafuyu through, and Kanade grabbed at her hand, having already gone frigid, and it slipped away, but falling slowly enough for Kanade to see the wound open and bloom more and more for her, what she'd done, what she'd done, what she'd done, what she'd done--
She screamed.
Her nausea boiled, her rapid heart was about to be coughed out of her, her body would fold into itself as everything emptied out.
It was dark. Cold, but she felt her sweat flooding over her skin.
Something touched it.
"Kanade..."
Mellow, but alive, rich with humanity. This voice still belonged to her.
Kanade didn't remember where she was, where they were, why Mafuyu was beside her--she simply choked out Mafuyu's name, with a trail of apologies quickly fading into an inaudible whisper.
Silence, broken by the ticking of a clock and the beating of a heart, and Kanade's growing awareness of the waking world. Mafuyu spoke, quietly and carefully. "You had a nightmare?"
Kanade swallowed the dryness that ached, and nodded. Mafuyu sat up, their shoulders against each other.
"You're shaking. And sweaty. Do you want some water?"
"S-sorry..." Kanade muttered, trying to stiffen herself. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't apologize. I can get water for you. There should be some water bottles in your fridge. Right?"
Her fridge...it was Kanade's room. Mafuyu was spending the night, as her parents were out of town and she didn't need to worry about curfew.
Why did Mafuyu spend the night here? It was hard for Kanade to remember if Mafuyu had asked or Kanade had offered. If Mafuyu simply needed company, she would have stayed in the Sekai with Miku, but...
"Kanade."
"There's one on my desk," Kanade managed to answer. "Or...somewhere. Near there."
Mafuyu silently stepped off the bed. Kanade could hear careful footsteps, an occasional crinkle of paper. What was she thinking, making Mafuyu spend the night here with her without even bothering to clean up? Mafuyu didn't say anything about it though, returning and wordlessly handing over a half-empty water bottle.
"Thank...thank you." Kanade took it into her hands and started to twist the cap loose as Mafuyu sat on the edge of the bed.
"Will that be enough?"
"It's fine...sorry."
"You look better already." Mafuyu said it so matter-of-factly, an honest observation. "But you woke me up when you yelled. Did something scare you?"
Kanade froze up for a second. I don't want to make her feel guilty, but...maybe knowing what people...fear about her, it could be helpful, somehow...?
"You died."
"...Me?"
"You stabbed yourself and fell out a window. That was what I saw."
"...Okay."
Mafuyu was watching. Kanade met her eyes for a second, and suddenly remembered that void she'd seen, what had become of her own failure--she looked away and opened the bottle.
"You died," Kanade repeated. "I tried to say or do something to stop you, but I couldn't move or talk."
"Could I?"
"Hm?"
"Did I say anything to you in that dream?"
Without thinking, a piece of the memory escaped Kanade's mouth. "Someone as broken as you could have never been my savior." She flinched at her own voice, quietly adding, "I don't think you would've...said that to me in real life, though. Right?"
"Someone as broken as you...?" Mafuyu slowly repeated, then shook her head. "You're not broken. I wouldn't say that."
Was she? Was she really not broken? She barely left the house, barely ate anything besides cup ramen, had to hire a girl younger than her to make her house livable, because she put her dad in the hospital...
"But it's not about me." Kanade took a sip of water, giving Mafuyu a chance to respond. When she didn't offer anything, Kanade continued. "It's not about me. Really. It's my own fault if I can't save you."
"Is it?" Mafuyu's cold fingers lightly rested over Kanade's hand. "Are you sure you would really want to be a savior?"
"Am I...of course I want to save you. It's..."
"Because you're selfish."
Matter-of-factly, no judgement, just observation.
"...Right. I'm too selfish to leave you alone." Kanade released a brief exhale of laughter before sipping more water. "I'm sorry for waking you up."
"I'm not mad. I have time to sleep." Mafuyu gently stroked Kanade's hand. "If you're a savior...I'd be punishing you by killing myself."
"Punishing...?"
"And you're already punishing yourself enough. Just by virtue of wanting to be a savior." Mafuyu shook her head again. "Why would I want to make it worse? Why would I punish you for wanting to help me? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't kill myself, and if I did, I wouldn't make you watch."
"You...no, I know you wouldn't." Kanade placed the bottle cap back on. "But I can't...I wouldn't know how to stop being afraid of it."
"Well...I'm here."
Mafuyu pulled herself back over to the other side of the bed and lay down beside Kanade.
"I'm here," she said again. "I'll be here when you wake up, so if you see something like that again, you'll know it wasn't real."
"Okay." Kanade tightened the bottle cap shut and placed the water bottle on the floor beside the bed, before lying back down and turning over to face Mafuyu. "I'm sorry."
"We have time to sleep. I'm not mad."
Kanade nodded, then shut her eyes as she clung to the blanket over her. "Thank you."
Mafuyu didn't respond, only closing her eyes as well, waiting for sleep to return to them.