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Shoyo is proud of himself.
He could say he was proud even if things hadn’t turned out the way they did. They won the game, and they beat the Adlers, on his debut game even. Not only a good game but an amazing one. So exhilarating, he felt like his heart would pop out of his chest at any given moment if he stopped.
So, yeah, he is proud.
He is most proud of the look he saw on Kageyama’s face. All game long. Sure, victory tastes sweet, like the most delicious cake at his favorite bakery back at his hometown, only the look on Kageyama’s face, when the last point, victory point, in the Jackals favor, only that was sweeter. Finally catching up to him, fulfilling their promise. It felt good.
Giving a purpose to all of his hard work, all of his journey to Brazil. He was finally here, where he worked so hard to be. It was pleasing.
But if there was one thing, he was not so proud of, was keeping on with this lingering crush on that idiot since high school. It’s ridiculous. Ridiculous to the point Shoyo is sure everyone around them has noticed how much he likes him, despite all the banter and competitiveness. Hell, all his friends in Brazil probably even noticed and they never met Kageyama, or saw them together, interacting, giving them a chance to see the heart eyes popping out of him, every time he sees Kageyama.
And today only made it worst. Because in the moment of the game, the fever of it all, he indulged it like a fool. Every look Kageyama sent his way, he lingered the stare with a bit o smirk, as if it was all a competition. Like he had to win this silly little mind game, one only playing in his own head, to prove himself he isn’t that pathetic.
But now, if he were to rethink of it all, they couldn’t take their eyes off each other, or at least Shoyo hopes it’s not all up in his head. With so many cameras at the venue, there is no way he got away with it. Some small hope in his heart hopes he actually got caught staring, and even a smaller one that Kageyama got to, just for fun, of his own.
At least he knows for sure the handshake was real. Even after showering, now sitting in the locker room waiting for the rest of his team to be ready to leave for this so-called, after-party reunion, he can still feel the strength, the touch of his skin on his. How strongly he held his hand.
And he is so caught up in his daydreams, that the moment Shoyo realizes someone is speaking to him, it takes him some seconds to move Kageyama out of his mind, giving him some room to focus on who is speaking to him. “Still hazy from the game Shoyo-kun?”
“Yeah, something like that.” Atsumu leans down, hanging an arm over his shoulder, sitting next to him. He sounds chippier, he was dying for this game, for a victory against Kageyama too. “Those losers will be waiting for us certainly, wouldn’t want to be late, right? It feels good t win!” the hold of the setter is strong on his shoulders, he is leaning on him, laughing in victory, contaminating Shoyo with it, and he feels himself smile.
“He is not the one that just spent 30 minutes looking at the mirror, fixing his hair, only to be the same ugly nest it was before,” Sakusa says showing up from nowhere and leaving right away, not waiting to hear whatever the one sitting beside him has to say. And he sure has a lot, because he almost throws Shoyo on the ground getting up to follow their outside hitter.
There here is his clue to leave too.
The so-called after-party reunion did not only include dinner. He wishes it had ended there because he has no idea how he ended up sitting a few tables across from Kageyama who has clearly drunk way more than he could handle.
How he ended up winning his first V League game to this is a mystery.
When you experience drinking in Brazil, you tend to create a certain alcohol tolerance his friends and colleagues did not have. So, he was confident in himself to say he would outsell all of the ones that choose to drink today. They did not have the experience Brazil gave him, and honestly, whoever idea it was to start drinking he can’t blame them, and later he will definitely thank them for the help. It’s a given advantage, being able to watch, observe, all also being able to drink without losing it.
Trying to compare his tolerance to others here, is a bit childish of him, there are some who can’t hold it well, but there are three who take the cake. Atsumu, Hoshiumi, and Kageyama, the cherry on top. And whose fault is it Kageyama is in the state he is in? Seagull eyes.
Shoyo has seen Kageyama drunk twice. Well, three times, counting now. first at their graduation, where Yachi complained they couldn’t all go their ways without having seen each other drunk at least once. Shoyo found out later it was mainly because she had been rejected by this girl and just wanted to drown the pain away. Back there, they were barely tipsy, and to the extent of what he could recall, Kageyama was a touchy drunk, clinging on to the person who was closer to him. It was sweet to see, at least for his lovely eyes, certainly not t Tsukishima who was the one closest to him. Shoyo will die without letting it be known how jealous he was of that outgrown baguette at that moment. No one will ever know.
The second time was a phone call. They were across the world from each other. It was early afternoon in Rio, which meant it was around 2 am back in Tokyo. He and his team must have been out celebrating a big victory, a game he would be watching later definitely because he was just mumbling stuff that happened at given game, bit of a spoiler, but Shoyo indulged him until he sounded like he felt asleep. He never heard Kageyama speak that much in a row. Never.
So, a completely silent Kageyama just listening to whatever people were telling him, or trying to tell him, on one-side conversations, with him only nodding and looking at him from time to time was very weird.
“You should make him stop.” Sakusa, one of the few that decided not to even touch a drop of alcohol today, was only sitting next to him because he knew Hinata could hold himself and was probably getting as far away from Atsumu as possible. It turned out that the more he drank the more of a sentimental man he became, ending up in tears some time ago, trying to clean them off on Sakusa, who did not appreciate the gesture a lot.
“Me?”
“Well, aren’t you two, you know, best friends or something?”
“I’m not his babysitter. If he can’t drink, he shouldn’t.” but there is no malice in his voice, how could he? Not even if Kageyama said the nastiest things to him, he thinks he could never stop having this soft spot for him. And the dark-hair man near him notices that. “We all know who got him drunk.” And if on cue, both look at Hoshiumi, who is currently holding what seems to be a bottle of water. God is good after all. Not so good, because then he would be in Kageyama’s arms, but there’s something there. They can work on that.
Having two volleyball teams getting dinner, joined by some aggregates, everyone was talking to everyone, sharing stories, having some laughs, and just having fun in general. Shoyo is sure he talked to every single person during the night. Every person, except the one he wanted to talk about the most.
Since they arrived at the restaurant there is this weird tension between them, one that Shoyo can’t put his finger on. It is bothering him a lot, making him itch under his skin, an itch he can’t scratch off. Very irritating.
He thought everything was okay. Kageyama wouldn’t be really mad he lost. That’s not him, truly.
So why does he keep staring, but not speaking to him, even when Shoyo took any opportunity given to him to speak to him, he seemed to be avoiding him like the plague? All night long.
Sure, they haven’t seen each other since he went away to another continent, but they kept in touch. Does he not feel that close to him now? Did they lose their thing? It couldn’t be that. Post-game their banter was as normal as it always has been. Was that all for the cameras, so he wouldn’t look like a sore loser? Now he is losing his mind, thank you a lot Kageyama!
Shoyo could put two pieces together. That’s how ended up with some hope maybe one day, there could be a tiny chance Kageyama would reciprocate all this love he had held up in his heart for him. But looking at things now, he is sure he is not getting any true love kisses any second now.
Maybe the two years they haven’t seen each other was enough to put an end to that little flame Shoyo was so sure they had going on between them in their last year of High School. Maybe it was too long, but back then Shoyo could not have handled either rejection or acceptance. He wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
That’s why he waited, to return, beat his ass, and confess, like the big man he was.
“But I would wait for someone to take Hoshiumi away from him.” Sakusa says, snapping him out of his thoughts, daring him to look the way both men were sitting, surrounded by other players talking to them.
Kageyama looks like a sin. His hair hasn’t completely dried from the shower he must have taken after the game. The blue shirt almost the same color as his eyes has one too-revealing collar, giving some space for Shoyo to stare at his collarbones. His face is drunk and flushed, supported by his hands. He knows the look on his face, pretending he cares about what people are telling him, while his head is in his own headspace.
His forehead looks particularly kissable. If he only could, he would already be brushing aside his bangs and kissing it dearly. Only if.
It’s all flowers and rainbows until Kageyama looks back at him and holds eye contact to an uncomfortable extent. Shoyo could do it now, get up, go to him, and make sure he wouldn’t avoid him so they could have a conversation like two normal best friends. But he does not have a humiliation kink, he is mad enough already with him to let himself get even more embarrassed. One can only hold do much rejection in one night.
And maybe the alcohol is getting to his head, which would be weird, but Kageyama without stopping to look gets up, almost getting all the contents laying on top of his table on the floor. “You know what, I think I’m going to check if Miya hasn’t choked yet on his own tears and vomit.” Shoyo almost screams a big no, when Sakusa gets up and leaves, a wave of cowardness washing over him as Kageyama gets closer.
He sits, right where Sakusa has been staying the whole night, and no amount of time and training could have been enough to prepare him for what was to come.
“I have been avoiding you.” He says straight up, leaning a bit to the side, quick to get one elbow on the table and lean his head on his hand. A sin.
“I’ve noticed, you idiot.”
“You can’t be mad. I have really good reasons. But you can’t tell anyone, it’s a big secret.” The words slur a bit on his tongue, but at the end he smiles a bit, looking up at him. Shoyo swallows hard and loud, gathering ever once of self restrainment known to mankind.
“I am your best friend, if you want to tell me I can keep a secret.”
And with a smile, a heart-robbing smile on his face he says the fatal words. “I don’t want you to be my best friend.” and it’s like a cold sharp knife to his heart. With no exaggeration he knows he is bleeding now, all his blood leaving his face. All the previous amusement left him.
“Oh.” There is not much more he can say. What else would there be to say, when your best friend of years, the one you taught would be here forever says those words to you? On top of it all, when you thought everything was okay.
And if it wasn’t enough, he keeps going, drunk haze protecting him from the consequences of his own words. “But Hoshiumi says I can have both. Between you and me is very drunk right now, don’t tell him that either.” Now they are talking about his teammate. Of course, he would be replaced with the other small with too much energy on his body player.
He is not doing this. He starts to get up, but only ends up with slender fingers slipping around his wrist. It’s a gentle, but firm hold, making him against everything in him to look down at him “Where are you going?” he sounds like a hurt puppy. “Back to the Hotel.”
“You can’t do that! Hoshiumi said I could have both, and he has a boyfriend, so he knows about this stuff.”
All the noise in the restaurant seems to cancel out. He can’t any longer hear the laughs and chatter, because he is so confused right now, that if he even blinks and pays attention to anything besides the man holding his hand, he might miss some important information.
“I don’t understand Yama, and you should-”
“You look so gorgeous, I can’t even speak to you.” Words he only ever heard in dreams, if he didn’t know Kageyama was drunk, and just seconds ago was talking about how he did not want his friendship anymore, he would be the happiest man to ever step foot on the planet, but right now he can't help but have his heart shutter even further.
He smiles even though all he wants is to crawl back to his hotel room and cry under the covers until the sun comes out again. “You are drunk Yama, you just said you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Let’s get you some water and have someone take you home. Maybe Tadashi is-”
“I want to be your friend, but I want to be your boyfriend more.” The hand he was still holding, he takes it to his face, and Shoyo is sure he must have fallen on the court and died there because there is no way this is happening right now.
“Your thighs, they look so good! And you have so many freckles on your face now. I couldn’t stop looking at your face, and after the game, you were so close I noticed you had them on your arms too! Do you have them on your back? I could count them for you if you want. Have I told you about your thighs? Is it a Brazil thing, to come back even hotter? I know there is a lot of sun there, but you are so beautiful, I could not help but to say it to you if I didn’t ignore you.” Just like that, Kageyama single handled told him he was hot and wanted to count his freckles in one go. Did he have been staring at his legs too?
Shoyo looks at his blue eyes, not sure what to say back, he is speechless. And Kageyama seems to notice that even swimming in alcohol, he knows Shoyo so well, because his free fingers go up to his face, and start tracing his freckles, touching him, like he is made of glass and could break at any given moment. It’s so tender, Shoyo is sure he can’t feel his legs, he must be dreaming, why else would Kageyama be confessing to him at a crowded restaurant full of their friends and teammates? This is not what he had in mind.
“And I’ve been waiting to tell you this for so long, I even called you once, but Ushijima says it’s not polite to confess feelings over the phone, especially if you are in another country. He also has a boyfriend, so he knows about this stuff.” oh
“So I think I spoke about something else, I don’t really remember. Your hair is really orange too now, it’s very pretty.” he stops staring at his face, which had him flustered enough, and goes up to his hair. “You are so amazing on the court. You have always been, but you are so much more amazing now. So good, you scare me, you so amazing.”
“Yama, you should tell me this stuff when you aren’t drunk.”
“I don’t have the courage to, don’t want rejection.” Finally, after the whole rollercoaster the day has been, Shoyo finally really laughs, a big genuine laugh. “You silly boy, you are doing it now.”
“I know.” And he smiles so brightly, looking at him like Shoyo is holding his whole universe in his face, and maybe he is, maybe now is the moment he so longed for, after all this time, it’s mutual. Kageyama may be drunk, but there is no way this would be his truth, after all, he just revealed the so drunk call, he got a year before was of the same matter, and his single brain cell that is not devoted to volleyball or Kageyama, he may have understood this has been going on for him to for as long it has been for him too. “You are so special to me Shoyo. You are my someone better.” He sinks on his chest, and Shoyo has no other option than to hold him tight. He just called him by his given name, and if that isn’t enough to cause him to feel a burning of excitement, his words sure are.
He can play that game too. “Tobio, I want to kiss you really bad, but as long as you are drunk as a kite, I can’t do that sol.” And he fucking giggles, full-on giggles against his chest. If that enough doesn’t bring him to an early grave, Kageyama’s next words are “Your chest is very big.” What a funny man. “I’m not drunk, you can kiss me.” If it wasn’t for all his self-restrainment, and the want to be sure Kageyama remembers their first kiss, he would be already devouring him, like the hungry man he has been for years, but the satisfaction of having a sober Kageyama kissing him is too good to be missed.
So Shoyo, gently brushes the hair from his face, caressing the touch, making sure to be as soft as Kageyama has been to him before, taking his sweet time, looking at the boy in front of him, taking in how sweet his look is, and how it's just for him. He looks so effortlessly happy. He has seen him happy, but this is a bliss that is only for them.
Shoyo leans down, and it's because of how warm the skin is when his lips touch Kageyama's forehead, that he knows this is really happening. The boy underneath him shivers, and giggles once again. He is glowing, and Shoyo knows he knows what love is right now, in this very moment, because there he is, kissing Kageyama's temple, watching him smile so carefree with a very noticeable blush on his cheeks which he could bite right now. This is love because he wants him like this forever, he has been loving him from afar in secret for so long, making sure of his happiness, he wants to marry this man so bad.
"'There, I kissed you." He should get him some water, call a taxi to take him home, and then go straight to his hotel room, to be sure to scream at the walls.
Their bubble is broken by a still very drunk Adler, who is sure to make everyone also notice how close they are holding each other. "Tobio! Did you kiss him? Bette. Did he kiss you?" Hoshiumi screams so loud, gathering most of everyone's attention to them. Shoyo now is very embarrassed. How could he forget they were not actually in a reserved place of their own?
It takes a moment for Kageyama to notice someone else than Shoyo is talking to him, and it takes another one for him to gather his strength and look away from him, to take his eyes away from his, and look at who is talking to them. “I got a boyfriend, I can give love advice now too!” he is so loud, and because he is drunk, it’s no hassle for him, but to Shoyo, who is completely aware of what is happening, this is totally embarrassing. “He says he won’t kiss me because I am drunk. Look at him, he is so pretty.” At those words, Kageyama grabs him by his cheeks and displays him like a trophy.
Let him die now. Please!
There are so many people talking to them now, mostly to Shoyo, because talking to Kageyama right now, is like trying to talk to a wall. There are congratulations, so many oh cute, I could never believe Kageyama is this romantic, and the top of it all coming from Tsukishima, that of course would have to have a take on this whole thing. “I can finally have some peace, have fun! You two are disgusting.” He loves them a lot.
“Okay, water.” Shoyo grabs the bottle given to him. He can’t deal with this much attention while having Drunkyama grabbing his arms in a not-so-family-friendly way. “Thank you all, but I am taking him, and getting him to bed.”
The words are already out before he even realizes it. “You go, Tiger!” Hoshiumi, once more, not knowing when to shut up, because if not for them, they would have already slipped out when convenient for them. “Not like that. Where is your boyfriend to give you some water?” ouch, not very kind, but right now all he wants to do is be alone with Kageyama, and hold him in his arms, listening to all of his drunk blabberings. Those are doing wonders to his ego.
"Shoyo, you taking me to your hotel?" deep breaths Shoyo, deep breaths.
Shoyo gets up, gesturing to Kageyama to get up, and surprisingly he gets the memo. "Goodnight people, wonderful to see you all, but I have conversations to talk about.”
Outside, waiting for the taxi to arrive, Kageyama is clinging to his side, while slowly drinking his water. "Let me take you to my apartment instead. The hotel has many people."
"Okay, Yama, whatever you want. Keep drinking." he grows quitter the further closer they get to his apartment. He is probably sobering up a little bit, never stopping touching Shoyo in some way. And he must confess it’s comforting, knowing Kageyama wants still to be this close to him the sober he gets.
Thanks to Kageyama's good sense in real estate picking, there is an elevator to take them to the fifth floor. There is not one thing in Kageyama’s home he would not expect, everything screams him. Kageyama leads him to the bedroom by hand. "I missed you a lot." unlike every other word to come out of Kageyama’s mouth today, these are barely audible, which melts Shoyo's heart.
He looks away from the pictures he was admiring on the wall, locking eyes with Kageyama sitting at the end of the bed, with no shirt and shy tears in his eyes.
"No crying, Tobio." Shoyo kneels beside him, holding his face in his hands. "I am here now, am I not?"
"You said a lot of sweet stuff before." he blushes trying to look away, only Shoyo doesn't give him a chance "Now it's my turn. You are so caring, and I've loved you for so long, I can't pinpoint where it started. I missed you every single day while I was away, but I am here now. If we weren't so blind maybe we wouldn't have to wait this long, but we are here now."
"You love me?"
"Of course, I do! Oh Tobio, you are my everything, coração." Shoyo doesn't even realise what's happening until he is being manhandled and is now laying on top of Tobio's very naked torso. "Don't talk portuguese to me when I'm drunk. You make it sound sexy." in pure bliss Shoyo grabs him by the waist, indulging himself and every dream he ever had.
"For someone who couldn't stop talking about my thighs, you sure have quite a waist hiding here." Tobio shivers to the touch, as he slides his hands up to his face "But today, no. Oh, don't pout." the room is mostly illuminated but the moonlight slipping through the curtains, shines just right on his smooth face.
"You are beautiful, I'm so grateful I have you now."
"You were incredible today." it's so easy with him, it has always been, but never he thought it would also be after long two years apart, only to reunite this way. "Look who is talking, you that is always the star. Now, big boy, we are skipping kisses and sex, but I am not sleeping on a button-up shirt and jeans." it's easier said than done, because for Tobio to move, he also has to, which he is not so compelled to do. His chest is way more comfortable than any of his dreams made it to be.
Because Shoyo knows Tobio will fall asleep, he makes the difficult decision to move, and pull the man with him. They've shared clothes before. Correction, he would forget to bring coats when it was a bit colder, and Tobio always ended up lending him his, on the excuse his immunity was better.
But none of those times would compare to him now handling a big shirt that is clearly oversized on him, Shoyo will be swimming in it, and a pair of shorts. The horny bastard just wants to see as much of his skin as he can, he will have to take on the promise of counting his back freckles one day.
Everything smells like Tobio. Sweet citrus mixed with cinnamon. Oh, he wants to make it a perfume and wear it everywhere. "You smell good."
"Have you been smelling me? That's creepy."
“No, you bastard! Your clothes.” Finally turning away from the big mirror covering one of the walls, where he could indeed confirm he was swimming in that shirt. He sees him, eyes dropping, tired, but still staring only at him. The covers are in a position that says they are inviting him to join Tobio in bed. “Are you telling me to sleep you?”
“If you don’t want it’s okay, but-”
Shoyo won’t let him finish that sentence, sensing already the man getting sadder and nervous. He moves quickly, not letting Tobio even catch him in doubt. “As long I can, I’m not letting you sleep alone.”
He opens his arms as an invitation, if Tobio is a clingy drunk, sure he wants to be cuddled in bed. Positioning himself to make it as much comfortable as possible for both, like a small light finally lighting up in his head, he understands, slipping himself to his chest.
Shoyo dreamed of this so many times, caught himself daydreaming of one day having Tobio like this in his arms, and reality is so much better than his imagination could have ever painted it. Because he can feel every breath coming in and out of his chest, his beating heart. The body heat, and mostly how Tobio slips his hands under his shirt to be sure he is touching skin while holding him. “You are so important to me.”
“I will marry you Shoyo.” oh, he wants to scream so badly. Why is he like this? Making him skip a beat with every word that comes out of him? “Your sister would be crying for days if she knew you asked your future husband to marry you drunk off your mind, almost falling asleep.”
“Are you saying yes though?” and how can he not love him? How? When he is this infatuating. He wants to squish him and wash him over in all the love he has to give him. “Ask me properly one day, you didn’t even ask me to be your boyfriend.”
“Too much lost time. I’m not an idiot anymore.” Tobio adjusts himself, climbing on him even more, he is sure there isn’t any other position where they could be touching more, and still be comfortable enough to slip into sleep. “Friend, partner, fiancée, husband, doesn’t matter, as long as you are mine.”
“Okay, I’ll marry you.” Shoyo says, controlling himself to hold the tears fighting his eyelids to come out. Tobio does not answer him, most likely fallen asleep, so Shoyo just rests himself oh holding him tight, because he is not letting him go as long as he calls Tobio calls him mine.